It's frustrating that I'm too insanely busy to pay attention to soaps much these days because, really, OLTL is on freakin' fire. In all honesty, it's the only show I've gotten a chance to watch in weeks. As upset as I was about the reduction to two episodes per week instead of four? Now I'm super-relieved. Because I get to watch all of it. And it's all adorable. Unfortunately I wish I had more time to just screencap the whole darn thing and find new ways to describe my general happiness with the show, but I don't. So let's just check in real quick. My favorite non-romantic-but-I-bet-there's-totally-fanfiction pairing hung out today and got all worried about each other. Blea, working together to save each other and their families! Looking super-hot while doing it! Have we discussed how much I want them to be crime-fighting sidekicks like they were in Roxy's Fraternity Row dream? Because I do. Oh and Matthew got Catfished (or so it appears). I really enjoyed the way Kelley Missal played Dani's reaction -- a perfect mix of sincere sympathy and mild amusement. Love it. And now that Clint's machinations to keep John away from Liam have come... Continue reading

A couple of very, very important things happened today. First of all, Cutter loves him some Natalie. For real! He doesn't just want a piece of her anymore, he got all manner of concerned and jealous about her today! I dig it, y'all. I really do. Just a couple little glances told us everything we needed to know: He's got a real crush on her! A real one! Oh yeah, and she also finally found out that John thinks she took out a restraining order against him and won't allow him to see Liam, so she's a couple steps closer to finding out about Clint's machinations. This bums me out, naturally, because I love Clint and Natalie's relationship -- they seem to understand one another more than anyone else in their family does. That said, soaps are about the journey and I'm sure after things blow up they'll find a way of putting themselves back together! What is this, optimism? What's happening to me? And then you knew I just could resist screencapping the crap out of Todd leaping to cover Blair after a gunman took a shot at her. Too much cute! So can he nurse her back to... Continue reading

And no, not about the latest offscreen drama. I'm just trying to train myself to remember that they're in uncharted waters here and there are going to be plenty of speed bumps before things get smooth and going by rote. Plenty. So Todd got this note today: Okay, first of all: FUN. It's clearly a list to threaten all of his loved ones! Second of all: as much as I love her (and especially the esteem with which she's treated in OLTL2), I did get a bit of a chuckle that Natalie was on the list. Sure, she's his niece, but does the threatener know about the time Todd cared about her so much that he kidnapped her and dyed her hair blonde to sub her in so Mitch could murder her instead of Blair and Jessica (the niece he does love) (oh wait, he loves his niece Sarah, too, dammit!)? Third of all: theories? What are everyone's thoughts on what's going on? (NO SPOILERS. If you have heard spoilers and rumors, shhhhh!!!!) Continue reading

Oh, Steffy. Steffy, Steffy, Steffy. My favorite days are the ones where a B&B episode sets the feminist movement back about six decades. This could be a heartbreaking story, Steffy's miscarriage. Instead, it's already about Hope moving in on Liam and Steffy becoming fixated on becoming pregnant again AS SOON AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. Ostensibly to make sure Liam doesn't jump ship. And this could be a moving and powerful story, Steffy's newly-diagnosed near-inability to conceive. Because that is a real thing that happens to real women every day, and it's not generally something that leads them directly to getting hung up on holding onto their men. Because it's so much bigger than that. And it could be one of those great soapy "unlikely friendships form" type of storylines, the way they've positioned Katie as Steffy's first ally upon getting the news. Could be! Oh but.... Steffy: No no no. I promised my husband a child and I'm going to give him a child. And you're telling me that I can't? I am not hearing that! God forbid she think about her own needs. God forbid any freaking thing on this show not be immediately about Liam Effing "Douchenozzle" Spencer. Look,... Continue reading

I mean in the nicest way, but does anyone else find it a little odd that the youth scene in Llanview is just gushing over the presence of Snoop Lion? Are college students really his demographic? Don't get me wrong, I love that he's a fan of the show and that they wrote in this history between him and Bo, and his visits always give me one heck of a chuckle. And I certainly do not have my finger on the pulse of today's youth culture but it just strikes me as hilariously... discordant? How awesome was the little father-daughter manicure outing today? It should be an annual pastime! I was a little disappointed Dani didn't succeed in getting Todd to get that neon green color on his nails. Even better yet, Dorian joined the fun! I'm not really a spa kind of gal, but if I ever did indulge in such a thing, there's no one I'd rather have with me than Dorian Lord! Destiny and Matthew had another mini-battle over adorable-and-rapidly-SORAS-ing Drew. He looked pretty bored. Laura Harrier is better than she was in the first few episodes, but my jury is still out on her. She's a... Continue reading

