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I M Perfect
on the Sturgeon River
A Lady living her truth and sharing her experience.
Interests: Art Quilts, Art, Writing, Spirituality, Reading,
Recent Activity
I am in my 9th week of recovery, this week I have returned to work, biked and hiked - and the hip is holding up well. Recovery pain is different than the pain of injury. It is more like fitness pain. Each time the pain gets less and the achievement becomes more. In fact, I can see the potential of going further than I have ever been before. Where the pain would stop me, I see an open space now. The surgeon said, I will feel good at 3 months, and notice a remarkable difference at 6 months and will... Continue reading
Posted 3 days ago at IMPERFECT Lady
We traveled over to Martha's Vineyard by ferry. I wasn't expecting there to be so many open beaches; I pictured the shorelines all privately owned. This sign appeared by a sandy road heading towards the beach, a sign that said you are welcome to drive, if you dare. My husband put it in four wheel drive and on we went. What a fabulous beach this road led to. In the middle of Martha's Vineyard is this wide open public beach! I am sure mid-summer, it would be much busier than we found it. I was so excited to be near... Continue reading
Posted 6 days ago at IMPERFECT Lady
I highly recommend travel recovery; where you take a road trip while recovering from surgery. Not physically able to work, but yet in good shape to be a tourist. I walked sandy beaches... And rocky shorelines. Climbed a few steps. Steps leading to new views are way more exciting. One tower was too high for me to climb, but just going part way was my therapy for the day. While walking around each new little town searching for art and interesting things I took many steps and usually investigated each shop until my hip hurt. New England narrow streets held... Continue reading
Posted May 19, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Today I looked at my wedding album, a small, very small plastic one, with just a dozen or so pictures. Small amateur 3 x 2 snapshots of our special day. It's a reflection of how my old religion, and society in general, looked upon a couple who were expecting a child before marriage. We were supposed to keep it quiet and small. Shameful. Yet, I don't remember that day as being one of shame; but of happiness and love! One of my biggest regrets was that we didn't have professional pictures taken. These small blurry and now fading pictures are... Continue reading
Posted May 8, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
I am thinking, that I am now shopping by feel. It is the feel of the fabric itself and then the way it feels on me, and not so much about how it looks. I am no longer able to handle clothes that hurt me. And, I believe if I feel comfortable, I look comfortable in my own skin. This may be what "old" feels like. Doing what you love, instead of what is in fashion1 I think Sylvi and I shop the same way, we are delighted when we find something that makes us smile inside! I hope that... Continue reading
Posted May 6, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks ladies, I am so happy that my body adjusted so well to a new hip! Sylvi and I will sure have many fun adventures to enjoy! I am grateful that I have been affected by many wonderful women! And, if my life can inspire others, how cool is that!
Toggle Commented May 3, 2018 on Endless without Pain at IMPERFECT Lady
Today marks six weeks since surgery and I feel at least 10 years younger! It is quite remarkable how pain is so dense, and quite heavy to carry. Like a negative friend who tries to drag you down with magnetic pull into a small life. I didn't realize just how much of my energy was used up dealing with the pain, until it is more or less gone. Now all my energies are spent living. I feel like I have been given a new lease on life. The adventures that now seem possible, has opened up my horizon! I am... Continue reading
Posted May 2, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
What I love about writing on this blog are the answers and understanding I get, that I didn't have previously. Yesterday, I believed that we had to change MSU, and found out the bigger and most important change will happen with the Sister Survivors. Somehow we often believe our happiness and well being lies outside of who we are. That we need changes to happen in order for our worlds to be better. And, this change is often see "out there". They need to.... Fill in the blank. However, if you instead turn your eyes inward and see if you... Continue reading
Posted Apr 25, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
I have tried blogging about the MSU case and the Sister Survivors and my experiences, trying to show how upside down and backwards it all is. I feel like typing this is banging my head against the wall, that there are no words to make sense of the insensible. And, at the same time it brings me comfort to know I am not the only one who feels the struggle for change. Who will be the leaders of this change? Can it be driven by the victims? Will 200 plus women be enough to swing the power into their favor?... Continue reading
Posted Apr 24, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
While watching my 3 year old granddaughter pick out fabrics, squealing with delight, when a certain one excited her, I realized that this is art. The way colors, designs, and how they go together, make you feel. It is about the feeling. Or at least this is how I do it. What ever excites me is what I play with. She is funny, being so young and knowing what she loves. My daughter and I would try and move her in a direction of fabrics, that may co-exist together in harmony and she refuses to be led. She knows what... Continue reading
Posted Apr 16, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
This was originally posted in April of 2009 - I believe it shows the adult child learning to be her own person and how it feels to set out and try to detach from the cycle of abuse. I have been re-reading some of my earlier posts. What I have read, I still agree with. I love how 10 years later I still agree. Freedom Bus Once you surrender to the wave of Truth, your journey has just begun. The journey of a million sorrows! You will be taken backwards, a life in review. You will walk with small feet,... Continue reading
Posted Apr 9, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Tomorrow is the 10th Anniversary of this Blog. It is amazing that I have been coming here to discover more about me. It has been a place to sort out my confused mind and leave more aware. I am proud of its content, and the author. I have touched on touchy subjects, shined light into dark places and spoke from my heart - often displaying brilliantly tragic emotions and self-discoveries. It's the journey of leaving a family of abuse, a cult-like religion and learning how to be empowered, free and self-loving; learning how to be imperfectly Me! Often the blank... Continue reading
Posted Apr 8, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Yes ladies, if you have a healthy body, the world is at your doorstep. You just have to step off and into the world to enjoy the wonders that are there. I know this hip replacement has been an eye opener on so many levels. I will so appreciate even more the joys that I can reach with ease! Handicap accessible has a new meaning to me. It was there; but now I can appreciate the ease it offers and how crucial it is!!
