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The Simpsonization of Johnson alone made me laugh! Made me think of this from my domestic violence work: One of many Narcissistic Tactics is: Nobody can do this as adeptly as a bully. Accusations, real or imagined past offences and personal criticism of you are their three favourite tools to this end. Anything to get you hopping and get the focus off themselves. They also use questions that are skillfully worded and artfully delivered. They use facts that they distort ever so slightly so that they are hard to correct. They use skewed logic to turn a situation around from them being guilty to us being the cause. Whichever specific tactic they use, the result is the same: we feel we have to explain, justify, correct and somehow prove our innocence and good intentions. Think for a moment how often you hear yourself saying, "but that's not what I meant", or "but I only meant ..."? These phrases are indicative of a defensive posture and the moment that you begin to defend yourself against verbal abuse you have already lost. As hard as it is, avoid responding to these tactics. Allow yourself to lose the battle because if you don't it will escalate into the war that they're aiming for. If they try to goad you, which is highly likely - they hate silent responses - revert to the techniques for setting boundaries. and What on earth have you done to "threaten" the poor narcissist? Let's look at the last example – trying to get her to listen to you. By doing that, you ARE "threatening" her, I'm afraid. Yes. Correction: No, you are not threatening her; you are threatening the imaginary her, the bogus "her." You're threatening her delusions of grandeur. ANY honesty or reality does. Remember that she is a mental child playing Pretend, and she wants all her playmates to play along. That means you are supposed to follow her script. You are supposed to act unworthy of her attention or regard. When you don't play that part, she stomps her little foot at you and gets mad, throwing a temper tantrum to be so obnoxious that you give in and do what she wants. In her self-deluding game of Let's Play Pretend, she is so far superior to you that you are beneath her notice, at the relative level of some worm or bug with respect to her. Something divine her should look down her nose in contempt at. And, you had better act the part or she will go off at you. But here you are, acting like she owes you her attention. In other words, you're acting like God Almighty's equal. Oh, how horrible an insult to God Almighty!!! Shame on you! You - a mere bug, a mere worm - are "threatening" her majesty by treating her as your equal! Quit "threatening" her delusions of divinity, you mean and naughty person. The same is true for the example of telling her you love her, for in a profession of love is an implicit call for love in return. Oh, what a horrible attack on her godhead with respect to a mere bug, a mere worm like you! You are treating her as your equal. What an insult! So, don't let the addle-headed know-it-alls confuse you. You are not threatening the poor narcissist. The narcissist is just a pervert = someone who perverts the course of logic to pervert reality. Hence, she pervertedly views love or affection or any call for engagement from her as its very opposite = a "threat." Her Perverted Thinking Machine is not your fault or your problem. It's her fault and her problem. She is not really threatened by you acting like her equal. In other words, she isn't fighting back against any injury or threat: she is just an aggressor targeting vulnerable prey. That is, she's abusing you to feed her ego. To blame you for what she does to you, by saying that that you are thus "threatening" her, is as crazy as it would be to blame a lamb for "threatening" a wolf by running away when the hungry wolf feels a need to eat said lamb. But the so-called experts cannot seem to get it through their thick heads that there is a fundamental difference between fighting others and eating them – between fighting and predation. Though they Play Pretend that they are the only ones qualified to express an opinion on the matter, they are actually the least knowledgable and qualified, because they know nothing but what they have read in speculative essays by others just as ignorant and whatever lines narcissists on their couches have fed these collective speculators. Both individually and collectively they have almost no experience with real narcissists, let alone any real-world experience with them. And they haven't even solicited information from victims of narcissists. So, how could they possibly know what they are talking about? Trust your own observations. Reason from facts to conclusions, not backwards, and you will learn what you need to know. All animals occasionally fight others (including others of their own species) when those others cross boundaries to threaten their interests in some way. You can tell when this is the motive, because the moment the aggressor backs off the fighting stops, and everybody's cool again. Why? Because when you feel threatened, your motive is to repulse the threat = self-defense. Once you have accomplished that mission, you are done. But when your motive is to destroy the other, the other party backing down or trying to appease you has the opposite effect. Then it's a sign of weakness that just emboldens the attacker to pour on the attack more furiously than ever. That's why when an animal attacks to eat another, it doesn't stop till it has ripped that other to shreds. That's what human predators (like psychopaths and other narcissists) do to their prey, as well. The only way to avoid "threatening" these perverts is to just get and stay far away from them. Wonder if it's nice on Johnson's home planet?
my imperfections are no reason to throw in the towel. (Take that, yetzer ha-ra.) LOVE this quote! Can I use it? and btw, wonderful wonderful post!
Toggle Commented Dec 13, 2007 on Body and soul at Velveteen Rabbi
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