Hi Felix, Let me see if I can work on something about that. Thanks for the suggestion!

Hi Rita, You MUST be the one who causes a family dispute? Really??? I think you just might have some help in "causing" those family disputes. Most disputes are like the proverbial tango, they take two (at least). I assume that when you say you keep getting sucked in you mean you believe you are the crazy one. (If I have assumed wrongly, please correct me!) You can't stop your family's behavior or their patterns. You can only change your behavior. Decide what you need to do to maintain your sanity and develop healthy boundaries. Family dynamics can be very tricky - and treacherous! If you need to see a counselor to help you develop healthier ways of interacting with your family that doesn't make you the crazy one. Most of my clients are the sane one in their families. That's why they are strong enough and sane enough to see that there is a problem and that they need help with it.

Thank you Felix. I hope Francis thinks so. She's not big on hugs yet, but has learned to revel in having her chest scratched. I'll give her one for you. Funny, she and Abby are best pals. They took to each other immediately.

Hi Zhen Bi, We have a saying in America, "If it walks like a duck and quacks like a duck - it's probably a duck!" If everyone in your family is saying you are the black sheep, it is probably true. I am wondering if you work so hard and make such high grades in an attempt to prove to them all that you are a worthy person? IF your depression is resulting from this position in your family, medication will not fix it. It will require counseling. If your parents refuse to get counseling for you, you may have to wait until you are an adult to seek help. I'm wondering what purpose your scapegoating is serving in the family? It is usually to distract people from someone else's behavior. Is this the situation in your case? Are there other black sheep in your family? What things do you have in common with them? Do you end up being the black sheep in other situations, like your friendships? at school? If so, what are you doing in those places to replicate the role?

Hi JHW, What interesting questions! Let me take a shot at the big one: self-righteous indigation vs. good 'ole healthy indignation. In my humble opinion, the smugness and superior are the very purpose of self-righteous indignation. In fact, most people who are full of self-righteous indignation about something someone else is doing would often be very disappointed if they stopped doing it because they could no longer stand over them in judgement, feeling superior. Indignation, by contrast, is truly concerned that something is wrong and seeks change. (And I totally agree with you that we must take a moral stand on things. Perhaps more than we do.) I think these are the primary differences, but there is one additional factor that may be present. Not always, but sometimes. Self-righteous indignation always requires that someone else change their behavior. Indignation is often followed by the person who is feeling it getting up and doing something about it. Isn't indignation the feeling which motivated Dr. Martin Luther King and Mahatma Ghandi? So let's look at your very good example above (which you handled beautifully by the way). You were indignant that your friend was being used and had an intial discussion with him about it. When he didn't see it the way you did, you dropped it and walked away. As a loyal friend, you advised him of your concerns. When he chose to ignore you, you changed your behavior and respected his right to make the mistake. I don't hear you feeling smug or superior, just concerned for your friend and upset, because of your loyalty to him, that he was being used. I believe that indignation seeks change without seeing other people as being morally inferior or "less than". The entire point of self-righteous indignation is to look down on someone else. Indignation is about standing up for what we think is right. Self-righteous indignation is about putting someone else down. What do you think?

Hi George, What great articles. Thank you so much for sharing. I understand what you are saying, but I've met with children in stark environments who were still able to calm and focus and stay on task. I've also worked with them in a ranch setting with lots of distractions and they are still able to calm and stay on task. What I do see happening with some children is that when they first arrive they are bouncing off my walls, literally! But after a few sessions they start out this way, then calm after a few minutes and remain focused for the remainder of the session. The longer we work together the shorter the time required to calm. This causes me to believe that they are coming from an environment which is causing the attention deficit. But I haven't quite worked out what is in that environment which is causing the behavior. I still don't believe I've seen a child who actually had the ADHD with which they were diagnosed. When I talk to the parents I often find the "source" of the behavior. Unfortunately, the parents I've worked with are heavily invested in keeping the child as the "identified patient" and not willing to look at how their own behavior is contributing to the problem. And I don't see this being addressed in the mental health community. Thank you for your contribution to the debate. I will ponder your points and the articles you posted.