Unnecessarily long video redundantly, hilariously demonstrating the brutal li'l gadget that your prison/other type of establishment in which people frequently attempt to flush shoes, bricks, and other people down the toilet CANNOT BE WITHOUT? CHECK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Sign me up for some cinematic majesty, muffin monster! Continue reading

My favorite thing to see on the subway is businessmen acting like wee, brain-damaged children. Like our friend, here. He's dressed to the nines, immaculately groomed, reading his li'l magazine, taking up 6 seats with his massive balls, and knuckle deep on a booger hunt. Continue reading

It actually looks a lot like this screen grab from Altered Beast. The fun part is that, 5 days into the snotpocalypse (because effing EVERYTHING is a damn -pocalypse so far this year), I'm sort of getting my sense of smell back. And I will now share with you the exciting things my broken sense of smell has revealed. SHAMPOO: smells like windex, so I didn't taste it WHATEVER FUNK OUR NEIGHBORS ARE PUMPING THROUGH THE SHARED AIR VENT: smells like a wet dog is smoking a LOT of weed Continue reading

basically, i've been convinced for many years that dave grohl and alanis morissette are, in fact, the same person. i know! why didn't YOU think of that? don't feel bad, i've been thinking about this since the 90s. let's break it down all math-like: dave grohl minus any shred of nirvana-based coolness multiplied by an alex forrest level of... let's call it intensity equals alanis morissette Continue reading

apparently grad school is going to "keep me REEEEEEEALLY busy," so... in honor of the fact that my brain is already fried (and caked in plaster dust) only 4 weeks in, here's a charming collection of pictures i drew while both of my eyes were completely dilated for super awesome medical reasons. while i couldn't see what i was drawing, while i was drawing it, i think the sentiments come across very clearly. those sentiments are about spores, fire, owls, snot, and fish-arms. i hope you can see there is obviously a lot of meaning and artistic purpose in these drawings i did during a fantasy football draft a few weeks ago, because then you are a douche, and i can mock you at some point in the future, possibly behind your back, and likely in internet-based fashion. ENJOY. Continue reading

Let's talk about what's REALLY important, namely the fact that apparently it's cool to completely lose your mind, toss on some jaunty green lace gloves, and hop aboard the W train. See, some people would be all, "How is she crazy? Gloves aren't that weird." Yes, they are, and I'll tell you why. A. I took this picture in the sweatiest, grossest part of July, which means that (lace?) Continue reading