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Longmont, CO
I counsel in Longmont, Colorado and we host marriage intensives in the nearby Rocky Mountains
Interests: Author of Betrayed and Betrayer: Rescuing your marriage after the affair. Triathlon, reading, writing, food, granddaughter, golf
Recent Activity
In former times I had the privilege to facilitate a sexual abuse recovery group for women. I saw many miracles through my time in those groups. I was changed as were the women. Here is the story of the final... Continue reading
Posted 4 days ago at Marriages Restored
It's a classic tactic for abusers to totally isolate their victim from others who love them. That appears to be what is happening here. It's a highly dysfunctional relationship for a man to control a woman's every move. Love isn't about keeping a woman on the side. It will take courage on your part to act. You have to decide if you want things to change. I know it is hard. Please pray about at least calling a shelter and getting input on the situation.
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Confused, I'm concerned about your situation. I encourage you to go to a local women's shelter (without telling the pastor) to talk through your situation. If action needs to be taken they can assist you in developing a plan.
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Hi Confused. Thanks for your comment. I'm glad you've reached out. All of his isolating of you is not a good thing. You've got to find another person to talk to. His behavior is unhealthy and quite possibly abusive. If he was going to leave his wife for you most likely he would have done it by now. Find a counselor, pastor or trusted friend or women's shelter and get their perspective. And reestablish contact with your children if they are open to it. What kind of man would not encourage a mom to have a relationship with her kids? Are you still married?
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Too weak, I think you are anything but that. This is a traumatic situation finding your spouse involved in that much deception. You aren't crazy. All the lies she has told you has made your world seem unstable and it takes a while for your soul to catch up. It's tough to not keep asking tons of questions given the secrecy. Do know that the fewer sexual details you know the clearer the pathway to reconciliation and forgiveness is. Most likely they are having sex and once she admits to that the fewer questions the better. The bigger questions are what is going on in her that she is acting this way and is there anything in the relationship with you she would like changed. Prayers for you. It's a very tough spot you are in.
Toggle Commented Sep 25, 2017 on How We Can Help at Marriages Restored
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Michael at The Aspen Counseling Group (where I am now seeing clients part-time) shared this article. The author has many insightful ideas about the good desires that often precipitate an affair. She is clear that it is best to address... Continue reading
Posted Sep 18, 2017 at Marriages Restored
I came across a previous post that links to an article on infidelity. Though technology has advanced, it still has applications today. A friend tipped me off to this article on affairs in Newsweek. In The Secret Lives of Wives,they... Continue reading
Posted Aug 29, 2017 at Marriages Restored
From my reading this morning. Our first step is to receive. Continue reading
Posted Aug 28, 2017 at Marriages Restored
My mother-in-law takes everyone on a trip. She flew with me to play golf in Scotland. Actually, Ann came too and they toured castles, gardens and a whisky (you know it's from Scotland if there is no e in whiskey)... Continue reading
Posted Aug 24, 2017 at Marriages Restored
Thanks so much Valeria!
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I'd like to share another piece from Winn Collier's, Love Big Be Well. Jonas shares in a letter about his relationship with his uncle, Ben. One early summer morning they hopped the fence and took a swim in the pool... Continue reading
Posted Aug 23, 2017 at Marriages Restored
Liquid leaked down my cheeks during each of the first two chapters of Love Big Be Well. I spent twelve years on staff at two churches, in this book Winn Collier reaches into my heart and pulls on some of... Continue reading
Posted Aug 21, 2017 at Marriages Restored
Betrayed and Betrayer: Rescuing Your Marriage After The Affair by Ben and Ann Wilson Continue reading
Posted Aug 18, 2017 at Marriages Restored
This is a repost from quite a while ago. It still receives quite a few hits from google so I'm reposting it. My friend Jennifer recently shared about her emotional affair with a former pastor. She shares bravely concerning the... Continue reading
Posted Aug 17, 2017 at Marriages Restored
I appreciate these kind words that Lloyd left on Amazon. This is a great book for those going through recovery from an affair. I would highly recommend it to anyone who has betrayed their spouse (me), and to the one... Continue reading
Posted Aug 16, 2017 at Marriages Restored
Winn Collier pastors in Charlottesville, Virginia. He has a new book coming out, but I'll share about that later this week. Winn has been out in his town and at his church this week. He is a man of courage,... Continue reading
Posted Aug 14, 2017 at Marriages Restored
Ben and Ann refused to hide. They are the friends that have the experience…the shameful yet immensely valuable story that is so hard to tell. Their relationship did survive, and they gave us the spark our relationship needed. They walked... Continue reading
Posted Aug 14, 2017 at Marriages Restored
Ben and Ann’s testimony of betrayal is hard and honest. When we were completely lost, drowning in a sea of darkness, they were a beacon of light for us. Their transparency gave my wife and I the hope we needed... Continue reading
Posted Aug 11, 2017 at Marriages Restored
A good ending to this ride. Macao Beach. Continue reading
Posted Aug 10, 2017 at Marriages Restored
As God continued to push us into the reality of darkness within our relationship, I held onto that glimmer of hope. Five years later Michael and I renewed our wedding vows. Five years. Five rocky, exhausting, significant years! As Ben... Continue reading
Posted Aug 8, 2017 at Marriages Restored
The Wilson’s courageous vulnerability ultimately helped Michael and I each face our part in the destruction of our marriage, forever affecting our lives, the lives of our children, our friends, and our entire family. It has been nearly eight years... Continue reading
Posted Aug 7, 2017 at Marriages Restored
Here's to 32 more. Well maybe, my back kinda hurts and I don't know how that will feel in three decades. ;) Here is how we made it through the worst of times, Betrayed and Betrayer: Rescuing Your Marriage After... Continue reading
Posted Aug 3, 2017 at Marriages Restored
It's the little things. In 2010 Ann and I took a trip to Kabul, Afghanistan for our 25th wedding anniversary. I know, you thought of going there too. Our friends, Scott and Laura Powell showed us around. We led seminars/discussions... Continue reading
Posted Aug 2, 2017 at Marriages Restored
I thought someone might be touched today by this hauntingly lovely song of pain and hope by Katie Herzig When you're weary And haunted And your life is not what you wanted When you're trying so hard to find it... Continue reading
Posted Aug 1, 2017 at Marriages Restored
Heed these words if you are in need of hope. They are counterintuitive, but stick them in your back pocket and keep them around for a while. See if they bring change to your life. You're blessed when you've lost... Continue reading
Posted Jul 31, 2017 at Marriages Restored