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Well, when your actual mascot is a commodore, just two letters off from commode, maybe you are eager for an alternative.
Commented May 22, 2012 on MEANWHILE IN SPORTS at Dave Barry's Blog
MEANWHILE IN SPORTS
Vanderbilt baseball finds good luck charm in Rally Beaver (Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
I'm waiting for Cindy's medical opinion. Wonder what this guy would sound like if he was really in pain.
Commented May 22, 2012 on CSI: CANADA at Dave Barry's Blog
CSI: CANADA
A Canadian woman called the emergency services after mistaking her neighbour's noisy toilet efforts for a violent disturbance. (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson and Ralph)
Guess the thieves didn't steal the lady's ball bat-- too bad for them.
Commented May 22, 2012 on FLATHEAD COUNTY: SOME KIND OF BIZARRE EXPERIMENT GONE HORRIBLY WRONG at Dave Barry's Blog
FLATHEAD COUNTY: SOME KIND OF BIZARRE EXPERIMENT GONE HORRIBLY WRONG
4:27 p.m. Reportedly, eight teenage boys were on the side of Foys Lake Road. One of them had his pants around his ankles. (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
Gross, but the gal with the pink duct tape did more permanent damage. And another awkward moment in the break room explaining how you were cuffing the guy when his pants fell down, etc.
Commented May 21, 2012 on WE DON'T PAY OFFICERS ENOUGH at Dave Barry's Blog
WE DON'T PAY OFFICERS ENOUGH
Man defecates on officers during struggle (Thanks to Unholy Slacker)
How do you explain back at the station house?
Commented May 21, 2012 on INCREDIBLY, THE INCIDENT BEGAN IN A BAR at Dave Barry's Blog
INCREDIBLY, THE INCIDENT BEGAN IN A BAR
Half-naked woman in hot pink duct tape attacks, injures 3 cops (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
Hold my beer and watch this!
Commented May 21, 2012 on HOW A MAN OPENS A BEER at Dave Barry's Blog
HOW A MAN OPENS A BEER
With a chainsaw. (Thanks to Robert Shaw, who says "This could be the half-time show at the Super Bowl.")
I, too, noticed the lack of comment by a certain cheesehead. Out looking for rubbing compound?
Commented May 17, 2012 on WOMEN at Dave Barry's Blog
WOMEN
Do not mess with them. (Thanks to Dan)
Guard dog ate my homework. BTW, criminals in Utah sure have weird names.
Commented May 15, 2012 on WHICH MEANS HE ALSO GETS AN F at Dave Barry's Blog
WHICH MEANS HE ALSO GETS AN F
An 18-year-old Utah man was arrested on suspicion of burglary after police say he left his homework at the crime scene. (Thanks to jon harris)
Yeah, Steve, I noticed something pleasureable there.
Commented May 15, 2012 on THESE PEOPLE MUST BE HAVING SEX WRONG at Dave Barry's Blog
THESE PEOPLE MUST BE HAVING SEX WRONG
Posting views on Facebook and other social media sites delivers a powerful reward to the brain similar to the pleasure from food and sex, a Harvard study concludes. (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
So I might still get grant money to study copulation in another mammal, say homo sapiens?
Commented May 15, 2012 on SCIENCE at Dave Barry's Blog
SCIENCE
But during one of her experiments, Patty noticed that an inflating drake’s penis could burst through a silicone model of an oviduct. (Thanks to David Duncan)
She does look in need of a nap.
Commented Mar 4, 2011 on YOU WILL BE SHOCKED TO LEARN THAT ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED at Dave Barry's Blog
YOU WILL BE SHOCKED TO LEARN THAT ALCOHOL MAY HAVE BEEN INVOLVED
An alleged call to 911 requesting "something to eat" has prompted the arrest of two Kingsport residents — including a naked woman, who reportedly had to be dragged down a flight of stairs and pepper sprayed. (Thanks to Chris Lawson)
Wherever this is, they must have lots of libel lawyers. Otherwise, why would the headline say "allegedly"? How much reasonable doubt could there be about a chicken?
Commented Mar 4, 2011 on GOURMET OF THE WEEK SO FAR at Dave Barry's Blog
GOURMET OF THE WEEK SO FAR
Man arrested after allegedly concealing rotisserie chicken in his pants (Thanks to Ralph)
Was anybody leery of clicking on a link from Russia? As far as the design, it's a function of getting paid the same whether you do a good job or not.
Commented Mar 4, 2011 on IF YOU CARE AT ALL ABOUT BEER at Dave Barry's Blog
IF YOU CARE AT ALL ABOUT BEER
Do not click here. (Thanks to Bob Payne)
He looks single.
Commented Mar 4, 2011 on NO SENSE WASTING IT at Dave Barry's Blog
NO SENSE WASTING IT
Police in northern Ohio say a man who was asked during a traffic stop whether he'd been drinking took a swig from an open can of beer and told the officer, "Yes." (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson, Bob Brogan and nursecindy)
What about the hour my wife spends getting ready each time she goes out in public?
Commented Mar 4, 2011 on AND THAT'S JUST FOR SHOES at Dave Barry's Blog
AND THAT'S JUST FOR SHOES
On average, women spend 399 hours shopping a year, survey finds (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
He's a democrat but didn't like the donkey costume.
Commented Feb 28, 2011 on NAMELY, WASHINGTON at Dave Barry's Blog
NAMELY, WASHINGTON
An Oregon Congressman who shocked his staffers by sending them pictures of himself posing in a tiger costume said Saturday he is in a good place. (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
Meanwhile, Pabst rises from the dead. YAY!
Commented Sep 30, 2010 on JERSEY CITY at Dave Barry's Blog
JERSEY CITY
A tough town. (Thanks to Ralph) Update: Milwaukee, too. (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
FYI, despite many invasions of Korea, the Japanese never adopted kimchee as their own.
Commented Sep 30, 2010 on HEY, IT'S MORE USEFUL THAN TRIGONOMETRY at Dave Barry's Blog
HEY, IT'S MORE USEFUL THAN TRIGONOMETRY
NIRASAKI, Yamanashi -- An elementary school teacher here instructed his students to make a ransom note as part of their moral education, it has emerged. (Thanks to Joe in Japan)
Based on the names of the individual styles, you'd think some might taste like pi$$.
Commented Sep 29, 2010 on WE BET at Dave Barry's Blog
WE BET
Giant beaver inspires new Loveland brewery's name (Thanks to sandy)
Outdoors? We are talking Canada here-- wouldn't that be considered seasonal labor?
Commented Sep 29, 2010 on CANADA at Dave Barry's Blog
CANADA
Land of the Free Key Quote: “How am I going to celebrate? I’m going to spank some ass,” Bedford, cracking a riding whip, told reporters. (Thanks to Allen at Division)
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