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I M Perfect
on the Sturgeon River
A Lady living her truth and sharing her experience.
Interests: Art Quilts, Art, Writing, Spirituality, Reading,
Recent Activity
Tim Ferris Podcast Above is a great podcast on trauma with Dr. Gabor Mate, it is long but has some good information. One point he made was "Trauma isn't what happened to you, but what happens inside you." This changes how we will look at abuse. Most often, I believe, folks will think, it happened along time ago, so just get over it. But what they fail to appreciate what happened within us. It changes our insides, and not only the way we see ourselves; but the self that sees the world. Dr. Gabor spoke about there being two... Continue reading
Posted yesterday at IMPERFECT Lady
A few things I have learned about no order of greatness. True love requires authenticity, any falseness weakens it. Love demands doing hard stuff. Opening up the conversation about our differences. And, knowing when to leave, for self-love. Love is simple; when you allow yourself to be you. When you love yourself enough, you always know what to do. Love can hold sorrow, when it knows it was the right thing to do. Love is freedom. Love is art. Love is full acceptance of what is. Love is courage, for without courage, you can't be authentic or real or... Continue reading
Posted Feb 14, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
It can be challenging to create a quilt that represents a feeling or emotion and for it also to look inspiring and not depressing, when the emotions are very soul engulfing. When we first speak up about our abuse, it is completely terrifying and liberating. The weight of what we have been dragging around, colors our view of life and self. To even see a self separated from the abuse is a hard thing to conceptualize. I starred at the empty beach that held the "before" and then the two women in the water. I understood the freedom they felt... Continue reading
Posted Feb 13, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Today's Sunday Art, I wanted to try and depict the sentiment of Judge Aquilina's step into unchartered waters, opening up space for so many victims to break their silence and embrace their truth. I was drawn to a water, or beach scene, and then I wondered. One lady, embracing her new freedom and into magnificence, or two women? How do you depict what I felt? Perhaps the safety of standing up in places that were unfamiliar and unknown. Empowered women, empower women! We dare take a step when we see others in the unknown and thriving. What I hadn't expected... Continue reading
Posted Feb 11, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks Jan. I was thinking while snowshoeing yesterday, that there is some truth in the "fake it until you make it" quote. While I have been living a life that is quite free and adventurous, inside in the deepest part of me, I was still waiting for someone in the Justice System to do as Judge Aquilina did. When the court in the land, let's a pedophile go free, it doesn't send the message of innocence to a child. It sends a message that we may be speaking the truth. But, that what he did isn't enough for the court of the land to hold him. Or, to even see him as the monster he is. In this case, the only reason it has such a great impact is the sheer number of woman who broke their silence, shared their wounds and affects of them. We were able to see the longevity of abuse by their abuser AND the organizations who knew and did nothing. That case is typical - but so surreal to see it all played out. It affirms me and for that I am so grateful for Judge Aquilina!
Toggle Commented Feb 8, 2018 on Thank You Judge Aquilina! at IMPERFECT Lady
Deep inside me, away from my awareness, lay an expectation of my innocence being acknowledge by the Justice System. In that dark space hummed doubt until I watched and listened to Judge Aquilina kindly listen, with great respect and attention, to the Gymnasts who came forth. And, the part that really opened up space inside of me; was her response. Kindness. Compassion. Empowered belief - that these victims leave their pain there in the court room, and to out and live a magnificent life. And, the most important being, that the monster they seen and experienced, was indeed someone that... Continue reading
Posted Feb 7, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
I listened Rob Bell in a podcast yesterday, speak about the way things change. Someone has to be the one to stick their necks out first. Somebody has to be the ones to change the patterns, break the cycles and leave what we have always known, agreed with, and accepted behind. And, we are all on our own journey of awareness. Things don't just change automatically, someone has to be willing to do things differently even at the cost of rejection and ridicule. To not do things as we have always done, to step out of the boundaries and dare... Continue reading
Posted Feb 6, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
I recognize that there are those outside the circles of the family and church who do not see me as mental, however there are those that do. I am so hopeful that the new strong woman will not be the martyr type; but she will be loud, and dare to step out of the lines, and to be on the leading edge of change! Thanks for your continued support; I do appreciate it!
