This is Ilia's Typepad Profile.
Join Typepad and start following Ilia's activity
Join Now!
Already a member? Sign In
Ilia
in my own little world...
I love writing fantasy and retail-hell stories.
Recent Activity
Image
From fastdoll, Livejournal I got this gem of a phone call yesterday. It involves me, Confused Man, and Confused Woman. Me: [Doctor's office], this is [Me] speaking, how can I help you? CM: Hi, I'm on [office's street] and need directions. Me: Okay, our office is located next door to [large hospital]. Can you see [large hospital] from where you are? CM: The address they gave me is [12345]. *note: the number address he says is VERY close to the office's number address* Me: Our address is actually 54321 Office St. CW: *screaming in the background* NO THE ADDRESS IS 12345 STRANGE STREET! CM: Can you give me directions to get to 12345 Strange St? Me: ....I actually don't know where that is, sir. If you give me a moment, I can pull up directions for you, though. *probably trying to be more helpful than I should be* CM: ....Is Megan working today? Me: I'm sorry, sir, we don't have anyone by that name working here. Are you sure you called the right office? This is [Doctor's office]. CM: Hold on. *passes phone over to CW* CW: Look. The address I was given was 12345 Strange St. I need directions to get there. I have a 1:20 appointment with Megan, the physical therapist. Me: This is a dermatologist's office. If you don't have an appointment with a dermatologist, then you've called the wrong number. CW: No, I called the physical therapist! Me: This is [Doctor's office]. Do you have an appointment with [Doctor]? CW: No, I- Me: Then you've called the wrong office. Have a good day! *click* It's amazing how many people ignore the greeting we answer the phone with, clearly stating that we are a dermatologist's office first thing. --fastdoll Continue reading
Posted 3 hours ago at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From LordConvarius Standing next to HUGE bathroom sign, restocking silverware Woman in mid 30's enters the establishment. Woman: Sir, where is the bathroom? Me: Down that hallway, ma'am. Points to the direction the sign is pointing Woman: No, it isn't. Me: Err, what? Woman: That's a couple's restroom, see? Man AND woman. Me: Chuckles Oh, no. That's a unisex bathroom, you can use it. Woman: I'm not a unisexual. I'll just run over to Applebees. Leaves Continue reading
Posted 5 hours ago at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From Gaoshan I worked in a gas station in a crappy part of town. The sort of place where hookers used the bathroom more than anyone else, people tried to pay for booze and smokes with drugs or stolen goods and robberies happened every few months. Worst place I ever worked and totally not recommended. Anyway, I had a lady who wanted gas (no license plates on her car even), but I wouldn't take the baggie of questionable white substance as payment. She flipped out, screaming she would chop me up with an axe. I wasn't impressed, and she drove off. Then she actually came screeching back with an axe and tried to attack me. Fortunately, she was attempting to chop her way through a section of security glass which turned out to be fairly axe resistant. I picked up the phone in full view and dialed 9-1-1. She gave up after a handful of whacks, all of which basically bounced off the security glass and damn near brained the bitch each time. (Her high had also worn off a bit by the time she stopped, I suspect). Left some nice dings in the glass by the time she jumped back into her car and drove away. By the time the police bothered to show up, she was long gone and the best I could tell then was "she went that way, then that way..." while pointing into the slums. No license plates, just a description of her and her vehicle, and the cops seemed to be less than impressed by the shitty security video that was grainy as fuck. There was a chuckle or two over the way the axe bounced off the glass, so while they're not all that interested in catching her, at least they were entertained... Continue reading
Posted yesterday at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From therearenone1111, TalesFromTheCustomer I went to a burger chain back in high school in FL that just started opening up in our area. I think they are very popular in Texas. It was 1300 and my friend and I decided to give it a try. We should have known not to since we were the only ones there, in a very populated part of town, during "lunch rush". We come in and seated ourselves near the entrance. Our waitress shows up after 15 minutes and gives me a diet Dr. Pepper, and my friend and unsweet tea (We had not ordered drinks yet.) She leans into our booth, half falling, pulls out a notepad and pen and slurs, "What do you want?" I order a burger with everything and fries... My friend orders a burger, only cheese. Nothing is written down and the waitress stumbles off to the kitchen. Our booth is now surrounded by cloud that smells like liquor. We changed seats but left our drinks there since we did not order them, and waited for our food. We had fun talking and lost track of the time. It has been 53 minutes and we had not seen our waitress at all. We were in the restaurant alone. We stood up and peered over the counter behind the register, to see into the kitchen. The chef was indeed cooking something, but it was not a burger. It looked like he was reheating a few slices of pizza on the grill. My friend nudged my arm and gestured to the floor right behind the counter. Our waitress was sprawled on her back on the floor, passed out. We checked to see if she was breathing and left. Looking back I should have called an ambulance or rolled her into her... Continue reading
