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The Muskrat
Atlanta
Writer for DadCentric, MoxieBird, and FatherMuskrat. Everything you wish your FaceBook status could say about you.
Recent Activity
Don't be such a square, Doug. Oh wait...
Commented 6 days ago on With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse at Laid-Off Dad
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
Today is 5/12/13, so to all those moms out there, happy Pythagoras Day! And I know what you're thinking. It's a shame that a cruel twist of the calendar would cause Mother's Day to be overshadowed by our culture's universal love of geometry. I have nothing against Mother's Day, personally. I'm ...
My wife has wanted chickens for years, and we finally have enough yard to get some, so clearly you need to fly to GA and build us a coop (among other projects we've already discussed elsewhere on the Internets).
Commented 6 days ago on With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse at Laid-Off Dad
With many cheerful facts about the square of the hypotenuse
Today is 5/12/13, so to all those moms out there, happy Pythagoras Day! And I know what you're thinking. It's a shame that a cruel twist of the calendar would cause Mother's Day to be overshadowed by our culture's universal love of geometry. I have nothing against Mother's Day, personally. I'm ...
When I started this post, I was all "Wow...this dude is just like that dude with the bear in Alaska!" but then I realized you're not.
Good job giving props where props are due, however!
Commented May 2, 2013 on When Gators Attack at DadCentric
When Gators Attack
"Get behind me, everybody! Don't run. Stay together!" I sacrificed a precious nanosecond to glance backward, to make sure my family was safe behind my feeble one-man barrier. Then I squared up to the charging 20-foot alligator and braced for impact. Did you know that when alligators charge on ...
I like that I was waiting for the punch line, and there wasn't one.
Commented May 1, 2013 on The kindness of strangers at Laid-Off Dad
The kindness of strangers
This week, in spiteful defiance of a winter that outlived its welcome months ago, we held our Cub Scout meeting outdoors at a nearby playground. The boys were learning the very important Life Lessons that: picking up litter is a very important expression of civic duty, and many people are carel...
This is bullshit without all the partying, which is the worst kind of BS.
Commented May 1, 2013 on Where the Parent Blogosphere Should Be Directing Its Rage at DadCentric
Where the Parent Blogosphere Should Be Directing Its Rage
How can we talk about who's facebook pictures are sexist, which mainstream media outlet is dissing bloggers, or which bloggers' marriages are ending, when we are being robbed blind by an arts and crafts industry that has no concern for our families?
Dammit. I hate commenting after TwoBusy.
"Seconded."
Commented Apr 26, 2013 on Playing Hurt at DadCentric
Playing Hurt
We'd run through our warmup drills and now it was time to beat the shit out of each other: scrum practice. Josh was running things tonight; he pointed at me. "Jay - flanker, blindside." I nodded. He saw vacancy in my eyes. "Dude, you volunteered for this. Wake up." I blinked. Focus. Get your min...
Dude! That's totally me! I'm a carnivore, too.
Commented Apr 26, 2013 on The One Where the New Guy Wasn't Funny or Even Very Interesting at DadCentric
The One Where the New Guy Wasn't Funny or Even Very Interesting
DadCentric. Dad by gum Centric. Dad mudda fuggin Centric? How did I get in here? More to the point: How did I get in here? Well, I'll tell you. It started in a bar. (I've read through almost every post on this site, and 67 percent of them start or end in a bar. Perfect.) This particular bar wa...
I won't believe you until I hear you badly sing "O Canada."
Commented Apr 25, 2013 on The One Where the New Guy Wasn't Funny or Even Very Interesting at DadCentric
The One Where the New Guy Wasn't Funny or Even Very Interesting
DadCentric. Dad by gum Centric. Dad mudda fuggin Centric? How did I get in here? More to the point: How did I get in here? Well, I'll tell you. It started in a bar. (I've read through almost every post on this site, and 67 percent of them start or end in a bar. Perfect.) This particular bar wa...
I actually sort of like several types of leftovers, like bbq (actually most meat is fine the next day cold, in my estimation) and pizza. I'm cheap and frequently hungry, though.