Okay, maybe two comments. First: Alley Mills is a national treasure. I mean, right? Also... Girlfriend is hot! Continue reading

Yeah, I finally found out what that one line in the theme song is. What does that even mean? Like a tumbler? A wine glass? I guess everyone is supposed to be writing about General Hospital today because of how utterly head-scratching (and rape-themed, so fun, whee!) it has been for the past two days and, honestly, I could write a whole rant about how they appear to be re-inventing Franco (Franco! The worst idea ever the first time!) as Todd Manning 2: The Darkening so that they can keep Roger Howarth snarking and smirking and menacing instead of letting him stretch as a brand new, unrecognizable character (as I've only ever seen him on OLTL and in a few plays, I had really been looking forward to it.... oops) that doesn't play father to a character portrayed by Kristen Alderson (and you know it's a red letter day when I'm finding her role to be the most compelling of the three thus far). But as you can see from my inability to even complete a clause without throwing in a parenthical (and such random ones at that), my brain is currently imploding over all that madness and I am... Continue reading

No, I'm kidding, I have none of that to offer. So sorry for my pathetic silence, especially in light of such fun stuff on OLTL last week. I have been working too hard playing too hard and sleeping not at all and I'm just running on fumes here. So let's just dive in with some totally random non-sequiturs about today's episode of One Life to Live. First of all, Tea thinks Jack was always the more grounded one of Todd's kids? Did someone give her forget-me-now pills about basically every interaction she's ever had with him? Second of all, Bo not understanding that Snoop Dogg is now Snoop Lion was the cutest ever. Nora: It's Snoop Lion, honey. Bo: Snoop don't lie, honey! As awkward as Snoop's visits always are, they'll never fail for me just because of the whole incongruity in his alleged friendship with Bo and Nora. Sure, we had sit through his movie plug, but we also got that hilarious explanation of his name change, complete with Bo getting all starry-eyed and nostalgic about all that meaningful time he spent in Jamaica. OF COURSE HE DID! Viki and Natalie finally got some mother/daughter time! Correct me if... Continue reading

Well, I started to take notes on today's General Hospital to find things to make light of in an effort to get my mind off of what's been happening in Oklahoma (I hope all of you in the area are okay) and, you know, there were definitely a few things I was gearing up to get all snarky about but then someone yanked the rug right out from under me and I found myself engaged in earnest and weeping. Not for fun-soapy-weepy reasons, but for being legitimately moved and heartbroken by some terribly painful and authentic scenes courtesy of the phenomenal Jane Elliott. It really felt like a sucker punch. But in a good way! I expected more relish chat (and dreaded it, to be honest) and then they just turned right on around and hit me straight in the gut. Seriously, if you're in "watching only sporadically" mode right now, do not miss today's second half. After Luke heinously kissed Tracy and tried to convince her to just sit and wait around for him while he goes off gallavanting, she stood up for herself in a way that garnered a standing ovation. (And lest we forget that had she... Continue reading

Starting with honesty: I have not missed a minute of GH in years (seriously, not one minute). That is, up until the last couple of weeks. This isn't because of some big statement or that I'm giving it up or angry at the show or any of the above, it's just that since OLTL came back I've been too busy to maintain three soaps fully, and so for whatever reason GH is the one that fell into "occasional viewing with fast-fowarding" temporarily. (Y'all know I caught the Anna/Duke stuff from last week after being told about it, of course!) I think maybe with the intensity of the big 50-hour marathon and then all the anniversary coverage I just got a bit burnt out for a little while. Anyway, I'm trying to pick it back up again with some flying through and some reading of recaps. And as you can imagine, watching entire episodes laden with The Chew business was not really the best way to dive back in. Especially with this new version of Morgan that rubs me every possible wrong way and then the trio of former OLTL actors returning in their weird new roles. I'll say this: I... Continue reading

Okay, I'm probably overstating the case considerably. But I have been waiting years for Blair and Natalie to hang out. The fun trouble they could cause! But they really barely ever interacted on OLTLABC, I guess because they made Nat spend so many years pretending to be squeaky clean so she could meet John McBain's boring standards or... something. Anyway, I have absolutely no idea if this will lead to anything, but it was a start and I was nonetheless gleeful! Plus, once again we see that Natalie looks better than ever and someone on that show realizes they should feature that (finally). I wasn't crazy about the fabric of her dress, but at least it was damn flattering and the appropriate parties noticed! And Natalie is definitely noticing Cutter, too: "What is it about bad boys?" (To be fair, Rama's response was even better: "I don't know, I just work here.") Speaking of people looking good in their outfits, Téa slid weeping down the last wall against which she got nailed by Victor, but she was wearing such a cute dress while doing it! Those types of dresses have always been my favorite on her. Of course then she... Continue reading

