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I am five years on from my younger brother dying of cancer at the age of 23 (on my 29th birthday, the swine! - his last "brotherly act"). It doesn't compare to losing a child - I know, having talked to my parents about it - yet alone a young child, but the trauma and pain is still real. To respond to Oli; "Then you start to wonder: does he still feel this way?" I spent a year or so working it through in my head, anything and everything made me cry. (that Futurama episode where Fry finds his brother had called Fry's nephew 'Philip' after the brother he lost - that had me weeping and weeping - in fact I'm tearing up now just thinking about it). Since then I have been gradually getting better. At the moment I function normally most of the time except round about this time of year when we approach the anniversary of his death. But even now I can't say "my younger brother died at the age of 23" without getting emotional. Catharsis works. Talk about it. It makes it easier. Cry, scream, break things, let your grief out. Letting grief fester is like letting an infection bubble away under your skin - rip it open, clean out the wound, let the light in. I wrote pages and pages of letters to David whilst I was dealing with the pain in the first months or so - one each night - until they naturally started to tail off. Over time you get to a point where you seem to function normally and you can operate properly. You push onwards with your life and even start to experience the highs and lows again. They tell you that time heals all wounds - it doesn't, that's poppycock. Time puts some distance between you and the pain. You can go back to it but it has receded from view. And it's different for different people. My Dad is still in the primary grieving stage for David, he's not capable of moving on although my new niece (2 yo) is helping with that, giving him something new and joyous to focus on. Enough rambling! I just wanted to respond to the video and the comments. Hope someone finds it helpful in understanding how some people cope.
Toggle Commented Sep 27, 2012 on Somebody is to Blame for This at Coding Horror
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Sep 27, 2012