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JockStewart
North Georgia
Jock Stewart, my alter ego, says things that I would never think of saying.
Interests: DISCLOSURE AND PRIVACY POLICY: This policy is valid from 16 June 2009 This blog is a personal blog written and edited by me. For questions about this blog, please contact Malcolm Campbell at http://www.malcolmrcampbell.com. This blog accepts forms of cash advertising, sponsorship, paid insertions or other forms of compensation. The compensation received will never influence the content, topics or posts made in this blog. All advertising is in the form of advertisements generated by a third party ad network. Those advertisements will be identified as paid advertisements. The owner(s) of this blog is not compensated to provide opinion on products, services, websites and various other topics. The views and opinions expressed on this blog are purely the blog owners. If we claim or appear to be experts on a certain topic or product or service area, we will only endorse products or services that we believe, based on our expertise, are worthy of such endorsement. Any product claim, statistic, quote or other representation about a product or service should be verified with the manufacturer or provider. This blog does not contain any content which might present a conflict of interest. This blog respects the privacy of all readers and commenters and maintains no records or lists, nor does it use the names for advertising or PR purposes, nor does it make any name available to any other individual or group. To get your own policy, go to http://www.disclosurepolicy.org
Recent Activity
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New York, NY, February 1, 2014--Geeks with doctoral degrees in computer science and a love of literature have beem working around the clock in a secret high-tech lab inserting subliminal messages and trojan viruses into e-books to discourage pirates and... Continue reading
Posted Feb 1, 2014 at Morning Satirical News
Since many of them (the authors) have bailed me out of jail for various misunderstandings with the local police force, I'm writing this column about local authors' books that are gathering dust at the Main Street Book Emporium. These are... Continue reading
Posted Dec 6, 2013 at Morning Satirical News
Thank you, Smoky and Montucky.
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Night Beat FEDS Consider Mandating Wheat Consumption (or else) By Jock Stewart, Special Invesigative Reporter Following up on a tip from SickiLeaks, this reporter infliltrated the paramilitary division of the Congressional Pet Wheat Corporation (CPWC) to learn its reactions to... Continue reading
Posted Oct 29, 2013 at Morning Satirical News
NIGHT BEAT I'm Boris. I'll be your spook this evening by Jock Stewart, Special Investigative Reporter On the other side of midnight, I discovered that Lucinda's pet hamster Telemachus had busted out of his cage, leaving a trail of shredded... Continue reading
Posted Jun 22, 2013 at Morning Satirical News
Washington, D.C., March 1, 2013 - Due to an unnoticed provision of the Sequestration Transparency Act of 2012, Congress, the President, the President's Cabinet, and the Joint Chiefs of Staff will be sequestered at midnight barring a "last minute hail... Continue reading
Posted Mar 1, 2013 at Morning Satirical News
Thank you, Melinda, Smoky and Montucky. Murder by PlayStation is a good headline. Wish I'd thought of it. Smoky, when Jock isn't writing, he's reading comic books.
Washington, D. C., February 6, 2013 - The millions of kids whom parents once criticized for sitting mindlessly in front of video games now have an opportunity to convert their button-pressing-without-remorse skills into high-paying jobs piloting drones for the Federal... Continue reading
Posted Feb 6, 2013 at Morning Satirical News
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Vancouver, BC, November 14, 2012--According to publisher Grafton and Scratch, Santa himself "edited" Clement Moore's classic "'Twas the Night Before Christmas'" ("A Visit From St. Nicholas") to hide the fact that Mr. Claus smokes a pipe. The book's cover illustration... Continue reading
Posted Nov 14, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
Hope you're feeling better doon. As is, that picture is making me sleepy. Malcolm
1 reply
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Denver, October 3, 2012--Presidential Debate Control officials have acknowledged that the Junction City, Texas band known as "The Clowns" was banned from the first Presidential debate here today. "It became obvious to us," said FBI operative Slim Pickins, "that forcing... Continue reading
Posted Oct 4, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
Titmice were probably banned a long time ago. That big gulp is frightening enough in real life, Montucky. Goodness only knows what would happen if kids read about it. Malcolm
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Junction City, TX, September 26, 2012--The Albino County Board of Education announced here today that Robin Redbreast has been banned from the Alton Butts Elementary School library prior to the Banned Books Week deadline of September 30. "Several parents called... Continue reading
Posted Sep 26, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
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Junction City, Texas, September 9, 2012--Lucinda Trail, editor and publisher of the Star-Gazer ever since the newspaper's former editor and publisher Marcus Cash got sent up the river, is happy to announce that her ass-kicking star reporter Jock Stewart's collection... Continue reading
Posted Sep 9, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
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AZ CLAIMS PREGNANCY OCCURS BEFORE CONCEPTION by Jock Stewart Phoenix, Arizona, August 28, 2012–An anti-abortion law created close enough to this year’s April Fools Day to qualify as absurd, took effect this month in a state where the powers that... Continue reading
Posted Aug 28, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
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Junction City, TX, May 27, 2012--Following closely on the heels of the nearby Bexar County school board, Junction City's PS666 will begin tracking its sudents like cattle and/or criminals with RFID microchips when they (presmably, the students) return to school... Continue reading
Posted May 27, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
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For more Jock Stewart hijinks, click here. Continue reading
Posted May 2, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
Sounds like something he would say. Malcolm
Rawlson, TX, April 27, 2012--Rawlson is a small, Swedish town in the northern climes of the county where all sins and cares eventually merge into one, and ja, you betcha, the Rillerah runs through it. Police were called to Lars... Continue reading
Posted Apr 27, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
Octopus, Nevada, April 23, 2012--Hidden away in the wild wastes of Nevada, Octopus Books maintains a world headquarters building taller than a redwood and wider than Rhode Island. When I had the gall to ring the doorbell, armed guards escorted... Continue reading
Posted Apr 23, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
Prarieview, TX, April 10, 2012--"I'm old enough to remember the good old days when students presented wholesome plays like 'The Moon is Blue' and 'Mrs. Warren's Profession,'" screamed Horace Walker as police led him away from the ongoing riot in... Continue reading
Posted Apr 10, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
I'm not sure I want to know about those profiles, Montucky. Malcolm
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New York, New York, February 7, 2012--A new anti-social networking service was launched today in a small office deep in the bowels of the city so nice they named it twice. Called "ASSBOOK," the service allows users to compile enemies... Continue reading
Posted Feb 7, 2012 at Morning Satirical News
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Gig Harbor, Washington, December 10, 2011 - Octopus Books launched its new TDP-or-Else publishing program today with a billion-dollar treasure chest filled with enough loot to temp even the shyest of authors into a restrictive contract that keeps their books... Continue reading
Posted Dec 10, 2011 at Morning Satirical News
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Junction City, October 24, 2011--Three months ago, Robert L. St. Ives had another name and an identity that nobody would sneeze at. His longest term of employment, not counting the License Plate Shop at State Penitentiary 666,was 38 minutes as... Continue reading
Posted Oct 24, 2011 at Morning Satirical News