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felix
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Hello again! This is a well timed post - just this morning I was contemplating how to help a friend who is about to take the first step in her attempt to release herself from a relationship where she has learnt helplessness; she has no optimism and she has "hunkered down" for years. Whilst I have been there for her, and helped on so many occasions, she is completely numb to the thought that anything could ever be nice - or different. Myself; I live with optimism, but nothing ever goes right; so I was "happy" to see some vindication of this within your penultimate paragraph. Paradoxically, I find a peculiar beauty with difficult times; once we accept them as a part of life, they seem to feed the soul by allowing a greater appreciation of those who do not manipulate. I believe nothing is ever bad; because with determination, trauma is just another chance to learn and bring meaning to one's life - and make loving things happen. In my experience, trauma can let one understand the complexities of humanities need to love and be loved and the depths of sorrow and confusion that can be encountered to meet this need. Eventually, it can also help one recognize and filter the manipulators from one's life with a beautiful appreciation of those who practice compassion, empathy and kindness. So, someday I hope my friend will also see her bad times as a "gift". I will always be there for her because I have learnt from my own traumas; and, without these shared difficulties she would never ever have known that she could be so treasured.
Toggle Commented Jul 19, 2015 on Learned Helplessness and Depression at Kellevision
Unlike humans I believe that animals have a more instinctive approach to feelings and love; in comparison to man, this beautiful evolution has been refined over a much longer period of time. They do not suffer the turmoil of thought that confuses our now hidden instincts.We need to learn to feel again.
Toggle Commented Jun 15, 2014 on Why Horses Make the Best Therapists at Kellevision
Paradoxically we can learn from this drama and eventually discover that the days of our worst struggle become our most beautiful.
Toggle Commented Jun 15, 2014 on How to Avoid Family Drama at Kellevision
Behavior, barrier or any other word, does it matter which? It seems to me that they are all neurosis of the materialistic society we struggle with today. Our true instinct is to love and feel love - we all think too much and have lost love and meaningful society to the power hungry. I hope that one day we will evolve to love, feel, and be at peace.
I have a saying; If in doubt, go without.
Toggle Commented Mar 20, 2014 on Why Did You Pick Them? at Kellevision
Beautiful.
Toggle Commented Mar 17, 2014 on Happy Mother's Day Mom at Kellevision
I forget because I have to. I am the person that lives inside me, my emotions have been the result of influence and time, but inside I am still me, I can see me and I like what I see. Emotions I can control because I know they are not me, I can feel the world and experience it without the need to do so from behind a guard. Inside I am that child-newborn, my smile is from a strong heart and my helping hand is fashioned from love and experience. All this I know because I forget, I forget the time between newborn and recent times because I need to. I need to be - just be. I needed the bad things to make me strong, there was a time for that and now there is a time for me. To recall things past would burden my future, my now: I am better than that. I have studied, and most of all understood relationship roles, boundaries etc. I live with awareness that education has delivered; I feel, I understand, I have no need to remember. As for love, I reap its warmth from nature, I keep it within and let it go when I feel the time is right. Thanks Kellen
Sounds just like my ex wife. Although I don't see her parents as drama queens they are definately inadequate, and I can agree with your theory that they have obviously not responded to the needs of their children. The drama is constant and I have found the best way to deal with it is to have nothing to do with her. I do wonder how grandparents can also contribute to this family drama?
I used to be the lion... Many many years ago I believed a relationship was for two people to be nice to each other and I could not conceive that it would be any other way, I expected to be loved and treated well; we even had two cubs. The abuse crept up upon me like a lion too. Now it's my personal boundaries that allow me to visit the zoo without being eaten, I "paws" for thought before I leap and take pride in my own savannah. lol, sorry Kellen, but we have much to learn from animals.
Toggle Commented Dec 11, 2013 on People Tell You Who They Are at Kellevision
Very well said Kellen, Attacking the symptoms seems to be the knee-jerk reaction in our societies today. I so wish people were educated to solve the problems instead. If our people didn't feel the need to numb with drugs, there would be less crime too, there would be no need for countries to grow drugs; they would grow grain instead and we would have a much healthier relationship with these countries too.
Do you understand why you are being negative? I understand that for the most part it's your job to be critical, but do you think that If you simply "enjoyed" the other person with a focus on the positive then perhaps the positive would be infectious towards the other person. Life is for enjoyment - understand - that for all the stresses and burdens the world has placed upon, and altered your parents or people you love, deep down in their soul, beyond their beliefs and frustrations attained over the years, they long to be that 360 degree personality they were as a child - a place where they were free! Free from that negativity that doesn't fit - understand that they want this feeling for you too; but most of all you should want this feeling for yourself. Please just enjoy.
Hi, I don't understand how studies can reveal a figure of 95% and then an aditional 7-12%. That equates to over 100%; how is that possible?
Toggle Commented Feb 13, 2013 on Is Stranger Danger Real? at Kellevision
Could you tell us about the benefit of animal assistance please? Is there a particular type of pet that could help those in need?
Hi, I'm just reading this article and wondering if that resolution is long forgotten? lol. Any chance of a follow up 3 years on, or has it been 3 years of numbing?
