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Don't Count Your Eggs
California
the ridiculously funny, sad, and true stories of a woman going through infertility
Interests: infertility, yoga, wellness, mindfulness, food
Recent Activity
I want to start with a big fat THANK YOU to everyone who has watched the film and to everyone who has sent us notes about it. It really touches us when we hear your stories and we hope that the film can be a solid support. Or at least a space where anyone on IF Island can come to relate and maybe for a laughs at how INSANE assisted baby-making can be. We also want to send a HUGE thank you to Elizabeth Walker and the Art of Infertility exhibit that has been displaying incredible pieces of artwork done... Continue reading
Posted 3 days ago at Don't Count Your Eggs
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Sooooo... Our documentary, One More Shot, comes out tomorrow on iTunes, Amazon, and Vimeo for those not in the US. Noah and I are really happy that it's leaving our computers and entering the world, but I have these moments where I feel like who F cares. We barely wanted to live our lives for the years we were going through all this, so who would want to watch it? That's my self-conscious side talking. The honest truth is when we were going through the dark infertility years, we would have definitely wanted to watch something like this. Real people... Continue reading
Posted Nov 3, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Thanks to everyone for all the love and support about the film! I'm excited for everyone to see if but also kinda nervous! Noah set up a way for people in other countries to download it on Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/onemoreshot hopefully that link works and I'll post it more formally on Nov. 4th when the film is available! Sending lots of love. M
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It's been over a month since I've written and I think I've been a little nervous. The film Noah and I have been working on for YEARS, One More Shot, is finally being born! (You can pre-order it here). And while I am so excited that it will get out there and hopefully help erase some of the shame and stigma and isolation people feel, I'm also anxious, though I'm not totally sure why. Making this film was very cathartic for us for a variety of reasons, the main one being it was something we could do when we couldn't... Continue reading
Posted Oct 26, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
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It's been a while since I've done fertility stuff. I'm not at all saying I've forgotten what it's like to be chained to a calendar that's decorated with multiple doctor appointments and injection/med schedules. And I haven't forgotten the anxiety of trying to make a plan, buy a plane ticket etc etc only to have to cancel because lining isn't thick enough or I broke through the birth control-- whatever that means. But...I've had some space from it all and it has been very very much in the back of my mind. Until today. I had a call with the... Continue reading
Posted Sep 19, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Thanks to everyone for commenting on this-- it's helpful and informative! And I just saw that NY Mag art but haven't sat down with it...very curious.
Hi. It's been a while. I always feel badly when a lot of time goes by without checking in. The past month has been business as usual-- I had ideas for a second documentary that I have to sell Noah on because he's still dealing with the specifics about getting the first one out in a few months. Momo is starting preschool next week. I've had some family stuff-- one being saying goodbye to my Baboo, who was like an adopted grandmother to me. When my mom moved to this country from Japan, she didn't speak much English. She came... Continue reading
Posted Aug 29, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
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Wow, just reading these comments makes me so amazed at what you all are going through. Jenny-- the art therapy sounds great, your surgery does not-- hope you are doing well. Katy-- I mean, the losses you've endured, I don't even know what to say other than how amazing it is that you channelled your energy into those pups. My heart goes out to you. Pamela-- you are incredible and my fingers and toes are crossed for you sister! Heather-- I'm going to heck out that book, thank you! Italy sounds delicious. Love and luck to you all.
I just finished reading (listening) to the book What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarty. It was recommended to me by a friend who thought it would be an easy summer read (listen) and has a secondary story line about infertility that my friend thought I might find interesting. I gave it a listen and thought the IF story line and the feelings portrayed were pretty accurate. I won't spoil anything for anyone interested in taking a look, but there were a few lines that stood out to me and made me think about how truly life/identity changing the infertility experience... Continue reading
Posted Jul 26, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
A little while ago I wrote a post about my friend who is on her...maybe 5th round of IVF, now trying for a second. She's the one who had a successful pregnancy on her very last transfer of a meh embryo and has a beautiful healthy boy and has now been in the process of chasing number two for like, two years. She's the one who knocked herself out when she gave herself the trigger shot and was literally bleeding from the head the night before retrieval. Anyway. I mention her because we spoke today and after multiple IVFs that... Continue reading
Posted Jul 20, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
I've been thinking a lot about the idea of temperament and how an individual or a couple processes their unique "journey to parenthood." This concept has come up at various intervals during our time on IF Island because Noah and I are... fundamentally, emotionally VERY different people. But last weekend was Noah's 20 year high school reunion and we went, and I saw in him something I've always known but never fully understood, and that is his shyness. So how is that relevant? When I met Noah, 17 plus years ago, I knew she was shy. He was quiet and... Continue reading
Posted Jul 12, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
I'm sitting at the Santa Rosa, CA airport. It's a tiny place and I'm drinking a chocolate milkshake and thinking about life and time and how quickly years go by. I don't mean to sound nostalgic. But maybe I am. A good friend of mine got married this weekend and I flew up North (by myself, leaving Momo alone with Noah for the first time ever), and I officiated her wedding. Yes, per some non-denominational ministry on the internet, I am legit to officiate weddings-- and apparently bless water. My friend has been trying to find her soulmate for a... Continue reading
Posted Jul 3, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Thank you so much for sharing everyone and Pamela-- OMG, I don't even know what to say other than wishing you so much love and luck. What a ride.
Toggle Commented Jul 2, 2017 on Off The Grid at Don't Count Your Eggs
Sooooo.... it's been a while. We made a last minute trip to NY, which was fun but exhausting and Momo got sick. Then I got sick. And Noah left town for work for two weeks, and so it goes. Sometimes we are just trying to put one foot in front of the other, right? What the past few weeks have got me thinking about is am I really ready to saddle up and do this FET in August? Answer, no. And this is the luxury of having an embryo on ice. A kidsicle, as one of my friends calls it.... Continue reading
Posted Jun 12, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
And is that best for everyone, especially the children, involved in donor conception? This was one of the topics of a lecture given by a seasoned psychotherapist at a conference I attended last month about the ethics of third party reproduction. Actually her lecture was really about how there is no such thing as anonymity in this day and age because people are easily found on the internet, and that it is not best for the child that their genetic origin is a secret. This therapist was making a call to donor agencies and professionals in the third party reproduction... Continue reading
Posted May 17, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Interesting to read different points of views about this. Thanks to everyone for sharing. I don't have a lot of anxiety about how Momo will understand her origins but I do think it's nice to feel included in the conversation-- yes of course there is a lot more to this, it was just a thought I had that came from a story I heard that didn't feel right. That's where change usually comes from right? Anyway. Conversation and different opinions are helpful.
So I know that M day is this weekend and it can be a really hard day for a lot of people who are M's in waiting. I've written about the challenges of these culturally created days at different stopping points in my own journey so I won't spend much time here but I do want to send a little extra love to anyone for whom this day just sucks. What I do want to write about is something I have recently gotten very fired up about. That is how to change culture to create a society where being conceived... Continue reading
Posted May 12, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
There was a recent comment question about why I want a sibling for Momo (aka a second child for us aka another human in the world, but interesting how we often think of #2 as a gift for #1), and while I can only speak to my own experience and feelings here, I think some people might share my views or have more intelligent things to say about the whole thing, so please don't hesitate to share your thoughts. I think when it comes to family composition or size, many of us either want to replicate what we had growing... Continue reading
Posted May 5, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Thanks for the comments, except for the nasty one, but I never tell anyone to give up or look for higher truths. I'm not in any position to tell anyone what to do on their journey and I apologize if I've offended or hurt feelings. This is a personal blog so everything is my perspective and while I try to maintain as much space for people in any given situation to feel included, I also have to stay true to where I am in my process, so again, apologies if it comes off as self-centered. I actually thought this was an interesting topic, though perhaps not to people still working on their first child, so I get that. But the concept of trying between cycles for a first child, or after moving on to a different family building option like adoption or even after deciding to live child-free, does one still "try?" Or not not try? I found that I don't like the idea of letting a potential egg drop without at least giving it some kind of chance, but I don't test for ovulation and I don't stop drinking (coffee or other) during the tww, and I don't really consider it a tww. Nothing was a go this month and for the first time I didn't feel hugely disappointed, just curious because somehow, still after all this, I am convinced each time it is going to work. Also the fact that Momo's embryo match-- is that a term? Is still there for us makes whatever happens now ok. Anyway, those are my two cents. As far as Noah goes... he doesn't know what to think anymore, poor guy. He will be happy with whatever child we can end up with for our second and will be just as happy with just Momo if that's what is in our cards. Pamela-- good luck to you. You're in my thoughts as always. Deb-- I'll write about wanting a sib because I have been thinking about it and they why of all of it lately so thanks for that topic. And thanks as always, Jojo and Deb for having my back. ;) Also, miracle stories and thoughts about this stuff are super helpful. m
Also, Deb, DE is usually donor egg. I think. ;)
So I've been thinking about this for the better part of the month because, well, I just have been. And what I really started to think about is what does it mean to "try?" Why or why not keep trying and how much...effort should go into it? So I let go of my search for the elusive one good egg a long time ago. I have Momo, I don't care about finding the one good egg, and since she was born (just over two years ago), I really haven't thought about trying. The years of "trying" were terrible. It started... Continue reading
Posted Apr 25, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
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Thank you so much for responding with such insightful and thoughtful comments.I think it really helps when those with direct experience share their thoughts and feelings!
This is a terrible blog post title-- because who am I or anyone else to say what is harder, right? It's all relative. Getting a donor for number one is friggin' hard, and you don't have a kid yet-- but...stay with me...I have a friend who I've written about before. She got off IF Island by the skin of her teeth with the last frozen embryo from multiple cycles. She has done two more cycles since and multiple transfers for an attempt at number two and outlook is not so good. She's older and the last IVF resulted in zero... Continue reading
Posted Apr 17, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs
Hi Rachel. I think we are close to finding distribution for the film so it can be available! It's almost as hard to get a film out into the world as it is to make a baby! We will keep everyone posted and thanks so much for the interest. Deb-- First of all, I'm so sorry for your loss and for the whole experience of it. I mean...ugh. And also thanks for connecting and commenting and sharing. it's helpful. I would love to write about all the things you mentioned above and might one day. Right now its my personal story that will likely be put together first-- then maybe down the line I can explore some of these things more. The conference i went to was interesting and the idea of is anyone really anonymous these days came up. A handful of good topics to write about for sure. Take care of yourself. M Jojo!!! It's a lot of pressure and your question is a good one. What if the last shot doesn't work, right? I think I'll dedicate a fuller post to this but obviously we will need to regroup a bit and see how we feel but I might actually work more towards coming to terms with Momo being an only child. That's how I feel today and I reserve the right to change my mind, but each individual and couple has to sit with the choices ahead and do what feels right. We won't fully know that until we know what we are working with, but I know Noah doesn't want to move forward with something else so we will need to maybe just see where we land.A planB always helped us. This time might be different. Hope all is going well for you!
Toggle Commented Apr 11, 2017 on Back Home at Don't Count Your Eggs
Hola! We just got back from Seattle and had an incredible time showing the film as part of The Art of Infertility Exhibit at Seattle Center. It was really great to connect to the community out there and to be a part of spreading the word about infertility and shedding some light on the real life experience of it. That's part of our mission as well as normalizing the different ways a baby can be created. It was kind of a whirlwind weekend but what I came out with more than anything is that people going through this stuff need... Continue reading
Posted Apr 7, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs