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Middle of everything and nothing
Just a girl trying to do it all and get it all done
Recent Activity
Our emotions are defined by our greatest joy and our deepest tragedy. As the school year comes to an end, as the class of 2013 is nearing the graduation walk, I find myself among parents who are sad. Sad that it is the “last” of everything, last game, last prom, last whatever it is that is important in their family. I get this, I really do, I felt these emotions in 2010. Twenty ten, the year the boys’ graduated, I experienced the sadness that comes with thinking of something as the end. It is now twenty thirteen and I am... Continue reading
Posted May 5, 2013 at Just Me Thinking
There were so many plans for the first day of October The day the countdown apps on your phones would systematically turn to zero The year long countdown to 21 would be over. We would celebrate as a family You would both celebrate with friends Then you would have celebrated together, in that unspoken way the way only a twin would understand. Tomorrow is the first day of October We will celebrate But it will not be the same just as nothing will ever be the same. We will celebrate with Cale long distance as he continues to chase the... Continue reading
Posted Sep 30, 2012 at Just Me Thinking
I am updating a little here and then I will try to write again. Life is not the same as it once was. When Conner died on March 2nd the world as we knew it changed forever. There are many words in my heart that need to come out. Continue reading
Posted Sep 28, 2012 at Just Me Thinking
In a morning rage of madness I decided the house must be cleaned, there is a blizzard coming after all. Clearly no where in blizzard preparedness 101 does it say to clean the house, but this house needed it and I started having nightmares about no power and dirty rugs. After semi Saturday night a large number of girls crashed here. Since the boys are in Alabama now we have tons of room for crashing and I love having them here! My vacuum is sooo not happy right now, like literally the thing may never help me again. We found... Continue reading
Posted Jan 31, 2011 at Just Me Thinking
This image is photographer Vivian Maier's, a street photographer from the 1950s - 1990s. Her work was discovered at an auction in Chicago where she resided most of her life. Her discovered work includes over 100,000 mostly medium format negatives, thousands of prints, and countless undeveloped rolls of film. She lived from 1926-2009. Her work and story has inspired me, brought tears to my eyes and touched my soul, all in about an hour since finding this through one of my favorite reads the Studio Fuller blog, thank you Dear Beth for linking this, I needed it today. For more... Continue reading
Posted Jan 26, 2011 at Just Me Thinking
the quiet silence broken only by random words thoughts not able to be processed dreams and reality twisted into a state of utter confusion my perspective from this chair or on the bed beside her another hospital stay more tests, more questions, more waiting the cancer is slowly deteriorating her very being Continue reading
Posted Jan 25, 2011 at Just Me Thinking
Tomorrow one boy will be on the mound Sunday another will be throwing for the first time in 19 years I can’t be there on the phone with them a few minutes ago and the realization struck me tears pooled in my eyes my voice got shaky I knew this was coming, knew when they chose this opportunity that was so far from home but today my heart knows that this spring is going to be very different instead of sitting, or pacing at a baseball diamond I will be staring at my phone waiting on news, I will get... Continue reading
Posted Jan 21, 2011 at Just Me Thinking
I haven’t turned my back on life on this quiet place where my words are safe. I’ve just jumped into a whole new world and had to find my feet again. My Mom is the same, no better but not really worse My boys are twelve hours away, happy and thriving My daughter is wonderful, we miss the boys together My old corporate world career is gone. . . Yes gone is my office, my desk, my very important papers But I have a new desk, actually my old little personal desk in my old little nook of my house.... Continue reading
Posted Jan 18, 2011 at Just Me Thinking
"She used to tie her hair up in ribbons and bows Sign her letters with X's and O's Got a picture of her mama in heels and pearls She's tryin to make it in her daddy's world An American girl" A country song, words that always make me sighwords that in my mind are woven into Deb's challenge Just Sit there and Look Pretty It is not always easy being at work but wanting to be with your family but to just sit and look pretty isn’t in my blood, though there are moments, just whispers in time, that I... Continue reading
Posted Sep 23, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
Looking back on the summer reminds me of the photographs I love the most. They aren’t the posed, we all look fabulous ones They aren’t the light is perfect, background pristine ones They are the we are LIVING life, Laughing, having Fun with friends ones. They are the make you gasp as a Mom because your baby looks grown up ones I will continue to strive for perfect photography but perhaps my definition of perfection is a bit broader than some. Perfection must include the soul. xoxo Continue reading
Posted Sep 22, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
I had just watched my boys play what might be their last game ever on Oklahoma soil. A game I almost didn’t see too tired, too much going on, too far away, take off work but as always I did go, and I watched then I followed them home. Through a stormy night disguised cleverly by a sky so beautiful the danger is overshadowed by a seductive serenity. life .. storm clouds visible .. live in the moment .. see the beauty xoxo Continue reading
Posted Sep 8, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
I know we will still have a fling every now and then for a day or two, or maybe more but to the world we are done at least for now Goodbye summer we have had some good times, made some great memories and you know you are still always my favorite just please don’t tell winter, spring and fall. xoxo Continue reading
Posted Sep 6, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
This photo is courtesy of Deb via Emma Tree, a fabulous blog written by an old soul kind of girl whom I have never met but know for certain we would be friends if we did. These 6 words are my challenge from Deb to get out of this sad, melancholy world I’ve been lurking in and find myself again, find my voice, reclaim my creative self. If you are so inspired please read Deb’s words, and maybe join me in Jumping or if not Just Sit There and Look Pretty. There is a deadline, just so ya know ..... Continue reading
