For those working out of Eclipse, the Eclipse Communication Framework would be a boon. Combined with an XMPP(S) server, such as openfire, you can have a controlled IM system, chatrooms and shared editor, allowing both of you to edit an individuals local copy of the code in realtime while keeping your copy clean. Along with this is of course basic file & screen shot sending utilities. You can of course keep chat logs, but there are better tools for meetings and doc sharing, especially for collaboration. A googlewave plug in for eclipse would be a killer feature.

I dunno about this. The comment moderation systems out there, such as what the iPhone Dev team use, slashdot, and so on. The best and the worst get filtered to their respective levels, while making it all open for the end user. I mean, http://intensedebate.com/ has the problems you bring up figured out already. It even has a Typepad support built in. The fact is that just about any system is better than the editor doing everything clandestine, deciding what is a shrill and what isn't.