Believe me, I have no skills. I did 3 Google Image searches. I looked for the "toughest" Wesley I could find, that had enough room at the top of the pic for a hat. Then I googled red cowboy hats (I figured Sparks had the fashion sense to coordinate uniform and hat) and looked for hats that were already at the right angle. Then I googled mustaches. After that, just resizing and transparent cut/pasting in Microsoft Paint. I've tried to use Photoshop before, but my old brain just can't intuitively pick it up.

Here ya go. http://i.imgur.com/U3kAS.jpg Threw it on Reddit as well to see if those guys like it. The Wheaton is strong on Reddit. http://www.reddit.com/r/AdviceAnimals/comments/qta3r/tough_wesley_sparks_mcgee/

OK, this is very funny, but wouldn't we expect to see a '1', '2', and '3' with lines through them if we were to assume this was an accurate velociraptor-incident-free-day counting system?

I love how you refer to your own skills as if they were in an RPG. Which would probably be a fun exercise for you - write up the Wil Wheaton character record sheet! D&D would be too specific, you may need to go in a more-generic GURPS type direction. You could have magic items: Clown Shirt - Charisma -5, stuns opponents 1d6 rounds Special Abilities: Channel Wesley Crusher - Allows Wil Wheaton to direct Tachyon Pulses at plot holes, removing them from his stories. Wife Approval Bonus - After receiving supportive comments from wife relating to geeky activity, receives +2 offensive bonus for 1d20 turns. Bonus doubles when wife actually engages in geeky activity.

I know you and John Scalzi are buddies. His most recent short work, "The God Engines", was also very dark - and he, like you, usually does not go dark. Did the "Clash of the Geeks" experience somehow open up a shadowy netherworld, swallowing you two into its yawning abyss?

Is your ego really so small that you don't even read published works about your character? I haven't done anything notable on a wide scale, and that doesn't stop me from googling myself every few weeks. Am I some kind of closet narcissist then? Do you guys not all do that?

Just to make sure I'm getting the story right, Wil's character is in prison, right? In a cell?