Posted yesterday at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From Pot_Bot, AskReddit My best would be working at a small Mexican restaurant. I was the goto guy for any kind of job the others didn't want. I was in high school at the time and usually worked around 45 hours a week. I cooked, bused, dish washed, and served from time to time. I was essentially a magnet for odd things. In the two years they were open prior to me starting they didn't have drainage issues, fecal issues, vomiting or anything else like that. After I started my first day consisted of cleaning projectile vomit from the kitchen. One of the cooks took ill during his shift and barfed everywhere. We remained open and kept all our tickets under our 15 min max. Fast forward a few weeks and our soda/ice storage drain under the fridge stopped working. We had to move the fridge and clean out the drain. The drain was full of gelatinous brown stuff that smelt like raw sewage. A few nights later some kid had explosive diarrhea all over our dining area. He somehow managed to hit three tables, around a dozen chairs, and about 80 square feet of wood flooring. Shockingly we stayed open and I was forced to clean in between expediting food. Another good one was when our head chef found we had a rat problem in a freezer. The restaurant was closing for a few weeks due to it being our slow season. Our brilliant chef decided to just close the door with the rats inside. I came back to open the kitchen to find about 30 dead babies and a mother rat. The mother was still alive but comatose so when I picked it up it attacked me. I had to have 19 stitches in my hand and arm... Continue reading
Posted yesterday at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From italia_kendai, Livejournal Yes, ma'am, I understand that you wish to open a second account at a different address. I would be more than happy to help you, but in order to do so, I need to get lots of information from you - what you like to watch, how many rooms you want to set up, the address, your Social Security number. So, please, do not get angry at me when I cannot understand your responses. You see, the volume on my phone is turned all the way up. I'm sorry I had to ask you to repeat yourself multiple times, but please take me off speaker phone and talk into the phone directly. I understand that you're washing dishes, but I cannot hear you. Please, talk into the phone and we can get this process done much faster. --italia_kendai Continue reading
Posted yesterday at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From DeniseDeNephew I worked at a national toy store chain when I was a teenager and more than once I had a customer ask me where we had the "normal" versions of Trivial Pursuit. I would tell them that they were holding the normal version and in every case they'd say the same thing: "No, this is the GENIUS edition and the questions are too hard. We want the normal edition." I'd have to explain to them that the box said GENUS, not genius. Some would walk away at that point, some would ask what genus means, and others would say, "No, it says genius right there!" and point to the box. Continue reading
Posted yesterday at Retail Hell Underground
Image
Hey there. Ms Kew here. Been a while since my last post. Still in a call centre (now with the great Canadian B-E-Double Hockey Sticks), going on 6+ years, but this story is from my first project, with Phony, as their online sales support team. Now, with Phony, selling/assisting custies with their online purchase of electronics, we were required to ask "lifestyle" questions to ensure the custy was purchasing the correct item they actually needed. You may not (or, given the readers on this site, most likely MAY ) realize that a majority of custies think that we are all out to scam them out of their hard earned money but the purpose of these questions was so I could actually recommend the right item for them!! But there is one policy that Phony had comes into play in this situation, that I do not have to deal with any longer(will give props to The Big Brass Instrument for this). We were not allowed to disconnect a call, FOR ANY REASON, without a team managers (TM )approval first. In fact, the TM was supposed to take over the call. So I get a call one night ... For the sake of brevity and that there are not enough symbols on the top row to cover the entire conversation, the majority of this call is reduced to a few sentences, rather than quotes. Me: "Thank you for calling Phony, my name is Ms Kew. How may I assist you with your purchase this evening?" Customer: "Ah, thank you, Ms Kew! It's so nice to talk to a woman. Do you know the new tablet that Phony has come out with?" Me: "Yes, sir. What can I help you with regarding 'the tablet' " Cue this 'gentleman' describing, graphically, what he would... Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From DomLite, TalesFromTheCustomer I just love when customer/tech support is obtuse like that. Last year I built myself a custom PC, but after a month or so of perfect operation, it started just cutting off instantly for no reason. Just complete power down. It happened only about every other week, so I thought it might be something with my surge protector perhaps. I started monitoring my system temps/wattage and didn't see anything strange, so I shrugged it off as it seemed like a one off issue. Then it would start to cut off entirely and I wouldn't be able to turn it back on for an hour or so. No response whatsoever from the power button. Then finally it hit a point where the power button responded, but it booted me into the motherboard bios and my graphics card, fans and hard drives wouldn't even come on. That told me pretty definitively that it was the power supply that had just died on me. I sent in a tech support request. I sent them an extensive breakdown of the issue, and explained that I'd already tested everything else and it was definitively the power supply. It was also functioning enough to power the motherboard but not anything else as one of the rails was fluctuating madly. I said I needed to file an RMA to get a replacement part. They emailed me back and told me they needed me to do a test to ensure that it was the power supply. This would have involved me removing it from the machine, unfolding a paper clip and inserting it into two specific slots to try and start the circuit. I emailed them back and told them that I didn't need to do this test, because it was obviously the power supply.... Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From bugjuggler , AskReddit I worked at Taco Bell once upon a time. It was about mid afternoon, and it was hot as hell outside. One of our registers was down so I was taking the payment and giving the food out at the same window. A lady pulls up to my window and I tell her the total. I don't remember exactly how much it was but it was probably around seven or eight dollars and some change. She was very large and sweating heavily, she looked dirty but luckily I couldn't smell her. First she pulls a couple bills out of her bra and hands them to me, they were moist but it wasn't something I had never had happen. She then reaches deep down under her boob and literally pulls out a hand full of change. FULL! I looked at her, I looked at her boob change and I said, "It's okay, you're close enough without the change." I handed her the food and she went on her way, but man there was no way I was touching that! All I could see in my mind was that episode of Spongebob where Bubbles Bass hides the pickles from his crabby patty under his tongue, except it was coins on the underside of a sweaty lady's boob. Ew. --bugjuggler Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From learnsslowly, Livejournal I was in a shoe shop with a particular reputation for shoes that fit well and staff that really know their stuff and provide great service. I'm probably not as well-off as their usual customers, but working 12 hour days on my feet makes shoes important, so I decided this was the time to invest some savings in a good solid pair of shoes that fitted well. Whilst one assistant was helping me, I became vaguely aware of a customer entering behind us. There were two other assistants in the shop, so neither I nor the person advising me stopped what we were doing. I got prodded with what turned out to be the ferrule end of a stick. We both turned round. "Can I get some service here?" the customer was very obviously addressing me. I replied "I'm sorry, I don't actually work here; I'm another customer, but I'm sure these two ladies will be able to help you." The other two assistants were indeed hovering, attempting to offer help, without actually interrupting her when she spoke over them as they started to speak. They had a uniform, very much in the same colours at the carpeting and walls of the shop, not to mention badges with the shop's name on. I was wearing a completely different colour and not "work clothes". "But I want you to help help me, young woman." the other customer said. (I'm old enough that "young woman" would normally be flattering, but it wasn't meant as such here.) "I don't know how to fit shoes, so I'm sorry, I can't. I'm just another customer." "Well you're being very rude, young woman." Now if it had just been a case of pulling something down from a shelf and handing it to her,... Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From kokoSonnyJoon "Do you sell real flowers here?" I work as a florist. We were currently surrounded by flowers. Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
Image
Happy Spring RHU! As Easter takes its time arriving this year and piggy shoppers and their hellspawn continue to pillage your store for the next few weeks, here on RHU we'll be grabbing April by its floppy ears and bringing you the funniest stories and pics we can find to ease your spring time work hell fever. Besides Easter Hell, we've got some juicy classic RHU themes for you this month and a new one we have never covered before that will make you want to scream and laugh at the same time! So grab your favorite jellybeans and buckle up, here's what we've got lined up for RHU April: Religious Freaks As is tradition here at RHU, the month of April is the time when we release Religious Freak stories out into the cyber world. Freddy and I spent years having to deal with these kinds of crazy custys in our respective Retail Hell jobs, and now we are happy to post stories about them for you to enjoy! These custys aren't your normal, everyday folks who just happen to go to church on Sunday. These are freaks who break down in prayer in the middle of the refrigerated aisle because they're just so gosh-danged blessed by God's love that spontaneous prayer is mandatory, even if it violates fire codes. These are the jerks who try to press a chick tract or religious pamphlet into your hands after the transaction is completed because they think you "need it." These are the lowlife scumbags who tip you in fake cash that is really a sneering insult to your intelligence and tell you that you wouldn't be disappointed if you fed your brains to the Zombie Hey-seuss! These are the nutjobs who think your Star of David is the Devil's symbol... Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
Image
From 8thTimeLucky,TalesFromRetail I work in a major electronics retail store. Yesterday, a customer approached myself and my manager to make a complaint about a member of staff. Woman: Hello, excuse me! Manager: Yes madam, how can I help? Woman: That man over there was extremely rude to me! She gestures toward a guy stood by the phones. Woman: I asked him if he worked here and he turned around and said "No" right at my face. Manager: Oh. Well he doesn't work here. Woman: So what are you going to do about it? Manager and myself: ........ err.... Me: Well, let me see if I can help you and if he continues to bother you let one of us know. Woman: That's not good enough! I expect better from this store. The woman turned around and stormed off and we stood there, confused, and then had a giggle about the whole thing. --8thTimeLucky Continue reading
Posted 3 days ago at Retail Hell Underground
*tears up* It's things like this that help me survive retail hell...
1 reply