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I M Perfect
on the Sturgeon River
A Lady living her truth and sharing her experience.
Interests: Art Quilts, Art, Writing, Spirituality, Reading,
Recent Activity
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When a breech in a relationship happens, we are often left with wondering what happened. In one long time relationship I had, we lost the same perception. In thinking about this, I had to look up the definition of perception. "the ability to see, hear, or become aware of something through the senses." and, "the state of being or process of becoming aware of something through the senses." What I didn't know about perception that it used our bodies/senses. There is also this "a way of regarding, understanding, or interpreting something; a mental impression." Perception is a very personal thing,... Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at IMPERFECT Lady
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The 5 year anniversary of WIND is quite remarkable to me. It has been moving along like the wind; its directions keep changing, and it is unharnessed. Each time we try something new another new idea sprouts. Typically, we don't know what is up ahead. We allow the ideas to come to us as they will. What began as a joint effort with Dial Help, is now its own separate flowing piece. I love that it has no anchor or tether. It is free to move in any direction the ladies of WIND need it to go. Our interest and... Continue reading
Posted 3 days ago at IMPERFECT Lady
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WIND Goes on a camping trip! I loaded the jeep in a fine drizzle, and was prepared to have a wet evening. However, by the time we arrived in Ontonagon, we had sunny skies, and a the best camping site. Thanks Kirsten, for getting there early to reserve our tent site!!! How excited we were to know, we would be in the front row for sunsets!!! We decorated the tents with Art! It was so fun to have a pop up Art show at the tent site! We then were spoiled by Kirsten, with Buddha Bowls, that were delicious!!! It... Continue reading
Posted 4 days ago at IMPERFECT Lady
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In all the years of writing on this blog, I haven't been able to clearly see the chasm of misunderstanding. What was its contents and how can we seemingly see the same thing and not at all see it the same?, In my latest dialogue with a member of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church, in the comment section of my blog post "Exposed" - posted on May 23, 2017 - I may have stumbled upon where the discrepancy lies. When members of the church hear me speak about the church and my abuse, we dance around the issue and rarely... Continue reading
Posted Aug 9, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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What I believe we learn about ourselves, when we put ourselves in a new situation, is how flexible we are. It tweaks our image and keeps it fluid. I am a mystery to myself. I can't know what new challenge is up ahead OR how I will respond, and in what ways it will change me. I have gone through quite a transformation over the past many years and I believe, have become more of myself and in some ways no one I can recognize as me. Daring to be the last in the Triathlon takes courage; to be surrounded... Continue reading
Posted Aug 6, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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So, I DID IT!!! OH MY Gosh, it was a bit nerve wracking until I was on the bike - pretty much biking alone, like I usually do. There were a few bikes behind me, so the sweeper wasn't on my tail, and I pedaled and pedaled, in hopes that the last few bikers I saw after me would not pass. The bulk of the pack was ahead, I met some of them as we go to the end of the Harbor from Fort Wilkins and head back towards Eagle Harbor. And, I met the guy in first place about... Continue reading
Posted Aug 5, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Team "Zip 49916" is all signed up for the 2017 Copperman Triathlon. My boss will be swimming, I will be biking and the other carrier will run. The Chassell Post Office will be represented tomorrow! The excitement of planning to do this, has now been replaced by nervous energy and worry. In my mind, the hills are steep, the winds are coming at me, and I am slowly plugging along. The sweep car is on my tail, patiently waiting for me to complete the 23 mile ride. AND, on the finish line waits the runner of my team. I am... Continue reading
Posted Aug 4, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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"Hurt people hurt people. That is how the pattern gets passed on, generation after generation. Break the chain today. Meet anger with sympathy, contempt with compassion, cruelty with kindness. Greet grimaces with smiles, forgive and forget about finding fault. Love is the weapon of the future." Yehuda Berg This kind of love, leaves the aggressor responsibility free. Will the world really change if the receivers receive negative treatment in a more kinder way??? Hurt people are allowed to be cruel, and we have to respond with kindness? Will this really change the world to be more positive, IF we just... Continue reading
