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Laura Smith
I help women entrepreneurs bring balance back to their lives by giving them personalized tools for systems, self-care and sanity!
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By Laura Kay, Chief Firecracker, Pink Spark Systems When was the last time you strutted? You heard me right...strutted. Maybe you've never done it. Maybe it's been a while Either way, let's change! The dictionary's definition of strutting is "to walk with a proud gait." You've got plenty to be proud of, Gorgeous, so why not strut? Let's start a strutting revolution! Here's what to do: The next time you have to walk ~ whether it's to the restroom, the laundry room or through a crowded restaurant ~ don't. STRUT INSTEAD! (with a big ol' smile on your beautiful face) Do it FOR YOU. Feel your confidence boost with each step you take. Own it, Baby! Let's go! You're SO worth it! Like this? Sign up to get my FREE newsletter, Dearie! Name: Email: Continue reading
Posted Aug 1, 2014 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Kay (formerly Smith), Chief Firecracker, Pink Spark Systems Ugh. Divorce. Have you been through one, My Dear? I hope not. But, if you’re like a lot of us, you’ve been there ~ done that. Me too. In fact, recently ~ like this year. Believe me, one of my New Year’s resolutions was NOT divorce. Yet, here I sit. New name. New home. New everything. If you happen to be traveling down a rough road right now, I thought I’d share a few of the activities that have brought me through the past few months ~ albeit, somewhat tattered ~ but still whole. 1. Just do ONE day at a time. More often than I’d like to admit, I’ve found myself ANYWHERE but the present. Revisiting the past NEVER makes me feel good. Of course not. I know better but my mind would sometimes go there. Then you’ve got the overwhelming fear of the future. Can I do this on my own? What if ~ what if ~ what if? When I can stay focused just on today and the fact that I’m okay ~ I’m fed (with more Ben & Jerry’s than I’d like to admit) ~ I have a roof over my head, it’s easier to stay grounded. 2. Be VERY gentle with yourself. Want to take a nap (note: this is different than staying in your pajamas all day on the couch, believe me, I know)? DO IT! Would a quick walk boost your spirits? GO FOR IT! How about a manicure in fiery red or ocean blue? WHY NOT? Reach for the little things that make you feel better and ALLOW them to work their magic, My Friend! 3. Be grateful. So here’s the thing: I’ve cried A LOT in the last 4+ months. I mean A LOT. However, at the end of almost any good cry, I’d end up laughing. Before you send me off to the funny farm, let me explain. As my tears would start to dry, I’d look around ~ no matter where I was ~ and see things to be grateful for. They’re everywhere ~ if you pay attention. I’d think to myself, “Laura, look at all of the beauty that surrounds you in so many different forms. Whoa, Girlfriend (yes, I call myself Girlfriend sometimes). There’s so much love and positive energy around you. Let it sink in.” I’d sit there…blown away. I’d feel such joy. Then I’d laugh at myself for crying when there’s so much abundance everywhere ~ how could I be such a boob and not notice it? I’m not sure how many of you need this right now but if my experience and this article can help even one other Beauty, I’m thrilled. Here’s to the fabulous future! Like this? Sign up to get my FREE newsletter, Dearie! Name: Email: Continue reading
Posted Jul 25, 2014 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Firecracker, Pink Spark Systems So you're sitting there reading this email...why not have a self-love fest RIGHT NOW? It's fairly simply and it feels oh-so good. Here are the 3 easy steps: 1. Plan to spend the next 60 seconds REALLY loving you. 2. Start with a gentle hug or caress and take it up and down your ENTIRE body. Now, let's get one thing straight, Sister: I'm not talking about a quick rubbie rubbie huggie huggie. I'm talking about an OOOOH ~ AAAAH ~ that feels good. Really enjoy and notice the positive sensations in your body. It's bound to relax you a bit and send little sparkles of love throughout your wonderful being. 3. Repeat at least once a day ~ adding a minute or two when you can! So simple. So delightful and you're SO worth it! Subscribe to my fabulous email list, Gorgeous! Continue reading
Posted Mar 7, 2014 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Firecracker, Pink Spark Systems Do you have a creative task to do today? If you’re like the average (even though I TOTALLY get that you’re ANYTHING but average) entrepreneur or business woman, I bet you do. Also, if you’re like the average person, you sit in front of your computer just hoping and praying that creative lightening will strike and you’ll hit inspired gold. Does it ever happen like that? Usually not. That’s why I wanted to share MY secret for getting that lovely three-pound clump of cells we call our brain aflame with ingenious ideas! It really couldn’t be easier. Woohoo! Watch this less-than-two-minute video to get inspired! Subscribe here to get fab updates from Pink Spark Systems! Continue reading
Posted Feb 14, 2014 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Firecracker, Pink Spark Systems So, you've got something important to create. You're sitting in front of your computer. Waiting for the right words/idea/creative juices to flow. And waiting… And waiting… What should a fabulous entrepreneur like yourself do? How about SLOWLY STEP AWAY FROM THE DESK, MA'AM? Honestly, sitting in front of an electrical screen is about as creativity killing as it gets. So…once a day, for about an hour, do something FOR your business but AWAY from your computer. You could: 1. Create an outline for an upcoming newsletter. 2. Dissect a future project. 3. Brainstorm your newest offering. 4. Write emails you'll need to launch that new, mahvelous product. You get the idea. It's amazing how much easier thoughts and ideas flow when you remove yourself from your desk. So plan time each day to take a mini vacation to a land of creativity. I promise you and your brain will thank me! P.S. YES ~ you'll need to use good ol' fashion pen and paper or a voice recorder for this exercise! Continue reading
Posted Feb 7, 2014 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Firecracker, Pink Spark Systems Recently, I had the opportunity to speak at a local Women In Networking breakfast meeting. This wasn't the first time I've given a speech but to say that I was stressed about it is an understatement. *Sigh* However, I'm here to say that I made it out A-L-I-V-E. I actually learned some things that will make it even easier next time. I wanted to share my tips with you ~ in case you ever find yourself with an opportunity that feels scary. Continue reading
Posted Jan 31, 2014 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Firecracker, Pink Spark Systems Have you ever been stopped in your tracks by fear? Maybe you're totally excited about the speaking gig you just landed...but writing or practicing your speech feels like a MAJOR pain. Maybe you've got a potential client to talk to...but picking up the phone is just not happening. Maybe you've got a book inside you that's just begging to be written...but even doing the outline gets your heart racing. The good news is: We've all been there. Being an entrepreneur is a lesson in courage. We spend A LOT of time outside our comfort zones. Sigh. It can be tough. I recently visited with Ava Waits, Feed the Source of Your Success, about how to move PAST the fear. Typically, growth = fear. As we grow, we simply find new experiences that can be fear provoking. We conquer one fear and another quickly takes its place. No worries! Watch the video below for some fun & easy ideas for getting over yourself...and breaking through to your most successful year evah! Continue reading
