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Ilia
in my own little world...
I love writing fantasy and retail-hell stories.
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From umegatron1, TalesFromRetail So I work in a very high end chocolate store and I kid you not when I say we make the best chocolate in the world. How high end you ask? Some of our coworkers wanted to jazz our days up by attaching spoons to the pens we use for credit card receipts and draw some smiley faces on them. Our boss sat us all down and explained that we were way too classy of a store to allow that to happen. We usually give out samples of fudge or ice cream whenever people ask for them, but when it's really busy and the store is full, we just put out a plate and let people go after them. A little risky perhaps, but we seem to have faith in the goodness of our customers, something I tend to doubt from time to time. One busy day, we had a bunch of caramel bars out in the store for people to sample, and a group of people are gathering around them, all of the sudden, we hear a voice call out above the others. "OH MY GOD! I found a tooth in the chocolate!" My manager and I snap into action, all these companies and other industries have been in a lot of trouble when people find body parts in their food, so we wanted to difuse the situation as fast as possible. Unfortunately, if you find a tooth and start shouting about it in front of a bunch of people, you will start what we in the retail world refer to as a stampede. MY manager handled the situation wonderfully. She apologized profusely, gave the lady a bunch of free chocolate, and took the tooth away and threw it out. Our whole store empties out, as... Continue reading
Posted 3 hours ago at Retail Hell Underground
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From alectheartist, TalesFromYourServer I work as a bartender in a fairly nice restaurant and our restrooms are right next to my bar. We have a regular customer who always comes in and ends up complaining about something to get a discount. ALWAYS. Well on this specific day she was standing at the end of my bar after her meal waiting to stop a server. When she finally stops and gets someone to go get a manager for her she steps off into the bathroom while she waits. When she comes back from relieving her self she walks right up to where I can enter and exit my bar and is giving me a death stare. So I finished the drink i was making and I walk over to the lady. "Can i help you ma'am?" She then proceeds to snarl at me and says, "I have toilet paper stuck to my shoe." Now I could not make this up, she lifts her foot up and looks at me like she wants me to get on my hands and knees and clean this trail of toilet of paper off of her with my bare hands. So once I realize what was happening I redirect the conversation by saying, "Oh, yeah that'll happen in a bathroom if you are not careful." The lady then slams her foot back and and pouts like a child would, keep in mind this lady is +50 years old and I'm busy trying to make drinks for the entire restaurant, and then says "Well, if you won't do your job and clean it will you at least give me a napkin." At this point I'm disappointed in humanity so I think, "Sure lady I'll give you a napkin." So I grab one of my 4x4 inch beverage... Continue reading
Posted 7 hours ago at Retail Hell Underground
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Things are looking a bit green around here... could it be all the cheesy decorations for St Patrick's Day? Jason! Break out the green beer! Green beer, regular beer, wine, joint, chocolate, coffee, whatever makes you happy, we all need something to lift our spirits after a long day of work hell and all this shitty winter weather. But as the sun slowly starts to make more of an effort in the coming days and flowers begin to take center stage for the arrival of spring, we will keep the laughs and chuckles flowing for you all month long. March will be a potpourri of some of our juiciest retail hell themes. We hope you'll drop by for some springtime fun. Here's what's on the RHU menu for March: Dumbass Custys Although we enjoy the ridiculous antics of Dumbass Custys all year long, let's face it, much of RHU is based on the stupidity of customers. Whether they're asking moronic questions, tripping over the "wet floor" signs, demanding service at an obviously closed register, or trying to poke fingers through an electrified fence, the Dumbass Disease is widespread and running amok across the entire globe. Share with us your biggest facepalm stories, or funniest moments where dumbassery was so strong you wondered how they survived. Fast Food Hell Fast Food Hell has become an important annual theme and is one of RHU's oldest categories. Many of the underground's first storytellers came from McHell's so we are no stranger to the scary side of working in fast food. We now cover this theme annually on RHU for that very reason. Slaving away in a drive thru, counter, or dining room one can encounter the worst side of humanity; a kid gets sick in the jungle gym, a crazy woman flips her... Continue reading
Posted 10 hours ago at Retail Hell Underground