Posted Jul 28, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Life is about repeating what we love, daring new firsts and challenging each other to grow and stretch towards new spaces. WIND Goes, is the perfect event to try new things. Driving the jeep pulling a trailer was the first for me. I was nervous. WHAT IF, sounded all around this new experience. I had to not only think of the jeep; but a trailer I couldn't see. The tire kept the trailer hidden from my view. AND, I knew I could drive a straight line; but I worried about backing up or unhitching and re-hitching, and the straps etc.... Continue reading
Posted Jul 23, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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I often hear others speak about anxiety. I am never sure how to respond back. What is it, and how does it seems so powerful as a voice, when there are choices to be made? I looked up the definition to see if I have this feeling/emotion and frontman correct in its meaning. "A feeling of worry, nervousness, or unease, typically about an imminent event or something with an uncertain outcome" Is it the unknowing that is the culprit OR the fact that we believe we should know, when it is impossible to know? Or, are we uncomfortable with the... Continue reading
Posted Jul 20, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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We have two days left for the first half of the year, it is amazing how quickly time goes by! I went back and read my New Year's blog, and mostly what I had said was that I didn't expect anything from the year; but I wondered what new things I would add to me this year? How would I spend my time? With half a year gone, I have done so many things for the first time or reignited old things I used to do. It has opened up new doors and new friends have entered! The first half... Continue reading
Posted Jun 29, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Broken relationships will not mend with silence. Nor, will they be repaired with time. I believe, that there has to be a movement of some kind; someone has to walk backwards and wipe away the line that was drawn in the sand. Someone has to call uncle and withdraw their original beef. In order for the old peace to be won. A truce called. I don’t believe you can leap frog over a dozen years and land in the present and reconnect without a cost. While it has been many years of broken relationships with my family of origin, each... Continue reading
Posted Jun 28, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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"Anything worthwhile has got to cost us something. And, if it doesn't we are left to question its value." Martin Sheen It does seem impossible that in order to gain awareness and reality, I had to lose so much. Yet, I agree that anything worthwhile will cost you something. AND, if it doesn't you have to question the value of that choice. So, as I watch my brother enter back into the places I have exited, I am left wondering about my choices. What choices have I made that are off balance? What items did I leave behind, that perhaps... Continue reading
Posted Jun 25, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Below is a link to a podcast about a Laestadian woman's experience leaving her childhood religion and how abuse was weaved in. Here is the link to the site. https://www.culturechatpodcast.com/helenalucia/ It is always helpful to hear another person echo your experience. While the First Apostolic Lutheran Church isn't the same one she was raised in, they are quite similar. She makes reference between the affects from being raised in these type churches AND being abused, that both leave you with a damaged psyche. So, you are already damaged, and then abused. This is what I believe as well. It makes... Continue reading
Posted Jun 19, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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My biking adventure began at 6:40AM on Friday - I headed out optimistic. About halfway to Houghton, I called my husband to come and meet me. My load was too heavy, something had to go. I then continued on, mentally dumping things - hiking poles, hat, two extra jackets, nightwear, rubber mallet, to name a few. I met my leader after I had pedaled about 9 miles. Her load looked light and compact and she was a smooth pedaler. I was in trouble. I fell into place behind two athletic looking women. I was out of my element; but holding... Continue reading
Posted Jun 4, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Every now and again a member of the FALC pops up and wants me to stop writing about my experiences of being abused AND the church on the same blog. This one suggests the following - "It would be right and fair for you to remove the church's name from your blog as the church had nothing to do with the abuse you endured by your father." And, they want to sue me for defamation and libel. I had to look up defamation to see what it literally stood for and was I wrong in my writings. "the action of... Continue reading
Posted May 23, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Estrangement "The fact of no longer being on friendly terms or part of a social group." Clinging to my husband 13 years ago, I cried for my father, How He would die a very lonely death. Believing, that his abusive behavior would leave him out in the cold from our family. Little did I know, the tears I cried were for me. While writing words for a book I am playing with, I wanted to make sure the word estrangement worked for identifying me. No longer friendly. I then pondered when did this unfriendliness happen and who began this energy... Continue reading
Posted May 21, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Death brings family together; naturally. Unless you are on the outside. All things stay the same; except completely different in their lives. I ponder her life, her soul and what she teaches. What is her legacy upon the land? How can I live to honor her journey? A young woman I didn't know; yet knew. We both grew in the circle of the same family. What was her experience compared to mine? Was her pattern like mine? Were we more alike than different? We didn't seek each other out. Nor, did our paths cross after I left the family. Estrangement's... Continue reading
Posted May 17, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Happy Mother's Day has many different angles. I am a mother, I am estranged from a mother, and my daughter is a mother. Generations of women ahead and behind me. The past and the future connected by me. Mother's Day looking back at my mother leaves me empty, where praise and heroic memories should be. I see the volumes of heavy obligations and escapes. Holes in her morals and values when they were needed the most. Her tapestry is weaved by her weakness, blindness and faithful love of her religion. A shroud that leaves me out. I feel nothing to... Continue reading
Posted May 14, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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The weather is the universe, or reality, begging us to accept what is. And, a reminder that we can plan and hope and dream and then reality walks in. Winning, only but 100% of the time. This week, reality was Icy Rain. Instead of biking weather. Freezing into snow, making the hiking trails wet and slippery. I was so ready to ride my bike and deliver mail with my elbow out the window and have Spring Breezes carrying the scent of blossoms; but we had snow. Stinging beads of snow. Splashing through frozen mud puddles. Not accepting what is, kept... Continue reading
Posted Apr 29, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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It seems to me that we are a society of "Excessive Tolerance". We place the well being on society changing BY us being more kind. Really? Rendering a good portion of society incapable of improving. Keeping them LESS, and we are More. Being Kinder, adds to our column of self-worth. Who would you be without the worth of kindness? What would happen IF you became honest instead of kind? We have a strange way of not setting boundaries with folks closest to us; out of kindness. It is as if to say, our family is incapable of honoring and respecting... Continue reading
Posted Apr 19, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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"The Body Keeps Score" by Bessel Van Der Kolk M.D. is the most comprehensive book I have read about the affects of childhood trauma on our lives. And, how the medical community is in the learning stages of how to effectively deal with adult children of abuse. I am listening to this book, but ordered the hard copy to use as a reference. Here is about the brain and trauma... This is long but so insightful as to what happens in the brain. "SHIFTING TO ONE SIDE OF THE BRAIN" The scans also revealed that during flashbacks, our subjects' brains... Continue reading
Posted Apr 18, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Kindness can often mean "Excessive Tolerance" - Danielle La Porte I love this. I have felt that I am asked to be tolerant, more than being kind. Tolerant of behaviors that are hurtful or unkind. When does one get to decide their own level of tolerance? Is kindness truly being excessively tolerant? I have felt that I am unkind, due to my lower levels of tolerance. I had to look up the definition of Tolerance. the ability or willingness to tolerate something, in particular the existence of opinions or behavior that one does not necessarily agree with. This is why... Continue reading
Posted Apr 18, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Martha Beck wrote about honesty check-ins. Where you set a timer and when the buzzer rings throughout your day, you see if what you are doing is in agreement with your truth. "At your first few honesty check-ins, you may notice nothing at all. Or you may feel only a twitch of nerves, a wisp of sadness. Ask yourself, What could this sensation be trying to tell me? If no answer arises, that's okay. Just write "I don't know," set the timer again, and repeat. Your truth is like a wild animal; if it's been attacked or suppressed, it may... Continue reading
Posted Apr 15, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady
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When we are asked to respect the president, just because he is the president, we are not seeing the man, but the title. This is the exact same thing that happens within families where abuse happens. Honor thy mother and thy father. Regardless of the person wearing the title. It is the title that society wants us to pay homage to. Upholding it, creates a false representation of who is behind it. It is like they get a free pass, due to the word that describes their job. See my title, it means more than who I am as a... Continue reading
Posted Apr 11, 2017 at IMPERFECT Lady