Posted Aug 30, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
Hello Roller Coaster I think I would like to get off now .. please? After two trips to Alabama, 24 hours drive time per trip, in the span of three weeks my boys are officially enrolled, practicing and living the college life (comfortably I might add). Their apartment rocks! Seriously, they have benefitted tremendously from having a Mom with major Perfectionism Syndrome. We were going for a young hip modern with class look. The living room/dining room The bedrooms My house seems very quiet now and I have no concept how to cook for so few people, a few tears... Continue reading
Posted Aug 26, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
I think the spinning has stopped, or at least subsided to a twirl. Can thirty days of life be captured in a list or a few summarized paragraphs? We shall see . . . List Version boys graduated I didn’t cry I did sort of dig a hole and hide out for a bit watched my Dad struggle to maintain watched my Mom battle the cancer and the chemo analyzed "quantity vs quality of life" in my head and in my heart Came very very close to throwing it all in realized that was the equivalent to financial suicide found... Continue reading
Posted Jul 14, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
Today there are no pictures, no fancy words I have been missing for weeks, from here and kind of from life. Needed time within myself to think, to plan, to dream, to rejuvenate There are changes for me on the horizon that I know for certain once your heart latches on to a dream even basic logic can't seem to soften the desire but leaving the world I have always known that has treated me so well, that I fought to attain is not coming easily, there is hesitation and fear at the root of it all is a very... Continue reading
Posted Jun 17, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
The days since I last wrote are a blur. Hours seem like minutes, minutes like seconds and I am somewhere in the midst of the whirlwind, desperately trying to "keep calm and carry on" My boys have played their last inning of high school baseball. I was not sad, because for them the game continues in college. The caps and gowns are quietly hanging until Thursday, in two days. Two days until graduation, two days until another milestone is behind me. Cancer is still in my daily vocabulary. Two new spots on the last pet scan, both not candidates for... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
You could feel it all day. The thick air,humidity,wind. If you are from here you could tell that it would be a day when Mother Nature sent a reminder of who is in charge, who has the power.I am not afraid but always respectful of her force. At the end of the day we were safe. At the end of the day the little place, with one stoplight, more churches than restaurants and some really good people,the place where I learned to be me was devastated.My cousin’s home is gone, {literally} but his family is safe. Tornado season is tough,... Continue reading
Posted May 11, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
I suppose hiring a photographer to take Senior pictures of my boys would have provided better results. Perfect exposure, lighting and focus. But I suspect I would have never seen these, nor would I have the memory of the day. The memory of the argument that led to photo #4, who would stand to the right, closest to the camera. Because clearly that guy is going to appear taller, and that is important. Photo #1 : the discussion begins Photo #2 : some measuring to prove who is taller Photo #3 : Rock paper scissors to settle it all Photo... Continue reading
Posted May 10, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
Goodbye weekend, thanks for the good timeweather perfect for watching a final game at our home field, saying final farewellsthen celebrating a birthday with old friends wearing silly hats, good food, drinks aplenty the memories you brought will long be remembered. Continue reading
Posted May 3, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
This week {a recap} I have taken senior pictures {of my own kids} not cooked a single meal laughed tripped over laundry twice watched girl drama unfold cried found a hen (a real one) in my middle of the city backyard. Returned a hen to it’s owner and taken her number in case runaway hen returns.The number is filed under "chicken lady" Continue reading
Posted Apr 30, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
With those who don't give a darn about baseball, I can only sympathize. I do not resent them. I am even willing to concede that many of them are physically clean, good to their mothers and in favor of world peace. But while the game is on, I can't think of anything to say to them. ~Art Hill Last nights game three hours and forty five minutes, only to lose by one The end is near, another season winding down, our last season. I will miss this game that consumes my boys I will miss spitting sunflower seeds and ballpark... Continue reading
Posted Apr 28, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
Pretty much a perfect day yesterday. No wind, mild temperatures and beautiful light. An evening scheduled with my boys, on the agenda senior pictures.Pictures delayed so many times because of baseball and rain. Worth the wait, absolutely. The photo’s are fine, I’m not a professional but they wanted me to do it. The two hours we spent taking them, worth every delay and worry I had. Technically the top photo has issues, I know that...the sky is blown. Can a blown sky symbolize the future, a little unknown, a bit scary but exciting Their backs are to me, no eye... Continue reading
Posted Apr 26, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
Turquoise * pink * light * airy * a little vintage * a little sassy * very girly It has been a bit of a rough week in my crazy little world...these made me smile and breathe in the midst of the craziness. Here’s to a vintage, sassy girly weekend! 1. MS Galaxy, 2. 4peonies, 3. knock knock, 4. Untitled, 5. La Terrasse, 6. Untitled Continue reading
Posted Apr 23, 2010 at Just Me Thinking
Dear Mom I love you, you know that I do. Cancer has been an uninvited but intimate member of our family for 17 months now. Each day the sun rises I subconsciously slip on my "strong girl" cloak. There have been moments, hours even days in these seventeen months where I felt the cloak was choking me. In those moments I wilt inside myself if you don’t appear to be choking then who can say you were. Right now I can’t force myself to wilt I needed, just for a minute to feel your strength, to be comforted. But it... Continue reading
Posted Apr 22, 2010 at Just Me Thinking