I am sure others are not fully aware of the consequences the "Forgiveness of Sins" deals out to the victims. The hold it has over them to remain silent is unreal. Their afterlife hangs in the balance. It is totally messed up. And, a huge factor in how so many so messed up. If, in a perfect world, the victims were fully supported, the perpetrator reported and others left his side, the affects of abuse wouldn't be so painful. But, in the religious families it is very very hard to do what you need to do as a victim and remain loyal to the message of the church. Thanks for your kind words on the quilt. I love it too!
I believe that Judge Aquilina was a huge part in why so many chose to come forth and show their face and tell their story. Her comments after to each one was so healing, even for those of us just watching. I am hopeful, that this is the beginning of the ripple affect; as you suggested. We can only hope that others will see the implications OF NOT reporting, of having plans in place etc. And, the ones who knew are paying consequences; perhaps not stiff enough, but it is a start.
Rachael Denhollander once again is speaking so eloquently for victims of sexual abuse when she speaks about how churches are one of the worst places to go for help. Read more in this article. In the past few weeks the women of the Gymnastic world have affirmed so many victims of sexual abuse. They have given us credibility and sadly due to the sheer number. Somehow the world opens their eyes a bit wider when there is more than one. What has been so supporting to me, is how they are not just focusing on the Perpetrator; but on... Continue reading
Posted Feb 5, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
It certainly is a wake up call and also a show of what empowered women look like. I love that one of the women said, "we are no longer little girls". They are now using their voices! I know, that if an institution as large as the University and the Olympic Organization, they too are only the tip of the iceberg. All things that are not authentic or with a core of truthfulness will fall. The tides are turning and I could not be more hopeful that each place that has been long neglecting children and their abuse, for their own benefits, power and reputation will face what MSU is facing; the truth prevails in the end. Thanks ladies for responding.
Toggle Commented Feb 4, 2018 on Choose to learn at IMPERFECT Lady
In the past few days, a whole new view or understanding has occurred to me. It was helped along by this article online. I guess, I really shouldn't say new; but I can see it differently. Or, I can step back and see the overarching dance of pedophiles, a child and the onlooking adults. It is like there are two completely different realities going on at one time. Depending upon which mind you are looking at it from. I am not even sure I can articulate the two existing realities in a way you can clearly understand, how sexual... Continue reading
Posted Feb 3, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
You cannot change anything, if you don't change! What I am most inspired by with the woman and young girls speaking up in the Gymnastic world, is that they are not just looking at the perpetrator; but looking into why the system itself supported HIM over the young child. I have heard others speak of teaching children to speak up. Like it is the child who will lend the power to end this. Really? Teaching children good touch bad touch, without the support of the system they live, work, play, learn, and pray in...does nothing. What are we expecting from... Continue reading
Posted Jan 31, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Jan, When we speak about teaching the child, we are missing a huge part of why sexual abuse continues. It isn't the child who is going to stop this, but the adults who know and do nothing. We can teach children good touch bad touch; but we fail to teach adults how to report and believe when a child speaks. We have tried to lower the abuse rates by teaching children. We need to change our approach and start looking at who the perpetrator surrounds himself with, what systems support him unflinchingly.
I just watched this. The first woman to come forth in the Larry Nassar sexual abuse case. She is a hero among heroes and I feel a sisterhood with her. Please watch it all. Her story is a bit unique, but not really. She shows how pedphiles do not work alone. How the adults and who they stand by, impact a child, who looks to them for guidance. She eloquently and artfully speaks of how sexual abuse happens and the reasons why so many little children are silenced. Not because they do not speak; but because they are not believed.... Continue reading
Posted Jan 28, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks Joan and Ann. I too believe that she has set the bar high and opened the door for so much healing! It is what we need the most to tell our story and be believed. To be respected and seen as victims and not feel shame or blame etc. To me, this will change the trajectory of so many silent victims. They will see that it isn't easy; and in the right place, it can be so empowering. People need to earn the right to hear your story. Or, you need to know it is a safe place to do. The judge is my new hero, she did what so many others didn't allow!! And, I do feel more supported, even if I wasn't part of their story.