Posted Jan 17, 2014 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Firecracker, Pink Spark Systems it is. Another day of work. How did you wake up? Alive, energized and full of excitement? OR ho-hum, sluggish and mildly deflated? How do you bring the magic back? Sister, I've so been there. I remember one particular day when I was feeling sooo not into it. I didn't know where to begin so I made an executive decision ~ sit on the couch in my sweatpants and read all day. *Sigh* After all, I deserved a day off. Taking some time away would really help rejuvenate my "creative juices," right? Yeah. Guess what? I wasn't able to enjoy myself. I felt a nagging guilt all day long. At the end of "my" day, I felt I had just wasted many hours that I'd never be able to get back. Ugh! Now, it's different. I've developed tools to help me maintain the smile in my biz. Here they are: 1. Intend your day. Yep. It's a nightly and/or morning ritual. Either last thing at night or first thing in the morning (before getting out of bed), I think about all that I've got going on any given day. I intend that everything will be the best it can be. If I'm commuting, I'll sail through traffic. If I'm meeting someone, we'll have an awesome connection. You get the idea. I EXPECT awesome things. 2. Be present. Too often, life's moments just slip by and because we've got so much on our plates, we're not even aware. I've had so many clients say, "I can't even enjoy time with my kids because I'm always thinking of what I should be getting done when I'm spending time with them." This is where choice comes in, My Dear. What if you decided to put all the daily stuff out of your mind and be PRESENT for those moments? Really listen. Really enjoy. Try it out. I bet you'll like it. 3. Take breaks. Isn't it funny that "employees" have the right to government-mandated breaks but as entrepreneurs we rarely give them to ourselves? What's up with that? Schedule some breaks into your day and also ~ no eating lunch in front of the computer. Give yourself some free time and ~ again ~ be PRESENT to enjoy it. 4. Reward yourself. If you've got something you'd rather not do on your to-do list or you reach a goal or you're just fabulous, reward yourself for it. I talk with my clients about ALWAYS having a reward available for doing those tasks that they have to force themselves to do. It's like going back to first grade and getting a gold star for effort. It feels good. 5. How about giving yourself a pat on the back? It's super easy to focus on what you didn't get done. Try focusing on what you've accomplished and how great it feels to be the CEO of your successful biz. If you don't celebrate your achievements, who will? It's time to give yourself the award for "Employee of the Month" ~ every month. Cheers to your success! Why not sign up for my newsletter for more juicy ideas? Get FREE updates here...You Sassy Biz Wiz! Name: Email: Of course, your email remains completely confidential forever, Dearie! Continue reading
Posted Dec 6, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Pink Torch Solutions It happened on a business flight from Minneapolis to Las Vegas years ago. I expected the standard "yawn" activities while traveling to a conference ~ a little magazine reading (all fluff), maybe some solitaire on my phone and then generally glancing around, people watching and waiting...for the wasted time of travel to end. But something different happened this time. I was hit with a lightening bolt of genius that just seemed to come out of nowhere. I only had a tiny notebook with me but I was furiously writing down marvelous idea after marvelous idea. The funny thing is: I know that this never would have happened with my butt sitting in front of my computer. Since then, it's happened over and over and over ~ every time I travel. Has this ever happened to you? Here are a few tips to get your travel mojo started: 1. Become aware of all the pockets of time you have while traveling. These include time at the airport (layovers, waiting for plane to board), time actually in the air, downtime in your hotel room and often even meal time. 2. Know yourself and which tasks are best completed during this time. For instance, I become a creative maniac when I travel. For you, it may be getting some reading done and/or learning about something you've been meaning to get to but just haven't had the chance. Also, it can be attending to the minutiae of your business ~ the little things that need to get done and have been piling up. 3. Make a plan, My Dear. Decide what you'd like to get done. Have that project available with you. For me, I grew up in the "good ol' days" when notes were taken on actual paper and written with a pen. *Gasp* This is still how I best produce my creative writing. Therefore, I always have a notepad with me when I travel. If my project is an article I want to get out, I'll have my laptop available and sign in to the online service in-flight and get 'er done. It feels soooo good to get ahead of myself in this way by tending to my business while on a plane. Who knew? While traveling, it's best to work at a leisurely pace. There's no pressure to complete anything. Go easy on yourself, Sweet Stuff! 4. Celebrate your awesomeness! Woohoo! You are an amazing woman. You take care of business. Let it sink in. It feels good to use these pockets of formerly "wasted" time to become a productivity wizard. So next time you find yourself in a travel situation, why not give yourself the gift of a new kick-butt habit? Try this out. Make it your own. Be the brilliant entrepreneur that I KNOW you are. Get FREE updates from Pink Torch Solutions here...You Sassy Biz Wiz! Name: Email: Of course, your email remains completely confidential forever, Dearie! Continue reading
Posted Oct 25, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge Imagine This: You're in dreamland. Zzzzzzzzzz. Blissful. Unaware. Major REM activity going on. Suddenly, the alarm goes off. You tap the snooze button. You're a bit groggy. THEN IT HITS YOU LIKE A FREIGHT TRAIN -- OUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY HEART IS BROKEN! I used to loathe going to sleep during a breakup because it meant I had to wake up and there'd be that little moment in between sleep and reality where I had forgotten all my pain. Where there was no pain. And then reality would slap me in the face. Damn, I hated it. Unfortunately, there is no way to get around this moment unless, of course, you want to set the Guinness world record for Most Hours a Human Being Has Stayed Awake. While this title is impressive, it's not worth the bags you'll have under your eyes. You will wake up. You will have to face your day. It's at this moment you have a choice. I recommend you either: A) Smile. This sounds hard when you're sad. If you force yourself to smile (yes, physically smile) first thing in the morning, you will feel a teenie tiny bit better. Try it. It's almost impossible to smile and feel bad at the same time. B) Pretend your pillow is his face and give it a good swat. Yes, this suggestion contains violent tendencies but if you get it out of your system first thing, I bet you can go back to Step A and really mean it. Sometimes, once isn't enough. Don't feel bad if you need to repeat this step a few times. Go ahead. No one's watching. C) Close your eyes and assign him an animal spirit guide. Some of the first things that come to mind are the ever-popular pig or dog or ass. You could be really creative and make him a stink bug, goat or one of those monkeys with big red butts. Think of the animal. Picture his face. Merge the two. Ta-Da! How unattractive is that? Ewwwww! D) Close your eyes and contemplate and plan your day and see yourself going through your day as the strong fabulous woman you are. Imagine you ~ walking tall and proud. You strut right by the vending machine at work without giving that Snickers bar a second thought. You laugh more. You OWN your day. You make it what YOU want it to be. It goes without saying that it's really important to take care of YOU during this time. Typically, the way you start your day influences the hours that follow. Why not start it out from a happy place? It's your choice. Since we all know you're amazing, it's a pretty good bet that sensational days are ahead! You may not believe me when I say this but this feeling does get better with time. Pretty soon, it will be 30 seconds before reality hits you. Then a minute. Then 5 minutes. Then longer. Until then, I hope these suggestions help, You Fabulous Doll! Shine On! Continue reading
Posted Sep 6, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge Today, I'm going to give you tips on finding out who YOU are after a breakup. Whether you're dealing with a divorce or breakup, the moment you realize how much of yourself you've lost in the relationship can be eye-opening and devastating all at once. Maybe you gave up some friendships in order to make time for him and his friends. Maybe you took an interest in his hobbies and forgot about your own. Maybe you spent a lot of time being in his life ~ while he spent little in yours. Sound familiar? It does to me because that's exactly what I did. Instead of keeping some interests and friends "mine," I morphed into his world and lost my own. So it was a double whammy when our relationship was over because he took his world with him. I was left...alone and confused. So what did I do? After deciding that QVC wasn't such a good boyfriend, I decided to be my own buddy. I decided to seek some adventure. I remember being in the restroom of a restaurant and seeing a flyer for a foosball league. I had played foosball a lot as a kid because my parents had a table in our basement. I had earned the title "Goddess of Foosball" in the house and I reigned supreme for years. So when I saw that flyer, this was my thought process: "Hmmmm, foosball, eh?" "I was pretty good at foosball as a kid. Maybe I should consider it." "What if I stink? What if I make a fool out of myself? Can I do this alone? Eeeeek!" "But what if it's kind of fun?" The league matches were on Mondays and it just so happened that my daughter was with her dad every Monday so I'd actually be free. There went that excuse. You see, sometimes, when we're contemplating trying something new, it can make us uncomfortable. That's when the "excuse monster" comes out and tries to keep you from exploring new things. How do you keep him at bay? Read on. A few weeks later, as I parked in front of the bar/restaurant where the first informational league meeting was being held, I sat there...frozen. I didn't know a soul inside. I called my friend, Diane, and said, "I don't think I can do this." She told me to get my butt in there as I didn't have anything to lose. So much for subtlety!! So I did it. I walked in and felt immediately like an outsider. I went up to the organizer and told him that I wasn't part of a team and that I didn't know anyone but that I'd be sitting in back. I also asked him not to shine any attention on me and my situation. Sure enough, at the end of his instructions, he piped up and said, "Oh, by the way, Laura is in the back and she has no team and she knows no one." What? Really? Talk about worst nightmare becoming a reality. However, a kind gentleman named Murry had no partner, either. We formed a team and there began my immersion into the foosball sub-culture. I had no idea that there are actually professional foosball players and that the game is much more technical than I ever imagined so let's just say it...I sucked. However, on the flip side, I was sooooo proud of myself. I had done this for me. I felt alive. It took courage and I had it!! I also met some wonderful people and truly enjoyed every Monday night for the 6 1/2 months the league played. It was so fun! If you try something new, I can guarantee two things will happen: 1. You will gain confidence. It took some major guts for me to walk in that door to join the league that day. What is something you could do that would take guts? Think about that. What are you interested in trying? Once you take the plunge and do it, you will feel different inside. YOU will be honoring you. There will be a little spring in your step that wasn't there before. Why? Because you, my dear, are taking care of you and fulfilling your own life's desires! Go for it! Stand tall and proud! 2. You will have more fun than you think, I promise. There are lots of pluses to a new experience. Typically, you get to meet some new people. Expanding your social circle is always good when you're going through a difficult time. Oftentimes, it takes your mind off you and your situation. In addition, as I pointed out, you have a blast! Once that initial ~ oh my god! I'm doing this and it's kinda scary ~ wears off, you will find yourself enjoying yourself immensely! So what is something you want to try, say, in the next month? Could you commit to trying just one new thing this week? I think so. I hope so. After all, you're worth it, Baby! Shine On! Continue reading
Posted Aug 30, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge Boy, I was busy. I mean REALLY busy. I had a to-do list a mile long. When I did see a potential speck of free time, I made sure that it was full of activity. I was buzzing from sun up to sun down. Why you ask? Well, because I HAD to avoid something at all feelings. Do you remember the story of Alice in Wonderland? There was a character in it called White Rabbit. He spent most of his time running to and fro exclaiming, "I'm late/I'm late/For a very important date./No time to say Hello, Goodbye./I'm late, I'm late, I'm late. " Well, I had become the White Rabbit of Minnesota. Why was I so busy being busy? To be honest, I was so terrified that if I slowed down, even for a second, the pain would overwhelm me. You see, I was muddling through my second divorce. What if I let the sadness in and never felt happy again? What if the shame was more than I could bear? What if I discovered I had no inner strength left? What if everybody found out how much I was struggling? So it became easier, for a while, to keep myself super swamped with things to do. I don't know if you've ever tried this at home but here's my advice: DON'T DO IT! Can you guess what happened? Are you with me? Let me tell you that staying occupied 24/7 takes a lot of energy. When I was alone, it was the hardest. I'd be watching TV while reading a book on the ellipitcal machine. I know that sounds difficult to do simultaneously but I'm here to tell you ~ it can be done. Pretty soon, I was exhausted. Then it happened. What I had been running from for the past few months enveloped me ~ all the hurt ~ all the shame ~ all the sadness ~ all the fear ~ all the...RELIEF??? Wait! Nobody mentioned anything good coming out of this. But it did. Once I let my feelings in, I realized that even though it was painful there was a measure of relief to it all. On top of that, I found out that I HADN'T lost my inner strength. It was right where I left it and more powerful than before. I felt so much better letting the emotions in, dealing with them and eventually waving goodbye to that path and turning down a different one. Here are a few tips to help you deal with busy-itis (I'm not a physician and that's not an actual medical diagnosis but you get my drift): 1. Lean into your feelings. I'm not saying dive in. LEAN IN. Accept that they're there. Notice them. Let them be. I tell my clients that the problem with pain is that no matter how long you spend trying to avoid it ~ it will always be there waiting ~ so better to deal with it and move on. 2. If you want to cry, go ahead and cry. Sometimes, I could feel it coming. I'd think to myself, "Hmmmm. I think I'm going to cry. Yep. I think so." So I'd have anything from a little squirt of tears to an all out ugly cry and then by the time it was over, I'd usually be laughing at myself because I really did have a lot to be grateful for ~ if I thought about it. So what was I crying about? 3. If you start to feel bad, put yourself on a timer. Ten minutes is a great place to start. It gets the emotion out but you don't have enough time to sink into the abyss. That's the sinking! Once you've reached your time limit on having a cry or feeling bad, pick your cute butt up and get on with your life! Here's to letting your emotions catch up with you! After all, you're way too fierce and fabulous to run from ANYTHING!! Shine On! Groovin' on this article? Get FREE updates from The Breakup Lounge, Gorgeous! Name: Email: Continue reading
