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I M Perfect
on the Sturgeon River
A Lady living her truth and sharing her experience.
Interests: Art Quilts, Art, Writing, Spirituality, Reading,
Recent Activity
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"I am the most comfortable in the truth" Glennon Doyle Melton The podcasts that I am most drawn to are those of people who dare to live their truth out loud, the ones whose lives were altered due to the awareness. Who have made great changes into living authentic lives. What I heard today, after you become aware and living mindfully, you have a hard time around folks whose lives are littered with lies. Or to be drawn toward lives who live on the surface of life. Once I had unraveled all that was untrue for me, untrue lives don't... Continue reading
Posted yesterday at IMPERFECT Lady
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In the past few months, I have been listening to the ways women have been resisting and persisting, and this idea resonates with me. I had to look up their definitions to see if I totally understood their meaning. Resist - Withstand, be proof against, be resistant too, keep out. Persist - continue firmly or obstinately in an opinion or a course of action in spite of difficulty, opposition, or failure. I believe, the reason I was drawn to this concept, is that this is how I have been towards abuse in the past 12 years. I often question my... Continue reading
Posted 4 days ago at IMPERFECT Lady
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I am not sure what an adrenaline rush is, or over the top excitement, the kick people get by doing scary things, but maybe I felt that as I skied the Great Bear Chase. Would it be possible that what some people call adrenaline, I call fear? Is the rush putting yourself close to the edge and careening almost out of control that is the rush? What I do know, is that rush of it all, was more draining on my emotions than on my physical strength. Sure I was tired, but I was more emotionally drained. I haven't experienced... Continue reading
Posted Mar 13, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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The Great Bear Chase! Wow, and OH MY God, is all I have to say. First of all, I am not an intermediate skier, for those trails are for badass skiers! Beginners beware!! Or, folks like me who love to ski with tracks! Start of the race is an icy incline without trails and it was by sheer luck I didn't fall going up. Then, onto a slopping downhill, without tracks. Knees already shaking and we are 5 minutes into the 10K. And, there are skiers in front of me, skiers on side of me, skiers behind me. Go go... Continue reading
Posted Mar 11, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Weather that fluctuates between winter and spring, gave me some great insights in how we interact with the weather. Weather arrives and we then get to decide our response. Warmer temps, melting snow and bare roads means biking! Too cold and windy for skiing....means, get your snowshoes on. When the winds die down a bit and the temperature remains cold, take your skis and find a trail! Bringing a friend along is a bonus! The beauty on the trials is breath taking - nature showing off. We had the moon in front of us and the sun behind. Crisp fast... Continue reading
Posted Mar 10, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Yesterday the act of refusing stuck with me. How rarely it is actually used, especially by women. We tend to be the peace makers, the fixers, the pleasers and so we shy away from refusals in any form. At least this was the kind of woman I was. I was actually queen of keeping calm waters. I know that I have almost PTSD moments when refusals are present. The old habit of mine squirms uncomfortably as I resist being the peace keeper. It is hard to watch someone refuse. For, you know conflict is coming. Each person is trying to... Continue reading
Posted Mar 9, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Today is "International Women's Day" and one of their themes is "Be Bold For Change". I looked up the word Bold, to see what its expectations are. "(of a person, action, or idea) showing an ability to take risks; confident and courageous." Being bold means taking risks and being confident enough to start out. I don't believe you have to have the whole route planned; but you do have to know what you want to change. Change can be small. And, we each are defined by what is bold for us. My bold may not be bold enough for someone... Continue reading
Posted Mar 8, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Here is what I noticed, it doesn't take perfection and you will still be successful. We all want to wait until. I am not sure who we expect will bring Until to us, but we do have this idea about so many things. I can't ski until I am thinner, fitter, have the right outfit, am not scared of the hills, will be assured I won't fall, its warmer, colder, I have a friend, etc. I am here to tell you that I am the most imperfect perfect skier! I don't fit the image of many skiers. Sleek, fit and... Continue reading
Posted Mar 5, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Dare is my word for the year. I wanted to dare myself to expand my life. Being brave instead of being safe or maybe comfortable is a better word. Fear seems to be the starting point to brave, and then I have to dare to begin. I looked up the definition. Dare - "Have the courage to do something. Defy or challenge someone to do something." "To have enough courage or confidence to do something: To not be too afraid to do something. To do something that is difficult that people are usually afraid to do." Having the courage to... Continue reading
