Just read the blog, and your reply Wendy. Totally get your perspective. Completely. But made me think, again...can I be content anyway? Is it about the destination, or the journey of doing what I feel called to do? In ten years, if you've influenced many, many women's lives for the better, what if you make a million bucks, or 'just get by'? Doesn't minimize the work, eh? And what's the alternative? Ten years doing something just for a buck that doesn't matter to anyone's life? Not a perfect perspective, but relevant to myself and others I think.

Such a gift to read your heart my Love. This line is beautiful, "You don't need to see the light at the end of the tunnel; You just need to have faith it's there." Makes me think of people whose life's work never comes to fruition while they are alive. They worked their entire existence in faith...faith without seeing. But I want and expect my payoff...soon. So I can fully enjoy and ride it. So am I working for the faith in what I do mattering? Or just for the reward and payoff? That's a paradigm shifter. I want both of course, but which is priority sure alters my attitude. Thanks for the wisdom...I need it today.

The great gravity? I could cite many things that support my belief, but it's ultimately a core faith that I choose and can't deny, of my Creator's plan for me. For better or worse, I was destined for you as my wife.

Thank you so much for this my Love. I have no 'file' for this (don't like you but long for you) as the counselor would say, but it's true for me as well, "Even now, 20 Valentine's later, I can't help myself from loving you, desiring you. Even when I don't like you, you're the one I long for." That segment you read to me from Blue Like Jazz...you should read it on a video and post it. Seriously.

I so wish I could be the Hero and fix everything. But I can't. I'm not the Hero. I'm just...Kevin. Your line above hit me, "There will always be those who think ill of you, no matter how you perform or try to please." I know this, but hard to walk in it when I'm hard wired for approval. But I can't think of any voice or authority or 'leader' that I haven't thrown a stone at. Yet I want a platform and to come away unscathed. Not possible. I've gotta give more grace to others for one, but as you say in so many words, start with grace for myself and just be more...free. Maybe when I learn that, I can start an academy for freedom or something...

I'd love to sit down in some quiet time with you...just you...and pray and discern that section of scripture. It so coincides with where I'm being drawn in Ephesians...but I languish some in translating it to the present.

Wow. This is beyond convicting and compelling and...real. You are an amazing communicator with an amazing heart. This is really beautiful Teri.

Great wisdom Teri. Happy Birthday, eager to really celebrate it in New Mexico!

This is great, and I feel a calling to put more fun and enjoyment into our family. I've gotten so wrapped up in 'purpose' and 'service' and 'life is serious' that while I may appreciate things, I seldom take time to just enjoy. Like our amazing kids.

I'm so grateful. Thank you my Love.

As you know...I'm suffering in my own way. So often struggling with my joy. My peace. Cause...it's hard. And my church-bred logic just naturally equates doing 'good works' and acting in 'righteousness' equates to the Jabez prayer! More money, more peace, more BLESSINGS in regards to life circumstances. Yet my Bible of course just talks about the blessings of the heart and eternity, not circumstances. Not sure I'll ever really reconcile that. Just have to accept it. Well...I know PEACE amidst hard circumstances comes from understanding and accepting God's truth. I fear I'm failing cause I'm still so wrapped up in the desire for circumstantial ease and payoff. Shadrack and his bros had peace going into a freakin' fire place, presumably. God same them. But John the Baptist...did he have peace as he was about to get beheaded? Would I have any support from anyone if I acted in a way, even in service to God, that might be me beheaded? Wouldn't that be irresponsible in regards to my family who I must care for? That just jacks up my dogma, as Scott Stearman would say. I'm with you. Even as we feel out of control with our current 7 kids and seek an 8th that may entail too much money, too much time, too much heartache, too much too much. I love you. What else would we be doing, eh?!

Holy moly...you're amazing. Reading this, seeing the pictures...made me misty. Yeah...why DO you love me so? I'm just grateful and awed. What a story we have, eh? It's hard to understand how much I liked you and how fully I fell in love with you...when today you are SO MUCH MORE. You are an amazing and ridiculous and awe inspiring woman. Just as our God is Amazing. Ridiculous. And truly, fully Awe Inspiring. I love you most.

Almost a month after you wrote this...I'm reading it. And interesting timing. You say "Answering the call is so risky." And it's now that we're feeling the real cost of the time away. It didn't all wrap itself up in a pretty bow. We served and God pays us back by making our life easier. I think it's harder now. Why do I have that natural tendency to think that if I do good, I WILL GET THE PAYOFF. Jesus did good and got murdered. So hard to grasp that we're not here to build our kingdom on earth. Thanks for this reminder Love.

Thanks for this Teri. I think I'm learning. Learning that the only peace is in seeking God's direction. And we won't get a clear map from our seeking. Just a clue here and there. And...I'll screw it up. He gives me that power, for better or worse. So we constantly realign, eh? Like Romans 12:2 that I gave to the teens today. We renew our minds. Every freakin' day. Or we can't have faith that 'He'll work all things for good'. He can...IF. If we seek Him. Ask him. Renew our minds. I think I'm just starting to see some truth in being messy. Out of control. Uncomfortable. Almost to the point that going home seems...strange. I know there is need and worth in that. But how much time do we give to just...us? Our little lives? How much time do we spend in shallow waters, eh? Maybe just enough for a bit of rest? I love you. Wouldn't want to swim with anyone else.

You captured so much here Teri. Yeah, I feel humbled to say the least. But I love the perspective we keep coming to of, "If we weren't here, what else would we be doing? We'd be home, padding our own little lives." Why NOT be here, doing what we can to aid real servants?! Thanks for sharing your heart, as always Love.

Makes me think of 'anchors of truth' that we've talked about before. We can so easily forget. But also makes me dwell on just being grateful. Focusing on what I have instead of what I have not. Thanks for bringing me back to truth my Love.

So many never realize the heat of our Lord. You do. I'm not sure I ever have, to the degree you do my Love. It amazes me. And yes, you fall away. But this...this is truth that you wrote: "But it’s not too late. It’s never too late." Thank you. For seeking. For being nuts. For being so immensely abnormal. I'm with you. I stick...with you. With God. I'm learning. You are part of my refining. Good and bad. Blessed and hard. Truth and fire.

I remember this event, and feel I remember the post...but I didn't comment...wonder why? This is just beautiful Teri. All you wrote...just love you, and your heart my Bride.

I fear responding to most of your posts as "the most profound thing I've ever read" will end up being like the boy who cried wolf, and not viable. So, take back everything I've said about your posts in the past. They all suck. THIS ONE...is incredible. And not just cause you overflowed my personal cup of significance. This...is what every marriage seminar, book and counseling session should begin with. An individual meeting with each spouse to ask them, "Do you really WANT to love your spouse? Granted they may be hurting you, as you are hurting them. And that can be addressed and you can both be be better for each other. But foundationally...DO YOU...really want to love this person? That is the choice you must make, and the foundation from which everything else we work on will be built." Even though you cite a time when you felt you didn't want to love me anymore, what you write here is exactly what I always had faith in. Actually, maybe that's not true. It was beyond wanting to love me...I had faith you wanted to love Christ. And that you wouldn't forsake your God and King. And in that, I knew you couldn't ditch me. You have shown your colors over 19 years my Teri. And though there may be acute times of trial, at the end, you desire and work and yearn to love me. I can't ask for anything...ANYTHING...more. Thank you. I love you madly.

"When nobody and nothing is my favorite." That made me smile and love you more. I need to remember that. You should just preface yourself with that on those days..."Hey, I don't like you or anybody or anything right now, so remember that as I tell you..." Ultimately, I choose you above anyone else, no matter what color you are.

Wow. What did I do to deserve that. I don't really know how to respond. How can I do this justice. Thank you Teri. For falling in love with me, and staying in love with me through...so, so much. I'll cherish this. Forever. As I'll cherish you my Love. Forever. I...go the greatest prize out of the deal. You.

More of a ten-fox wife, there is nothing cowlike about you. But I know what you mean. And you are.

You are an amazing, glorious and ridiculous woman. Full out disclosure to the public. And I'm so grateful and proud. To say you continue to amaze me would be such an understatement. You're outta control. And...I never desired a tame woman. You inspire me my Love. And you love me so well.

Holy moly, that was hilarious to read. Like a sitcom. Why isn't it that damn funny when it's happening? I feel like you remembered it word for word. This is the best blog you've ever posted. I should be our literary agent, you need to write a book. If only I can find a replacement for you so you had time. But unless Superwoman is looking for a job, there is no freaking hope for that. I dream of genie or a magical housekeeper/cook/nanny/tutor so we can just get dolled up and go on a date. I'm going to go buy a crap load of Play-doh. So what happened in Scene 2? I remember the topic of resolution...but did we make whoopee? I can't remember and am hoping...