Posted Aug 23, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge When coping with divorce or the breakup of a relationship, it's often easy to overlook the good stuff. After all, life as you knew it is changing ~ and sometimes it's a DRAMATIC change. But...does that mean there's NOTHING good going on? NO!!! I'd like to introduce you to a little exercise called an Appreciation Avalanche. I first heard about this from a friend of mine, Sharon. She likes to do it every morning. Wow! What a great way to start your day. It's super easy and there's just one step. 1. Think of all the things in life you have to be thankful for and say it loud and proud. Easy, right? You can do this any time of day or night. Stand up. Look around you and start there. Maybe you're grateful for the cup of coffee you have in front of you. Maybe you're thankful for your health. Maybe you took a memorable trip somewhere that you loved. The list can be endless ~ if you really think about it. Just let your mind go. I believe you'll find that there are SO MANY positive people/pets/things/memories in your life to acknowledge. Just go there! There's no right or wrong way. No time limit. You can do it for ten seconds or ten minutes. The key is to really get into it. DECLARE your gratitude for all that you have! Smile! Laugh! Clap! Woo Hoo! If you're at work or somewhere that you can't boisterously proclaim your gratitude, then you can always have a "party in your head" and just do it quietly and silently. The results are the same. YOU FEEL GOOD! YAY YOU! You want to try it right now, don't you? Well, go right ahead! Let's do this! Bring on the Appreciation Avalanche! Groovin' on this article? Get FREE updates from The Breakup Lounge, Gorgeous! Name: Email: Continue reading
Posted Aug 17, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge Let's face it. Sometimes, when dealing with a breakup, you just have one of those days. Nothing seems to be going right. Everywhere you look, there are reminders of him or something else that makes you feel bad (like empty Haagen Daz containers littering the kitchen table). Once in a while, you might even have several bad days IN A ROW. Ugh! It's not necessary to spend another minute down in the dumps. We make choices about our mood every day. So the question is: What are you going to do to bring yourself up ~ to make things a little lighter and brighter? Pick even one of the five ways listed and I guarantee you will return to your cheerful self in no time! 1. Fake it. Sometimes, ACTING like you're happy actually turns into BEING happy. "When you smile, even if you're not genuine, it sends happiness signals to your brain and makes you feel much better," says Simon Rego of the Montefiore Medical Center. Also, try it while looking in the mirror. It'll shoot another round of happiness indicators to the brain making you ~ right ~ even happier! 2. Exercise. Of course I'd say exercise. Why? First of all, it helps you to release endorphins which will naturally boost your mood. Secondly, if you choose a bit more aggressive exercise, say kickboxing or a punching bag, you'll also take out some of your frustration in a safe and positive way. Afterwards, you'll most likely think a bit clearer and therefore have a better perspective on the awesome life you're building for yourself! 3. Wear something new and different. Maybe you've got an outrageous lipstick color that you never wear ~ wear it today! Or maybe those new shoes are still sitting in your closet begging to be worn. When you feel good on the outside, you'll feel better on the inside. How about going to a store at lunch and spritzing on a new perfume? Sometimes, just a little bit of self-care can make a huge difference. 4. Veg out. Yep, distract yourself. If we have too much free time on our hands, it can lead down a spiral of doom. Let's stop the spiral NOW! How about rewatching your favorite movie for the 101st time? Or going out to lunch with friends? Try out a new coffee shop in your neighborhood or grab a book and let your imagination go? 5. Have a venting session! You can either do this alone or with a trusted pal but here's the kicker: Set the timer for 15 minutes (yes, really) or have your friend do it. "Before you start, ask your friend to set the timer for 15 minutes," says Darlene Mininni, author of The Emotional Toolkit. "That's a good amount of time to get things off your chest. Any longer and you'll start focusing on the negative stuff too much." Then ~ vent away! Rant, rave ~ or whatever you need to do. But remember: Only in moderation. You'll typically feel a relief after venting. Afterwards, choose to be in a great mood the rest of the day. Whether you're dealing with a divorce or a breakup, you will have good days and bad days. Just remember that you can always turn that frown upside-down. It's a choice. You are powerful and you can change a bad day into a good day! Best wishes for many good days ahead! Shine On! Groovin' on this article? Get FREE updates from The Breakup Lounge, Gorgeous! Name: Email: Continue reading
Posted Aug 9, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick at The Breakup Lounge Are you or have you ever been in a relationship with an addict, My Darling? I have. I would have never chosen to date an addict, and I didn't even realize it at first. He hid it very well. Once I discovered the truth, it was too late for my heart. I already had feelings for him. It's a tough road to follow. I remember what it's like to beg and plead for them to stop ~ to make a change ~ FINALLY ~ for the better. I know what it's like to be disappointed ~ again and again ~ when they try to "do the right thing" and fail. So it is with breakups and addiction. Whether you're married to or dating an addict, there is an extra element of pain added to the end of the relationship. Sometimes, you just want to physically shake them and say, "Why are you throwing your life away?" Sometimes, you even give an ultimatum. They choose their vice. You're left thinking, "Why aren't I enough? Why would you choose your addiction over being with me?" If you don't give an ultimatum, you can become trapped in a place of cautious hope for weeks, months ~ even years. You hope they're going to really kick it this time. They said all the right things. They really seemed sincere this time. Only they weren't...again. So you find yourself at the end of the relationship, for whatever reason, and what do you do? This is what I did: 1. Stopped blaming myself. Yes, I could have done some things differently. Would it have made a real difference? If I was honest with myself ~ the answer is a big fat NO. In reality, I had no control over this person and their behavior. I tried to help. I failed. There came a time when I gave myself credit for trying to find solutions to his problem. I knew that I had exhausted all the opportunities I could think of to help him change. That gave me peace. 2. Let myself feel relief of stress. If you've ever been in a relationship with an addict, there's typically a certain level of just daily, underneath-it-all stress. You don't even realize it until it's not there anymore. I started to feel a bit lighter and happier right away. I relished that sense of relief. I relaxed more. It felt good. 3. Put the responsibility where it belonged. At first, I found myself looking back at our relationship and seeing him through rose-colored glasses ~ well, he wasn't THAT bad. He had a job. He wasn't abusive in any way. He paid his bills. But at the end of the day, he made choices about his life that were completely his. It helped me to stand back and give him the responsibility of those choices rather than making it the "addiction's" responsibility. Making it the addiction's responsibility, I could give his behavior every excuse in the book. Doing that didn't help me or him. 4. Chose what I would tolerate. I realized I was too good for false promises. I had this whole wonderful life ahead of me. I knew if I stayed with him that I would become stagnant too. That wasn't what I wanted for me. He made the choice to remain the same. I made the choice to grow and thrive. 5. Forgave him. I know what you're thinking ~ are you nuts, Laura? Forgive him? But I did it. It was wonderful gift of freedom that I gave myself ~ and ultimately him. I smile now thinking about it. If it feels impossible, click here to read my blog on forgiveness. It's a beautiful thing. Ladies, this is a very delicate subject. Everyone that's been involved with an addict has a different story but I think we all share the same pain. I know and understand from my experience that you CAN come out on the other side stronger than you ever thought. I believe in you! Shine On! Diggin' this article? Sign up for The Breakup Lounge's FREE! Name: Email: Continue reading
Posted Aug 2, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick at The Breakup Lounge Do you ever give others power over your opinion of yourself? Yep, it's something most of us do more than we'd like to admit. In this short video, I give 3 juicy tips on bringing the focus back to you, Gorgeous! Visit my site, here, for details on the FREE offering I give at the end! Now ~ go be fabulous!!! Continue reading
Posted Jul 26, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge How do you choose to view your breakup or divorce? Are you at the point of barely surviving? Struggling with each day? Well, there comes a time - and yes, it will come even if you don't believe me right now - where you'll turn "surviving" into "thriving." How do I know? Because it happened to me, too. This reminds me of a scene in the movie Bridesmaids. Do you remember where Megan meets Annie and is describing her fall off a cruise ship? According to her, she "broke a lot of shit. But I'm not gonna to say I survived. I'm gonna say I thrived." After seeing this again recently, I thought to myself, "Gee, Megan's right. We all have a choice during hard times, and we have power over our perspective." You see, you can't really change the situation, itself. You are dealing with a divorce or breakup. It stinks at times but what's the difference between surviving and thriving? Surviving is just what the Merriam-Webster dictionary defines it as ~ to continue to function or prosper despite. Interesting that even Merriam-Webster (whoever they are) put the words function and prosper into the definition as those words mean different things. This, of course, fits nicely into this article because, there again, you can choose to merely function or to prosper despite the situation. So I ask you: Which one sounds better? Surviving is sometimes all you can muster for a day ~ especially if it's a tough one. Even on those days though, doesn't thriving sound more fun? How do you get to the thriving, though? Well, I've got a few tips to help you along. 1. Reflect and learn. Even when a relationship ends and you feel like you know what, there's usually a ton to learn about yourself and relationships if you look for the golden nugget of knowledge that's available to you. How does looking back help? Well, you can see things that you liked and didn't like and either recreate them or make a solemn promise to yourself that you'll love yourself enough to never be in that kind of relationship again. 2. Be kind to you. Yes, this is a recurrent theme in my articles because why? Because IT WORKS. Paying attention to yourself and being ultra gentle to you is a great habit to begin or strengthen during a difficult divorce or breakup. After all, you're all you've got. Since I'm guessing you've got a little extra time on your hands because you're single now, how about doing something nice for you? 3. Kick negativity to the curb.'s easy to focus on the so-called "rotten hand" you've been dealt. It's human nature. I get it. But how would it feel to begin focusing on the good instead? Right now, you could write down ten things that you're grateful for and change your mood instantly. You could call one of your friends and tell her how much her friendship means to you. You could compliment someone and make them feel great about themselves. There's plenty of ways to take the edge off and put a smile on your face as you go through your day. Why not make the decision to be happier and spread some joy? So it really comes down to what you want to do with your day. My question is: Are you going to survive or ARE YOU GOING TO THRIVE? If you're the Hip Chick I think you are, I know you'll declare your superpowers and THRIVE!!! For more juicy info and articles, click here, Sweet Stuff, to visit my website, The Breakup Lounge! Shine On! Continue reading
Posted Jul 19, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge Sometimes, there are points in life where we find out who are real friends are. A divorce or breakup is typically one of those times. Why does this happen and what can we do about it? First, let's paint a picture of life pre-divorce or breakup. You have your buds ~ your girls. They may be friends from grade school, high school, college ~ someone from the old 'hood ~ a work friend you've had for years ~ a wife or girlfriend of one of your ex's friends ~ moms of your kids' friends ~ a sister, cousin, neighbor, etc. All these various women who came into your life under varied circumstances. The one common thread here is: You think they have your back through thick and thin. You've shared LIFE with them, after all. You've laughed over margaritas or a school play. You've commiserated when you've had the flu or bought the wrong lipstick color ~ again. You have that fuzzy feeling that they'll always be there until ~ you don't. Yep, it kinda sucks. Once you break the news that you're no longer in a relationship, people react differently. Some rally to your side. Some can't or won't. It may start as an odd intuition that says, "Hmmm. I called her three days ago and she hasn't returned my call. That's weird." Maybe it's, "Is it my imagination or did so-and-so just abruptly dart down a different hallway to avoid me?" At first, you dismiss it. "Oh, she must be really busy." Then it happens again...and again. You get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach. Really? She's going to abandon me NOW of all times? "Stay is a charming word in a friend's vocabulary," says Amos Bronson Alcott. What should you do when a friend doesn't "stay"? 1. Remember that it's about THEM ~ not YOU. For whatever reason, for some it is difficult to watch others go through an intense life-changing situation. They may fear it's somehow contagious and will happen to them to if they get too close to you. Watching people in pain may be too much ~ they can't deal with it. They're at a loss for words. They can't fix it and it makes them uncomfortable. They feel they have to choose sides and guess what? You lost. 2. Choose compassion. It's easy to go down the path of hurtful grudge holding. After all, you're going through this hell and they deserted you, right? Holding on to the negative feelings just adds more fuel to the fire. You're already feeling bad about the breakup. Now you get to feel bad about your friend too. Why not release yourself and them? Gently acknowledge that you may never know what happened and that's okay. 3. Focus on the awesome people that are still there. Allow yourself to enjoy their companionship and love for you. Be grateful for their presence. Say a silent "Hooray!" ~ she's fabulous and I KNOW she loves me! Yes, it's true that you may emerge from a divorce or breakup with fewer friends. In fact, I'd say it's inevitable. However, trust that the friends you hang on to are the real deal. They aren't going anywhere. BFFs Forever, right? To read more articles with loads of juicy info, click here, Darling, to visit my website, The Breakup Lounge! Shine On, Sister! Continue reading
Posted Jul 12, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge It happens. It's your first holiday with your newly "single" status. You may be feeling a bit sad. You might even think ~ why bother? OR you could be pissed that all your plans have changed. Holidays and breakups can be a bummer. However, they don't have to be, Ms. Amazing! What if you made a choice to have a fabulous first holiday with your bad self? It can be easier than you think if you keep a few things in mind and plan ahead. Here are a few tips for surviving with sass! 1. Plan your day. This is of the utmost importance. Why? If we don't have a schedule to look forward to, it's easier to go down the path to a pity party for one. You're way too spectacular for an ugly cry on a national holiday so make a plan and stick to it. Maybe you'll have coffee with a friend in the morning or take a brisk walk. In the afternoon, you could catch that movie you've had your eye on or your pal's picnic. The evening (especially on July 4th) could be spent watching fireworks or treating yourself to a great meal and a "spa night" for one. There are loads of options and people WANT to include you so let them. Choose whatever will fill your cup and put it on the calendar and mean it. 2. Begin new rituals. Yes, you may have a standing annual picnic/party at your ex-in-laws' house each year complete with HIS entire family. It was fun. You could depend on it and you did it EVERY year. Guess what, Sassy? It's time to make some new rituals for yourself. You're on a new and different journey now. You have the power to create new and wonderful memories. Isn't that awesome? Go forward in the direction that feels right. 3. Have some frickin' fun! This is a HOLIDAY. Holidays usually have a little something called c-e-l-e-b-r-a-t-i-o-n attached to them. Moping is not allowed. So what are you waiting for, Gorgeous? Celebrate! Whoop it up! It's okay to laugh ~ even if you're a little down about the end of a relationship. Focus on fun and guess what? You'll have more FUN! Love that! 4. Be grateful. If you take a moment to look around at your life right now, you will undoubtedly find people/things to be grateful for. After your holiday is over, it's a great little exercise to replay the day in your head, right before you go to sleep, and think of all the things that went right and that brought you joy and that you're thankful for. Trust me, there will be a sweet smile on your beautiful face as you do this. 5. Be proud of yourself. Yep, give yourself a pat on the back. You are stronger than you know. You got this. As Mae West once said,"I never loved another person the way I loved myself." Give yourself some gentle reassurance that you will get through this difficult time in your life and you'll do it with courage and determination to make your new life the best it can be. I believe in you, Sweet Pea! Happy Holidays! Shine On! For more juicy tips on surviving divorce/breakups, head over to my website by clicking here! Continue reading
Posted Jul 5, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick at The Breakup Lounge Here's a question I recently received from Karen: Q: Hi, Laura. This is more of an OMG. I am feeling sorry for myself but here we go: My fiance of two years and I just recently split up. I have two children from a previous relationship but they have called him Dad a good majority of the time. Maybe a bad move on my part? Now that we've split, he as completely cut the kids and me out of his life. Mind you, it's only been two weeks but he's already blocked my number and if there has been contact, it's been on my part. All he can say is that he is happier, that I need to move on and that he's not going to allow me to guilt trip him into continuing a relationship with the kids. This is coming from a man who talked about adopting them at one point. I am caught in a world of hurt. Sometimes, the pain is just unbearable. I'm left wondering how he could just move on and not care about the kids. I though maybe you could help me understand and work through this. ~ Karen A: Oh, Karen, My Darling, I completely understand that you're dealing with a lot right now. I'm certain that your pain is coming from not only your own loss of the relationship but also how his absence is affecting your children. Since I'm unsure of what caused the relationship to end and who broke it off, I'll just assume that it was a surprise to you. I'm also going to assume that his behavior since has also caught you off guard. Tips for managing right now: 1. Put a time limit on your negative emotions. I've said this in past articles before but it's really helpful. When you begin to feeling really down or like you need a good cry, don't try to stop it. Just say to yourself, "Okay. Bring it. You've got ten minutes and then you're done." It's good to feel like you're the boss of your emotions and not the other way around. After the ten minutes (and use a timer if you need it), it's OVER. You MOVE ON to an activity that you enjoy. 2. Lean into the knowledge that you may never know why this happened. As you're reacting to his aloofness, I'm sure you're thinking, "Who is this person? How could he just walk away from us? Why does it seem so easy for him to disconnect and move on? Did he ever really love me and the kids?" These are thoughts that definitely cross our minds when our ex is acting in ways we never thought possible. Sadly, it happens and the questions regarding why can seem all-consuming. I hate to be the bearer of bad news but you'll probably never know what really happened here. People change. People make choices that don't make sense and hurt others. It doesn't sound like he's open to giving you any information about why he's acting the way he's acting. So, you're left in that position of wondering...why? why? why? It's uncomfortable and you'd really like to know ~ how did we get here? What could I have done to prevent this from happening? Beating yourself up at a time like this does you no good, Sassy Pants. Even though it's painful, you may have to begin getting comfortable with the idea you'll never know exactly what happened and why. 3. Count your blessings. If this is the REAL him, would you want to be with him for the rest of your life? Really? He's showing you right now who he really is and guess what? It's not pretty, Girlfriend. Be grateful that you found this out now and not later. I know it hurts but what if you two had gotten married and he pulled this? What if he had already adopted the children and then pulled this? That would be even more difficult. So...while it may be hard to imagine this being more painful, it undoubtedly would be if it happened down the line instead of now. Karen, my heart goes out to you. Please know that you are strong and you WILL get through this. Countless women have been where you are today and have gone on to lead even MORE FABULOUS lives than they ever imagined ~ and so will you! Shine On! Continue reading
