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Messy Guru
A Work of Art
Interests: Yoga, Vipassana Meditation, Kirtan Chanting, Course in Miracles, and all forms of art. Reading, cooking, gardening, and working on healing the inner self.
Recent Activity
I had recently attended a funeral for my niece in my hometown. It would have been unlikely I would have attended this funeral a few months ago with all my "justified resentments" I had towards my family of origin. I... Continue reading
Posted May 21, 2017 at Messy Guru
Yesterday I had arrived a bit early to an empty yoga studio. I placed my mat up near the front and close to the large studio mirrors and looked at my body in the sunlight. My stomach has 5 scars... Continue reading
Posted Jan 23, 2017 at Messy Guru
I tend to hold all my fears, resentments and anxieties in my stomach area. I have had a couple of surgeries recently also in the corresponding area. I also asked my therapist for a session involving this issue and we... Continue reading
Posted Jan 8, 2017 at Messy Guru
I had a recent epiphany with the meaning of the word success. It seemed strange that I had not really understood its meaning and how it was defined and applied to my lot in life. The word in the past... Continue reading
Posted Dec 31, 2016 at Messy Guru
I recently sat with my partner before and after his recent surgery. It seemed like a kind thing to do. He was nervous before the procedure and I wanted to assure him that it would be ok. I myself, having... Continue reading
Posted Dec 2, 2016 at Messy Guru
In Annie Roger's second book, "The Unsayable: The Hidden Language of Trauma" she writes: via I wrote this 4 years ago and I've spent the last 5 days still allowing the trauma to to slowly leave my body. The... Continue reading
Reblogged Aug 23, 2016 at Messy Guru
I sometimes believe from time to time that I am healed. I'm not sure if and when I will be healed but it feels like it always right about now or I just haven't recognized it just yet. It's not... Continue reading
Posted Jul 17, 2016 at Messy Guru
I recently traveled over 8,000 miles to the country of India. It had been a lifetime dream of mine to visit this land that I found oddly familiar and life affirming. I visited many places while in the country and... Continue reading
Posted Jun 19, 2016 at Messy Guru
A childhood friend of mine recently reached out to me after many years of righteous silence. The kind of silence that adds a deeper shade of shame and it penetrates deeply into my sordid world. His words backed by biblical... Continue reading
Posted Apr 25, 2016 at Messy Guru
I had the opportunity to watch the movie, "The Room" last night. I found myself surprisingly having feelings of panic, fear and anxiety. I was determined to watch it to the end no matter how I responded to the scenes... Continue reading
Posted Mar 9, 2016 at Messy Guru
I had a profound insight during my yoga class yesterday. I love it when that happens. Ironically it was when I could barely keep my breath and posture in any sort of alignment with the pose. The tortured feeling of... Continue reading
Posted Feb 29, 2016 at Messy Guru
I recently celebrated my 53rd birthday. I cannot ever remember a birthday that had so much to celebrate about. It was filled with an endless list of gifts of kindness, love, and joy. To be seen and heard is the... Continue reading
Posted Feb 7, 2016 at Messy Guru
One of the hidden benefits of dating another being is that they show you all the unhealed and hidden places that lie within waiting to be exposed to the light. Its safe place silently tucked away from your awareness and... Continue reading
Posted Nov 23, 2015 at Messy Guru
Its been a week since the U. S. Supreme Court has ruled in favor of gay marriage in America. I've had some time to sift through the emotions of celebration, validation and joy. I also find myself defending their ruling... Continue reading
Posted Jul 2, 2015 at Messy Guru
Larry, Hi and thanks for reading and commenting on my blog. I look back and see that I wrote that in 2009! It is true in my experience. I am not saying that it is in others. They can tell you how they feel and I trust their answer. BK is looking at "stressful thought" and in my case it was RAGE. The abuse had stopped in my Reality and I raged on. I feel so much more complete having done The Work, along with a lot of yoga, meditation, blogging, etc. I appreciate your opinion.