Posted Mar 5, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Silence is the least effectual response to sexual abuse, and yet the most widely used. Silence keeps your world operating as if nothing happened. Silence sits with fear and terror. Threats, and just the natural ugliness of abuse, demands silence. Silence. No words. Truth sits with no sound. Which reminded me of this: "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?" is a philosophical thought experiment that raises questions regarding observation and knowledge of reality." I wonder if most need to hear the sounds, in order to acknowledge... Continue reading
Posted Mar 4, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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When speaking out about abuse within the community of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church, I had intuitively knew it wasn't going to be welcome. But over the past 13 years, it does continually surprise me, how quick they reach the state of unbelief, or how fast they are to minimize the volume of abuse in their presence. They want me to be the odd man out, the special exception; and certainly not the norm. Their need to isolate and condemn my family as being rare and abnormal among their whole healthy families is quite remarkable, when you look at how... Continue reading
Posted Mar 3, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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What is always curious to me, is when people come upon my blog and my writings about abuse within the First Apostolic Lutheran Church, rarely is there any concern. More often there is righteous defense for its honor. Here is a comment from yesterday about a blog back in February 2012 Imperfect Lady Feb. 2012 "I too grew up in the 1st Apostolic Lutheran Church. I, however, never once heard of abuse among any families from this church, and I know quite a number of people from the church. Sexual abuse is considered highly taboo within this church and culture;... Continue reading
Posted Mar 2, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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"You don't grow up missing what you never had, but throughout life there is hovering over you an inescapable longing for something you never had." Susan Sontag "A fatherless girl thinks all things are possible and nothing safe." Mary Gordon When I hear a daughter speak lovingly or thankfully for their mother; I feel so cheated. It is as if a huge part of living was kept from me. What I didn't know, was that when I worked through the abuse - love wasn't behind the pain. There really is no answer or conclusion, just the empty space. I know... Continue reading
Posted Feb 28, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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We are all born into a narrative; a story about the world around us. Seldom do we question what we have been taught and how we think. The story began before us and will continue through us, or change direction. Byron Katie often asks, "Who would you be without your story?" Most of us are so embedded into the storyline, we don't even realize it is a story. It may or may not be the whole story; but rather the parts our parents wanted to share with us. A water down version of their lives. Or, the picture perfect view,... Continue reading
Posted Feb 28, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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When we as a society look for equality or that we are all the same, we are actually missing something. We are all human beings for sure; but our life experience and the way the world has seen us is completely different. Different in how we were raised to see the world and others and even ourself. Many of us were taught how to define ourselves by how we define "other". We are made more by someone being less. Or, less by someone being more. We were taught what was right by who was wrong. Can we as a society... Continue reading
Posted Feb 23, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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"Yearning for a new way will not produce it. Only ending the old way can do that. You cannot hold onto the old all the while declaring you want something new. The old will defy the new. The old deny the new. The old will decry the new. There is only one way to bring in the new. You must make room for it." Neale Donald Walsh Yesterday I heard a definition or action of forgiveness - Forgiveness doesn't mean that you don't seek justice. But mostly that you don't continue the cycle of harm. This type of forgiveness is... Continue reading
Posted Feb 22, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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While listening to Dr. Peter Holmes, this came up in a discussion about losing weight or exercising more. "The first thing is to not do anything, do not diet" "The first thing to do is to maybe sit down and ask yourself, What eating that food symbolizes for you? If you find yourself eating a lot or eating unhealthy food, is that a way for you to cover over anxiety or depression or loneliness. Begin to ask if there is some meaning to that activity." "So, you don't try to fix it, don't try to do anything with it, you... Continue reading
