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Hilary
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My divorce was finalized yesterday. New Life. New Name. New Blog. http://makingahome-livingalife.blogspot.com/ Please update your links... I'll be shutting this one down eventually (this one costs me money and I can't blog from my phone easily.) Continue reading
Posted Oct 3, 2014 at Making A Home
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While filling eggs for our Easter hunt (tomorrow since they will be with their dad on Sunday) Gideon picked up a piece of candy and asked "can I have this?" Now I could lecture about waiting for the fun of the hunt, I could demand it would spoil his dinner, I could say there wouldn't be enough for the hunt if they all eat the candy now. But I think my way is much more effective. I just stared him straight in the eye and smiled with my most devious grin and said "Sure, honey! You can have THAT piece... Continue reading
Posted Apr 17, 2014 at Making A Home
For those who remember my stress-filled e-mail a few weeks ago, teary, at the end of my rope, trying to figure out whether I could continue homeschooling and still... ya know... survive?... The biggest issues was, I needed regular breaks. Being Mommy, Teacher, Therapist, and Warden 24/5 with no support was pushing me over the edge. Sometimes, no matter how much you love them, you just need a break. Babysitters these days are cost-prohibitive, I wasn't willing to put them in school, and faking my death and running away (while tempting), didn't seem the best solution, long-term. So for now...... Continue reading
Posted Apr 7, 2014 at Making A Home
Last Saturday night, a friend asked me what I was up to, and I told him "nothing"... but that was only half true. A few minutes later I decided to be a little more transparent, and shared with him my struggle. What I was doing, was having my usual Saturday night battle in my head. About church. I'm a Christian, and I do enjoy attending church. Not only that, I see the value in fellowship, and believe in the mandate to corporate worship with other believers. This wasn't a problem a few years ago. Before the divorce. I was attending... Continue reading
Posted Mar 31, 2014 at Making A Home
Found this exceptionally profound this week... A dialogue from the TV show Scandal. They were talking of government and conspiracy and cover-up and rescue... but oh, how this resonated in the way the last few weeks have been with my kids. Some of you will get this. Some will be shocked and appalled that I would relate it in this way. But since this blog is partially for my own memories... I'm putting it here anyway. “If there are no white hats, if everyone is evil, if the deck is always stacked, if everyone I love is a monster, if... Continue reading
Posted Mar 22, 2014 at Making A Home
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I was able to spend Friday with friends in Seattle. Sarah and I drove down together and met up with Kelly, who was visiting from Spokane. We three spent the day at IKEA shopping and chatting and having a grand time. Afterwards we went back to Kelly's hotel to hang out until my man friend could pick me up for the play. I have a great photo of us three girls, but Sarah has threatened my life if I post it. Boohoo! My guy (friend) lives in the San Juan Islands, so he had to catch a ferry after he... Continue reading
Posted Mar 17, 2014 at Making A Home
I'm really looking forward to this weekend! The week has been better than the last all the way around, and anticipating plans with great friends helps boost the mood, too. One of my friends from my "Trauma Moms" group (that went to Orlando every year, though our "house" has branched off on it's own this year) is going to be in Seattle with her family this weekend, and another friend and I are going down to spend a day with her. We'll have girl talk, wander through IKEA, have a nice dinner... What a great way to shake off daily... Continue reading
Posted Mar 13, 2014 at Making A Home
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A friend just texted to see if we might be able to go on a hike this afternoon. The sun is shining and although I have ZERO energy, she assures me that will change with some movement and time in the sun. She's probably right. It's those first few steps that are always the hardest when you feel drained... A couple of us made it a point this winter to get out and hike with our (many) children, despite the cold, and although that first half mile was SOOO cold... it felt good everytime we went. So I really have... Continue reading
Posted Mar 11, 2014 at Making A Home
