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lynda merry
minnesota
wondering...
Interests: pictures. stories. urban. rural.
Recent Activity
Thank you Joyce. I also see parallels between the young and the old. I wish there was no such thing as dementia. But there is, and it's pretty likely to touch most of us in one way or another. The more we can take it out of the shadows, talk about it, take away the mystery and maybe the fear, the better prepared we can be. Thank you for joining the conversation...
Toggle Commented yesterday on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Thank you for sharing your insights. I have been thinking lately about how difficult it is to measure or predict time. It's all moment by moment...
Toggle Commented yesterday on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Rene, thank you for taking time to share your experience. I have the greatest respect for what you have done. My first experience with dementia was with my father-in-law. I tried to be ready for the day that he wouldn't remember who I was, since I had the shortest relationship with him. But he never forgot. My stepmom has had days when she doesn't know who my dad is. Those days have been hard for him. I'm grateful that he has felt safe to share that with me. We don't talk a lot about it - just enough for him to say that it tears him up. I'm trying to be ready for the day she might not know me. It happened once for a flicker of time, but before I left, we were back on track. Thank you for what you do to fill such a sacred space. You are a gift to so many.
Toggle Commented 2 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Thank you. So many have walked this path. It helps to talk about it. Everyone's comments really validate for me that I made the right decision to do this.
Toggle Commented 3 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I really don't want to forget this, ever.
Toggle Commented 3 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
It's interesting you say this about time. I had a moment a couple of weeks ago where reality set in and I realized I could be doing this for a long time. It seems that way right now, because there's no timeline for reference. There will be a day when I look back though and this will feel like a small blip.
Toggle Commented 3 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Yes, I think about how perfect this is - that I'm close enough, that I'm free to be there, that I have the support of my partner to do this. There was a time, when I was working, raising a family, holding a marriage together, when I could never have considered this.
Toggle Commented 3 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
I love your story and the image of your friend holding that old quilt up to the sunlight. Beautiful...
Toggle Commented 3 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Nancy, thank you. These few hours each week demand the very best I can offer. I wish I could say I always live by that rule, but I'm messy and complicated, so others see other sides of me. But for my dad and stepmom, they deserve a few uncomplicated hours. I can do that.
Toggle Commented 3 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
It's the joy. Maybe love and joy are one and the same...
Toggle Commented 3 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Such a huge compliment. Thank you for sharing this through your blog. I am blown away by how many have responded.
Toggle Commented 3 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
I love that this holds meaning for you...
Toggle Commented 3 days ago on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Michelle, you're so kind to give such a huge compliment. I try not to think too much about what I'm doing for fear I'll get puffy about it, or judge others harshly. There are moments when my own messiness and flaws rear and I catch myself wondering where the heck the rest of the family is. But then I think about how easy things are when it's just my stepmom, my dad and me. And maybe that's just perfect - enough - uncomplicated - as it should be. You've given me a beautiful image and goal - to open my heart as wide as I can. Thank you.
Toggle Commented Apr 23, 2017 on filling the cracks... at iWonder
..."walk alongside someone as they get lost in this way"... What you say here, grace, is so perfect. I have learned a lot from you in all the stories you've shared about Betty and also OCB. The relationship with my stepmom was complicated for a long time. But now, in each moment, it's like a generous reset. The past doesn't matter at all. And in the few hours she and I spend together each week, it's just her and me. No distractions. No worries. I take her lead. We talk about what's on her mind. We go where she is interested. We do what makes her comfortable. I know things will change, but I'm hoping that I'll be ready and will be able to roll with it. As an outsider looking in, I used to think that spending time with someone who has dementia would be really hard, exhausting, sad. And I suppose it could be all those things. But I honestly love what I'm doing, and really love her. I feel pretty lucky.
Toggle Commented Apr 23, 2017 on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Thanks Liz - I have read these Leonard Cohen words a zillion times, and all of a sudden they became so perfect. I love how that can happen.
Toggle Commented Apr 21, 2017 on filling the cracks... at iWonder
Thanks Mo - when she and my dad married 30 or so years ago, I never imagined spending time together like this. I tell her every week that I'm the luckiest person to see her and Dad every week.
Toggle Commented Apr 21, 2017 on filling the cracks... at iWonder
I can visualize where I'm going with this
Toggle Commented Apr 21, 2017 on moments becoming something... at iWonder
I'm feeling it!
Toggle Commented Apr 21, 2017 on moments becoming something... at iWonder
Image
...ring the bells that still can ring, forget your perfect offering, there is a crack in everything, that's how the light gets in... Leonard Cohen I wish I had taken a photo of this before I started filling in the empty space with cloth scraps. I guess you'll have to... Continue reading
Posted Apr 21, 2017 at iWonder
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I've collected lots of bits over the past couple of years. Tiny stacks of cloth scraps - random, raw edged, sewn together with simple straight lines. One stitch after another, with no purpose except to help me count; steps, heartbeats, breaths, time... moments... ready to become something... Continue reading
Posted Apr 18, 2017 at iWonder
A wishing cloth! A wish can take so many shapes. I love this idea. And it's such an intentional act, like making a prayer flag. I'll start stitching wishes too...
1 reply
Hi Grace, I replied to you below... xo Lynda
Toggle Commented Apr 9, 2017 on the last reminder of winter... at iWonder
Hi Grace, I'm really glad you commented here today. You reminded me that by deleting part of my post, I was dismissing the truth I swore I wouldn't hide anymore. It's important for me to be accountable. I will probably say more about that in the future. I'm feeling my way back to this blog and trying to figure out why I came back, how I want to use it and what I want to say. This blog started out really as a show and tell place so I could participate more fully in Jude's classes many years ago. I think it should be more than that now. To that end, I'm wrestling with where to draw lines, how to honor privacy, but still share what I'm learning through really big life things that have been lobbed in my direction. I think you are a master at doing just that - sharing your truth with respect for all. So, just for you, because you asked, here is the chunk I deleted. It's probably not exactly what you read, but it's close. It was meant to draw some parallels between how I imagined the truth and what the truth actually is when I pay attention. Thank you for calling me out... ...I'm living at the lake, mostly alone right now, so I can help my dad with some stuff. My mom and dad divorced when I was in my early teens. In my late teens Dad remarried, and he and his wife started a family, welcoming a daughter - my half sister. I didn't participate in my dad's new family. But I always imagined what it must be like, how different it probably was from us, his first family. Now that I'm here to help, I can see that a lot that I imagined about them doesn't square with what I'm actually witnessing. In fact, I'm kind of surprised at how wrong I was. Even with her fading memory, I've discovered she has a great sense of humor, quick wit. I always thought she hated get togethers, but she wants a "family reunion" this summer. I would never have known what joy she gets from shopping at her favorite clothing stores. We never shopped together, until now. And I've seen how he has her back, how he rescues her when she hesitates because she can't remember. I see the man my mom fell in love with in her senior year of high school. I wouldn't have learned so many new truths if I wasn't with them for hours at a time now. I couldn't have understood this from a birthday card or phone call. And the truth of who they are could never have emerged out of the chaos of rare family gatherings...
Toggle Commented Apr 9, 2017 on the last reminder of winter... at iWonder
Thanks... there was more to this post - another 300 words - but I decided it was too much information, too personal, so I deleted it. Maybe sometimes pictures are enough.
Toggle Commented Apr 8, 2017 on the last reminder of winter... at iWonder
I was glad we were here to see it happen. Normally we would skip this in between time up here.
Toggle Commented Apr 8, 2017 on the last reminder of winter... at iWonder