Toggle Commented Jun 14, 2015 on Are We Victims of Violence? at Messy Guru
Today is the day I teach my first yoga mock class to other teachers and students at Bikram Yoga Dallas. I am excited and nervous, yet surprisingly calm. As I sat meditating this morning, I realized that this day is... Continue reading
Posted Jun 4, 2015 at Messy Guru
My sister Beth wrote a blog post yesterday on my birthday. It was so beautifully and poignantly written I had to read it many times to "take in" the love she expressed. I realized immediately that I had no idea... Continue reading
Posted Feb 4, 2015 at Messy Guru
A friend sent me this interview from NPR that affirmed many of my past experiences of my childhood sexual abuse. Here is the introduction to the writer/speaker: "A new memoir by New York Times columnist Charles Blow begins with him... Continue reading
Posted Sep 24, 2014 at Messy Guru
In a yoga class the other day I found a large piece of the puzzle that had been missing for most of my life. A perfectly clear picture of me sitting on a white picnic table with my Uncle Russell... Continue reading
Posted Aug 26, 2014 at Messy Guru
I wanted to share a TED talk by Andrew Solomon. He often articulates what I feel so deeply, and in such a profound way. His words pull at my deep painful experiences, joy and love, while giving them space, air... Continue reading
Posted May 21, 2014 at Messy Guru
I recently watched a compelling documentary called, "Stories of Silence"... Recovering from Boyhood Sexual Abuse." by Director Ethan Delevan. It is available on Amazon video rentals for $2.00. I love that this documentary focuses on men. We seem to share... Continue reading
Posted Apr 13, 2014 at Messy Guru
I am reading a fascinating book called, "Adult Children of Alcoholics/Dysfunctional Families. It is literally the blueprint of my own family of origin. And a way out for many. "In Step eleven, we will revisit grief work. We recommend guided... Continue reading
Posted Mar 26, 2014 at Messy Guru
I spent part of yesterday watching the responses from family members on a post my brother had shared about my Grandmother Julia Huhta. I had mentioned she was bi-polar and had issues. He was surprised and I had added more... Continue reading
Posted Mar 3, 2014 at Messy Guru
I had an opportunity to take part in a project called, "Call Me Mental". Just a small part but a part nonetheless. My sister Beth is being featured on this episode. The Truth of her life and how she put... Continue reading
Posted Feb 26, 2014 at Messy Guru
Commentary from Dr. Carolyn Phelps Beth Jukuri’s story is remarkable! Her personal call to find herself “at 46″ is inspirational and reminds us that any day we decide to change our life we can. We are not bound by legacy or personal history. The courage that Beth and her brother, Carl, show is inspirational; a willingness to honor one’s own truth despite the predicted and realized consequences of losing family members and their church by doing so. Beth’s statement “if you fearlessly accept the darkness, you will get to the point that you can accept the uniqueness of who you are” and her experience of “there’s a happy spot if you push through the dark” is true! In my work not just with trauma and abuse survivors but also with those who have suffered in many other ways – no one has regretted the journey out of the dark. No one has regretted learning about themselves, meeting themselves and being self-accepting. As Dr. Robert Holden of The Happiness Project stated, “No amount of self-improvement can make up for ANY lack of self-acceptance” and Beth provides us with this picture of inspiration and self-acceptance through her own story which she shares both verbally and through her art quilts. Beth’s story informs us that while we are greatly affected by our experience, our perspective of our experience may change over the years. In fact, those who are able to weather distress and trauma the best do so with an understanding that life is 10% experience and 90% what we do with that experience. This is the essence of Viktor Frankl’s message in his book “Man’s Search for Meaning.”You heard this in Beth Jukuri’s elegant telling of her story. For those who continue to suffer the ravages of trauma and near trauma experiences, therapy can help people reprocess traumatic events (whether those events were incurred in childhood or adulthood) and that reprocessing helps people to understand their experience in a different light, one without shame or guilt or need to deny or cover up one’s own truth in a way that allows one to reclaim one’s self, to reclaim life. If you are a victim of abuse now or have been, there is help available and help that matters wherever you are. Seek out that help, whether through art therapy or more traditional therapy. Talk to a professional who specializes in treating posttraumatic stress and providing trauma informed care. Ask the professional whether they have received specialized training in this area before committing yourself to a specific therapist. On a final note, Beth talked about the stigma of being called “mental.” OK. Let’s talk about this, particularly in light of the fact that this is the title of this series – a fact that has received its share of criticism. I understand the criticism. I also disagree with the criticism (this is a wonderful country where you get to do that). For me the title “Call Me Mental” is PERFECT. It associates this derogatory phrase – which has grown so commonplace in the popular culture with a REAL human being, boldly stating “Is this what you mean? I’d like to introduce you to a real person whom you are calling “mental.” I’d like you to hear their story. Hear their heart. Now, do you still want to call her that? Are you still afraid? Do you understand yet? Are you aware this could be you or your mother or your girlfriend? Thank you, Beth and Carl, for your beautiful inspiration. Carolyn Phelps, PhD, LP Human Development Center
Toggle Commented Feb 25, 2014 on My Episode. at IMPERFECT Lady