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You've seen Alice in Wonderland, haven't you? Or read it? Remember that scene (chapter) where she was crying so much the room filled up with her tears and flooded? Yeah, that's about how I felt this weekend. (photo credit: disney.wikia.com) It wasn't that anything HAPPENED, per se... it was what I'd held in all week. It was a hellish week with my kids. I alluded to that in earlier posts this week, and on facebook I said: "This week was hard. Crazy hard. The kind where you don't want to go to sleep at night because that just means the... Continue reading
Posted Mar 10, 2014 at Making A Home
My kids, in addition to their RAD, Early Trauma, Prenatal Drug Effects, and slew of other Diagnoses (Asperger's, ADHD, Anxiety, Mood Disorder, possible BiPolar)... have a lot of trouble regulating their emotions at times. (The preteen hormones certainly don't help!) When they all get going, (despite years and years of working on calming, on kindness, on "no touching!"), this house becomes a battle ground. I have kids screaming, slamming doors, attacking each other, throwing things (and when dear, sweet Molly was here, kicking holes in walls, etc, too.) Even if only one of the kids is at that point, it... Continue reading
Posted Mar 8, 2014 at Making A Home
I fear this post is nothing more than me sounding like an old fuddy duddy. Bear with me. Haha I try to stay on top of the sayings the young folk are using these days. I think I usually do a good job of it. But my kids are using a phrase lately that is driving me nutty and I just have to find out if this is the only house enduring this confusion. I am familiar with the phrase "I know, right?"... As in "that cake was awesome!", to which a companion might reply "I know, right?"... Meaning, "I... Continue reading
Posted Mar 7, 2014 at Making A Home
I think I fell asleep before 9 last night. I was mentally and emotionally exhausted. Physically I hadn't done much... so it had to have been my brain that was dragging me down. I'm homeschooling my kids again this year. You know, the ones that are still at home. (Molly is still in Mississippi.) Sam is now in 7th grade, Gideon in 6th, and Hallie in 5th. They spent a year and a half in public school after their dad moved out (I needed time to regroup), and while it did give me the break I needed... I'm still fighting... Continue reading
Posted Mar 6, 2014 at Making A Home
I mentioned this past weekend, some friends and I went to a post-adoption conference. 800 parents, in the trenches, there for connection and education and resources and, well... hope. This is just a quick post to touch on a quote before I forget. One of the speakers said during their presentation that he and his wife have adopted the policy our government once stated... "We do not negotiate with terrorists." RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) kids can argue better than anyone. They will argue that the sky is purple, that the grass is orange, and that they didn't touch the cupcake...... Continue reading
Posted Mar 5, 2014 at Making A Home
"Can you give us a follow up story to your engagement?" Well, yes... I can... but how do I go about this fairly, but without being too vague? It's complicated. C and I met in January, 2012. At the time I thought he was a "nerd-bomber" (that's no secret... I've told him as much and we used to laugh about it. Because he'd followed his friend's advice about how to dress in khakis and gel his hair and wear his loafers to impress the church girl. The review I gave my mom of that first date (because she ALWAYS asks... Continue reading
Posted Mar 4, 2014 at Making A Home
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As you may recall, 9 months ago, Molly went to a therapeutic boarding school for girls with Reactive Attachment Disorder. The plan was a minimum of 1 year, to help her address her unsafe behaviors and hopefully get to the place where she could function in a family. I dropped her off in mid-May. At the end of June, I was awakened in the middle of the night by phone calls from Mississippi. The school owner - social workers - CPS - needless to say, I didn't get any more sleep that night. The short version of the story is... Continue reading
Posted Mar 3, 2014 at Making A Home
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After a long absence, I've determined to return to blogging. No guarantees exactly what this will entail, how often I'll update, or... well, any guarantees of any kind! But most posts will probably focus on my family, adoption issues, daily life, some recipes, homeschooling, single parenting and possibly even some of my adventures in dating, though I don't want to embarass any of the involved parties! I'll try to chronicle over the next few weeks some of what has happened in my life since the blog went silent. If you have any questions, feel free to ask - I'll try... Continue reading
Posted Mar 2, 2014 at Making A Home
