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Arden Leigh
The woman behind the Sirens Seduction Forum.
Interests: Arden Leigh is today’s freshest voice on women’s dating and relationship strategies. Bringing together her experience in neuro-linguistic programming, brand marketing, social dynamics, pick-up artistry, and the fetish industry, she coaches women on developing a proactive approach to achieving their romantic goals. She is the founder of the Sirens Seduction Forum and the author of “The New Rules of Attraction: How To Get Him, Keep Him, and Make Him Beg For More” (Sourcebooks 2011). She writes a regular advice column for Auxiliary Magazine and maintains a seduction blog called A Weapon Of Mass Seduction. When she isn’t writing or coaching, she enjoys being part of the New York nightlife scene as a personality and performer, and her band Arden and the Wolves released its first EP, “Break Me In,” at the end of 2012. She has been publicly labeled a predator and she took it as a compliment. You can email her at ardensirens@gmail.com.
Recent Activity
Thanks Steve. Feel free to share the link out wherever you feel it might help. Sent from my iPhone
Crystal - not sure I entirely understand your last question. Sent from my iPhone
nld - Honestly your comment gives me pause. I appreciate the well wishes and nice words but as for this post being "personally healing" and "filling in missing pieces" for you, to me that feels like a boundary being violated. The only reason I am able to maintain a public blog such as this is precisely because I am no longer a pro-domme. What I provided my clients during those days was a professional relationship based in fantasy -- one that in the best cases, such as yours, was genuinely caring, heartfelt, and enjoyable, but nonetheless professional and therefore necessarily one-sided. It would be no less appropriate to seek out the personal details of your doctor or therapist. The idea that you were ever entitled to my personal history to "illuminate" things for you is an offensive one. When details about my personal life were revealed against my will during my domme career, that was a violation, and one I did not suffer gladly. You and I had what I felt to be a good working relationship, one that was always dictated by the needs and boundaries YOU set, and the idea that you needed to know more about me personally to "heal" from the aftermath, especially considering that everything we did (including ending the relationship) was not only consensual but by YOUR request, is sickening. I don't want you sharing my posts with the same people from the fetish community who outed me and strung me up so that I was forced out of the scene and into hiding, so that you can all sit around and psychoanalyze me. My true friends stayed loyal to me and didn't blame me for their own choices, and I can't say the same for you during that time. If you see anything in my actions that required a personal history steeped in mental illness in order to be justifiable, I'd urge you to start taking responsibility for your own actions in continuing to session with me. Sincerely I say to you: go fuck yourself.
For the record though, I also want a partner whom I can trust to have my back at all costs, whose back I have in return, who knows me inside out and whom I know inside out as well, like that ridiculously deep kind of intimacy where there are moments that you're so close you feel like you're in a hivemind for two. (Nerdiest description of intimacy ever.) That's honestly my deepest priority -- hence "primary-oriented," meaning I want a primary partner. I just know that the minute people lay down rules (e.g., don't fuck anyone but me!) that there's a natural bucking against that, definitely for myself but also for others as well in my experience. In my last primary-oriented non-monogamous relationship, which lasted roughly a year, I had sex with two other men. And for the most part it was to satisfy a lustful curiosity, and then it was back to my primary, with whom I had way better sex anyway. So it's not like I'm out to be super-promiscuous - though I wouldn't judge anyone who was, either, and nor do I think that number of external partners need have an effect on degree of intimacy... I'm just clarifying my own preferences for any who may be curious. I would consider monogamy for the right partner if it were really important to him, although I would probably warn him that I'd give it my best shot but that if it ended up not working for me then we'd sit down and have a talk about either adjusting parameters or parting ways if necessary. But like, that could go for any aspect of anyone's relationship, like what city a couple chooses to live in or whether they want kids, or who's the breadwinner, or whatever. People's needs change all the time. The more comfortable we get with the constant of change, the more adaptable we learn to become, the better off all our relationships are. That said, I'd feel weird being with a guy who wasn't even comfortable letting me make out with girls or having threesomes with me and my girlfriends. Who doesn't want a threesome with two girls! ;) So someone who's not at least a little bit flexible, open, and creative with their sexuality is probably not the right partner for me. Which is part of the reason I have naked photos on the internet. If you google me and you're scared off by that, then you're probably doing me a favor by not wasting my time.
