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Linda Elsik
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"Firsts" are hard but not impossible. For me the worst part was the anticipation of the special day or holiday. The first "first" was father's Day. John died a few weeks before. I had a bbq--thinking that cooking would keep me busy. I thought it would be good for my kids. We invited the family and saluted John. I did keep very busy and stayed strong but after the clean up, I fell apart. Rule #1-you're going to cry for a while--don't try and stop it. The next first was Thanksgiving/his birthday. I was busy but I could remember crying as I put the turkey and the potatoes and dressing onto the table. But I just let myself cry. I had my daughter say grace and son give the toast while I sat and quietly cried. Then I decided that I would change the remaining firsts. So we had holidays and vacations that had some tradition and always a new twist-something that was now new but still celebrated the past. After over two years, I still do it. I cried for two weeks straight after John died. I'd talk about the weather and start crying. My kids were looking at me strange, because I'm not a crier, but I wanted them to see that grieving was hard, noisy and OK to do it the way you have to do it. After about two weeks, I was out walking in the morning with my dog. I was in a school field and it was a beautiful morning and I just said out loud"John, I can't cry anymore. I just can't." So I stopped the unexpected outbursts,but I did have my tears. I also decided to start back to work in order to get my mind onto something else. I cried driving to work. I cried at my desk, but soon the episodes were less and less. I still have his voice on the answering machine and I get choked up when I hear it. You're never the same anymore, but that doesn't mean you're any worse-you're just different. I guess it's up to each person who goes through this to decide where she heading to next; what she does with that "difference". Jennie, you're going to do fine.I can see in your writing that you are. Maybe you don't feel it,but you're going to be alright.
Toggle Commented Sep 2, 2011 on another life is possible at In Jennie's Kitchen
Jennie, I was where you are two years ago. His ring on a chain around my neck. I am here. I survived, but it's never the same. What helped me at the beginning-I walked. Every day. The endorphins help keep you out of depression and the walk allows you time to cry. Try Hickman's "Healing After Loss" if you need inspiration. Even after two years, I still read it.
Toggle Commented Aug 10, 2011 on one last dance at In Jennie's Kitchen
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Aug 10, 2011