Toggle Commented Jan 26, 2018 on Empowerment. at IMPERFECT Lady
Another great tsunami of hope arises with the women who have come forth, speaking of their abuse- there is power in numbers. I am posting this video, so I have it achieved. The letter is from one girl. And, the courtroom allowed them all. I believe, their numbers were over 150. Imagine. This brings hope. Speaking up matters. This case contains elements that make it big - it has Institutions that had impeccable reputations and, are now vulnerable to criminal behaviors - professional who wasn't professional...and vulnerable girls left vulnerable. It shows that what we see and believe IS NOT... Continue reading
Posted Jan 26, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
I finished listening to "I'll Push You" by Patrick Gray and Justin Skeesuck. I purchased the book because the backdrop is The Way; The Camino Santiago. A 500 mile hike in Spain. I am drawn to this experience and love to read about it. Their journey is different for one friend is in a wheelchair. But that isn't what makes it so different; it is their friendship. I love how the journey of 500 miles connects all those who hike the trail. What I am most drawn to is how honest and authentic this path makes most. It strips away... Continue reading
Posted Jan 19, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
I met her first on a podcast, and then ordered her book,"A Beautiful Work in Progress" Mirna Valerio. She is my new role model of what is possible; no matter the type of body you have. While she is on the high end of the spectrum, she makes it possible for the rest of us to be placed somewhere on the line. Below is a great introduction to her! What I believe stops so many of us, is that we don't look like we should be biker, hiker, runner, ultra etc. And, think we have to look the part before... Continue reading
Posted Jan 18, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
"You cannot set a boundary you do not have" More from "The Awakened Family" -by Dr. Shafali Tsabary Chapter 21 "From Discipline to Enlightened Boundaries. "Once you have learned to check in and attune to yourself and your children, the next important task of parenting is almost as sacred as connection. This is the art and discipline of creating boundaries. Notice I said the "discipline of creating boundaries" as opposed to the "art of disciplining." Whereas the latter focusing on changing our children through discipline, the former focuses on disciplining ourselves to change. My book "Out of Control" emphasizes how... Continue reading
Posted Jan 7, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
What if, instead of changing, we did more becoming? Stop trying to 'improve' or change who we are; but instead we allowed. Allowed all of who we are to appear. To let our feelings have value and expression. Give respect to emotions, especially when they appear difficult to honor. Allow ourselves to be ourselves, without explanation. Spend time watching for what we don't allow. "I can't say that." "I am not allowed to say No." "I have to go..." To explore what boundaries you have in place that keeps you from becoming You. We often read and hear about setting... Continue reading
Posted Jan 2, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Another full year awaits us, wide open and a clean slate. What will your intention be for you this year? Will you make promises you can't keep? We approach a year as if the year has more power than the voice inside of us. Who is making the promises and to whom? Last year my word for the year was Dare. In situations where I was torn, the word would push me into a decisions. Often a decision that I would not have made, if it were not for the promise to myself to dare more this year. So, as... Continue reading
Posted Dec 31, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
When past ghosts of dysfunctional behavior arrives by the way of my old pleasing ways; it can swiftly lower my energy to a point of "being all glum over there in the corner". What I am always surprised by is the sneakiness, or how it is hidden in 'kindness'. I can now see more clearly how pleasing steals your joy, how doing to make others happy, can have the reverse response IF there are too many pleases at one time. Being aware, like hyper-vigilant about what you are doing especially during busy holiday times is very key for those of... Continue reading
Posted Dec 26, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
"Art is something you do, that no one can take away" Terry Crews Hearing those words on a podcast today, made me emotional. I felt their truth. Art truly is something no one can take away. It is personal, and part of us that no one can remove. Which is why my fiber art meant so much in the early years after discovering I was abused. Learning about my abuse, I felt abused all over again. That the perfect part of me was taken, that I was somehow cheated on being an innocent. Creating Art somehow restored the specialness inside... Continue reading
Posted Dec 21, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady