The following is an imaginary conversation between Coach Sparano and Mr. Ross. It is not based on facts, but it could be. Keep that in mind as you read below: Ross: Hello, Tony. Nice of you to join us today. Please sit down. Sparano: Sure, but I'd rather bend over. Is that okay? Ross: Why of course. Do you know why you're here? Sparano (bending over): Yes, I've read that Purpose Driven Life book... Ross: We don't know what you mean by that. Sparano: We? Who else is here? Ross: No one. Just us. Sparano: Uh...okay. Whatever you say. Ross: That's right. Whatever we say. Sparano: So, you is we? Ross: Do you like cats, Tony? Sparano: Well, that wasn't in the book... Ross: Do you know what we think? Sparano: We meaning you? Ross: That's right, Tony. You meaning we. Sparano: What do we think? Ross: We don't know? Sparano: No, we don't. Ross: Well, that settles that. Sparano: Yes, I guess so. Ross: We mean we, don't we. Sparano: Absolutely. We're sorry about that. Ross: That's better. Do we like shoelaces? Sparano: No, we don't. They require too much coordination. Ross: What about quarterbacks? Sparano: What's a quarterback? Ross: We don't know, but we think it has something to do with football. Sparano: We like football, don't we? Ross: We're not sure. What's this we hear about coaches? Sparano: What's a coach? Ross: Isn't it where the common people sit? Sparano: Have we been there? Ross: Where have we been? Sparano: We don't know, but we know one thing: we're not going anywhere.

I meant to say, "replacing Sparano with Cowher...." Sorry.

Look, I'm not defending Sparano, et al. I just don't think replacing Sparano will produce anything better than what we have now. Cowher's offenses were NOT dynamic. He relied on crushing defense to win division titles and then get beat in the playoffs. Settling for Cowher isn't good enough for me. He's an average coach who dominated a weak division. That is not the setup in the AFC East right now. To win the AFC East, a team needs to have a dynamic offense and a solid defense. That may be stating the obvious, but right now the Dolphins have neither and I can't see why anyone thinks Bill Cowher could affect that type of transformation to a team in such disarray. That was not his situation in Pittsburgh at any point in his career. So, hire Cowher and I think before long, your support will turn into disillusionment as you find he doesn't have the answers you're looking for. Times have changed since he was head coach in Pittsburgh and the competition in the AFC East is very different from the old AFC Central.

As far as other coaches are concerned, I'd take Gruden or Dungy if either was interested. I don't think Cowher is interested, anyway.

I don't want to argue, but Cowher was not that successful in Pittsburgh. In 15 seasons, his record was 149-90-1 for a .571 winning percentage. He won ONE championship in all that time and was only 12 - 9 in playoff games. He won the AFC Central nine times against the likes of the Bengals, Browns, and Oilers (this was mainly before the Ravens existed), so his teams dominated in a mediocre division. Do the math: a .571 winning percentage gets you about a 9-7 record on average. That is not a significant enough improvement over the current regime to make the change produce the desired results. Thinking Cowher will bring championships to Miami is like thinking the other party will help your situation in politics. It is a pipe dream. Those are the facts. They speak for themselves. I'm not arguing with anyone.

For those of you in support of Bill Cowher, please lie down until the feeling passes.

I predict this coaching staff is gone after this season. Although, I'd be willing to see how Nolan does as HC. I have to agree with Deion Sanders - Parcells is a quitter. Beyond that, Henning is senile and Sparano, alas, didn't get any smarter by losing all that weight. Maybe he should open a weight loss clinic and leverage his experience. He obviously knows about losing.

Yes, I suppose we can't lay all the blame on Henne for that one. Just reacting to what I saw before the replay. But why should I pay attention to this?

Brilliant, Henne. Just brilliant.

So, they're not even trying now - just dinking and dunking down the field like they've got all the time in the world. Just great.

At least the cheerleaders look like they know what they're doing.

This is enough to make me wish for the return of Norv Turner or Chan Gailey. Sheesh.

Well, it looks as if we'd better face facts and embrace mediocrity for yet another year. Hate it, though.

Well, no surprise there. Brady is about as masculine as a Ken doll.

So, Chan Gailey is Buffalo's head coach? I predict the Dolphins win 54 - 3, unless, of course, Dan Henning gets confused and forgets he's the OC and lets Chan call the plays for Miami. In that case, the Phins would lose 2 - 0. The only thing better would be for Dan to go work for Chan and forget where Miami is. Those two deserve each other.

The problem that no one seems to be pointing out is that the team has not progressed over last year. Anyone could point to the 1-15 season and say, "Look, we're doing better than that, so that's progress." But where do we stand in comparison to LAST season? Certainly not as good or even better. Some people point to the tougher schedule, but is that a valid excuse considering how the Dolphins have had a chance to win practically every contest? If the team is improving, isn't it a fair assumption to expect the record to be somewhere close to last year's performance even with a tougher schedule? I believe so, and therein lies the rub. The sad fact is that this team is regressing from last year. With the exception of offensive line play and the running game, can anyone point to any area on this team that shows improvement over last year? I can't. So, that is what concerns me. Although we're rebuilding, we should see steady progress from the previous year. That is to say, there should be some tangible aspects we can all point out that show promise. But that's not happening. I'm reminded of the Wannstedt era. Some initial improvement occurred followed by years of decline. Saban did the same thing, only more quickly. Is Sparano just more of the same? I certainly hope not, but the signs are not encouraging.

Whew! I'm glad this is all Armando found to write about. Otherwise, I would have to come up with a meaningful and pithy comment. That not being the case, I will comment on the weather in Canton, GA: The weather today in Canton, Georgia was overcast with occasional patches of sun, interspersed with periods or light drizzle. Temperatures ranged from the low 50's to high 60's with a wind speed of 5mph from the northwest. Although conditions were not ideal for golf, my brother-in-law did manage to shoot a 100 (that dirty dog).

Mark, thought you might be, but wasn't sure because of the question mark. Sure, it's crazy. Do they give the Dolphins extra credit because they hung in against the Colts AND the Saints AND the Pats? No. What a bunch of garbage. The favoritism is obvious. It's no wonder so many fans love it when the Pats get beat!

Mark, are you asking me or agreeing with me?

Just heard this on ESPN's halftime. Chris Berman - "Kudos to the Patriots because now they know they can play with the Colts." What a retard!

Agree with the rapid physical decline theory (henceforth referred to as RPDT). Porter is like a confused alzheimer's patient running around on the field. He should continue to sit before he really gets hurt out there. Personally, I think Sparano is feeding the press baloney. What reason is there to play a "player" who doesn't make any plays? Should Sparano do so because Porter is one of his "favorites?" He doesn't want to hurt poor Joey's feelings? Ridiculous. Armando, Mort may have just scooped you. We'll see come Thursday night.