amalah's Profile

Go On, Guess Which One

OPTION #1: Teach your boy children to put the toilet seat down when they are finished. Remind them and guide them, stress to them the importance of this small gesture. Because it is polite and generally expected, and because you... Continue reading

Posted yesterday at amalah . com

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Zero to Ezra in Five Photos or Less

THUNDER! MOMMY THUNDER THUNDER I HATE THUNDER! OH THE HUMANIT... Heeeeyyywhatareyoudoing, Mom? Hey sadz. Hey girl. Hey Ezra. Glad to have you back. (Ezra and Noah are attending swim camp at the YMCA for the next two weeks, by the... Continue reading

Posted 2 days ago at amalah . com

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Moving Forward By Staying Still

I'd start this post out with the usual barrage of OMG and I can't believe it but frankly, if this ISN'T the face of a newly minted second grader, I don't know what is. I guess this is as good... Continue reading

Posted 5 days ago at amalah . com

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Home Is Where He Isn't, Anymore

Near the end of the long (looooonnnng) (stupid rain) car ride up to Pennsylvania on Friday, we passed a billboard for my dad's cancer treatment center. The billboard immediately after it was for the apartment complex where my mom moved... Continue reading

Posted 7 days ago at amalah . com

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Preshus Photo Weekend Round-Up #24045831233

We went up to Pennsylvania to visit family this weekend. The three-hour drive up took six hours, my hairspray exploded in our suitcase and I forgot to pack the kids' bathing suits. Somehow, I don't think they minded. Nor were... Continue reading

Posted Jun 10, 2013 at amalah . com

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Pomp & Faceplants

I believe I have discovered THE biggest difference between life with a singleton firstborn and what it's like by the time you're on your third. When Noah's preschool sent home announcements about parties and other special events, Jason and I... Continue reading

Posted Jun 6, 2013 at amalah . com

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Of Second Birthdays & Feral Noodles

Ike's actual birthday was very low-key. Which is bullshit-speak for "boring." Or perhaps: "HE'S TWO. PLAYING WITH BUBBLE WRAP IS STILL THE PINNACLE OF HIS LIFE EXPERIENCE." I'm glad we didn't have any big ambitious plans, however, since on Friday... Continue reading

Posted Jun 4, 2013 at amalah . com

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Fashion Tips From the Mighty Zah

This post is sponsored by P&G. Allow me to present a brief Ezra Fashion Retrospective, with bonus style tips that you can absolutely use in your everyday life, I am sure of it. Our theme for today is "Better Together,"... Continue reading

Posted Jun 3, 2013 at amalah . com

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Zero One Two

It's Ike's birthday tomorrow. But bear with me for just a second. I'd never even heard of Alabama Shakes before they were on SNL back in February. Jason and I were sitting on the couch (on Sunday morning, naturally, watching... Continue reading

Posted May 31, 2013 at amalah . com

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Drama With a Capital I-K-E

SCENE: KITCHEN IKE enters from right. He is four days away from his second birthday. MAMA stands uselessly to the left. IKE surveys her empty hands with disappointment; she has failed to read his mind and anticipate his every need... Continue reading

Posted May 29, 2013 at amalah . com

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Filler

So I took one day off — ONE DAY OFF — to barbecue and visit with friends and binge-watch Arrested Development (ANUSTART) and of course I have been running around like boiling spastic hot ham water all day trying to... Continue reading

Posted May 28, 2013 at amalah . com

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Ultimate Master Baby Crib Check List

WHEN THEY ARE NEWBORNS 1) Crib mattress 2) Persistent feeling of guilt for buying the $40 crib mattress instead of the top-of-the-line $500 organic ulta duo core certified allergen-free ECOGREENFOAM™ crib mattress with internal SIDS alert and solid platinum stitching.... Continue reading

Posted May 23, 2013 at amalah . com

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My Writing Process. Let Me Show You It.

