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Don't Count Your Eggs
California
the ridiculously funny, sad, and true stories of a woman going through infertility
Interests: infertility, yoga, wellness, mindfulness, food
Recent Activity
Sooooo.... it's been a while. We made a last minute trip to NY, which was fun but exhausting and Momo got sick. Then I got sick. And Noah left town for work for two weeks, and so it goes. Sometimes we are just trying to put one foot in front of the other, right? What the past few weeks have got me thinking about is am I really ready to saddle up and do this FET in August? Answer, no. And this is the luxury of having an embryo on ice. A kidsicle, as one of my friends calls it.... Continue reading
Posted Jun 12, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
And is that best for everyone, especially the children, involved in donor conception? This was one of the topics of a lecture given by a seasoned psychotherapist at a conference I attended last month about the ethics of third party reproduction. Actually her lecture was really about how there is no such thing as anonymity in this day and age because people are easily found on the internet, and that it is not best for the child that their genetic origin is a secret. This therapist was making a call to donor agencies and professionals in the third party reproduction... Continue reading
Posted May 17, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Interesting to read different points of views about this. Thanks to everyone for sharing. I don't have a lot of anxiety about how Momo will understand her origins but I do think it's nice to feel included in the conversation-- yes of course there is a lot more to this, it was just a thought I had that came from a story I heard that didn't feel right. That's where change usually comes from right? Anyway. Conversation and different opinions are helpful.
So I know that M day is this weekend and it can be a really hard day for a lot of people who are M's in waiting. I've written about the challenges of these culturally created days at different stopping points in my own journey so I won't spend much time here but I do want to send a little extra love to anyone for whom this day just sucks. What I do want to write about is something I have recently gotten very fired up about. That is how to change culture to create a society where being conceived... Continue reading
Posted May 12, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
There was a recent comment question about why I want a sibling for Momo (aka a second child for us aka another human in the world, but interesting how we often think of #2 as a gift for #1), and while I can only speak to my own experience and feelings here, I think some people might share my views or have more intelligent things to say about the whole thing, so please don't hesitate to share your thoughts. I think when it comes to family composition or size, many of us either want to replicate what we had growing... Continue reading
Posted May 5, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Thanks for the comments, except for the nasty one, but I never tell anyone to give up or look for higher truths. I'm not in any position to tell anyone what to do on their journey and I apologize if I've offended or hurt feelings. This is a personal blog so everything is my perspective and while I try to maintain as much space for people in any given situation to feel included, I also have to stay true to where I am in my process, so again, apologies if it comes off as self-centered. I actually thought this was an interesting topic, though perhaps not to people still working on their first child, so I get that. But the concept of trying between cycles for a first child, or after moving on to a different family building option like adoption or even after deciding to live child-free, does one still "try?" Or not not try? I found that I don't like the idea of letting a potential egg drop without at least giving it some kind of chance, but I don't test for ovulation and I don't stop drinking (coffee or other) during the tww, and I don't really consider it a tww. Nothing was a go this month and for the first time I didn't feel hugely disappointed, just curious because somehow, still after all this, I am convinced each time it is going to work. Also the fact that Momo's embryo match-- is that a term? Is still there for us makes whatever happens now ok. Anyway, those are my two cents. As far as Noah goes... he doesn't know what to think anymore, poor guy. He will be happy with whatever child we can end up with for our second and will be just as happy with just Momo if that's what is in our cards. Pamela-- good luck to you. You're in my thoughts as always. Deb-- I'll write about wanting a sib because I have been thinking about it and they why of all of it lately so thanks for that topic. And thanks as always, Jojo and Deb for having my back. ;) Also, miracle stories and thoughts about this stuff are super helpful. m
Also, Deb, DE is usually donor egg. I think. ;)
So I've been thinking about this for the better part of the month because, well, I just have been. And what I really started to think about is what does it mean to "try?" Why or why not keep trying and how much...effort should go into it? So I let go of my search for the elusive one good egg a long time ago. I have Momo, I don't care about finding the one good egg, and since she was born (just over two years ago), I really haven't thought about trying. The years of "trying" were terrible. It started... Continue reading
Posted Apr 25, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
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Thank you so much for responding with such insightful and thoughtful comments.I think it really helps when those with direct experience share their thoughts and feelings!
This is a terrible blog post title-- because who am I or anyone else to say what is harder, right? It's all relative. Getting a donor for number one is friggin' hard, and you don't have a kid yet-- but...stay with me...I have a friend who I've written about before. She got off IF Island by the skin of her teeth with the last frozen embryo from multiple cycles. She has done two more cycles since and multiple transfers for an attempt at number two and outlook is not so good. She's older and the last IVF resulted in zero... Continue reading
Posted Apr 17, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Hi Rachel. I think we are close to finding distribution for the film so it can be available! It's almost as hard to get a film out into the world as it is to make a baby! We will keep everyone posted and thanks so much for the interest. Deb-- First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the whole experience of it. I mean...ugh. And also thanks for connecting and commenting and sharing. it's helpful. I would love to write about all the things you mentioned above and might one day. Right now its my personal story that will likely be put together first-- then maybe down the line I can explore some of these things more. The conference i went to was interesting and the idea of is anyone really anonymous these days came up. A handful of good topics to write about for sure. Take care of yourself. M Jojo!!! It's a lot of pressure and your question is a good one. What if the last shot doesn't work, right? I think I'll dedicate a fuller post to this but obviously we will need to regroup a bit and see how we feel but I might actually work more towards coming to terms with Momo being an only child. That's how I feel today and I reserve the right to change my mind, but each individual and couple has to sit with the choices ahead and do what feels right. We won't fully know that until we know what we are working with, but I know Noah doesn't want to move forward with something else so we will need to maybe just see where we land.A planB always helped us. This time might be different. Hope all is going well for you!
Toggle Commented Apr 11, 2017 on Back Home at Don't Count Your Eggs
Hola! We just got back from Seattle and had an incredible time showing the film as part of The Art of Infertility Exhibit at Seattle Center. It was really great to connect to the community out there and to be a part of spreading the word about infertility and shedding some light on the real life experience of it. That's part of our mission as well as normalizing the different ways a baby can be created. It was kind of a whirlwind weekend but what I came out with more than anything is that people going through this stuff need... Continue reading
Posted Apr 7, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Hola. Soooo....you know when you have one of those days/weeks/months where you feel like you don't have time to chew your food or wash the shampoo fully out of your hair so you're always a little hungry and you're scalp is a little itchy? Yes? No? Is it just me? It was kind of one of those weeks starting with Momo's birthday on the 20th, dipping into panic mode when I spilled water on my computer and it completely died, and ending with today/tomorrow, trying to pack and organize ourselves for our trip to Seattle. I realized a few things... Continue reading
Posted Mar 29, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Hi! So this is a quick post. A longer post about how I fell off the wagon this weekend is soon to come. And also a slightly nostalgic post about today being Momo's birthday. She's two. I can't believe it. But for now I wanted to share that we are showing our film as part of a fabulous art exhibit in Seattle, called SEA-ART-HEAL: The Art of Infertility in Seattle. So if you're in the Seattle area and want to check us out click this link and come by! Continue reading
Posted Mar 20, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
So it sounds like some of you can relate to feeling...blah and out of touch with your body. Whether it's because after years of IF treatments you're now (thankfully) knee deep in diapers and don't know which way is up or if you're currently on the fast track to hormone hell via shots and meds, your body and the way you feel in your body really suffer. The years I spent doing fertility treatments made me feel-- just gross. I felt like suddenly I had these extra chunky pockets of fat on my side butt that I kept telling myself... Continue reading
Posted Mar 15, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Hi! Sorry I've been MIA. I haven't been in a dark hole of despair. I swear. The opposite actually. Well, not the opposite. I have moments, but I've been feeling ok and so appreciate everyones love and support. I did a mass email to "untell" all the friends and family I told, and while I felt...sad and kind of guilty, like I was letting people down or something, for a moment it actually felt good to me that I had so many people I blabbed my mouth off to to support me in good times and bad. I thought I... Continue reading
Posted Mar 8, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
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It's been an interesting week. I use the word interesting when I'm not sure what other word to use. After the D&C last Wednesday, I was kind of in go mode. And slight shock. Momo had her play groups and I worked and life as usual resumed. There were moments of feeling sad or angry or whatever came up that happened in spurts-- five minute bursts of feelings when I was alone in the car driving to the market or the quiet before falling asleep where my heart felt like it was going to explode. By the weekend I felt... Continue reading
Posted Feb 23, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
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Thanks for all the love and support everyone. It means a lot.