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Hello this is Janitorgirl or cart girl Today sucked. As the schedule stood me and my closer both had 6 hr shifts which meant there was a 2 hr gap. So thirty minutes before the end of my shift I hear 3 commands in 60 seconds "Janitorgirl, Janitorgirl- the cafe needs trash pick up"- I had just cleaned a spill and was in no position to touch my walkie. So they said it again and again. "Copy." I headed to the cafe. As I am at the cafe the message comes "Cashier manager do you have anyone to grab carts for the first AND second floors?" The idiot said "Janitorgirl." I said, "I'll do that after the cafe." I had already asked to extend my hours- every manager said no. I spent the last 30 minutes of my shift getting carts but custys were grabbing carts as fast as I could bring them in and there were maybe 6 carts in three parking lots. The nail in the coffin was when a manager asked, "Cashier manager do you have someone getting carts in the first floor?" And she answered "It should be Janitorgirl." So I should split myself in two? I said in to the walkie, "I have been on carts for 30 minutes- people are grabbing carts faster then I can pull them." And when my short shift ended cashier manager had the nerve to ask "Are Carts filled?" "No, I'm off." I pulled in every cart and they all disappeared. So glad I have 5 days off. I hope your managers realize carts don't grow on trees. --Janitorgirl Continue reading
Posted yesterday at Retail Hell Underground
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From JasinNat, TalesFromRetail I got a new job at a small cheap items store next to a busy strip center. I'd been working retail for nearly 10 years, and almost every store I've worked at has shut down, I seem to have terrible luck in that regard. Anyways, I have never worked a register, and so the manager puts me on a register assuming I had worked one. I ask for training and he says "It's not hard, push a few buttons and money comes out. Are you a moron?" See my manager is 52 years old, and seems to think yelling at everyone from the comforts of his office is what his job is. As I was saying first day there and we were busy, he puts me on a register as we were understaffed that day and only 2 registers were open. I have no idea what I'm doing, and I ask my co-worker, she just shrugs and my manager looks out of his office and says, "Derp, I don't pay you to talk. Talk again and I'll have you written up. Get back to work". Customers start coming in, and I get a long line. I'm struggling to work the register as it's slow and customers are starting to complain. Then I mess up and charge a customer 199.99 for a 19 dollar item. I already made the transaction and can't undo it without a manager permission. The customer goes ballistic, and more people are waiting in line. I call my manager over, and he's fuming mad, red as an apple. He shoves me aside, and says, "How fucking hard is this? Working a register is not rocket science. Push a few fucking buttons and presto you're done. Are you mentally retarded?" The customer is agreeing with... Continue reading
Posted yesterday at Retail Hell Underground
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From cavepainted, TalesFromRetail In August, I began employment at a flower shop. It is as cool as it sounds, playing with the genitals of dead plants all day long, but there's more to it than just arranging leaves and sticks. Everyone loves getting flowers, and of course, we have a delivery service, and we'll deliver anything. So it was that "Janina" came to our store, putzed around and eventually purchased a lovely 10" tricolor poinsettia, and informed me that it would need to be delivered on Monday to a dear friend who loved the new and interesting. Come Monday, our driver loads the poinsettia in its plastic sleeve and paper cover into the van and returns some time later. An hour later, the phone rings. It's the recipient of the poinsettia, requesting the name of the sender. She needed to know why such an ugly plant was sent to her house. "It is a gift, from Janina. She picked it out for you." "Well, this poinsettia is ugly as shit! It looks like someone poured bleach on half of it! If this is the kind of merchandise you people pander, I'm never shopping in your store!" And she hung up the phone. I am not inclined to disagree with her. Poinsettias are silly to me: they can't be cold, ever, and if you forget to water them once, they shrivel, and when a stem breaks, all this white goo pours out. But whatever happened to accepting a gift with grace? --cavepainted Continue reading
Posted yesterday at Retail Hell Underground
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From Stringoffate3, TalesFromYourServer I decided to take a phone order despite being clocked off and just waiting for my boss. The caller ID said "Private" and those are always suspicious. Especially if you're us and have a regular pervert :/ So I answer: "Hi, this is blah blah restaurant! How can I help you?" (pl - pizza lady) Pl- "akfhuwhejksu...YES I ordered a pizza and I haven't gotten it yet!" (Note: her voice was very high pitched and sounded like a little girl on drugs..) Me - "You called the wrong number, ma'am. We don't serve pizza." Pl - "THIS IS (list our number)?! I ordered an hour ago!! Me - "I'm sorry but you have the wrong number.." She cuts me off Pl- "DO NOT ARGUE WITH ME! I WANT MY PIZZA" Me - sigh "We do not serve pizza (She's trying to interpret me) thank you and good bye." click rings - Private number again.. Me - "Hello! This is blah blah" Pl - "Kshfkaibekwka I ORDERED A PIZZA" (yes she screamed/shrieked) Me - "We do NOT serve pizza. Thank you and bye" She was still screaming when I hung up. Like I thought this was going to be a prank at first but holy hell how is this even funny? --Stringoffate3 Continue reading
Posted yesterday at Retail Hell Underground
The fail is the 'chocolate covered' part. Most of them only have sprinkles.
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Greetings folks of RHU! It's time for some input from all of you: RHU meme time! We all know the reason for the site, and we all have stories to share. This time, we're asking a simple question... Send us your answers! They can be a short answer, or they can come with a story! Either way, we'll post them to the site next month and give them an RHU Meme to immortalize your answers! You can comment on this post, or you can sent it in to our email, whichever you prefer! Send them to: submit@retailhellunderground.com Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
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From FredFltStn, TalesFromRetail BACKGROUND: In the early 90’s, I was the manager at a comedy club in Orlando. I’ve had some fantastic jobs in my life, but this was definitely one of the best. It was the type of job where I couldn’t wait to go to work every day. The comedy club was owned by a large theme park/entertainment company, and had a rotating group of performers that did four shows of improv every night. Even better, we were the “must see” event for visiting movie stars and comedians, and would often preempt our scheduled show so that someone who just happened to drop by could take the stage. Believe it or not, the comedians were only half the fun. The bartenders, bar backs, and waitresses that worked with me were the craziest group of people I’ve come across in more than 20 years of management, and definitely made every night an adventure. STORY: Welcome to your new job! A received a call from a General Manager (GM) that I had worked for before. He was now GM over several nightclubs, including a comedy club, and he thought that my attitude and sense of humor made me a perfect fit to be a manager there. I was in my early 20’s at the time, and while I currently had a great job, working in a comedy club sounded like a party, and I thought I should at least go for an interview. Five minutes into the interview I knew I’d be taking the job. He needed me to start right away, so I didn’t have time to be formally introduced to the staff. My first day, I was more than a little nervous. I was pretty young to be a manager, and of course I was worried about making... Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
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From Plague_Girl, TalesFromRetail So I work at a candy store that sells gelato. Our boss ordered more pumpkin gelato than we could sell, so she told us to hand out big samples of it for free to the people walking by our shop last night (think Dixie cups full of gelato). I'm standing outside with samples while my coworker is inside. It's our busiest part of the week, as it's during the downtown farmer's market and it is after dinner, so people are starting to walk home and stopping in for dessert. A man with a white beard and glasses wearing a gray sweatshirt walks by. He'll be WG for "weird guy" and I'll be Me. Me: Would you like to try a free sample of our pumpkin gelato? WG:(walking up to me) I hate pumpkin! Me: That's okay, if you go inside we have 23 other flavors you can sample. :) WG: Well... I guess I can take some anyway. Maybe I'll go in later. So he takes a sample and obviously he doesn't like how it tastes. He goes straight to a trash can and throws it out. I think he's going to continue walking down the street, but he goes into the store anyway. I think, great, my coworker will give him some other samples and maybe he'll get something. A few minutes later, he comes back out empty handed and walks up to me. WG: No luck! I kept waiting for her to help me but she didn't. Me: Oh, what were you looking for? WG: I was just looking for malt balls. Me: We have tons of malt balls! We don't have them pre-packaged, they are just sold in bulk. They're in our gravity bins. (These bins cover the entire wall to the left of... Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
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From DeathCreatedTime, TalesFromYourServer So last night was one of those rare nights where I, as a server, was on the other side of the table sitting having dinner with my boyfriend. The table behind us is a 4 top of twenty somethings and I can't help but to eavesdrop (it might have had to do with the volume at which they were speaking but also I'm nosey). Our server is theirs as well, and drops off their food when I hare one girl ask another "Are you a Yelper?" The response was something about only looking to see the rating of a place and whether or not she wants to go there. So the first girl goes into a huge rant on how great it is and how she should start reviewing places. The most cringeworthy thing was her story as follows: "One time when I was with Dan our dinner was terrible so we left a bad review explaining what a horrible time we had.The next day we got an email asking us to come back and give them a shot to make it right ALL ON THEIR DIME. So we went in and the manager was practically waiting on us hand and foot. He brought our appetizers and a few things we asked for with them. Then he was back again with the waitress with our dinners. They paid so much attention to us and it was so awesome. It was such a great experience, you should really start reviewing places." --DeathCreatedTime Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground