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Dennis Kolodny
Westerville, Ohio
Just A Middle-Class White Boy, Tryin' To Have Some Fun...
Recent Activity
On Wednesday, November 9, 2016 I received a phone call at 6:37 AM. It was from a client of mine. His name is Mohamed. He is an African immigrant and a naturalized citizen. He is black. He is Muslim. Here is what he said: "Obamacare is over!" Mohamed is a... Continue reading
Posted Nov 10, 2016 at Dennis The Peasant
All things considered, it was pretty impressive that I was only about 10 minutes late for the Tuesday morning breakfast meeting of the Westerville Horology Club at the Bistro d’ Burden. As I opened the front door of the Burden, I drew myself up for my attempt to walk to... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
Marigold Murgatroyd first came into view, the first thing I noticed was her attire. It was rather unlike her usual Monday evening attire. She was wearing a long, black, rather filmy sort of dress. It more than hinted at the gingery, befreckled glories held within. Her glorious red hair was... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
I arrived at home around 6 p. of m. – my usual time – but was, unusually, not greeted at the front door of Murgatroyd Manor (East) by Hop Sing, who usually made it a point of emptying one hand of a briefcase while filling another with an expertly prepared... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
By the time Fergus and I walked back into the Bistro d’ Burden the general hilarity over my being mayor had died down. I don’t know about Fergus, but I gave the Good Lord a quick thank you for blessing Westerville with so many modest attention spans. After Fergus had... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
Once in the parking lot of the Burden, Fergus and I opened a dialogue based on mutual respect and understanding. “You really are a fool, Fergus.” Although it still the early morn, Fergus took out a cigar and stuffed it in his mouth. Fergus didn’t smoke cigars, he mauled them…... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
Once Fergus Fewmet had canned Bertram Belfry’s canned outrage, quiet descended upon our table as we all sank into what passes for thought in these parts. No doubt The Brain Trust was thinking of ways to get me out of the mayor’s office as soon as possible with as little... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
As it turned out, I’d dodged the only bullet fired that night. And, my intellect sharpened by just how handsome my dining partner was, what with her red hair and green eyes and pale skin and subtle pattern of freckles, I managed to handle the next few hours with complete... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
There is a moment in time in each adult male’s life when, through no fault of his own, he is going to be asked by a woman – be it wife, mistress, girlfriend or acquaintance – to tell them the complete and total truth about something. It might be about... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
As I mentioned earlier, when one meanders through life a bit on the short side, a tad overweight, and less than completely blessed in the looks department, one tends not to expect much attention from the opposite sex. This is especially true if you’ve already been already been badly cuckolded,... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
When you grow up looking like a shorter version of Curly Howard, you tend to not get much in the way of attention – self-esteem building attention, that is – from the opposite sex. At least that’s been my experience. For example, I’d spent more than a year of tireless... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
Within two months we had managed to get the get the new accounting and inventory systems installed and fully functional, which meant it was now time for me to return to Westerville and begin exploring new opportunities in employment. But, just as I was thinking in terms of packing clothing... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
It didn’t take all that long to read all that needed to be read. Less than twenty pages told me that Miss Marigold Murgatroyd knew what she was doing… and knew it in a serious way. I had Miss Marston page Miss Murgatroyd, and in a tick all six feet... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
‘Twas early the following Monday that I arrived at Murgatroyd Refrigeration Products, Inc. to meet Merle Murgatroyd and his daughter, Marigold. It took only a matter of minutes for Merle and I to size each other up, the end result being the sort of mutual regard your average cobra has... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
I ended up doing consulting work at Murgatroyd Refrigeration in Terra Haute, Indiana because my first wife, Deborah, decided both her career and her personal life would be much, much better if I was no longer involved in either in any way, shape or form. Or at least that’s what... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
Merle Murgatroyd has been – and probably still is – the richest man in Terra Haute, Indiana, and he rules an empire headquartered at Murgatroyd Refrigeration Products, Inc. in those same environs. Merle Murgatroyd had founded Murgatroyd Refrigeration Products, Inc. nearly a half century ago, and by the dint of... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
Several years ago, after my wife’s father – one Merle Murgatroyd – tried to kill me a second time, my wife decided it was time to make a serious, systematic effort at boosting my stock in her father’s eyes. Personally, I’d have preferred the abandonment my participation in the annual... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
Astute readers are probably asking themselves a few questions by now. Questions such as “If The Brain Trust of Westerville, Ohio hates Dennis Kolodny as much as they do, why did they select him to run for the office of Deputy Mayor on the Republican ticket?” Or, more likely, “Who... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
Being one of the very few six foot eight inch, 285 pound, cross-dressing males in the City of Westerville, Egor Gorey knew how to make people he didn’t care for feel uncomfortable. He’d been doing it ever since the first time he wore his sister’s tube top to school our... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
It was a somber Oatmeal Monday morning at the Bistro d’ Burden. By then everyone in town had heard of the demise of Filbert Quigley, and such was the impact of that event that even our usually raucous meeting of The Old Age Schleppers was unusually subdued. Casting a further... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
I stayed at PJ’s for most of the rest of the night helping Kevy close the place up, and as the night wore on the fact that Westerville had lost Filbert Quigley – a kind and good man – began to sink in. By the time I arrived back at... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
The parking lot of PJ’s Astrological Love Lounge was largely empty when I pulled in. The ambulance in which the late Mayor rested was parked in front of PJ’s entrance. At the rear of the vehicle there was a small congregation of, for the most part, small minds, and, for... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
I’m pretty sure it was a quick two finger jab to the lower back that woke me up. “Dennis!” Muffy said in a sharp half-whisper. “Hop Sing is knocking on the door.” In the grand scheme of things, I’d have to say that Muffy is a woman of many virtues... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
It was a dark and stormy night; the rain fell in torrents - except at occasional intervals, when it was checked by a violent just of wind which swept up the streets (for it is in Westerville that our scene lie), rattling along the housetops, and fiercely agitating the scanty... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles
“What about this? ‘Stately, plump Dennis Kolodny came from the stairhead, bearing a bowl of lather on which a mirror and razor lay crossed.’” “Ulysses.” “Nobody’s going to know that. Nobody actually reads…” “Dennis!” “What about…” I started, and then stopped. Muffy was now sporting Eyes of Death. If the... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2015 at The Westerville Chronicles