Commented Apr 23, 2013 on Don't Throw That Out. at DadCentric
Don't Throw That Out.
Leftovers. Growing up that was a dirty word. When mom said we were having leftovers that only meant one thing to me: I was going to have to eat the food I didn't want to eat yesterday or the day before. But as the years added up, from a young single guy at 22 to a parent at 32 and now a divo...
When we still lived in Grant Park, and the children would ask about the "fireworks" they heard, I'd tell them the Braves had won, but the trees in the back yard were covering up the bright lights in the sky. After a few months, I started believing they were just fireworks, too, which is the great thing about lying to your children!
I hope the next time yours look for the lights that accompany the sounds they hear, they find the lights.
Commented Apr 23, 2013 on By Such Swift Currents at DadCentric
By Such Swift Currents
"It's like fireworks," she said. A bright, sharp pop and crackle echoed through the night. Then another, and another. Her eyes, her sister's eyes, broad and open and wholly focused on the screen, waiting for the burst of glittering, shimmering lights that seven years had taught them always accom...
I'm flying for business in a few days, so thanks!
Commented Apr 15, 2013 on Dos and Don'ts of Business Travel at DadCentric
Dos and Don'ts of Business Travel
During a recent trip, I had several ephinanies. Here are a few of them that might come in handy...(pssst, the secret? it's all about preparedness) Do - Wear earplugs. Airports and airplanes are loud. As are the people who use them. Do - Bring something to entertain yourself. This could be a go...
You know, I've never had an encounter like these (as far as I know), and now I feel like I've led a dull and exceedingly sheltered life by comparison. I should fix this. You busy Easter weekend 2014?
Commented Apr 15, 2013 on Hookers, Line, and Sinker at DadCentric
Hookers, Line, and Sinker
I want to take a moment to talk about hookers. Did he just say—yes I did. Specifically I want to talk about my personal experiences with hookers which, believe it or not, are quite extensive (and no, not in the way you’re thinking). You may be asking what this has to do with being a father. Wel...
I remember when they guest starred on Scooby Doo. They were well behaved back then!
Commented Apr 8, 2013 on The Harlem Globetrotters Miss Some Shots at DadCentric
The Harlem Globetrotters Miss Some Shots
There was a time when the Harlem Globetrotters held court with skill, humor, and grace. They palmed a bucket of confetti in one hand and a never-ending dribble with the other—the respective arenas roared with awe. As if that wasn't enough, they spent their personal time wrapped in spaghetti an...
Preach.
Commented Mar 26, 2013 on A Completely Biased "Review" Of The Excellent Parenting Book Minimalist Parenting at DadCentric
A Completely Biased "Review" Of The Excellent Parenting Book Minimalist Parenting
When my friend Asha Dornfest asked me if I'd like to review Minimalist Parenting, the new book that she co-authored with Christine Koh, I laughed in her face. "Review? No. I'm not gonna review your book. I will, however, endorse the shit out of it, because I'm sure it'll be awesome." See, the wo...
She was at Dad 2.0, and I missed her? Was I intoxicated again?
Commented Mar 26, 2013 on A Completely Biased "Review" Of The Excellent Parenting Book Minimalist Parenting at DadCentric
A Completely Biased "Review" Of The Excellent Parenting Book Minimalist Parenting
When my friend Asha Dornfest asked me if I'd like to review Minimalist Parenting, the new book that she co-authored with Christine Koh, I laughed in her face. "Review? No. I'm not gonna review your book. I will, however, endorse the shit out of it, because I'm sure it'll be awesome." See, the wo...
Dogs rule!
Commented Mar 20, 2013 on It was about that time at Motherhood Uncensored
It was about that time
Since I seem to pop out babies every couple of years, it probably wasn't a surprise when my oldest asked me when the next baby would be arriving. I think I may have permanently scarred her with the look of horror on my face. But apparently she wasn't the only one in the house with the baby bug...
You were the Scarecrow? Ha! Everyone knows you have a brain!
Commented Mar 15, 2013 on Oz the Great and Powerful Review at DadCentric
Oz the Great and Powerful Review
I have spent some time in the Emerald City. I have eased on down the yellow brick road (below). I have paid attention to the man behind the curtain. I know from Oz. What I did not know was what to expect from Disney's Oz the Great and Powerful. The original Wizard of Oz film is, obviously, a...