Anywhere in the world. There couldn't be! (Okay, maybe one.) I realize I can barely come up with anything else to say about B&B lately, but I seriously cannot get enough of hearing all these completely deluded borderline-psychotics come up with ways to defend the indefensible. Today, we had Brooke (who is just completely insane now) revisit the gem of, "But Katie told me she wanted me to sleep with her husband! You could totally tell by the way she angrily screamed it while crying and throwing her wedding ring!" That one's sort of her standby, but today they really had me choking on my vegetarian chili. Brooke (to Bill, the man who basically tried to ruin Brooke's daughter's life in order to control his son's in a completely creepy manner): You're a good father. Bill: I try. Donna (to Bill, the man she just learned cheated on his wife, her sister, with her other sister): And a good husband. Bill: I try there, too. Brooke (who is standing there all weepy because she is miraculously pregnant by Bill, her sister's husband, to Bill): You are. WHO THE FREAK ARE THESE PEOPLE KIDDING? They are hilarious! And seriously, they weren't... Continue reading

Today started rough, y'all. As I'm sure many of you experienced, for some technical reason Hulu had not posted today's new One Life to Live by morning -- and it's become my getting-dressed routine! Add to that the fact that my television's HDMI ports have been on the fritz so I couldn't put anything on the TV and just had to get ready in silence like some CAVEPERSON! And then we won't even get into what happened at work today, but it might have had something to do with a pair of pants I had SPLITTING when I bent over to file something and might have resulted in my having to fashion a pashmina into some sort of skirt-esque thing for the subway ride home. It might have! BUT I'M NOT SAYING. But I came home and I got industrious and I signed up for my free trial at Hulu Plus and I did some HDMI trouble-shooting and I hooked up my brand new darling Roku and I got to watch a new OLTL on actual television for the first time since January of 2012! So that calls for just a straight recap, doesn't it? Here we go! Poor Vimal.... Continue reading

I mean Brooke really does always know when someone has LEFT HER WITH NO CHOICE. Today, she confessed to their mutual sister that she bumped uglies with Katie's husband (oh sorry to be so crass, they would refer to it as "made love" or "what they shared" because what could be more beautiful), and she justified it over and over and over again by explaining that FIVE MINUTES BEFORE, Katie had said the marriage was over and she totally meant it. Donna suspects that Katie was just angry but, no, Brooke knows that Katie meant what she said. It hasn't occurred to her quite yet that EVEN IF SHE'S RIGHT AND KATIE WAS DONE, you actually do not get to fuck your sister's husband five minutes after she announces she wants out. You actually do not. Even if said married sister is super-hard on her husband by being all judgmental and not having energy for sex when she's taking care of a newborn and not wanting her hubby to get wasted and, like, knock nieces off of balconies or whatevs. THERE IS LITERALLY NO CIRCUMSTANCE UNDER WHICH THIS BEHAVIOR IS OKAY. But Brooke doesn't get that, because she's "wired" wrong.... Continue reading

Y'all, I have in no way calmed down or adjusted to this little fantasy world we're now living in where we can wake up to new episodes of One Life to Live every day. And it's just getting better, really. The first episode really had to cram everyone in, have an event as a set-piece, and give at least basic teasers for all the major plotlines. Since then, they've settled in a bit and we're delving a little deeper without having to spread everyone too thin. Tuesday's episode had the odd hiccup of Victor's big "back from the dead" return being pretty much the most anticlimactic entrance of a zombie anyone's ever seen -- most people just looked a little surprised or unnerved that he was in town but, you know, not enough to actually ask him why or how. I mean come on! They even ask for I.D. on Amtrak now! But today, they awesomely finally let someone think it was a big freakin' deal. To be fair, the long-time residents of Llanview probably see about three or four people come back from the dead in a slow year, so it's really more like getting a surprise phone call.... Continue reading

