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Alicia Fish
Utah
Interests: reading, writing, art, photography, cooking
Recent Activity
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I love my oldest. I really do. But lately she has been pushing me into a dark place of headaches and woe. All that constant noise coming from her body and the whining. Oh the whining. About everything and anything and nothing at all. I often find myself locked in my bedroom, running away from the child I do actually love. While she whines and complains that I'm not getting her hot cocoa fast enough, my mouth explodes and the torpedo is headed straight to her. "BE PATIENT! I'M DOING THE BEST I CAN!" Her bottom lip trembles and tears... Continue reading
Posted Nov 18, 2014 at darling duckie
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"but if you look at it this way" by Caitlin Connolly I lay my body back, slowly letting my spine touch the floor. Air vents hum overhead and the rigid wood floor offers little in terms of comfort. I close my eyes and try to clear my mind. I focus on my heart as it beats deliberate and rhythmic and I imagine the swirl of blood that is pulled in and pushed out with each beat. It travels gracefully to the far reaches of toes and finger tips. Always busy but giving so generously as it rushes past. I imagine... Continue reading
Posted Apr 16, 2014 at darling duckie
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I believe in education and the power that education gives us, individually and collectively. And I believe in education in all it’s forms. The education that comes from sitting in a classroom with classmates and teacher, whether that is at public schools or homeschools, private or charter. Education that comes from reading reading reading. Education that comes from living life and that we learn from each other. Education that comes from quiet observations and still moments. I believe in education. And I am going to try to teach these little girls who are mine that they gain power through learning... Continue reading
Posted Aug 27, 2013 at darling duckie
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I wrote this way back in June but before I could post it, I had a baby and everything got a little more complicated. But I think it is still relevant. My reading ebbs and flows, depending on energy, time, desire, and who knows what else. But as of late, I have been reading (or listening to... thanks Overdrive) a few really great reads that I thought you might like. Happy Reading! -------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Garden Spells by Sarah Addison Allen Billy picked this book up for me for Valentine's day based on a suggestion by the lady in the bookstore. (This... Continue reading
Posted Aug 22, 2013 at darling duckie
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I’ve been making some adjustments. Just little changes but they are helping. I want to put out there that I am a believer in the positive power of social media and other technological advances. There is the app that has helped us budget for the first time when we have failed oh so many times. Then there are the friendships I have made with people who inspire me and make me want to keep creating and that help me remember that I am not alone. There are the inspiring/funny/thought-provoking articles, people, events, and ideas that I have been exposed to... Continue reading
Posted Aug 20, 2013 at darling duckie
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I have been neglectful. Little Miss Lottie is already seven weeks old. Seven. Once they are out oh how the time quickly flits away. In some ways, it is wonderful to feel an improvement in sleep and nursing and life in general. But really my heart aches for her tiny newbornness of those first few weeks of her life. Oh how little she was. Of course she still is but she has already grown so very much. That tininess has been replaced with sweet blissful smiles and tender little cuddles so it is not all sad. Millie spends a good... Continue reading
Posted Aug 12, 2013 at darling duckie
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Infinite Love by Cassandra Barney Being pregnant is not my favorite state of being. The constant and seemingly eternal nausea. The restless, uncomfortable nights. Being physically unable when I so want (and need) to be able. And the fear of the impending future of giving birth. It can often feel so overwhelming and debilitating. But through the struggle, I feel a divine sense of honor. Breathtaking and bewildering honor. To give my body over to God to let him form and create a body for one of his adored children. And not just any child, chosen haphazardly, but one specifically... Continue reading
Posted May 1, 2013 at darling duckie
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We went on a walk on a cold, rainy spring day. Only a few days later we spent the late morning out in the sun. Spring seems temperamental, not being able to decide if it wants to warm us or leave us huddling in blankets. But I don't mind. I see what Mother Earth must do. Spring is when she must give of her nutrients, her life, to create new life. New buds so that leaves and apples will grow on our little tree. Green daffodils and tulips stretch out of the earth, fighting the dirt and soil to show... Continue reading
Posted Apr 4, 2013 at darling duckie
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We had already read books and sang songs so Millie should have been asleep. But I could hear her yelling. In checking on her, I could smell the problem. A change of diaper and quickly back into her crib because I had things to get done. But she wanted “more book” and “more song.” I said no to the books but wrapped her up and we cuddled in the soft blue chair beside her bed. Softly I sang to her the songs I hoped would make her eyes heavy and quiet her active body. I could feel the rhythm of... Continue reading
Posted Mar 25, 2013 at darling duckie
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Everyday I go out to the garden and whisper bright words of encouragement to the tulips and daffodils. I tell them they are our hope for the sun to warm our backs again. For color to explode on our trees and in our gardens. For reading books in the shade of the tree and picnics on bright colored blankets. They bring with them the promise of late night walks, hand in hand and backyard parties with the butterflies and birds. Those little flowers carry all the expentancy of new life and the renewal we so long to feel. It's a... Continue reading
Posted Mar 9, 2013 at darling duckie
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Dear Millicent, From almost the beginning we know you would be a girl. The pregnancy was difficult and I think God gave us a bright spot to look forward to by giving us a tiny peek into who you were, even as small as a jelly bean as you were. It was just as early that the name Millie came to me (yes, while watching Seven Brides for Seven Brothers). We tried other names on but we always came back to Millie. Papa liked Millicent (yes, a ski lift) and all felt right. The moment you were born you were... Continue reading
Posted Mar 7, 2013 at darling duckie
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We are 23 weeks along and having a girl! Oh no we di'n't! Continue reading
Posted Mar 3, 2013 at darling duckie
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As I open the blinds our house fills with bright light. Not from the sun shining through but from the frosty snow that has covered the gray earth with its brilliant white. Each snow flake is so tiny your eyes can hardly see it falling towards the earth. Yet relentlessly it gathers, covering the ground deeper and deeper, hiding the earth from our view. Outside we wander, longing to be enveloped in the silver, fluffy flurries we have watched from our warm beds. Tiny finches and chickadees chirp happily in our tree, hopping from branch to branch, knocking loose snow... Continue reading
Posted Jan 30, 2013 at darling duckie
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... or maybe more like 21 pumpkins. Which is pretty impressive, especially when I tell you that I didn't actually plant them but that they came from the seeds of the pumpkin that made a wonderful, comforting pumpkin soup last fall and that were put in the compost pile only to surprise us with orange delights this fall. And did I tell you that they all came from one, single plant. Oh the joys of gardening. Continue reading
Posted Oct 29, 2012 at darling duckie
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I think I should be spending these chilly, October afternoons baking something warm and sweet but physical activity (that is, more than a leisure walk to the gas station to buy a donut "for Millie") has been hard to come by, or rather, easy to avoid. So instead, I am missing out on savoring yet another creamy, buttery, heavenly confection because I was just too lazy. I vow to go running just so I can eat a yummy treat without any more guilt. Continue reading
Posted Oct 27, 2012 at darling duckie
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Every morning she flies our of her crib. She chitchats with herself as we make our way to the kitchen, turning around periodically to make sure I am still behind her. Every morning, while she says oot-mail a few million times, I pull a package of oatmeal from the pantry to warm up. And every morning, as soon as I am ready to put it in the microwave, the whining begins. She presses her forehead against the fridge door, whining and fake crying. I never know what she is saying; why she suddenly became so sad. I let her push... Continue reading
Posted Oct 25, 2012 at darling duckie
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Sometimes when I work in the garden, I prefer the sound of nature: the leaves crunching under my feet, the wind through the trees, and the birds chattering and nibbling on treats. But other times, I prefer the sounds of musicians. And it seems like every season needs a little something different. Here are some of the songs that have been serenading me through the digging and weeding (and the walking and the floor scrubbing and the canning): (click on the links for the songs and some of them have videos. And some of the videos are really stupid. Sorry... Continue reading
Posted Oct 18, 2012 at darling duckie
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My senses always seem to be awaken at the beginning of every new season: new colors to see, new fragrances to savor, new tastes and new weather to liven our quiet lives. Our kitchen is bursting with wee little pumpkins, green tomatoes, and potatoes from the garden. There is a bowl of acorns sitting among the harvest that were collected by little hands on a brisk morning walk. One day the house smells like sweet, merry apples that are warming up to be made into applesauce and apple pie filling. The next, the smell of onions, tomatoes, and peppers boiling... Continue reading
Posted Oct 10, 2012 at darling duckie
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More photos from our terribly romantic day of love. The unpredicability of a toy film camera is a little scary, a tiny bit frustrating, and horribly fun. Waiting for the film to be developed, wondering will they all be black and getting them back and laughing at the mistakes and loving the others. You might not think so but we are getting better and better with it. I have to say that Billy is one of the best gift givers I have ever known. He gives interesting things that bring along a memory with them. Continue reading
Posted Aug 25, 2012 at darling duckie
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We celebrated three years of marriage last week. I have to say it was pretty romanic and I have had a hard time getting back into the swing of everyday life. I think he and I should run away together and wander cities while taking pictures. I say that but I would probably miss Millicent too much. Probably. Billy gave me a Diana F+, which is a little plastic film camera. We played around with it and hopefully we are getting better at it. Either way it is fun. We spent the night at the Inn on the Hill. That... Continue reading
Posted Aug 24, 2012 at darling duckie
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We have been busy here at the borough. Chalk art, playing in the dirt, more tranchulas than I wish I ever had to see, and wildflowers going crazy. I keep hearing how summer is over but the flowers are still blooming and the tomatoes are ripening. Continue reading
Posted Aug 21, 2012 at darling duckie
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I wanted to tell everyone thank you after that last post I wrote. I really appreciate all of the nice emails and comments that I received from so many of you. Hearing other peoples stories and experiences has been so rewarding. It is so interesting how I can live a few houses away from someone and not know the internal struggle that is brewing inside. So thank you for being brave and sharing! And thank you all for being so kind. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! But now I have a headache thinking about all that heavy stuff. So... Continue reading
Posted Jul 19, 2012 at darling duckie
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When Millie was born, there was a magic that stormed into our lives. We were drunk off her baby yawns and her baby smells and we spent hours watching her sleep, taking pictures, and being in awe that she was ours, created to be loved and taught by us. It was slowly that the darkness crept in. It came in through the walls and our closed windows and clouded my eyes and settled in my heart. What had once been filled with a glow of love and light was now black and empty. I held her and felt nothing. Her... Continue reading
Posted Jul 17, 2012 at darling duckie
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Millie loved riding on the scooter and when Billy was riding it, she just chased him around. Look at the Montana sky. Continue reading
Posted Jul 16, 2012 at darling duckie
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“Few things help an individual more than to place responsibility upon him, and to let him know that you trust him.” ~Booker T. Washington Continue reading
Posted Jul 15, 2012 at darling duckie