Kate -- You cant call yourself a seductress... yet. Keyword: yet. ;) ;) Sent from my iPhone
Alex - I had a greater word count here ;) Sent from my iPhone
Geoff - I have a feeling we are debating semantics, because I agree with the majority of what you wrote. Point taken though. Sent from my iPhone
Val - That is a way smarter way than I had ever thought of putting it! :) Sent from my iPhone
Whatever doesnt kill you makes you stronger...
Yes! I often have to remind myself of this. Sent from my iPhone
Ha! That is such an awesome compliment! Thank you! Sent from my iPhone
Thanks for the nice words! Yes, oxytocin happens in males too, but not nearly as much as in females, so Im told. Oxytocin and vasopressin are sort of the yin and yang balance of estrogen and testosterone according to what Ive read. Definitely looking forward to our next chats. :) Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Well, its worse advice to jump into monogamy too soon, in my opinion. And my blog is not written specifically for polyamorous people, so your audience might be a bit different. Good communication should solve most if not all of the issues you mention however. And yes, I agree that a mono person should not try to convert a poly person, and also agree that in most circumstances (unless its say, a cuckolding relationship), both partners should be entitled to multiple partners so there is a balance on each side.
Id counter, in reply to your second comment, that you might be missing out on a lot of fun adventures... Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Yep, Im simply compelled. Too much dopamine, too little phenylethylamine, whatever. When Im attracted to someone, I have to find out for myself firsthand. So I end up touching a few hot stoves. Oh well. Maybe one day Ill get tired of that and reconsider. Or maybe I just see the best in people instead of seeing what they lack. Either way, I have no present desire to talk myself out of someone Im attracted to. I enjoy crushes too much. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Well, yeah, I absolutely agree with that. In the case I described, I offered to meet with the guy should he need any closure or have any questions, but he declined my offer, likely out of pride. (Im pretty sure he also knew exactly what he did that turned me off; wed had prior discussions about his drunken argumentative behavior not being okay.) Ive been on the other end of that scenario too, and it sucks. I had a guy once wait a YEAR to tell me that the reason he magically disappeared on me was because he was afraid I was going to go back to my ex (which I was not, and which I did not even after he left me). I was like, Uh, we could have addressed that problem with a very simple discussion had you alerted me to your concerns. So yeah, I absolutely agree with you. Everyone deserves an explanation. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Thanks for TAKING such a great photo! Let me know if theres a website or any additional info youd like in the photo credit. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Actually, thats not true. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
I would posit that even the labels you name dont always correlate that way for every person. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Youre right, I did mean paramount! Thanks for catching that one. ;) Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
Toggle Commented Aug 15, 2011 on Respect the Game at A Weapon of Mass Seduction
Dec 1st! Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
You guys both have good points. Unfortunately I do feel your pain- I dont have health insurance either, and while my living situation is comfortable, I do choose to live with my female best friend as its more financially reasonable that way. I dont know your individual situations so I cant make any value judgments on whether getting romantically serious for financial security reasons was a good choice or not; all I can say is that everyone should weigh his or her options and do what they feel is best for them. I will also say that I have seen this trend, the topic of the blog, independent of financial issues - of course there will be exceptions to any rule and extenuating circumstances. And yes, the cost of living in NY and the situation of US healthcare are both atrocious. For me personally, I know getting married for health insurance wouldnt be the right choice, but then, not having insurance is a big risk I take (I shelled out $120 today for a mere sore throat and I often dread what would happen in a more serious incident). So, do whats right for you. And in the meantime I do think the main topic of the post bore addressing, and hopefully you got something out of it. Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
@Laine - That is pretty much the ideal reaction Id want someone to have to this post. Thank you :) Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
@devilzbabe - I think that definitely depends on the individuals involved, and that at some point thats a talk you have to have outright. For me, I know if it got back to me that my partner was with someone else and I didnt know about it, that might bother me, so if its someone close to our social circles Id probably want to know first. But if hes on tour in other parts of the country and he wants to bang some groupie one night, I probably wouldnt care since its highly unlikely that it would affect me socially. But everyones different. A lot of people subscribe to the just dont let me find out about it philosophy. My only problem with that is, what if I DO find out about it? Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry
@jadagul - Yeah, I've been there. My bio-dad tells a funny story about his work in financial planning: whenever one of his clients has to go through probate, they usually complain that it seems stressful and arduous. So my dad says, "Well, what if we didn't call it probate? What if we called it skippy? Would you be nervous about going through skippy?" "Oh, well, skippy sounds like it would be okay."