Adopting children is a huge challenge that only those in the trenches can fully understand. They come with wounds, with pasts, with hurts, with effects from abuse, neglect, often prenatal drug effects. And the truth is, sometimes "love and structure" just isn't enough. Molly joined our family at almost 6 years old. She had already been through a lot in her young life. We have learned a lot about her past in the time she's been with us, and there is so much more she still isn't telling. The things she has endured have impeded her ability to trust or... Continue reading
Posted May 30, 2013 at Making A Home
This was too good not to share. My kids have struggles from their backgrounds, being adopted, other biological issues. They need to learn to overcome. They don't need to learn they can manipulate others to do their work... They need to learn that hard work reaps gratification and rewards. http://alameda.patch.com/blog_posts/please-dont-help-my-kids Sent from my HTC One™ S on T-Mobile. America’s First Nationwide 4G Network. Continue reading
Posted Jan 22, 2013 at Making A Home
Sam has had a history of stealing... Mostly candy at home, but also dice and things from school, Legos from friends' homes. This weekend was fraught with incidents of stealing candy, lying, carving into our table with his fork... And Gideon has deep anger issues, lashes out at his siblings, avoids taking responsibility for wrongdoing. This last week he stole a calculator from school with the intention of cheating on his math homework. His teacher blew it off as no big deal. Today I'm filling out paperwork for a Navy cadet program for both of them. It's time. I will... Continue reading
Posted Jan 22, 2013 at Making A Home
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Colin made homemade perogies for dinner tonight. His ancestry is largely Polish, and he's a great cook. So much fun to have him take over cooking duties sometimes and enjoy a great meal! Sent from my HTC One™ S on T-Mobile. America’s First Nationwide 4G Network. Continue reading
Posted Jan 19, 2013 at Making A Home
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Alright, I'm skipping a lot of details here, and a lot of guys, but since I did a major jump (as one reader pointed out), I'll quickly get you up to date. I dated several more guys. A couple of them semi-seriously. I met one guy almost a year ago, and we talked a lot over text, phone, video messaging, but when we met, I thought he was a great big "nerd-bomber". Nice enough, fun, but weird and geeky. And not in a good way. But we stayed friends, through me dating other guys, talked often (almost daily, but that... Continue reading
Posted Jan 12, 2013 at Making A Home
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Yay! Another play! I'm still enjoying the purchase from last year's tax return. The new season has started at the Paramount Theatre, and tonight we had tickets to "The Book of Mormon." The show was hilarious. (No offense to any of my LDS readers, we just got a kick out of it!) I love that my "big bad biker" loves going to the theatre with me. His ex would never go... and he was afraid he'd be looked at funny being the big tough guy at a musical. But now, I get to have my man by my side for... Continue reading
Posted Jan 12, 2013 at Making A Home
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I'm convinced Colin's dog is plotting my death. He can be all sweet and cuddly, then suddenly snap at my face. He's nipped me a few times, growls at me nearly every night, prevents my return to my room if I should need to use the potty in the night... And a few weeks ago bit me in the knee, breaking skin, bleeding, leaving a scar. He's great with the kids, very protective, and generally loves me during the day.... But when the sun goes down.... I'm kibble. Sent from my HTC One™ S on T-Mobile. America’s First Nationwide 4G... Continue reading
Posted Jan 12, 2013 at Making A Home
Today, Colin had a short visit with his girls. 4 hours. During which Teagan's counseling was scheduled. Oh, what a difference between their counselor and ours. They go to a play therapist. (Not our choice.) They play, and then the counselor attaches deep meaning to every little thing they do. To call it a stretch and mostly bogus us putting it mildly. (Vivian put the t-rex in a time out chair.... So obviously something not age appropriate is going on somewhere other than at home and she must be afraid of her father. What???) Emails from the sessions that came... Continue reading
Posted Jan 12, 2013 at Making A Home
Tuesday. Counseling day. We've been seeing this counselor with the kids for a year and a half. He's terrific. Lined up on the couch each week are myself, Colin (my fiance) and Brian (my ex). Love that we can cooperate and do this together. New family and old. After 2 weeks off for the holidays, some of my children were in rare form. Gideon refused to talk. All attitude. His anger and temper lately are awful. Hello preteen years. Ugh. Molly was so defiant, Mark had to end up carrying her out of the office. To the bathroom. To clean... Continue reading
Posted Jan 12, 2013 at Making A Home