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Goldy 55
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I understand the woman's concern for being alone. The sad reality is she has been living "alone". She obviously doesn't see it, but you can believe she feels it. She doesn't realize she will feel much better after she gets this trash out of her life. I left a marriage after 33 yrs, but I knew anything had to be better than what I had going. Although I don't have a lot of outside activities going right now, I'm at peace & for what ever reason...lots of Hope! My friends have said "aren't you lonely" & are totally surprised by my comment "no". If you've never lived w/an abuser, you can't understand how lonely it is. Yes you go out & you smile, laugh while you are w/your husband, but go to a restaraunt & notice other couple's who don't engage themselves. That was my life. The last yr., I refused to go out to dinner w/my husband because he didn't want to discuss anything w/me & I told him I could eat at home w/o engaging. I realize I was starting to push him away & preparing myself. Of course, he is now trying to make me pay for getting a divorce, but after a yr. into this, I realize how damaged I had allowed myself to become.......all in the name of protecting my daughter. I stayed only because I wanted her to have a Dad at home. WRONG! I do know that if I had left earlier, she would have been much more damaged because he would have made it his mission in life to punish her to get to me. An ex. she went to private school & his lst phone call would have been, we cannot afford it. She is now on deployment overseas & yes he did get her involved & my relationship w/her is damaged, but she is out of the pix. & he can't get to her anymore except w/a few minutes of expensive phone calls. Thank God for small favors!
I could have written this! My soon to be ex-husband had help though & it was my mother (an abuser herself) Besides having a room rented & the church, it was 3 mo. before our wedding & I had done nothing. My mom kept asking & asking what I was going to do. What didn't she see? She knew, I now believe, but he was another one of her "puppies" she would pick up on the street. My mom was the world's best "enabler". She never learned to just guide she took control. I left him once after marriage & divorced him 3 yrs. later. She didn't want to know, she said, because she liked him & didn't want to get in the middle. In other words, she was telling me I was making too big a deal out of this. I was 22 when married & he was my lst serious relationship only because I had wanted it this way. I enjoyed playing the field something my mom hated so when I brought him home she fell hard. He had a sob story from childhood & she would fix everything for him by giving me away.....I guess. I was a virgin when I met my future husband & yes he was pushy w/sex. The sad reality is I went back w/him after 1-1/2 yr separation & we had a child. She graduated college last yr. & I filed for divorce after 33 miserable yrs. My mom is dead, but if she can hear me she knows I'm not happy w/her. She was my mom someone who was suppose to protect me, not him. Now he has our daughter involved something I didn't want by staying an additional 15 yrs. past the time I should have. I pray her & I can work this out because if anyone has children w/an abuser, you know you are a single parent for the duration.
Toggle Commented Sep 13, 2010 on How Abusive Men Get Started at Abused No More
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Sep 13, 2010