Posted Jun 28, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge Okay. Here's the miss him. I mean you REALLY miss him. Let me say it one more time - You REALLY SUPER DUPER BEYOND BELIEF MISS HIM! I understand. I've been there too. I've also made a bloody fool of myself in the midst of a breakup. That's why I'm writing now. I want to save YOU from making the same mistakes. So, without further ado, here is a list of things you shouldn't do during a breakup in no particular order: 1. Drunk dial him at 2 a.m. or sober dial him at 4 p.m. The timing makes no difference. He can see right through this. He knows what you're doing and you'll feel like a fool afterwards. will. It seems like a gem of an idea after a couple margaritas with the girls. You get home. You're feeling lonely. You imagine him feeling lonely too. He might need to hear your voice to comfort him through this time, right? WRONG! 2. Make up an emergency just to talk to him. So you twisted your ankle playing volleyball. Or maybe you won an award at work. Or maybe your dog vomited. Or maybe you're just hoping for a "good" reason to contact him. Is this information he really needs or wants to know? Honestly? Huh-uh. No, Ma'am. He's no longer in your life so he doesn't get to hear about everything that's happening to you whether it's good, bad or otherwise. 3. Beg. Really? You're fabulous. Why would you beg a moron who doesn't realize your fabulousity to stay with you? Makes no sense. It's beneath you. Don't do it. 4. "Accidentally" run into him. Yeah, we've all done it. You get that surprised look on your face and say, "I didn't know you were going to be here!" Really? You so did. You knew he was going to be here and you planned it like this. The only thing you didn't plan was the look on his face that says, "Oh, no. She's here! Shit!" Not very fun. Not a good time. I know this destroys your vision of him looking at you, suddenly realizing what a dreadful mistake he made and taking you in his arms while simultaneously begging for forgiveness and booking you a trip to Bermuda. I wish I didn't have to crush your dreams this way's highly unlikely that your dream will come true. Instead of planning a run in, why not spend the time getting a manicure or walking your cat? Both are better uses of your valuable and beautiful self! 5. Answer when HE calls at 2 a.m. or 4 p.m. for that matter. If you do, you will be providing what I call "breakup assistance" to him. This means that whenever he's feeling a little lonely or reminiscing or regretting his decision - you're always there for him to lean on. Effectively, you are helping him get over you. What? You want to HELP him get over you? Get over it. You deserve better. If he doesn't want all of you, then he doesn't get little bits and pieces here and there when it pleases him. If you give in, it will start happening less and less because...well, you've helped him get over you. Wouldn't you rather help YOU get over HIM? Now that sounds better. If you follow this list of don'ts -- no matter how tough they seem -- I promise that you'll feel more confident about YOU and the choices YOU make! After all, you are FABULOUS! Shine On! Continue reading
Posted Jun 21, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick at The Breakup Lounge Do you take time out of the day for you? How do you get refreshed and renewed? If the answers to the above questions are "Kinda" and "I don't know," then would you like to add some more into your life? Let's do it! You can get started RIGHT NOW! You could even do it EVERY DAY! It's easy and doesn't take much time and it feels awesome! Here's how: 1. Plan it. Sometimes, life is so busy and chaotic that you really need to make an appointment with yourself FOR yourself. Whatever you use for your time management system, each morning, decide WHEN you're going to take some time out of your day for you. Notice I didn't use the word "if" there ~ it's nonnegotiable and it feels good to write it in and stick with it. Also, in my case, I know that I like to take an overnight trip alone about once every three months. I look forward to it. I plan for it and it's amazing. 2. Make a list of go-to activities for this special time. What makes you feel good? It's as easy as that. Is it grabbing a frou-frou coffee drink or meditating or getting outdoors or journaling or doing a quick 15-minute yoga session? If you take a minute right now and jot down a few activities that aren't very time consuming but that you really enjoy, you've got options for your time. Now, no matter where you are in your day or what kind of day you've had, you know that you've got some "smile" time planned. 3. Allow yourself to be truly present for your time. We've all got busy lives. We're typically brilliant multi-taskers. However, this is about quieting yourself to focus on what you're doing and how it makes you feel. You may need to take a minute or two just to do some deep breathing exercises first to begin to relax and let yourself enjoy your time. You'll get the most out of it if you let yourself relish it and just "be" in that moment. It's a true gift to you ~ taking time out of your day, week or month to refuel your soul. You deserve it. Let yourself enjoy it. Sometimes, we walk down the "I should be doing this or that" path. We feel guilty for taking time for ourselves. I'm telling you right now that when I take care of me ~ I'm a better me ~ first of all ~ but I'm also a happier wife, a more patient mom & stepmom and I feel lighter and more energetic all around. Taking care of you is truly a gift not only to yourself but to those around you too. So why not try it? Make an appointment with yourself today or tomorrow for some extra you time! You won't regret it, Gorgeous! Shine On! Continue reading
Posted Jun 14, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge Have you ever had this happen before? You think it's bad enough that HE'S no longer in your life. Then you get the added slap in the face that his family suddenly doesn't want anything to do with you, either. Forget all the holidays you've shared, all the laughs ~ even the big life moments like weddings, children being born, 1st birthday parties, etc. What about those shopping trips with his sisters? Going out for lunch? Calling his mom for cooking advice? Suddenly...and without notice...they appear meaningless. How could this be happening? What did he tell them? Why are they all unfriending me on Facebook? What did I do? Just when you think it couldn't get any worse, it goes and does. Yes, it's painful. You don't understand it. I adds another layer of uncertainty and ick value to this whole breakup/divorce thing you've got going on already. Your mind can run wild with different reasons and possible scenarios that led to this outcome. Enough already! So what do you do in this situation? The way I see it, you've got two choices, My Darling. 1) Take it personally. This choice is very popular. However, it usually leads straight to a pity party of epic proportions. Why me? Am I THAT bad of a person? In their mind, of course, their son, brother, nephew, etc. can do no wrong! It must be all my fault! How could they think that? Also, this choice CANNOT lead to a higher self-esteem for you, Gorgeous! It only leads to more self-doubt and possibly some good old-fashioned self-loathing. Is this your idea of a fun Friday night? No way! 2) Let it go. This choice can be a bit tough. After all, your thoughts keep returning to the hurt that this causes and what it says about YOU. However, if you think about it, it says more about THEM...right? Also, who knows why they're doing it? Not you. Maybe your ex specifically asked or even forbade them from communicating with you. Maybe they think what they're doing shows their family loyalty and therefore, it's the right thing to do. Maybe they feel so bad about the situation that they don't know what to say. Then it becomes easier for them to say nothing ~ especially if it's uncomfortable for them. Maybe they know that their son, brother, etc. was kind of a jerk and so that's embarrassing too. They can't deal. Are any of the above situations really about YOU at all? Nope. So why would you waste your precious energy worrying yourself about it, My Fabulous Angel? Yes, it hurts. There's no getting around the fact that you'll need to grieve the loss of these relationships. It's gotta happen. If it makes you feel any better, lots of sassy ladies have done it before you and ended up ~ what ~ completely okay with it. That's the thing about our lives ~ people move in and out. Sometimes, they're with us for it all. Sometimes, just for a split second. As the saying goes, "When someone walks out of your life, let them. They are just making room for someone better to walk in." Shine On! Continue reading
