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Laurel
Birmingham, AL
I'm a writer always looking for thoughtful, challenging new projects. My main site can be found at laurelfainmills.com.
Interests: knitting, my dog, reading, crosswords, ping pong, lifetime, sudoku, erotic photo hunt
Recent Activity
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Whatever you do while pregnant, don’t: 1. Google anything and everything about your pregnancy and/or newborns. A personal low? I Googled “can my baby kick too much” because I was convinced I could diagnose ADD/ADHD in the womb. 2. Wander the aisles of Babies R Us or Buy Buy Baby wondering what you’ve gotten yourself into. It's a very costly place to worry, and buying more wash clothes isn't going to do much. Hint: You’ll be there daily in the first few weeks anyway, so you might want to wait. 3. Try on those tiny bikinis you see the sorority... Continue reading
Posted Oct 17, 2014 at It Is What It Is
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Every year, when ads start popping up for the state fair*, I think, "Oh my gosh, that would be so much fun!" My mind is filled with stock photo images of autumnal delight -- children mesmerized by the twinkling lights of rides, cotton candy and caramel apples, young ladies and gents playing games to win stuffed toys for their paramours ... In my head, it's wondrous. I get geared up to go. I imagine my head thrown back in laughter as I tilt-a-whirl. I smile at the SO, "I know what we could do this weekend ..." Then, we arrive,... Continue reading
Posted Oct 10, 2014 at It Is What It Is
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Most likely, one day, my son will discover that I don’t really like people. Of course, I like my family and my friends and most people depicted on ABC Family shows. My problem is with other “people.” (And, just to be clear, I’m not talking about “you people” in some thinly-veiled racist way. However, racists are part of the “people” I don’t like.) I’m talking about “people,” like the guy that jumps in line when we’re all waiting for the next available cashier in an orderly fashion. (No, you are not the genius who figured out the line with no... Continue reading
Posted Oct 3, 2014 at It Is What It Is
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So, here’s how long ago I initially planned to write this post. My original intro: In light of the recent snowstorms and Valentine’s Day, I thought I would prepare a helpful list for those sure to find themselves in the family way over the next few weeks. Sorry to let you down, ladies. Those of you impregnated during the snowstorms and Valentine’s Day festivities are probably giving birth in November, so I’m way behind. Regardless, I wrote this, and now maybe I can help those of you overly affected by Facebook photos of cute kids heading back to school and... Continue reading
Posted Sep 26, 2014 at It Is What It Is
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Note to you, dear reader: While I wrote this awhile ago, I never posted it, and I wanted to revisit the subject in light of Ohio State’s new sexual consent policy and Rush Limbaugh’s comments. Seeing as my son is only fifteen-months-old, the SO and I haven’t exactly had a lot of conversations about how we’ll handle all of those important coming of age discussions – the birds and the bees, puberty, at what age it’s OK to date, etc. However, not surprisingly, I already have a lot of opinions on the subject. About seven years ago when I was... Continue reading
Posted Sep 18, 2014 at It Is What It Is
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It was very easy to name my children when I was single and all of my children where yet-to-be-conceived. If you’re female, I think you’ll know what I’m talking about. “I’m going to have two boys and a girl, and they’re going to be named Bailey, L.B. and Isabel.” Even when people asked about my fictional children’s hypothetical father, I had an answer. “He can have the middle name.” So, you can imagine my surprise when, actually pregnant, I told the SO my idea for our baby boy’s name, and he said, “no.” Sixteen years of planning, and it all... Continue reading
Posted Sep 12, 2014 at It Is What It Is
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Me: The baby just threw up. The SO: Do you think he’s sick? Me: No, I think he didn’t like his dinner. There was lots of gagging before he threw up. The SO: Really? What did you give him? Me: Sweet potato, mango and millet. The SO: So the baby doesn’t like millet? I’m shocked. Continue reading
Posted Apr 2, 2014 at It Is What It Is
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On Why "How I Met Your Mother" Should Not End With The Mother’s Death Like most fans of HIMYM, I’m pretty emotional about the upcoming series finale. Obviously, a show I began watching in my 20s about people in their 20s trying to figure out their lives is going to have a pretty strong hold. In 2005, when HIMYM debuted, I was 25 going on 26, I had just finished graduate school and I was anxious to see how the next phase of my life – career, relationship, family – would play itself out. I was a Ted Moseby who... Continue reading
Posted Mar 28, 2014 at It Is What It Is
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I was actually at a Blogher conference in New York the first time I heard mention of “The Bloggess.” “I was recently retweeted by The Bloggess,” one attendee said, “and she’s huge.” Then, a reverential hush fell over the room in honor of both the name mentioned and the accomplishment. The discussion was about connecting with other bloggers and marketing, but I was much more fascinated by the mention of this Bloggess. The name was obviously awesome, and speaking of her had rendered a room full of bloggers speechless – not exactly an easy feat. Of course, I wasn’t going... Continue reading
Posted Mar 7, 2013 at It Is What It Is
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If you’re at all like me, you see the holidays as a great time to give and get those products/items you’d love to have but would never get for yourself. This philosophy of gifting hopefully explains my annual obsession with travel accessories, cashmere, 1,000+ thread counts and high-end skincare. For some reason, when I’m shopping for myself, it’s hard for me to buy anything more expensive than what Wet ‘n’ Wild has in stock at my local Walgreen’s. However, when it’s time for presents, shiny packages and luxury ingredients call my name. This is one of the many reasons I’m... Continue reading
Posted Dec 17, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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One of my assignments from The Artist’s Way Toolkit was to write down what I would do if I had five other lives to lead. Here’s what I came up with. I’m guessing four of them would require that I spend less time watching J.J. Abrams’ and Joss Whedon’s shows, which is a lot of what I’ve done with my present life. Regardless, here we go with my five other lives. (Should you have other lives of your own planned, I’d love to hear about them. As I’m currently obsessed with Fringe, I fully admit that I spend too much... Continue reading