Toggle Commented Apr 5, 2018 on Freedom Beyond Measure at IMPERFECT Lady
Living life in the slow lane. At home I thought I was doing so well, that I was moving around very well. Bring me to the open world of life and there I was slow. I mean slower than slow. I think we unconsciously move about the world, we walk at a pace that we chose and not one that choses us. We speed up to make up time and slow down when we see something of interest. I had one speed. Slow. The hallways and skywalks and sitting rooms and distances to the bathroom stretched out like 5Ks. The... Continue reading
Posted Apr 4, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Michele, I do agree there is something within us that tends to not want to see what is possible in the variety of illnesses. And, fear certainly makes sense. It was odd to experience. And, yes I am happy to be able to go and sew again. I will see how it goes. And, yeah I was in way more pain prior than I am now. It is remarkable how the body gets used to struggling. And, how lucky am I to feel it relax and enjoy life again!! Ann, it certainly will make my days so much better. Thanks ladies!
Toggle Commented Apr 4, 2018 on Riding Topless Again! at IMPERFECT Lady
I made my first trip out of the house in almost two weeks using my walker. It felt good to get dressed and climb into the Jeep. It was a stretch getting in, and a nice slide out! I wasn't driving, but a happy passenger! I noticed people not looking at me with my walker. Like looking away from my "handicap". Odd. I caught a snippet of what it feels like to be a tad off physically. There I was me as Me can be, but invisible behind the walker; like it was a sign to not look out of... Continue reading
Posted Apr 3, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Ann, it is amazing how we can be taught to feel the extra guilt by just being ourselves and being self-loving. And, that our life mission should be to enhance the family and/or religion. How dare we deviate from our mother's path. You are doing remarkable in letting go of much that was ingrained in you - becoming a freer self.
Judy, the definition of forgiveness being that the past can be no different, allows us to be with reality. We can understand why things may have happened, the state of mind the other was in, but that doesn't mean we have to wipe it away or pardon the action. I believe that we can 'forgive' by being at peace with what happened, learn from it and move on. Making better choices as to who we want in our lives or not. I wish you peace with your boundaries and letting the guilt go. I understand, for awhile I too felt guilty for taking care of myself and putting up boundaries. Self-Love requires us to love ourselves enough to walk away. Oh, and I heard there is guilt and then "Catholic Guilt" which I take is double!
Rachael Denhollander posted that she will be speaking at an event that is titled "Can we reconcile Justice and Forgiveness" - I look forward to seeing what she has to say, hopefully it will be recorded and posted on YouTube. I would like to take a stab at that talk. First of all, are the definitions even similar? Can you find a common denominator? Justice - the process or result of using laws to fairly judge and punish crimes and criminals. Forgiveness - the action or process of forgiving or being forgiven. Synonyms -pardon, absolution, exoneration, remission, dispensation, mercy. Justice... Continue reading
Posted Mar 29, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Your life is your reality at this moment. It changes as things in your life change. I was a woman who had a bad hip; but was able to live her life relatively "normal". There were getting to be more and more restrictions and limitations; led by pain. Now, I am on the other side of surgery. The surgery that I worked out for, the surgery that I lived carefully for, surgery that I needed to stay healthy for...the surgery was the goal. Goal accomplished. I now have to set a new goal. My past few days are a blur... Continue reading
Posted Mar 28, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
It was a weird feeling to lay on a gurney saying good-bye to an original body part. To let a piece of you go. I was grateful to my hip that it carried me to this point. For months I worried that it wasn't strong enough to make it; but it had. Through all the pain, it held me upright while I worked, snowshoed and hiked. Yet saying good-bye was a bit emotional, knowing it had done its best but it was time to go. It had brought me to the finish line. I was in line for an operating... Continue reading
Posted Mar 24, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
I hear you Judy, I too have thought the same thing, that I would parent so much better at this time. But remember, we are still mothers and can still be different today. When we know better, we do better.
"Instead of getting into battles over control, we need to engage our children to work with us in a collaborative manner when there's a disagreement. Notice that I said, "collaborative" and didn't use the word "compromise." When we compromise, we tend to compromise ourselves, selling ourselves out to one degree or another. Although almost everyone thinks people should compromise, to do this is a far cry from the win-win solutions that can be achieved when we move away from a combative or controlling approach and simply collaborate." "Compromise asks us to sacrifice, surrounding something that may be important to us.... Continue reading
Posted Feb 27, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Tim Ferris Podcast Above is a great podcast on trauma with Dr. Gabor Mate, it is long but has some good information. One point he made was "Trauma isn't what happened to you, but what happens inside you." This changes how we will look at abuse. Most often, I believe, folks will think, it happened along time ago, so just get over it. But what they fail to appreciate what happened within us. It changes our insides, and not only the way we see ourselves; but the self that sees the world. Dr. Gabor spoke about there being two... Continue reading
Posted Feb 21, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
A few things I have learned about no order of greatness. True love requires authenticity, any falseness weakens it. Love demands doing hard stuff. Opening up the conversation about our differences. And, knowing when to leave, for self-love. Love is simple; when you allow yourself to be you. When you love yourself enough, you always know what to do. Love can hold sorrow, when it knows it was the right thing to do. Love is freedom. Love is art. Love is full acceptance of what is. Love is courage, for without courage, you can't be authentic or real or... Continue reading
Posted Feb 14, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady