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I love this, since I've had so many of the same thoughts. SO MANY and we are ready--no, PREPARING--to welcome #2 in a few months. I worry quite a lot about my ability as a mother/person to handle two kids (esp. young ones), and right now money is a HUGE, GIGANTIC worry, as you know. What it kept coming down to for me, though, was that I kept reasoning that there would be ways to work around those obstacles (we could move, we could change careers, etc.) but I couldn't think of anything that would make up for the void of not having another child. That said, I'm freaking out plenty because we DID dodge a bullet (assuming Wombat will continue to be a stellar child) and we ARE being greedy in going for another and, hoo boy, the timing really sucks, but...but it still feels like it's right, even when so many things feel so wrong. (I love our family of three. Why are we inviting this...this INVADER to join us?!) I also could talk about this stuff forever; I love it best when it's with people who feel good about the decision they've made, in whichever direction.
Toggle Commented Apr 6, 2012 on Singular Sensation at Lawyerish
This discussion has been floating around here a lot too, although mostly in my head because I'm finding it's scary as hell to say, "It's time for another kid!" when I know the response will be less than enthusiastic. Simon didn't have a great experience growing up with a sibling, he didn't love the newborn phase even with our easy baby, and he (rightly) thinks we got SO lucky with Wombat that going for another is just asking for trouble. Plus, we're in a much tighter place in our lives now than we were when we had #1 (less money, less time, less space, less reserves of patience and optimism) that on a practical level I absolutely agree with him that now is probably not the best time. AND YET. I know I want a second, and everything I want for our family says it's better for us to muscle through what will be a really, really hard few years than wait and wait and wait until we think we're in a better place. Because what if we never are in a better place? What it comes down to for me is this: It's possible I *might* regret having a second if it turns out to be horrifically difficult (not regret the child but regret the situation, if that makes sense; you know what I mean, right?), but I know FOR SURE I will regret NOT having a second. What's really bizarre is that my husband is the adventurous one and I'm the type of person who will go completely out of her way to avoid being uncomfortable or inconvenienced or having to deal with the unexpected, and here I am going, "It's going to be horrible for a while, but let's do it anyway because it will get better, I know it, I promise, just trust me." It's pretty awful to feel like I have to convince and bargain with him on something like this, but it is what it is, I guess. :/
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Jonna, you are seriously one of the wisest people I know. I was watching Dr. Phil the other day (shut up) and a couple was asking if it was normal that they each had a separate bed because their sleeping habits were so different (times, temperatures, noises, etc.). They said, "It works for us and we've been doing it for years and we spend tons of time with each other in different ways and we love each other and we're happy, we just don't SLEEP ("be unconscious," not "have sex") together. But is that normal?" And Dr. Phil was all "That is NOT normal and you people are headed for serious trouble and you need to learn to get over your physical requirements for sleeping or else your marriage will FAAAAAAAIL." And I was like "DR. PHIL, SHUT UP." If it works for them, who cares what other people are doing? Who wants to be "normal" and miserable instead of "abnormal" and happy and well-rested? Idiot.
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Ooh. YES.
1. Yes, apparently this is normal for the toddler set. Who knew? :) 2. What is that amazing green table thing with all the different colored squares on the side (in the first photo)? 3. I love her strawberry romper thiiiiis much!
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May 3, 2010