Posted Nov 13, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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I love some discount shopping. When I can find a light-up skeleton at Walgreen's for $5.99, I'm a happy girl. (And some people think I'm difficult to please ...) The obvious perk of discount shopping is the low prices because, let's face it, it's not like you're really paying for much else. Organization? Not so much, but if I said I didn't enjoy digging through piles off-brand sweat pants for the one pair without a spelling error, I'd be lying. Customer service? Very much depends. It's better not to ask questions if you can avoid it. Quality? My light-up skeleton... Continue reading
Posted Oct 31, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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I've been watching Saturday Night Live since the fifth grade. (The cool kids were watching it, therefore I had to watch it. I also liked watching L.A. Law. I guess you can say my tv tastes haven't changed that much in 20 years.) Back then, the biggest challenge was staying up late enough to see all of SNL. I considered it a win if I made it to the first musical number. Collectively, our class liked SNL so much that, inspired by the political humor of the show, we put on a sketch at Christmas based on the trial of... Continue reading
Posted Oct 19, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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Is it Spanish, spinach or some combination thereof? I don't know, and for $2.99, I'm not willing to find out. Continue reading
Posted Oct 8, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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I have a Kindle Fire. (It’s hardly big news, but all stories have to start somewhere.) I think the SO expected me to use my Kindle Fire to read all the time, get into RSS feeds, keep up with news from all over the web, etc., etc. Instead, I quickly developed an addiction for Bejeweled. (“Addiction” isn’t an exaggeration here. When I find something new, it’s all I want to do. So far, the only thing this particular personality trait has done for me is allow me to get through lots of episodes of television in a short period of... Continue reading
Posted Sep 21, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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This is the newest member of the household, Gilly (a.k.a. the Gilly monster). She's decided she's not a fan of the flash on my camera, hence the closed eyes. Yes, she is named for this Gilly. There are three primary reasons for this: 1. My great, great love of Kristen Wiig. Even if this is one of her less popular characters, I'm still a fan. 2. Both Gillys have similar unruly hair. 3. When we discipline Gilly, the SO and I can do Will Forte impressions. Continue reading
Posted Sep 19, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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So, I’m having one of those days. It’s not like anything terrible has happened, but my self-esteem just isn’t quite where it should be, and I’m a tad irritable. (If yelling at your car door for opening too wide in the Lowe’s parking lot can count as “a tad.”) I would love to be one of those peaceful, Zen-like people who can recognize how small their own problems are, anticipate the light ahead and enjoy the journey, but well, let’s be honest here. It’s me. Since I have this lovely forum known as my blog, I thought I’d run through... Continue reading
Posted Sep 14, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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When I find an article of clothing that I like, I tend to buy it in at least two colors. My more frugal sister thinks that this is crazy, but I figure that if you find something you like, you might as well have more than one. Who knows when you’ll find something you like as much again? What if something happens to the first one, and then you’ve lost your favorite shirt? I think I’m being practical, but I also think Tina Fey and I would be besties if only we ever met, so take that for what you... Continue reading
Posted Sep 7, 2012 at It Is What It Is
Posted Sep 6, 2012 at About Hound
Posted Sep 6, 2012 at About Hound
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Trust Your Eyes by Linwood Barclay is a gripping thriller with engaging characters, an intriguing plot and a strong narrative voice. Ray Kilbride returns home to the small town of Promise Falls after the death of his father. He is charged with overseeing his father’s estate and deciding the fate of his schizophrenic brother Thomas. Thomas is obsessed with maps (obsessed is putting it mildly), and through his keen observation skills, uncovers what he believes to be a murder. What unfolds is a story of political machinations, devious deeds and family. The relationships between the characters are varied and compelling.... Continue reading
Posted Sep 6, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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A little glimpse into what goes on at our house: Continue reading
Posted Sep 5, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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OK kids, I'm not going to lie; it's been a long week. I'll write more about it later, but for now, I cannot begin to approach serious writing. I'm trying to tone down the crying outbursts for a bit. (I guess you know it's bad when people ask whether or not you have some Xanax on hand.) I'm very lucky in so many ways, and I know my problems are small in comparison to what a lot of people go through, but these have been some off days for me. While the past seven days include such highlights as getting... Continue reading
Posted Aug 24, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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This is not a post about politics. This is a post about mistaken identity. If you’re going to get all worked up about politics, please save us both the headache and stop reading now. I love to get the mail.* It’s like a daily dose of presents. I even enjoy catalogs, and I read Clipper magazine. (I’m not sure you can call that reading, but I flip through it and cut out restaurant coupons like I’m going to use them rather that just chucking it in the recycling bin straight away.) Of course, I’m human and don’t like bills, but... Continue reading
Posted Aug 10, 2012 at It Is What It Is
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Originally published June 5, 2008: Dear Liars The Makers of Dr. Pepper, Usually, I am one of your biggest addicts fans. Initially, I was heart broken when my dentist insisted that for the love of God and the health of my already enamel-deficient teeth suggested I make the switch to diet cola. I thought it meant the end of taste. But, the first time I drank your product, I had to double check that someone hadn't started a party in my mouth and forgotten to send me an invitation. It was that good. In the words of my friend Susan,... Continue reading
Posted Aug 7, 2012 at It Is What It Is