Toggle Commented Nov 30, 2012 on Practicing What I Preach at Kellevision
Kellen, Why can you not help but wonder? I know what your gut feeling is telling you, why do you appear to doubt yourself? You have seen the foster children age out of the care system and live on the streets yourself. You know the base cause of their problem is the trauma - because you have worked for years surrounded by the effects. Do you use the word "wonder" to avoid seeming arrogant? We all know how correct you are, now, what are you going to do about it? Do other countries have a better system? Do therapists in the us collate their findings to provide meaningful statistics - will someone listen? In the eyes of many a government, the homeless are not worth the care nor the cost; How would you propose to alter that attitude? Are the authorities governing the foster care system in some way influenced by the drug and insurance companies in the same way as other areas of your health care system? Talk to them Kellen.
Toggle Commented Nov 23, 2012 on Are Foster Children Over-Medicated? at Kellevision
I have examined my life for trauma, and also the lives of my family back to the death of my grandad - when my dad was just 8 years old! I believe that this traumatic event shaped his life and his relationships thereafter. I have also looked through old photos to examine the characteristics displayed by my mum and compared them to my own previous relationships. I feel that the early death of my grandad not only shaped my dad's relationships, but mine too. Beginning with my mum at an early age,I have had a constant drip, drip, drip of traumatic experiences throughout my life that recently prompted me to examine the reasons more closely - all I knew was that I had not deserved the trauma handed out to me. As I look back into the past I can sympathise with how my dad must have felt; the loss of a major part of who he is, the feeling of always wondering who his dad was and never being able to capture that feeling and hold it in his heart. I think this made him attracted to another trauma survivor - my mum. And the list goes on! I feel as though trauma is the disease of the innocent. It only hurts the innocent, otherwise, why would it hurt? I had to search deep within, and knew in my heart that I had done nothing wrong - and now it all makes sense. I now feel as though I have understood and disconnected from that part of my life - new chapter in a new book! I don't believe that trauma necessarily has to be any major effect in one's life, but can also be served to us over time, even beginning within any of our ancestors lives. Perhaps the fast lives we live today that allow us so little self time or family time are also a cause? Thanks Kellen and hugs to the animals.
Toggle Commented Nov 18, 2012 on Trauma Tourette's at Kellevision
Hi Kellen, I wonder if some drama queens can be self made? They create such mayhem because they can't bear the hidden personality that peace brings. I wonder if they try to hide the shame of earlier trauma, of perhaps having been abused, or of knowing that they are an abuser. I recently met a couple who alerted my internal radar, yes, a man and wife! Their every interaction was over dramatised as they tried to suck me and others into their world of denial. Exit Felix!
Toggle Commented Nov 17, 2012 on The Origins of Drama Queens? at Kellevision
Hi Kellen, Your posts crossed my mind last night; In the darkness, unable to sleep, I wondered how you cope or feel when you deal with so much trauma and people in negative situations? I thought about the categories shown on this blog, so many negative words with a critical connotation; deperession,disorder,abuse etc and I hoped that they didn't affect your life. I wanted to see the positive side to mental health - why do we seem so addicted to, or heavily invested in problems? Is it just because there are so many? I wondered where, and how many positive posts there are. Yes, all posts are positive in their own way because they offer such excellent insight, but I thought it would also be nice if you could make the positive posts easier to see and acces; perhaps buy rearranging the catagories or concluding each post with a positive link such as this; http://www.kellevision.com/kellevision/2009/06/how-to-be-happier.html This may be a helpful addition for the people who need to feel positive for the future as well as, and after dealing with their current difficulties. What are your thoughts Kellen?
Toggle Commented Jun 7, 2012 on Flip the Script at Kellevision
Francis is very lucky to have you as a friend. I hope she can help many children on her journey to a peaceful life, and, when they are older, serve as a lovely memory so that they too may pass on the love to their children. In many years from now, children will be riding horses and loving animals with a special joy in their hearts. A joy handed down to them from their parents, a joy that begun in Kellen's little corner of the world. Thank you for being you, And hugs to Francis from me (when she's ready)
Kellen, your thoughts and findings are very important and I'm excited to know if you will have any success in exposing what seems to be unhealthy practice. Do you have a means of ensuring that you are heard? Is there a professional system of disclosure or review?
I am very surprised that professionals are only now beginning to investigate the possibility that abuse perpetrated by one person can affect several others too, even pets! Why was this not realised many years ago? Are these professionals blinkered and blinded by their own professional education?
Hi Kellen, Thank you for this post - I wish I'd known this so many years ago, perhaps I wouldn't have suffered so much over the years, but then I wouldn't have had the need to find you - and I'm glad I did; so sometimes drama and sadness can be a good learning curve for us after all! In the past few years I have often thought it would be good to discuss how to fight fair and use methods to resolve conflict in the early throws of a relationship and I particularly like the idea of postings on a refrigerator door - perhaps even post your daily feelings there if direct conversation is difficult at times.
Toggle Commented Feb 25, 2012 on How to Fight Fair at Kellevision
Hi Just, and where are YOU in all this caring? Have you thought of connecting only with those who are good for you? You seem like a person who deserves some good - just for you. Look beyond the rages and discover what they are getting from these actions.If I were you I would step back emotionally, offer advice and let them decide to save themselves when the time is right for them. You will be seen as a strong person, and consequently, your words and actions will carry greater respect.
Toggle Commented Feb 25, 2012 on How to Fight Fair at Kellevision
Ooops! Hi again, I tried the link but found it didn't work. I googled the information in various ways with the same result. It would be nice to see, could you investigate please.
Thanks Kellen, I had guessed that would be your answer, and at last it is nice to know the reasoning behind the need to walk away; I didn't know that the heart rate changed the way we think and communicate! I will remember this if I ever feel the need to help someone. Felix.