The way they act now, I don't foresee such behavior from my youngsters when they're this age.
Commented Mar 15, 2013 on I Done Did Right at DadCentric
I Done Did Right
My eldest son went to a birthday party this past weekend. He is in seventh grade and the friend’s party was held it at a local skate park. “What should I get him,” he asked me. “I don’t know dude. He’s your friend,” I said. Then followed with, “Money always works.” “Do you have any money?” he...
Here's to "not due today, but tomorrow," then.
Commented Mar 15, 2013 on Work at DadCentric
Work
I wake up at 1:00 AM in a cold sweat. That is not true; I don't actually wake up, because I haven't actually been asleep. The mind gets loud when the house gets quiet. Two days into a four-day closed-door phones-and-computers-off work team planning meeting. It wasn't actually "work"; there was th...
Your friend Pierre seems to be doing it. Was just admiring his snow-filled Instagram pictures a few weeks ago!
I really hope the Tide does a "home and home" with Michigan sometime soon (it's been discussed but not finalized), because I LOVE the way coke ages upon upholstery.
Commented Mar 7, 2013 on Justice is balance at Laid-Off Dad
Justice is balance
It's Wednesday, which means 1) the boys will arrive later today for the dadportion of their week, and 2) I've spent most of my morning eradicating all the evidence of my debauched, kid-free bachelorhood. I may raise some eyebrows when I say this, but I truly believe responsible parenting means r...
One of the few bad aspects of spending most all my life in the American South is that I've never built a real (as in, bigger than 1 foot tall) snowman! This one is cool.
Commented Mar 7, 2013 on The Angel of Piste at Deutschland über Elvis
The Angel of Piste
The Angel of Peace. Her golden wings have flapped ineffectively since 1899, when the Munich city fathers screwed her to a column in the überspiessig suburb of Bogenhausen. That makes the Angel of Peace—in German, der Friedensengel—a neighbour of ours. Her day job doesn't tax her very much....
I love doing this kind of shit-- traveling alone (usually for the military) and taking a walk or a jog to take in the city in which I've temporarily found myself. Rarely do I feel more alive.
Commented Feb 27, 2013 on History at DadCentric
History
There was a lull, so I decided to get out of the hotel and take a quick walk. Work travel is much more of the former than the latter; you fly in, you do what you're paid to do, you fly out. It is a breathless experience, from airport to hotel room to meetings to events to hotel room, eat, rinse,...
I lost faith in sponsors when they wouldn't offer more than soap to partner with me in my epic running with the Pamplonian bulls adventure. Luckily, I did it anyway.
Commented Feb 22, 2013 on Blogger Outreach 101. Again. at Motherhood Uncensored
Blogger Outreach 101. Again.
Apparently yesterday was "Something for Nothing" Day at work because I was bombarded with various emails with all the same sort of offer: You write X, X, and X, Tweet X, and Share Photos of X and we will give you NOT ENOUGH Xs. There's the offer to give a client a complimentary high-priced a...
Just because enthusiasm is understated doesn't mean it ain't there! Hooray for beans!
Commented Feb 22, 2013 on The coolest beans at Laid-Off Dad
The coolest beans
Dad 2.013 ended almost three weeks ago, and since then, I've been indulging myself in ways some might not describe as all that indulgent. In between the post-mortem calls with sponsors and the reading of the many gratifyingly recaps, I've been been busy remembering how to write for me rather t...
If I had a dictionary, I'd turn to "s" and call you "sensitive guy." That's okay, though.
If life were full of easy decisions, we wouldn't have anything to write about.
Commented Feb 21, 2013 on Cinnamon or Powdered Donuts at DadCentric
Cinnamon or Powdered Donuts
I roll over and look through the blurry haze of my half-open eyelids. My phone says it’s 7:27. I sigh in dread, not because I have to load up the family and drive the 1,300 plus miles from Texas to Indiana, but because I will be taking my stepdaughters away from their father. Ten year-old Al...
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