Toggle Commented Feb 23, 2017 on Where do I begin... at Don't Count Your Eggs
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So I feel like I've always been very honest and... up to date here on this blog, and I want to hold true to that. Noah and I had something happen at the beginning of the year that I held back on sharing immediately for work/life reasons and for the fact that my news isn't always just mine but his too and we needed a hot minute before I could share. That hot minute has come, so here goes. On new years eve I realized aunt flow was late to town. Just a few days but I know my cycle... Continue reading
Posted Feb 17, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
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Thank you all so much for sharing your stories and your source of feeling shame. I wish I had a magic wand to erase that feeling from everyone, but I understand it and it's very obviously a common feeling. Turning that shame into pride is what's most important because each of us has a lot to be proud of.
Toggle Commented Feb 16, 2017 on The Origin of Shame at Don't Count Your Eggs
The concept of shame comes up a lot for people on IF Island and I've been thinking a lot about why. Is it because it has to do with problems with private parts, and that is inherently shameful in our society? Is it because many of us are used to working hard and being successful in reaching our goals and not being able to conceive because of a medical issue is some how seen or internalized as failure, and failure in our country is shameful? I didn't think I thought I felt shame because I couldn't get knocked up. I... Continue reading
Posted Feb 9, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
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OMG. Pamela. I'm so sorry. I hope you're doing ok. Thinking about you and sending love.
Toggle Commented Feb 9, 2017 on NOT WHAT WE EXPECTED at Don't Count Your Eggs
Apologies for the delay. Momo has hand-foot-mouth virus and it's terrible. Poor gal. Anyway, it's set me back a little but I'm trying to push forward. The comments are REALLY helpful and I hope this process helps to connect us even more as a community as we see and notice the similar feelings and experiences shared. Shame is a big topic. I hear ya. But before we even get to the point of shame or anger or panic or feeling cursed, I think there is a quiet lull of unease in just not knowing what's happening and being thrown off... Continue reading
Posted Feb 1, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
THANK YOU all so much for being on board with my little project here. Hearing feedback really helps as I try to take my personal ramblings and make them useful. I'm going to try to post a new snippet on Mondays, giving me the weekend to focus a little bit. These issues of guilt and shame and inadequacy and panic and cursed-- YES! I write a lot about that because I experienced these feelings, we all do/did. I'm keeping a running list of topics so feel free to throw more out as they come up. I think I'm going to start with where I started...meeting Noah at 20 and being not at ALL ready to have a baby, but knowing when the time came I would want to...with him. And that disappointment when what you expect or planned or assumed just doesn't seem like it's going to happen. I think that's the first stop in terms of shock or anger or denial-- it's like, wait, the cute guy I married and wanted to make babies with??? that's a no-go? And I'm 30? Stay tuned...
Toggle Commented Jan 28, 2017 on Part 1: In the Beginning at Don't Count Your Eggs
Ok. Here we go. I started writing this blog, and what I hope will one day be a book, back in 2013. Maybe even 2012. The book started as a diary-- I guess the blog did too, and now I want to go back and shape it so that it not only tells our specific story but is also useful. As a therapist now working primarily with people going through infertility, I think useful tools to survive the madness is important. Hearing other people's journeys and cultivating hope are part of that tool kit, but I also think there is... Continue reading
Posted Jan 23, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs