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BN Heard

Williamsburg, Virginia

Humorist, NASA Guy, College Math Professor, Backyard Chef, Daddy, etc.

Interests: just about anything that "cranks my tractor"

Recent Activity

A Green Chair and a Purple Iris

If your mother is still living, don’t ask her who’s going to get the china cabinet or the dining room table. Ask her what her favorite flower is; what she loved doing when she was a little girl, what scared her, what made her happy and what kept her from quitting. Continue reading

Posted May 12, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

Craftmatic Beds, Smuckers Jelly and Purple Pills that could cause diarrhea

When you watch one of those hokey Hallmark Movies, do you ever tell yourself, "I want to be loved like that?" Get yourself a wicker picnic basic and follow me! Continue reading

Posted May 7, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

Chap Stick Saves Man's Life

Headlines are designed to get your attention. As a matter of fact, they say eight out of ten readers only read the headline. Don't let this one fool you. Continue reading

Posted Apr 25, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

Changing your swing

Major League Baseball players know their swing can be the difference in being a great hitter or being sent down to the minor leagues. This is a story that is more about changing your swing than it is baseball. Continue reading

Posted Apr 23, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

3

The Florida Map

To find the treasure, you need a map. I'm pretty sure I have mine. Continue reading

Posted Apr 16, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

A One-piece Suit

As they sang at the end of The Mickey Mouse Club, “Now it’s time to say good-bye.” Annette Funicello was hand-picked by Walt Disney. Continue reading

Posted Apr 12, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

Chickens and Cows

Marshmallow Peeps, a boy who wants to raffle a cow and ladies dressed only in lettuce. This stuff really happens. I do love pear salad! Continue reading

Posted Mar 26, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

The Lastest Word - March 21, 2013

Little old ladies chasing young boys, fencing out Girl Scouts, butchering crepe myrtles and dining with Chinese fish. It's Thursday and time again for me to answer some of my fellow Williamsburgers' questions, attaboys and rants that appear in "The Last Word" section of my local newspaper. Continue reading

Posted Mar 21, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

She Ain't Aunt Bee

We don’t need the bathing suit picture to be real; we only need the pickles to taste like kerosene. Continue reading

Posted Mar 18, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

The Lastest Word - March 14, 2013

It's Thursday and time again for me to answer some of my fellow Williamsburgers' questions, attaboys and rants that appear in "The Last Word" section of my local newspaper. I'm going to get in "The Lastest Word." Continue reading

Posted Mar 14, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

Getting to Third Base

I think “getting to third base” probably meant something different on an elementary school playground in 1955 Alabama.Honestly, I think I would like to “get there.” Continue reading

Posted Mar 9, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

The Lastest Word - March 7, 2013

In response to some of my fellow Williamsburgers' questions, attaboys and rants that appear in "The Last Word" section of my local newspaper, I give you, "The Lastest Word." Continue reading

Posted Mar 7, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

Wounds that never heal

Forty years later, it still burns me up. The leaders of my “pack,” in their infinite wisdom, thought it would be nice for everyone to have a chance to win a ribbon. Continue reading

Posted Mar 5, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

Entomology is the study of insects or bugs, Zoology is the study of animals and "Phyllisology" is the study of Phyllis. Continue reading

Posted Feb 26, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

2

What do you love?

The question Mary asked me was, “What do you love?” What a wonderful question to be asked. I thought about it one night, I thought about it hard. Continue reading

Posted Feb 20, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

Mary's Real Talent

Her talent had nothing to do with the piano, singing or even her trombone which she has a gift for. She was nice, she was genuine and Mary glowed. Continue reading

Posted Feb 18, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

Wanting to do everything

A lot of the folks had interesting hair, the hair colors seemed to have been randomly chosen from one of those boxes of 64 Crayola crayons. Continue reading

Posted Feb 16, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

Sitting with Mary

Her name was “Mary,” that is all she wrote. In the space where they asked the question about what you wanted to do in the future or the rest of your life, Mary had written, “I want to do everything.” Continue reading

Posted Feb 15, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

What is in Love Potion Number 9?

You've heard the song, but do you know what's in Love Potion #9? Happy Valentine's Day, 2013! Continue reading

Posted Feb 12, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

Failure to Communicate

The DMV helped me to understand the line from the movie, "Cool Hand Luke." As the Captain noted, “What we’ve got here is… failure to communicate.” Continue reading

Posted Feb 8, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

Just because you hear the music...

The research probably involved some sort of colander helmet they put on your head with a lot of wires leading to a Batcave type panel with blinking colorful lights and computer monitors. Continue reading

Posted Feb 1, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

Hoping for Change

The way I see it, it’s the same as going over to somebody’s house and ransacking it, looking for money. Perhaps these same folks go to a restaurant and steal the servers’ tips to pay for their own meals. Continue reading

Posted Jan 29, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

This is not Rocket Science

After explaining to Phyllis that I was having trouble with the water leaking from the kitchen sink, she went into a few sermons about being baptized, Jesus walking on the water and turning water into wine. Her hearing is not so good and I was soaking wet. Continue reading

Posted Jan 22, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

Dr. Walker & "The Chair"

A good friend of mine from high school's father recently passed away. Many folks have shared their memories of him - Here is mine... Enjoy. To the Walker family, thank you for sharing your Daddy with us. Continue reading

Posted Jan 13, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

0

Lost & Found in 2012

With my face still down, I asked her, “How did you figure that out?” Continue reading

Posted Jan 4, 2013 at Cranks My Tractor

1

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