Big week for soaps! There was that thing that happened on Monday, and today we have the Daytime Emmy nominations announcement. Shall we take a look? OUTSTANDING DRAMA SERIES The Bold and the Beautiful CBS Bradley P. Bell, Executive Producer Rhonda Friedman, Edward J. Scott, Supervising Producers Ronald W. Weaver, Senior Producer MarkPinciotti, Coordinating Producer Cynthia J. Popp, Colleen Bell, Casey Kasprzyk, Producers Days of Our Lives NBC Ken Corday, Executive Producer Lisa de Cazotte, Greg Meng, Co-Executive Producers Janet Drucker, Tim Stevens, Coordinating Producers Albert Alarr, Producer General Hospital ABC Frank Valentini, Executive Producer Mary-Kelly Weir, Michelle Henry, Mercer Barrows, Producers One Life To Live ABC Frank Valentini, Executive Producer Suzanne Flynn, Senior Producer Jackie Van Belle, Coordinating Producer John Tumino, Leah Weber, Producers The Young and the Restless CBS Maria Arena Bell, Jill Farren Phelps, Executive Producers Jay Gibson, Consulting Producer Sally McDonald, John Fisher, Tony Morina, Supervising Producers OUTSTANDING LEAD ACTRESS IN A DRAMA SERIES SUSAN FLANNERY, as Stephanie Forrester The Bold and the Beautiful CBS PEGGY MCCAY, as Caroline Brady Days of our Lives NBC MICHELLE STAFFORD, as Phyllis Summers Newman The Young and the Restless CBS HEATHER TOM, as Katie Logan Spencer The Bold and... Continue reading

Okay, this is just surreal. It might be the ridiculous amounts of coffee, but my hands are a little shaky as I sit down to type this out and I actually clicked on the "One Life to Live" category for this post and it wasn't about anticipation and it wasn't about OLTL characters on another show, but about today's new episode. Today's new episode! There's so much to say and it's nearly impossible not just to offer up a blow-by-blow account with lots of squealing and every single frame screencapped, but that would be silly so let's just dive into a few major points. Like this one: speaking of blow-by-blow, here's my favorite "no more network censors!" moment.... Love it. Love it! And another thing I'm super-psyched about right off the bat? Somebody's finally realized that Melissa Archer is insanely hot and dressing her like it. Those of you who were with me here for the last couple years of the ABC version of the show might recall how annoyed I'd get when they mysteriously made her frumpy so often when the woman is just lightning hot. Someone realized! And oh yeah, I'm pretty much already a hardcore Natalie/Cutter 'shipper.... Continue reading

Y'all, it's literally less than one day away. Oh wait, I shouldn't watch. Here's a poll that I developed after combing the internet and finding the most popular reasons that people are not going to watch the revived All My Children and One Life to Live and I think you'll all agree that this is how we should live and think and we should totally not watch. Vote now on why you absolutely will not watch! Check your pick! _ I refuse to pay to watch soaps, even though you absolutely can watch them for free. _ I watched a 118-second promo video and I can already tell that THEY HATE THE FANS AND DON'T CARE ABOUT THE VETS! _ I base all my viewing decisions on routine entertainment litigation and obviously Prospect Park is a super-evil production company and the first to ever sue a television network and therefore it is my moral obligation to refuse to watch a show that, actually, earns ABC money if I watch it. _ Prospect Park told us we'd keep AMC and OLTL online and it would happen in January of 2012 and it didn't happen because they couldn't put the money together... Continue reading

If you've ever spent any time browsing the B&B posts on here, y'all probably know by now how much I irrationally love it when they end episodes with those super-cheesy juxtapositions of characters longing for each other across space and time or whatever. And those corny oft-repeated flashback montages to airy music are no different. Brooke and Bill flew in a balloon together! She cried in his arms when Stephanie died! And, most importantly, there was that one time she called him "Stallion" and HE ACTUALLY NEIGHED. So as you can imagine, yesterday was Good Times for Weezie because they did both in one episode. And we got the full concluding zooming-in juxtaposed LOVAHS shot: So romantic! Isn't it sad that these two soulmates can't be together?! I seriously can't even figure out what we're supposed to be rooting for here. What's this whole "they're totally in love and meant for each other!" thing all of a sudden? Or is this supposed to be a legitimate triangle? Look, I have no idea, but I am cracking up a lot and I won't complain about that. I look forward to them getting busted. (I say that now, but this being B&B... Continue reading

Well, there are upsides and downsides. When it comes to soap amnesia, those who are perfectly aware of the amnesiac situation must never give advance notice to any loved ones or acquaintances in advance of the first meeting. No warning to the extended family, no heads-up to friends. Shit, y'all. The Spencer/Falconeri gang seemed to have even made an appointment with Patrick for Lulu without having even mentioned that the most acute need for this particular exam was that she's FORGOTTEN HER WHOLE LIFE. Why would her doctor need to know? He'll find out when she shrieks that she doesn't know him! Oh and another thing that happens with soap amnesia: they only forget their personal lives. They remember their command of the English language, they remember what year it is and who the President is. Nobody ever asks them if they remember learning to read and write, or if they remember whether or not they voted for this particular president, or how they even know that they can legally walk into a bar and order a drink. And they never want doctors to help them actually get their memory back, they just want to be LEFT ALONE! (Does Lulu... Continue reading