Posted Feb 21, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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It has been a little over a year since I added physical activity to my life. The seasons have been greatly improved. Winter is now a open landscape to either snowshoe or ski upon. I have just begun the exploration of all the different trails in our area. I am falling deeper in love with nature and its beauty, in all seasons. While skiing on Sunday, I encountered a few hills. Hills, that were intimidating and had my heart racing. I made it up the hills. I fell twice. I still traversed them! Success. Perfect skiing is completing the trail.... Continue reading
Posted Feb 16, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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I had the opportunity to stand with my art in public. This time however, it wasn't connected with my story in speaking out about abuse. It was just my art and me. The background story wasn't the focus, nor was the revealing therapy exposed. Just surface level artistry, or it seemed, the 5% of me showing. The pretty part. And, I was judged in a way that I hadn't been before. By my art. Period. No past. No Me. Just fabric and design was to be the judge of who I was. Those who came didn't mean to appraise me... Continue reading
Posted Feb 9, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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I think the more you see insanity, the more you are required to act sane. When the outside changes, the more you are asked to look deep within. Look upon your own insane thoughts and beliefs. What part of reality are your refusing to accept? And, what was your part in the creation of this insane world? It is easy to expect others to do things differently, IT is much harder to ask yourself to change. Not only ask, but literally do it! While it seems that the whole world is in a tailspin, it actually could just be the... Continue reading
Posted Feb 8, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Can a narrow minded person see their own narrow mind? I just don't think you can see that which your mind has been trained not to see. The beliefs of the mind are stronger than reality. We often think we have to change reality; when in fact, we need to open and broaden the mind. I am not so sure an outside force can alter the inner beliefs and thoughts of a person. I know, that a person is 100% caught up in what their mind believes, and in some cases will kill you for that thought. As I watch... Continue reading
Posted Feb 2, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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"Emotional Agility" Susan David "Walking Your Values" "Of course, determining what you truly care about is only half the process of walking your why. Once you've identified your values, you then have to take them out for a spin. This requires a certain amount of courage, but you can't aim to be fearless. Instead, you should aim to walk directly into your fears, with your values as your guide, toward what matters to you. Courage is not an absence of fear; courage is fear walking." I love the visual of Fear Walking. In my experience, fear walking is the courage... Continue reading
Posted Feb 1, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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More from "Emotional Agility" by Susan David "Identifying Your Values" "The word "values" can have a scolding, Sunday-school connotation that's pretty unappealing. It feels restrictive, or punishing, or, worse, judgmental. We hear a lot about having the "right" values (or the wrong ones), but what does that really mean? And who decides what values are worth having?" "First off, I don't think that inflexible notions of right and wrong help us much. And they certainly don't belong in a book about emotional agility! Instead, I see values not as rules that are supposed to govern us, but as qualities of... Continue reading
Posted Jan 30, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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My first introduction to Susan David was here. I know she is right and in my experience, emotional agility is the key to a life of peace, love and joy; which includes, heartache, sorrow and grief! I then went and purchased her book. Here is what I read today. "Choosing Willingness" "We want life to be as dazzling and painless as possible. Life,on the other hand, has a way of humbling us, and heartbreaks built into its agreement with the world. We're young, until we are not. We're healthy, until we're not. We're with those we love, until we're not.... Continue reading
Posted Jan 28, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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What are facts and how do they impact your world? How many facts have you tossed out due to their content or perhaps that go against your ideals? Are there more than one set of facts? Do we each get our own and do they have to match anyone else? How many relationships end due to the fact that we don't agree on the facts? Who gets to decide the validity of facts? It seems life is made more complicated by the facts or perhaps by the fact we don't all accept the facts. Not only not accept them; but... Continue reading
Posted Jan 26, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady