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Joker
Your mom's house
Recent Activity
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Well folks, the time has come. Time to put away the keyboard and step away from the public stage. The hardest part next season will be trying to voice my opinion to an audience of three as opposed to an audience of thousands. MUSIC: I think this song is appropriate... Continue reading
Posted Jan 12, 2013 at The Joker Report
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If you ever wondered how important a comma was, put one after "Irish" in the title. If only Notre Dame could find a damn comma anywhere in Miami. But first, I have to get something off my chest. How's the old adage go? "When you win, say little; when you... Continue reading
Posted Jan 10, 2013 at The Joker Report
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Back in 1999 I sat in a corner end zone seat and watched a point-after kick go wide left off the foot of Ryan Pflugner giving a no-name Tom Brady and his Wolverines a hard-fought Orange Bowl victory against Alabama. That was a tough loss. And the seats really sucked.... Continue reading
Posted Jan 9, 2013 at The Joker Report
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It's fitting that the Football Gods have chosen red hot, terminally unsettled Miami, Florida as the battlefield for the 2013 BCS National Championship. Notre Dame is attempting to pull off what amounts to a gridiron Coup D'etate and with it's long history of unrest, thousands of bloodthirsty Cuban expatriates and... Continue reading
Posted Jan 3, 2013 at The Joker Report
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The time has come. The commercials are finally starting to register reactions from me. More and more thoughts cloud my head about what should happen versus what could happen. And even though everyone and their grandmother has already analyzed every aspect of this game...I suppose it's my turn. I won't... Continue reading
Posted Jan 1, 2013 at The Joker Report
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Can you imagine? I can. Last time I got on a boat I had nauseuous nightmares the likes of something Scarecrow-esque. Puked about 40 minutes in and didn't stop until we were 5 minutes from the dock - FIVE HOURS LATER. My point? I would probably try again if she... Continue reading
Posted Dec 20, 2012 at The Joker Report
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And it was always Belk fucking Hudson's for some reason, and after walking/crawling under all the silk dresses because it felt good running through your hair, you would always resort back to that third step, the top step on that higher level because whoever built the building was retarded. Continue reading
Posted Dec 14, 2012 at The Joker Report
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I told y'all I would keep linking this until it pissed you off, so I thought I would make an entire article out of it. And I might even do it again until I get more people in there. There's really no reason for me to want a lot of... Continue reading
Posted Dec 10, 2012 at The Joker Report
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The bitter-sweet taste of the seasonal retrospective I love and hate this time of year. It's Bowl season. The last slice of pizza. The final donut in the box. It's something to be savored, appreciated, celebrated and yet lamented. In this brief calm before that first pathetic MAC vs Sunbelt... Continue reading
Posted Dec 8, 2012 at The Joker Report
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Let's just jump right in because I don't feel like sugarcoating this. We have three finalists: Manti Teo, Collin Klein, Johnny Manziel. That's odd enough that only three guys are invited, especially considering the numbers put up by some other guys whose teams may or may not have done well... Continue reading
Posted Dec 7, 2012 at The Joker Report
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IN THE KEY OF SEBASTIAN: Oh, it’s that time again… SEC CHAMPIONSHIP: As you can tell from the song (or the media that won’t shut up about the upcoming BCSNCG), Bama is still in it. As I sat in the Georgia Dome watching Bama play like complete crap for most... Continue reading
Posted Dec 6, 2012 at The Joker Report
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The deed has been done. It is now Good vs Evil for all the marbles. Although I'm pretty sure Notre Dame is the evil empire...wait...damn!? How did I not know it was us this whole time? You mean all those Aubies were right, replacing the 'b' in Saban to a... Continue reading
Posted Dec 3, 2012 at The Joker Report
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Before I say anything, let me put it out there that I have no idea how this game will go down. I've been asked by multiple people, and all I can do is shake my head and shrug my shoulders. If I don't have an inner "feel" about the game,... Continue reading
Posted Nov 29, 2012 at The Joker Report
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WEEK 13 PICKS: IN THE KEY OF SEBASTIAN: With a trip looming to ATL, I wanted to get in the right state of mind. There’s nothing better than Outkast when it comes to bringing the flavor of ATL and Southern rap, but I must admit Joker’s selection is one of... Continue reading
Posted Nov 29, 2012 at The Joker Report
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SIX SEC teams in the BCS Top 10? How much more dominant would you like us to be, world? What if we didn't have to play each other? The BCS would explode. Continue reading
Posted Nov 27, 2012 at The Joker Report
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WEEK 12 PICKS: IN THE KEY OF SEBASTIAN: Welcome back and Happy Thanksgiving to everyone! This song is one of my all time favorites and I think it best describes the feelings of the Bama nation after the weekend that was. Enough about that, though, as it is time to... Continue reading
Posted Nov 22, 2012 at The Joker Report
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Overconfidence is dangerous. It can get you hacked into little pieces. Just ask General Custer, Magellan or big gay Xerxes from "300". Famous, brave men to be sure. Gallant fellows, well-bred, intelligent yet famously short-sighted. In case you're ever in command of anything, here's what you shouldn't do. Go into... Continue reading
Posted Nov 21, 2012 at The Joker Report
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Kansas State got their first taste of glory and had no idea how to stay there. It's like it was their first night seeing bush, and they were so entranced by it, they froze and couldn't even enjoy the actual benefits. Clean up on aisle 7! Continue reading
Posted Nov 20, 2012 at The Joker Report
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WEEK 12 PICKS: IN THE KEY OF SEBASTIAN: Last week is (thankfully) now in the past. I was staring 4-1 in the face until Washington State scored a TD with a minute and change left on the clock to (still lose) beat the spread and worsen my already disappointing weekend.... Continue reading
Posted Nov 15, 2012 at The Joker Report
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I said before the Mississippi State game that we have some pretty big weaknesses that had yet to be exploited, and if LSU showed a glimpse as to what they were, Texas A&M opened the whole fucking jar, ate the contents, and shoved the empty jar back up our ass. Continue reading
Posted Nov 12, 2012 at The Joker Report
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WEEK 11 PICKS: IN THE KEY OF SEBASTIAN: It’s Week 11 and let’s just say that I am in a bit of a rut. BUT…with tunes like this, all will be fine. I have faith. With that being said, let’s take a look back at last week, shall we? AUBURN:... Continue reading
Posted Nov 8, 2012 at The Joker Report
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I'll repeat that, in case you missed it. We held/caressed/juggled lucky balls before the final drive. And it worked, so who're the silly ones now? Oh, still us? Fine. Continue reading
Posted Nov 6, 2012 at The Joker Report
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IN THE KEY OF SEBASTIAN: Welcome back everyone! I think it is safe to say that, unless you are just waking up from an extended coma of some sorts (and, if you are, a big Joker Report congratulations goes out to you!), it is pretty obvious which two teams are... Continue reading
Posted Nov 2, 2012 at The Joker Report
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THIS WEEK's emission: Let's not waste any time here. Go scan the schedule and tell me why I'd spend any energy typing about anything besides Alabama and LSU... two titans of our age trading crotch shots in the octagon in Baton Rouge. Oregon at USC? A bi-curious slap fight. I'll... Continue reading
Posted Oct 31, 2012 at The Joker Report
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Having leaders at each level of the defense - Williams to Mosley to Lester - is something we take for granted, but my God it's a beautiful thing. CJ would have had yet another pick 6 in his short career had the ref's ball bag not been in the way. Continue reading
Posted Oct 29, 2012 at The Joker Report