Posted Jun 7, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge I know what you're thinking already ~ How could I POSSIBLY forgive him for what he's done? For all the pain he's caused me? For abandoning me and our future? NOT gonna happen! Now, don't get me wrong. Most people feel like forgiving someone means that you're somehow suggesting what they did was okay. That IS part of it. However, the reason I'm bringing this up is to help YOU. As John Green says, "The only way out of the labyrinth of suffering is to forgive." You see, forgiving someone actually helps you in a multitude of different ways. First, it alleviates some stress. You feel lighter. You feel happier. You feel empowered. Second, it helps with the energy drain that we typically suffer from while coping with a divorce/breakup. As we begin to forgive, the negative thoughts of him and the relationship start to fall away. We bring that energy back to ourselves and our lives and it helps us focus on the future and what really matters. Yay! Bonus! Third, your confidence and strength is boosted through forgiveness. Have you heard the saying, "It takes a big person to forgive"? I think it's our innate desire to forgive those that have wronged us. It does take some gumption and your self-esteem gets the benefit. You feel good! Forgiveness truly is giving up the wish that things could be different. Yes, do you perhaps wish you had married someone else? Do you wish you would have left two years ago instead of letting it drag on? Sure. However, no one can change the past. What happened ~ happened. The question then becomes, My Sassy Darling: What are you going to do with it? Will you let it affect your precious present moment? Will you let it affect your future? Are you going to hang on to the past with both hands? OR release it with a gentle smile? I know it can be tough and it IS a process. It's simple to think, "Oh, I forgave so-and-so." However, when it comes right down to it, you still feel ugly feelings and harbor a grudge. That's natural. That's why this is a process. It chips away at the hurt and negativity. You feel better each time you do it. And GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK, Dear One. Realize that complete forgiveness may not come for a while ~ a long while and that's okay. Give yourself as much time as you need. Here are a few tips on starting the forgiveness process: 1. Find a peaceful spot where you won't be interrupted. 2. You can either write it out or say it out loud. It's important to either write it OR verbalize it rather than just thinking it. 3. So you start out with, "I understand that ____________." Go on and on until you get it all out. For example: I understand he wasn't faithful to me. I understand it wasn't my fault. I understand he left his dirty underwear all over the bedroom floor. (*Smile*) I understand that he is selfish. I understand that he hurt me. I understand that he did this and this. Just lay it all out there. 4. When you get to the end of the list, then say or write, "_________ (insert name), I understand all of these things and I forgive you." 5. Slowly exhale and feel the release. At first, it may be difficult to wrap your head around this exercise. It seems like you're giving him a free pass for breaking your heart. Actually, you're giving yourself a gift. Remember that, Sweet Pea. This is also helpful if you want to forgive yourself for something or for anyone in your life you'd like to forgive such as parents, friends, the guy that cut you off in traffic, etc. So just remember: There's no right or wrong way to forgive. There's no time limit and no rules. It's simply a great way for you to move on with your fabulous amazing future! Shine On! Continue reading
Posted May 31, 2013 at Lip-Sticking
By Laura Smith, Chief Groovy Chick, The Breakup Lounge Ahhh, yes, the good ol' weekend is upon us. Do you remember the days when you couldn't WAIT for Friday afternoon? The rush of the anticipated weekend plans kept you going all week? find yourself un-coupled and sometimes, when you're coping with divorce or a breakup, weekends take on a new meaning. I remember those dark days well. My excitement was replaced by anxiety. was I going to fill my time? I mean big, huge CHUNKS of time ~ not just an extra minute or two here and there. The planless weekend seemed like it would swallow me up. Either that, or I'd emerge Monday morning with tear-swollen eyes and remnants of Ben & Jerry's in the corners of my mouth. The weekends became my enemy. It really wasn't so bad if I had my daughter. She kept me pretty busy and we'd go here and there and have fun. But the weekends without her...oh, dear. If you understand where I'm coming from, I've got a few tips that will help you get through the dreaded weekend. Soon enough, I was actually enjoying myself just a wee bit. Then more and more and more until finally...I RELISHED every moment alone! That's right. Just me, myself and I having a great time! Woo Hoo! Try these out if this weekend feels like this to you: 1. Make a serious plan of action. Not kidding. DECIDE what you're going to do with your weekend. Take the power back. Make a little list with each half hour of the weekend and figure out how you're going to spend it. Maybe you've got some plans. Maybe you NEED some plans. If you already know what you're going to do, it takes the edge off. P.S. Make sure you've got some fun in there! 2. Do something alone that you've always wanted to do. I went to an art gallery opening once. Yeah, I'll was a tad awkward but guess what? I had fun anyway. I felt good being out and about and I was proud of myself for doing it alone. 3. Head to the nearest book store or coffee shop. So what if the Friday night crew at my local Borders knew me by first name? I liked being there and immersing myself in a book or two took my mind off other "things." Sometimes, we don't need to really engage other people ~ but just being in their presence helps our own energy to soar. 4. If you want to feel bad, then feel bad. However ~ and I've said this before ~ this is a "timed" activity. Give it all you got for 10 minutes and then move on to being happier and sassier, Sweet Stuff! 5. If you need overstimulation, go for it. When I was feeling lonely, if I kept my house really quiet...I began noticing just how quiet it was. No child. No husband. No laughter. Ugh!! So silence really bothered me for a while. I'm not a huge fan of TV (unless it's shameful reality TV like The Bachelor or Keeping Up With the Kardashians) but boy, I had it on all the time ~ just for background noise. I'd read a book and watch TV and do my nails while checking email ~ you get the picture. It's okay to be in this space for a while. 6. Bonus tip!! Remember the quote: This too shall pass. Let that sink in. It's hopeful and it's true. Time passes. Heartbreak eases. You find joy again. All right, Sassy Pants, now get out there and get your weekend on! Shine On! Continue reading
Posted May 24, 2013 at Lip-Sticking