I spent approximately two hours today trying to turn a half-formed zygote of a blog post idea into something publishable. Or at least something longer than 140 characters, because otherwise I could just tweet it but then I still wouldn't... Continue reading

Posted May 22, 2013 at amalah . com

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The Helpful Games

IN WHICH I POWER-RANK MY CHILDREN IN ORDER OF THEIR GENERAL USEFULNESS AROUND THE HOUSE ROUND ONE: CLEANING UP TOYS Okay guys, we need to clean up the Legos. Every single Lego needs to get picked up and put in... Continue reading

Posted May 20, 2013 at amalah . com

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Our House, In the Middle of the Living Room

Because I am mean and horrible (and/or about to shit a primary-colored plastic brick if I step on one more goddamned bloody Lego), I recently banished all toys from our living room. All. All the toys. Hereby, I declare: None... Continue reading

Posted May 16, 2013 at amalah . com

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Oh Right, My Left Foot

Lookit! I have a matching set again! Like so many of my life stories, the One About My Foot eventually resolved itself in a boring, drama-less manner. I know many (MANY) of you were convinced that it was, in fact,... Continue reading

Posted May 15, 2013 at amalah . com

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Napkins As Roses & Turd Rocks On Tables...

Happy Day-After-Mother's Day! What? Totally a thing. Do you have any idea how much extra it costs to have a blog entry delivered on a Sunday rather than a weekday? Such a racket, and I will not be a part... Continue reading

Posted May 13, 2013 at amalah . com

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The (Belt) Loop

Last week, Noah decided that he wanted to quit karate. I've always told him it's okay if he wanted to quit karate (usually mid-argument over getting his uniform on and out the door in time for class), but he's always... Continue reading

Posted May 9, 2013 at amalah . com

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Too Soon, Man

Okay, everybody, time for some math. Ike was JUST born. Right? Maybe five, six months ago, tops. Maybe not even that long. Point is, I brought him home from the hospital YESTERDAY and now my calendar is telling that his... Continue reading

Posted May 7, 2013 at amalah . com

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Girls Who Wear Glasses & Boys That Break Glasses

This post is sponsored by Rivet & Sway. So...this happened. Which was awesome. I have worn those glasses since...let's see*...before Noah was born. That means they have survived years of not only my own idiocracy, but also the infancies and... Continue reading

Posted May 6, 2013 at amalah . com

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The Most Weirdly-Specific Mother's Day Gift Guide on Earth

For the Mom Who Likes Zombies The Walking Dead Compendium One and Compendium Two Zombie Brains friendship necklace Zombie Love Portrait Plate Zombies, Run! running training app For the Mom Who Is a Drunk Corkcicle Wine Chiller Wine-dyed napkins Mustache... Continue reading

Posted May 3, 2013 at amalah . com

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The Search for George Washington

This post is sponsored by Colonial Williamsburg. Book your stay at colonialwilliamsburg.com Whenever I take my children someplace new, I learn something new about them. You'd think I'd remember this and take them to new places more regularly, but instead... Continue reading

Posted May 2, 2013 at amalah . com

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Seven Years in Exile

Every other Wednesday I now go to An Office. Primarily so I can attend A Meeting. It is A Team Meeting, with members of My Team, who are all fellow grown-ups who spend multiple days a week in An Office,... Continue reading

Posted May 1, 2013 at amalah . com

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Mister Doorknob's Big Adventure

We spent the weekend in Colonial Williamsburg. Full Post With All The Photos will be coming later, under the Sponsored banner, but I promise it will still manage to reach out through the screen and squeeze on your heart until... Continue reading

Posted Apr 29, 2013 at amalah . com

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Another Super-Exciting Post About What We Ate This Week, Oh My GOD

(So it's come to this. Oh, blogging. The world had such high hopes for you!) Despite the now-documented existence of ZOMBIE BETCHTABULS, Ezra continues to blow my tiny little mind with his love of salad. And Noah continues to glare... Continue reading

Posted Apr 26, 2013 at amalah . com

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