Same person. If I login with Typepad I'm ckparrothead. If Twitter I'm ckparrot.

Oofa, that first week the New England game...I look forward to it of course, but I also dread it to a degree.

Football's a game. Gotta keep that in mind. Boo, cheer, do what you want, it's a game. I'm certainly not about to sit here and act like I keep the great codec of law on what being a fan entails and what behaviors are acceptable and detestable. That said, why do the Dolphins have to do almost everything the opposite of what I'd want? Not saying I have all the answers but damn, I'm cursed to cheer for a team that has philosophies that run exact opposite my own.

By the way I laughed so hard at this video I nearly had to call for cleanup on aisle 3.

The Dolphins have fully turned to the dark side. http://img801.imageshack.us/img801/7439/dolphinsdarkside.jpg

Byaaawwwwww!

#155 = Grey Reugamer's sheep-castrating teeth

#72 = Cleo Lemon's spherical head

Alex Marvez is saying that Brandon Marshall could be subject to Roger Goodell's punishment for his getting stabbed by his wife and then not cooperating with the investigation. Fuck. Goodell. And. Fuck. Marvez.

I think two people, among many, reading it and thinking it implied non-consent, is acceptable. When you write, everything's always up for interpretation. There's a percentage of people that interpret Catcher in the Rye to mean they should whip out their firearms and shoot someone. But either way the "recently of age" criticism was just an attempt to pile on. I read it, I laughed my ass off. I think a lot of other people did too. It's not for everyone.

Joke seemed pretty plain to me. Probably the worst nightmare of any owner would be to wake up in the middle of the night and find his precious 18 year old daughter in flagrante delicto with the biggest, blackest phallis known to the history of mankind. Harrowing, indeed. And I'm not sure Lexington Steele has ever met (carnally) an orafice that he didn't "maul", "tear" and/or "thrash", and we're talking totally consentual actions between professionals.

Not to get serious on anyone but I don't see how "recently of age" could be interpreted as anything other than having just turned 18 years old. Sorry, but that's a big time reach. Obviously the post struck the wrong chord with you but you don't have to go all scorched earth on Roger pretending like he meant something he clearly didn't.

Who said anything about rape? I assume the recently-of-age daughters of the owners would appreciate having enough Lexington Steele to build a skyscraper crammed in their birth cannons as a way of exorcising their various 'daddy' issues.

Can you imagine how much Dolphins fans would turn on each other and engage in straight up Lord of the Flies cannibalism if John Beck starts this year in Washington and actually performs really well? That would just take the cake.

Jessie Z is killing it in here. I had a couple of major issues with Scott Tolzien. For one thing he's got a weak arm. He has to put himself into overdrive in order to drive the football the way he needs to at the next level. Arm strength tends to be a "you must be this high to ride this ride" prerequisite for quarterbacks, and I'm saying that Tolzien might not have enough. I believe that once you have enough arm, you have enough arm, it becomes a much less important aspect of your game. But it's important to have enough. The other thing about Tolzien is that he really folds under pressure. He had probably the best offensive line in college football blocking for him in Wisconsin, keeping his jersey clean, but when the pressure did get to him he folded like a cheap suit in his decision-making. That's what he did at the Shrine Game. I watched him all week in practice be the guy that coaches love, the guy that operates the offense, gets the ball out, dominating the practice field...but all of that was pressureless. He got to the game and the heat was on, my god did he ever vomit on his own cleats in that showing. I wouldn't touch the guy. I'd rather go with Adam Froman, who has some similar weaknesses, but not quite as bad, and has some more interesting strengths to his game. Chad Pennington didn't have a great arm either but you have to keep in mind the up and down career he had. Without the natural arm he had to tax his shoulder pretty heavily to drive the football the way the NFL commands him to, and there have been long stretches in the guy's career filled with mediocrity. And this was a guy that was about as good as you can get at EVERYTHING ELSE having to do with a quarterback's game. As good with all that other stuff as anyone I've ever seen. Arm strength still torpedoed him. As for Noel Devine, I'll take a pass. He's not that interesting to me. I'd rather have DuJuan Harris. Better size, more power, better rhythm.

Considering Belichick's admission that he was drawn to Mallett in part because Mallett's dad was a football coach, and Belichick is the son of a football coach...considering Mallett's proclivities toward wearing hoodies (a big part of the reason he's deemed to be a gangsta wannabe)...I foresee whole avenues of jokes involving Ry Mizzy as Belichick's adopted son, getting into all kinds of Malibu's Most Wanted type hijinx.