Y'all, Liam got married again!!! (He does that a lot. His wedding-to-actual-marriage ratio is pretty shameful, but he sure has broken the record on weddings.) There's not much to say about it, really, but I couldn't resist posting this particular close-up of the big ring moment: I can't help it, it cracked me up. I like that Steffy is an unconventional kind of gal (though I do think their presentation of it is pretty perfunctory -- she's something like 22 and wants nothing more than to settle down with a husband and new baby, but look! She rides a motorcycle into her wedding and wears black!), even if I do not share her particular version of unconventional aesthetic. Otherwise, what a bummer of a little wedding. I always feel so sad for these soap characters who only have about five wedding guests and have to get married in the backyard. And they did the toasts in the middle of the ceremony -- so is there no reception? Lame! The reception is the good part! (Then again if you only have five guests, I guess a reception would be a little embarrassing. That would be such a sad electric slide.) Continue reading

Because that's what Robin Mattson is. All right, let's do this thing as we go, shall we? Spinelli goes to see Heather in the crazy lady hospital. Welcome back, Heather. Felix gives Sabrina a hard time for ruining his makeover by pulling her hair back for work. You know, her job at the hospital. As a nurse. I'm going with, "Yes. Pull your hair back." He has actually referred to having turned her into Cinderella. I'm glad they spelled it out because thus far it sure had been subtle. Britt tells Patrick she's aborting her baby which, based on that bump, is about two months from birth. So yeah, that makes sense? Nik is talking on the phone to Spencer. I wonder if a SORAS'ed Spencer will return soon in the form of Michael Easton. Oh, and Katie Couric is Nik's doctor today. Lulu still hasn't seen "any of you people" in her life. WHO ARE YOU PEOPLE? (Confession: I totally love soap amnesia!) Konnie is at Sonny's door. She's been released from treatment. Oh I like her little outfit! He asks if she's Kate or Connie, which.... isn't how integration works, but okay. It's Soap D.I.D., so we just... Continue reading

Oh, Bill. Silly, silly Bill Spencer. Yesterday's The Bold & the Beautiful gave us a few delicious tidbits of hilarity, starting with Bill and Brooke's utter inability to make even small talk without standing at most three inches away from one another. And then of course the two of them had one of the more hysterically delusional conversations I've ever heard in which they talked themselves into thinking that Katie, in fact, wants the two of them to be together. And it's not their fault and they had no choice and they tried literally everything to make Katie feel better and stop her from ending the marriage! Everything! Brooke: We made love. And it just seemed so right. Katie didn't want you, but I did. I hadn't loved somebody like that in a long time. But did she mean it? Did she really mean she wanted us to be together, or did she just say that out of anger? Bill: We tried to convince her. Brooke: And she just kept insisting. Bill: What more could we have done? I'm not going to apologize for what happened. We wouldn't even be having this conversation if Katie weren't sick. That's right, Bill.... Continue reading

Do not ever accuse us of not paying attention and not giving credit where credit is due! I take this moment to commend Serial Drama reader Anne, who rather perfectly called it last week after we were all complaining about Brooke's utter lack of guilt or remorse over schtupping her sister's husband: "If history is any guide, Brooke will feel terrible soon enough. One tear will even trickle down her cheek." Well, Anne, sure enough! The single tear was in full effect yesterday. Sure, it was more about Katie's current state of non-consciousness, but she did seem to feel the tiniest bit of guilt about having been riding her sister's stallion at the very moment her sister was having heart failure. Also, how hilarious were Bill's reactions to Taylor every time she skulked into a conversation? That was golden. That's all I got, but I couldn't let it go unsaid. Continue reading

Oh man, y'all. I'm glad I took Jason's advice to Carly and let myself calm down a little before I misbehaved. I watched yesterday's final episode of the Nurses Ball in such a bad mood (the mood was tax-related just to give you an idea of just how pissy I was) and it just annoyed the everloving crap out of me on so many levels (I'm not even going to go into it even though I have no doubt some of you are jonesin' for a rant, but I cooled off and I want it to stay that way!). All hail Dr. Obrecht and her dancing and her sense of humor (Britt, too, was seriously entertaining), of course, and I shouldn't forget the awesome that was not only the Epiphany/Monica/Tracy Pointer Sisters routine and the very first (but too brief!) kiss between A.J. and Liz. (Let's just not mention anyone with the initial SS right now.) And let's just leave it at that, because today the show is back firing on all cylinders and I could not possibly have had more fun from beginning to end. And besides, the other two episodes of the Nurses Ball were glory. Okay first... Continue reading