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Blabbermouse

Nashville, Tennessee

Humor writer, wife, mother of two.

Recent Activity

No, I insist. *You* go.

Leaving Shelby Park I crossed paths with an older woman—mid-sixties-ish, lumpy and non-descript—walking a beautifully manicured sheep dog. I stopped my van, smiled, and waved to let them cross. Locking her knees and digging her heels into the pavement, this... Continue reading

Posted 2 days ago at BlabberMouse

0

Someone Should Totally Invent That

Driving home from work, phone buzzing and vibrating in my purse pocket, Kindle filled with stories/temptation on the seat beside me, I thought, Man. I wish I had a car that could just drive itself. And then it occurred to... Continue reading

Posted Apr 5, 2013 at BlabberMouse

0

Running at Dawn

One morning at dawn, at the top of the Woodland Street Bridge, I saw a homeless man in profile, pants pushed down around his knees, projectile diarrhea cascading from his bum into the bushes that border the Courthouse Plaza. He... Continue reading

Posted Apr 4, 2013 at BlabberMouse

5

Bathroom Remodel: Before and After

I know it's April Fool's Day, but I assure you the "before" pictures you're about to see are no joke. Continue reading

Posted Apr 1, 2013 at BlabberMouse

3

The Secret to Embracing Chaos: ___________

My life is very good. In the grand scheme of things, I have nothing, nothing, to complain about. And yet. Here I am. Every morning. Every night. Frazzled, short tempered, overwhelmed, ungrateful, and incapable of achieving a state that even... Continue reading

Posted Mar 12, 2013 at BlabberMouse

12

Back on My Meds

"So, that whole 'six weeks of writing* in the mornings instead of running' worked out well", she said, unlacing her sneakers after a six mile morning run. It lasted nine days. During that time I was doing some evening runs... Continue reading

Posted Feb 21, 2013 at BlabberMouse

4

The Girls Night Out: Best Left to People Who Can Say "Panties" With a Straight Face

I love and value my friendships with women, I really do. But nothing sends my blood pressure squirting out my ears faster than the Girls Night Out. Continue reading

Posted Feb 13, 2013 at BlabberMouse

5

My New Career Counselor

I was terrible to the boys this morning. Huffy and impatient and mean. They've been rehearsing their tails off, 4-8 every night, for their play that opens tomorrow. They are working so hard, and growing so much, I should be... Continue reading

Posted Feb 6, 2013 at BlabberMouse

4

The Next Eight Years

I’m giving my new schedule one month. One month to make writing a routine again. It’s a simple switch: write in the morning, exercise at night. Of course the post-work workout is not ideal, susceptible as it is to the... Continue reading

Posted Feb 1, 2013 at BlabberMouse

4

Damn You, Auto Correct! (It Can Happen To You)

Continue reading

Posted Jan 30, 2013 at BlabberMouse

1

Girls, You Really Got Me Going

On the rare occasions when I watch television, I watch it the way Brittany Murphy’s character in Girl Interrupted ate rotisserie chickens. Ravenously, under cover, and with a demented look in my eye. As I’ve mentioned before, I don’t really... Continue reading

Posted Jan 28, 2013 at BlabberMouse

3

The Only Prescription for Bieber Fever

Last Friday, we surprised the boys with tickets to see Justin Bieber. The video I took of the big reveal was a huge hit among my Facebook friends, to the point that parents were stopping Gus at church and in... Continue reading

Posted Jan 25, 2013 at BlabberMouse

6

Pillow Pet Psychology

I was a late bloomer in many ways every way. Twenty-five years went by before I could admit to myself that stuffed animals (probably) don’t have souls. It was another five years before I finally laid to rest my beloved... Continue reading

Posted Jan 22, 2013 at BlabberMouse

9

My Quest for the Perfect *Purse*

Have we talked about my quest to find the perfect purse? Have we also talked about my quest to find the perfect word to replace the word purse? Because this is what I think of when I think of the... Continue reading

Posted Jan 18, 2013 at BlabberMouse

2

Baby's First Rhetorical Question

-Guys, why did you throw your clothes in the trashcan? -Because the trashcan was sitting in the corner where our laundry hamper usually is. -So if I were standing in the corner where your laundry hamper usually is, would you... Continue reading

Posted Jan 10, 2013 at BlabberMouse

0

Twink-meh Twink-meh Little Star

You know who I find deeply uninteresting? Rihanna. Clearly I am somewhat alone in this, since Rihanna’s cool minty gaze graces the cover of one magazine after another, month after celebrity-obsessed month. But every time I look at this young... Continue reading

Posted Jan 8, 2013 at BlabberMouse

4

Kate, Maybe we'll meet outside a bathroom stall one day, and toast to hiding! :)

Commented Jan 4, 2013 on I'm An Introvert, Not An Asshole. There Is a Difference, Slight Though It May Be. at BlabberMouse

1 reply

In addition! I did seem to enjoy making an ass out of myself in high school in a way I'm unwilling to now. I had a lot more energy and a LOT less self awareness. :)

Commented Jan 4, 2013 on I'm An Introvert, Not An Asshole. There Is a Difference, Slight Though It May Be. at BlabberMouse

1 reply

I am not anti-social. I've just always gotten my energy internally, so groups don't energize me. With karaoke, it''s less about a fear of singing (which i obviously don't have) and more about context, shifting gears when I'm not ready to, matching the energy level in a room where I already feel depleted of energy. If that makes sense.

Commented Jan 4, 2013 on I'm An Introvert, Not An Asshole. There Is a Difference, Slight Though It May Be. at BlabberMouse

1 reply

I'm An Introvert, Not An Asshole. There Is a Difference, Slight Though It May Be.

In case it wasn't clear, I am an introvert. For me, walking into a room full of people when I'm mentally prepared takes energy. Walking into a room full of people when I'm not mentally prepared takes a lot of... Continue reading

Posted Jan 3, 2013 at BlabberMouse

9

My 2012 Reading List, Unabashed and Unabridged

My New Year’s blogging tradition began last year with My 2011 Reading List, Unabashed and Unabridged. It was, to my great surprise and delight, one of my most popular and often referenced posts. Readers returned to it throughout the year,... Continue reading

Posted Jan 1, 2013 at BlabberMouse

4

There's Such a Thing As Too Organized

Patrick (holding a wrapped, rectangular package): It's the 3DS I ordered!!! And Sonic!! Me: How do you know? Patrick: Santa put a yellow sticky note on the bottom that says Patrick's 3DS and Sonic! Continue reading

Posted Dec 25, 2012 at BlabberMouse

0

Fall On Your Knees

For several months after my last half marathon I had a band-aid on my toe to cover up a disgruntled toenail that wanted to emancipate itself from my body in a very ugly and public way. Read any running magazine... Continue reading

Posted Dec 18, 2012 at BlabberMouse

1

Can't Kill the Zombie by Patrick O'Brien

I posted Patrick's author bio on Facebook earlier tonight. He dictated the whole thing to me and asked me to share it. Patrick never wants me to post things on Facebook. So this was big stuff. Patrick O'Brien - Author... Continue reading

Posted Dec 13, 2012 at BlabberMouse

1

Jesus, Mary and Joseph

Each year at this time, our church does an unrehearsed Christmas pageant during the morning service. Larry gets roped into playing a wiseman. I've been an angel two years running. But this year, bigger things were in store: Jesus, Mary... Continue reading

Posted Dec 9, 2012 at BlabberMouse

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