Listen, charity is the way to go here. We should find it in our hearts to accept Ryan Mallett's frustration, and when he comes to Miami for a game we can all pitch in for a bag of the finest Florida snow you ever did see in your life (and a video camera).

Salient points, Jessie Z...

What I tried to highlight with Daniel Thomas is that the guy we saw at Kansas State wasn't really all that compelling a back, however his accelerated learning curve and some of his physical characteristics make you wonder where he'll end up in, say, two years...once the NFL has gotten hold of him. He possesses many of the same traits as Arian Foster and I think he could be as successful somewhere down the road, if placed in the same kind of running attack that has made Foster a success. Will Miami run that? I don't know. I don't get the feeling they will but I wish they would. In the mean time I would love to sign a DuJuan Harris as a UDFA and then a free agent, see if we end up with four tailbacks on roster again.

I fucking hate this lockout bull shit. I'd love to see what UDFAs the Dolphins bring in as I think there are some pretty good ones that could contribute. Guys I'd watch for include: QB Adam Froman of Louisville, OLB Keith Darbut of Baldwin-Wallace, RB DuJuan Harris of Troy, DE Brandon Bair of Oregon, and WR Joe Morgan of Walsh. Chaw down on some of these highlights: Adam Froman (Sausage King of Chicago) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fV4iHTWC7hE DuJuan Harris http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YgcnEqaJCAM

Yeah I know it seems depressing, but I do mean it when I say that some of these players will be nice toys for Bill Cowher to play around with, down the line. All paths to immediate success seem like long shots:' 1. Mike Brown miraculously relents from his hard line stance even though his history suggests he will never do that, and Carson Palmer (and his wife) miraculously decide they want to be in Miami. 2. Chad Henne becomes a totally different player. 3. Some hail mary acquisition like Caleb Hanie turns out to be the next Kurt Warner. Don't those all seem pretty far-fetched? So then what you have is Sparano and Ireland continuing to spend a lot of resources building up all areas of the team. If you just inserted a quarterback into the picture, suddenly it should have the look of a contender. But that's the hardest thing to do, AFTER the fact. Someone recently said to me that he's going to go out on a limb, put his neck on the line and say that Chad Henne improves and finishes with an 85 QB Rating. First off, the fact that anyone would have to stretch his neck to say Henne gets up to a QB rating enjoyed by the likes of Kyle Orton, David Garrard, Jon Kitna and Jason Campbell...is a sad commentary. But let's say he did. Would that be any great sign for Henne? If anything it'd be bad. He could have that 85 QB Rating, we could win 10 games, be exposed again as a fraudulent playoff team, but he'd have produced enough that the whopping 85 rating would buy him more time and still no investment in the position. Might even save this regime for another year. It's like bad medicine. The team needs a new mandate. There are some tools to play around with, hopefully whoever would come in wouldn't engage in a house cleaning. The thing they'd need to do is just find and get the QB that fits them. Once that happens, it could be like the Steelers with Roethlisberger. I don't necessarily think Ireland is a bad talent evaluator, I just think he might have bad top-down philosophies. Might. I'm not in the business, far be it from me to disagree, but I do.

Well the good news is if they pull a miracle out of their anus and get Carson Palmer, then we definitely WILL be closer (on a timeline) to winning something meaningful.

During the interview with Andy Dalton, one of the team's tests involved Brian Daboll storming into the room pretending to be a "generic diva WR" yelling at him about not getting the ball enough and griping, etc. Generic my ass, they were impersonating Brandon Marshall and everyone knows it. Not exactly a good way to keep up good relations with your $50 million receiver. Nor is it a good way to evaluate a QB, seeing how he reacts to a surreal situation that bears no REAL resemblance to what the QB would face in real games. This was Brian Daboll, a short fat white coach, not Brandon Marshall. If that happened to me I think I'd just cock my head to the side and stare at him like a dog witnessing human coetus. Whole thing reminds me of the story about how the Dolphins had Sam Shields down for a visit as they were thinking about him as a UDFA, and when he got there they askedh im who their DB Coach was (Todd Bowles). He didn't know. The chided him for failing already and the visit ended without an offer. Later, Sam Shields practically started a good portion of the year for the Packers, and made the game-sealing interception against Chicago as they were trying to drive for the tying score. Remind me, who failed?

