"Meetings That Matter" webinar is now available at our book store. Click on this link to find it! https://arenewalenterprise.3dcartstores.com/Making-Church-Meetinngs-Matter-An-ARE-Webinar-and-Study-Guide_p_34.html

don - i think your qualifier for #4 is especially helpful. and i'm pretty sure margaret would agree! surround yourself with others who are positive and healthy - not just "anybody." i also think your final word is pretty helpful. thanks for adding to the list!

@ jeff - yeah, we're getting old, my friend!

@ jeff - this is a helpful reminder that the issue of transparency is one everybody is dealing with...not just pastors. when my daughter left college and took her first corporate job she went through, cleaned up her fb page, and shut down her wall until the rest of her friends were all out of school and in the job market, too. like erik said (above): don't post things you wouldn't want your grandmother to see. that's good advice, imho, for everybody...no matter what your job happens to be.

@ jon - thanks for jumping into the conversation. it's been interesting to read the debate that is happening on fb today, sparked by this article. i think it might mean that this is a question a lot of people are wrestling with. and so it's helpful to have different points of view. thanks for sharing yours. for the record, i'm not saying people with boundary questions are like 5th graders. i said i can't think of any good reason somebody would make a blanket statement like "don't make friends with parishioners" that didn't insult (intentionally or not) my maturity and/or that of my parishioners. i think that "don't be friends" viewpoint is connected to an understanding of "pastoral identity" that is harmful to the church (and to pastors). but i'm open to being challenged on that, too. thanks, again, for being in the conversation.

@ emmy - lol! i'm thinking that "boring" in this case means "integrated" - which sounds just about right to me.

More comments from FB: Kevin – Excellent post. I do a lot of ministry on FB. But I also think you identify a deeper issue: how pastors and parishioners relate. I, too, received that "most unhelpful advice" when I finished seminary, and found it to be recipes for loneliness (especially when my first parish was in a tiny village), and pastoral ineffectiveness. I minister best when I'm part of the community, not when I'm a religious professional. Elaine – I don't silo. I have pastors who are friends AND under my oversight. We have built wonderful relationships that matter and make a difference in who I am as pastor and bishop. Sure I have to watch what I post, but what's wrong with that? I'm not hiding anything, I'm using appropriate filters which is what everyone should do. I even apologize publicly if the comment I made is inappropriate. We are all models of God's redeeming love found in Christ. The social media is just one more way that WORD is expressed, whether our calling is pastor or mom or grandma, whoever I am on fb. Every opportunity to connect with another human being matters. It's not about our profession, its about our profession of faith!

Some comments on this post from my Facebook wall today: Stacy - Thank you, Kelly. I needed to hear that today. I re-posted it...thanks! Jana – Kelly, thanks for the words to express what I have long felt and lived out. Amen. Lynne – AMEN Kelly! I can't even imagine doing this! With all the interconnections and 'chance/coincidental/God' happenings I've experienced in my life, to 'silo' oneself is not only impossible but seems to be unhealthy in many ways too. Jim – ‎"... the second most unhelpful piece of advice I received was "don't make friends with parishioners." I can't imagine what the most unhelpful advice was. But I have heard this even now - and I graduated this past May. Wanda – I decided a long time ago, that I am who I am and that includes being a pastor...and what's the point of segregating significant parts of my life?? I loved your post - thank you! Erik – Most of my pastoral care with people under 40 begins on Facebook (sometime happens entirely there). My approach to Facebook as a pastor is to be authentic online, but to imagine that my grandmother is keeping close tabs on everything I post (so I try not to swear too much).

@ joelle - thanks for adding your story and perspective. i know that what i'm suggesting can lead to uncomfortable moments. i shut my wall down on fb last year for similar reasons. people could comment on my posts and status updates but not post random things on my wall. i just re-opened it (after a smack down from my college-age son!). we'll see how it goes. i'm not at all convinced, tho, that separate accounts is the way to go. and i do think that the impulse to do that, in most cases, is probably connected to a misguided sense of "pastoral identity" that actually does harm to congregations, pastors, and their families. but it's good to hear another point of view. thanks for sharing yours!