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Kathy
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Not Easy = Helpful
We often explain our words or actions with the phrase, "It's easier." We do it to avoid conflict of an argument or hurting someone's feelings. We do it to avoid change when the existing pattern is miserable but familiar. "It's... Continue reading
Posted 4 days ago at Because Relationships Matter
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Perfectly Human
"I know. No one's perfect, but..." It's a common expression. We know it's true. Yet, many of us feel the need to be perfect and work diligently to accomplish the goal. When perfection is expected, there's a spectrum of results... Continue reading
Posted Apr 29, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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Boundaries as Art
In relationship, boundaries are critical. They demonstrate self-awareness about what you can control, who you are responsible to, what you are responsible for, how much to say, when to leave, etc. If you have problems with boundaries, you don't learn... Continue reading
Posted Apr 15, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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Both Exist
People we trust do good. People we trust do bad. We want to trust them. We see they are not worthy of our trust. We care for them deeply, so we hold onto our relationship. We know they are not... Continue reading
Posted Apr 1, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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Searching For The Reason
"Everything happens for a reason." It's a common expression. The ability to explain life, especially bad stuff, gives us comfort and makes us feel safer. Beyond that purpose, it's crap. Our minds keep searching for "the reason". This often leads... Continue reading
Posted Mar 18, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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Mask of Confidence
Confidence and security are independent. Confident people are often viewed as being secure. However, deep insecurity often hides behind their mask of confidence. Some wear the mask to the public, but they know it's a mask and fear being revealed.... Continue reading
Posted Mar 11, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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Give & Take
Being independent doesn't = strength. When we don't believe we can lean on others, we take care of things alone. We ignore our relational needs and come across as unloving. Being dependent doesn't = weak. When we don't believe we... Continue reading
Posted Mar 3, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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Care Enough To Be Uncomfortable
When we don't communicate, we are often accused, "You just don't care!" What if talking about it leads to an argument, silence or tears? What if it leads to you being judged or not liked? What if you're just afraid?... Continue reading
Posted Feb 25, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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Vulnerable
"I don't like being vulnerable. It makes me feel like I'm weak." It's a common belief, a myth, that being vulnerable is weak or makes you look weak. The opposite is actually true. Weak is not being able to withstand... Continue reading
Posted Jan 30, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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Another perspective is to see this process as a continuing journey rather than a destination. It's absolutely possible to feel whole, peaceful and accepting. Although it feels as if there is no change, change is happening when the old behavior happens less frequently and each occasion doesn't last as long.
Be kind to yourself along the way.
Peace.
Commented Jan 29, 2013 on Tough Love at Because Relationships Matter
Tough Love
Whether someone you love has an addiction, you're trying to raise a teen without going crazy, or you just have a bunch of people who take advantage of you, tough love is often misunderstood. It isn't about holding them accountable, stating the obvious, or thinking it is mean to set boundaries. T...
Thanks for letting me know the post was helpful to you.
I think it definitely can apply to emotionally abusive behaviors. It applies to co-dependent relationships, and those are commonly emotionally abusive.
If you want to communicate privately, you can email me at Kathy@KatherineGuy.com.
Commented Jan 28, 2013 on Tough Love at Because Relationships Matter
Tough Love
Whether someone you love has an addiction, you're trying to raise a teen without going crazy, or you just have a bunch of people who take advantage of you, tough love is often misunderstood. It isn't about holding them accountable, stating the obvious, or thinking it is mean to set boundaries. T...
Tough Love
Whether someone you love has an addiction, you're trying to raise a teen without going crazy, or you just have a bunch of people who take advantage of you, tough love is often misunderstood. It isn't about holding them accountable,... Continue reading
Posted Jan 14, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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Give As You're Able
People need help. Giving to others is just good to do. It helps us get over ourselves. We just finished the Season of Giving. Deciding from all the worthwhile causes isn't easy. Here are things we consider. Don't... Try to... Continue reading
Posted Jan 8, 2013 at Because Relationships Matter
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When All The Choices Suck
It's easy to feel like a victim. It often gets spoken as, "There's nothing I can do. I'm trapped. I don't have a choice." Feeling trapped messes with our thinking. When emotions escalate, we lose creativity for problem-solving. It's hard... Continue reading
Posted Dec 12, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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One Day
Sunrise and sunset are good for me. I need them. They're also hard for me. They make me uncomfortable. Sunrise and sunset remind me of the earth spinning completely around in this 24 hour period of one day. It's the... Continue reading
Posted Dec 5, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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Contentment
The largest Powerball lottery prize drawing is over. For those of us who didn't win, we're left to find contentment with what we already have. We all seek contentment. Too many struggle finding it. Who we believe we are shapes... Continue reading
Posted Nov 29, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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Crazy Relationships
Whether you call them toxic, co-dependent, or emotionally destructive, these are some crazy relationships! They contain a lot of good and a lot of bad, with very little neutral between the extremes. Crazy relationships become addictive. Although destructive, the participants... Continue reading
Posted Nov 15, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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Parenting Fear - Teens
Teenagers want the freedom of being an adult when they're not actually adults. They're still teens. Since this is terrifying, parents of teens are often afraid! Fear illustrates that you care. You're a great parent. Relax. The various identities teens... Continue reading
Posted Oct 24, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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Using Power for Good
I don't have the power to make another adult feel significant or insignificant. I do have the power to treat them with significance or insignificance. I don't have the power to make another adult feel loved or unloved. I do... Continue reading
Posted Oct 14, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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Parenting Fear
Parents of young kids are often afraid. "I just don't want to screw them up." Recognize what that fear says about you -- you have enough humility to look at yourself. You're a great parent. Relax. The confidence to make... Continue reading
Posted Oct 10, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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I'm Sorry
Apologizing is about the person who was wronged. It's about their feelings. Helpful apology: "I'm sorry. You matter enough to not be treated like that. I'm very sorry." Apologizing is not about you. It's not about your feelings. Don't ask... Continue reading
Posted Aug 31, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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30 Years
Posted Aug 21, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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Expectation to Desire
Posted Aug 13, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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Face Reality
We generally want others to make us feel good. It might be our romantic partner, our kid or parent, our friend, our pastor or our boss, or our politicians. We have expectations. People are human. People fail. If they would... Continue reading
Posted Aug 5, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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Just Different
Life has seasons: great, good, not so good, or really suck. Some seasons of life are not easily defined. Since going into private practice, it's a new season of life for both Jeff and me. It's different. Different can be... Continue reading
Posted Jul 28, 2012 at Because Relationships Matter
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