Here's the reality of this Draft. They've done three things that I don't really like. 1. They pulled out of this entire QB class. This is extremely risky. If any of the 2011 QBs turn out franchise guys, with the exception of Cam Newton or Jake Locker, both of whom I feel were legitimately out of reach, then the Dolphins are going to look quite moronic for passing on the entire class. That's risky. For all the talk about "there is no franchise QB in this draft" this is a RECORD BREAKING year for QB, and if you think it's due purely to demand then I have to disagree with you pretty strongly. There's no more demand this year for QBs than any year. Why would demand suddenly be greater this year than last year? Last year only 4 guys went in the first 3 rounds. Only 2 guys went 1st round. If demand is so great how come Jimmy Clausen fell to the bottom 2nd and Colt McCoy fell to the 3rd? Both started games in 2010, so both were regarded as players who might be able to start even as rookies. Why is demand higher than ever when more QBs finished the 2010 NFL season with 90+ QB ratings than ever before in the history of the game? It's not a demand issue, it's a strong quarterback class. More guys went first 3 rounds than ever before, as I understand it. And 4 guys went 1st round which is one player shy of tying the record. Bad QB class? The entire NFL disagrees with that. 2. They've pushed the QB issue into the future, which is extremely risky. Carson Palmer has an owner saying he's going to stare him straight into retirement and his history with guys like Carl Pickens, Corey Dillon and Chad OchoCinco suggests that this is a HIGHLY credible threat. Kevin Kolb was very nearly going to be an Arizona Cardinal this weekend if the NFL hadn't quickly made it clear that there would be no in-draft trading of players even after Judge Nelson ended the lockout. And besides, I've watched multiple games of Kolb's from 2010 and I found absolutely nothing I like. I watched Matt Flynn's work in 2010, didn't like that either. With the Broncos' similar non-participation in the 2010 QB class, they're not trading Kyle Orton. Vince Young IS the sociopath that some are worried that Ryan Mallett COULD become. Matt Hasselbeck is honestly, very honestly, the best option...and that says it all. I watched a lot of games on guys that could be available, from Kevin Kolb to Matt Flynn, Carson Palmer, Matt Hasselbeck and even (before he'd re-signed with the Browns) Seneca Wallace. Palmer was clearly the best option and one I could get behind 100%, but he's not going to be available. Seneca Wallace, believe it or not, was the second-best, but then of course the Browns re-signed him because I think they know that too and they want him there in case Colt McCoy sucks in 2011 as much as he did in 2010 (not a fan of his 2010 work, which I also watched). Hasselbeck was the only one that could be available that didn't mind blowingly suck and I can't get behind him for one simple reason: he's been in the WCO his whole career. When Brett Favre tried to suddenly transition from the WCO he's been in his whole career, to a non-WCO in New York, that didn't come off too well. Very next year he goes to Minnesota, hardly practices and he has a career year. That's how much the system can matter. 3. Spent a lot of resources to get a "star" tailback that...isn't really a star tailback, to me. Daniel Thomas is slow. No getting around it. Watch him on tape, he's slow. Get him on a track, he's slow. He ran in the mid 4.6's at his Pro Day, during the ONE time he ran the 40 yard dash. Ireland can say they timed him at 4.55 but that was an awfully fast thumb because everyone else consistently had him in the 4.6's, and that's consistent with his film. His pad level was better in 2010 than 2009 but he still runs high, he's a big target, and it takes away from his power. I don't know that he breaks a ton of tackles. He's got LeGarrette Blount's lack of speed without his viciousness or ability to break tackles. I don't see him as a Peyton Hillis. This is the guy we took instead of rolling the dice on a guy that MANY people agree has extreme pro QB talent and an extreme pro QB mind. And now sources in Miami are telling Armando Salguero that they like Mallett and think he'll be a good QB and they tried to trade up to get him but just couldn't swing it. That's a philosophical failure. Taking Daniel Thomas over Ryan Mallett is a failure of philosophy. Aside from that, I had Mike Pouncey as only a so-so talent for the #15 pick in the Draft. There were definitely better options. On the other hand, I thought taking Edmond Gates was brilliant, and I kind of dig the Charles Clay pick as well. I don't have any real opinion of the Kearse or Jimmy Wilson picks.

Much better 3rd day than 1st and 2nd days for the Dolphins.