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Oh, I forgot to ask if you can tell me how to make that "Guza Sucks" emoticon. It would save me a lot of typing!
Toggle Commented Aug 10, 2010 on Threats from the Past at Port Charles Chuckles
Oh sure, Brenda's returning, so that will suddenly make Guza into something other than a HACK WRITER -- NOT!!! Mark my words, he will screw this up just like he did LAST TIME Brenda came back to Port Charles and just like he mangled Sarah Brown's return to GH. Guza just can't help himself on that. Besides, S&B were okay back in the day (personally I preferred her with Jax -- and even her "marriage" to Jason was more entertaining), but now they're both 40-something adults, so the same uber-drama on which their entire relationship was founded seems even more absurd now. To make this really work, Guza will have to think of something DIFFERENT for their relationship, and we all know that "different" is not in Guza's vocabulary or skill set. It is truly with a high level of regret that I have to say that I hold out little hope for anything good to come of this.
Toggle Commented Aug 10, 2010 on Threats from the Past at Port Charles Chuckles
My one and ONLY hope for Brenda's return is that she is FINALLY able to do what I had hoped would have been done for Sarah Brown's return to GH - that another woman would be able to push Carly out of the center of Sonny, Jax & Jason's universe (or at least her THINKING she's the center of their universes). Sadly, given the recent history of the clusterf*ck they made of Sarah Brown's return, it would be optimism bordering on delusion to hold out much hope for anything good to happen.
Heck, who needs to check facts or even the previous episode, I think most of us could recall all of that just from memory -- it's not like it happened a decade ago, after all. I'm glad I don't really watch the show anymore because something like that would drive me into Shadybrooke, or perhaps (non)celebrity rehab with Dr. Drew (for the serious drinking problem I would develop).
Mallory - truly brilliant, as always. There's nothing more I can add to it. Considering that I'm rarely at a loss for words, that's ACTUAL praise! Guza sucks. Goodnight.
Yeah, see the problem with Sonny's statement is that almost none of the spawn of the "Sperminator" (as I like to call him) were actually planned pregnancies. Everyone but Morgan should really have the middle name "Ooops" so Sonny's (alleged) "intent" not to have more kids is kind of irrelevant. Olivia, Lily, Carly (when she fell down the stairs), Sam, Alexis and Claudia's pregnancies were all unplanned, so forgive me if I don't yet jump for joy at this news. Now, if they give us a scene of the Sperminator, post-op with a bag of frozen peas on his - uh - "situation," THEN I'll buy the no more kids line.
Toggle Commented Jul 28, 2010 on Can I Get That in Writing? at Port Charles Chuckles
Summer Jay - LOL at your post. It would be poetic justice... I did go and cut and paste the whole article into a Word document so I can read bits and peices of it at a time (trying to read it all at once could cause permanent brain damage - kinda like Guza has), but I did catch one thing that stood out about the interviewer. He actually used the word "Yeppers" to signal his agreement with Guza at one point. I get the feeling that THIS guy should have been the one to interview Sarah Palin so that she wouldn't have been tricked and confused by all Katie Couric's "gotcha" questions like, "what do you read?" SO..........MUCH.............HATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Toggle Commented Jul 23, 2010 on The Mixed-Up Mind of Robert Guza at Serial Drama
Mallory – GREAT Mad Libs! LMAO TJ - LOL at your question. That was perfect. Alexis's question to Sonny was stupid, and as a lawyer (allegedly), she should know better and use more precise language. Sonny rarely does his own dirty work, so asking him if he planted the bomb, while a good start (ref: Sonny SHOOTING DANTE IN THE CHEST - Sonny will get hands dirty once in a very great while), Alexis should have reverted back to her courtroom days and remembered to ask him the follow-up question of, "Did you tell/instruct/order anyone else to plant that bomb?" By the way she phrased it, Alexis left Sonny the "I didn't lie" defense because "technically" he didn't actually plant the bomb. However, I think in the second encounter with Olivia, the broad manner in which she phrased her question actually helps. By asking if Sonny "did this," she gets away from the did you plant the bomb trap that Alexis got into. When it comes out that Sonny did, in fact, "do this" because he gave the order, he won't be able to say he didn't lie to Olivia. In Olivia's question, doing "this" means being behind the bomb and Sonny knows that. Olivia knows that the slimeball rarely gets his own hands dirty (you know, except when he SHOT HER SON DANTE IN THE CHEST!), so by being vague about it, Olivia was more broadly asking Sonny if he was involved in it, not if his manicured little girl hands actually, physically planted the bomb. HOWEVER, in both cases, Sonny later claiming that he didn’t lie about it because of what Alexis and Olivia actually asked him is going to be very, very weak. Regardless of what words were used, Sonny KNOWS EXACTLY what Alexis and Olivia were really him and he chose to lie. I doubt when the truth does come out and Sonny tries to pull the “it depends on what the definition of the word ‘is’ is” defense” that Alexis and Olivia will just smile and say “Aw shucks, Sonny, you’re right. You didn’t lie about the bomb because we didn’t ask the right question” and magically everything will be okay. The fact is that Sonny knows he lied to Alexis at least because after she left, Sonny told Michael he had to lie about it and asked if Michael understood why he lied. Beth R. - "Max, King of the Idiot People" that was good, but I thought Guza was the King of the Idiot People -- oh wait, Guza's probably not that high up in the Idiot People regime...
Toggle Commented Jul 8, 2010 on Please Help Me Put This Into Words at Serial Drama
The only two Emmys I wanted "GH" to win were for Drew Garrett and Sarah Joy Brown, two talented actors done wrong by the idiots in charge at GH -- one by a completely unnecessary re-cast and the other by the sheer heinousness of the storylines that destroyed what could have been a really promising character. I really wanted to see them win, although I think they both have too much class (like the ATWT people did) to REALLY give a "suck it" acceptance speech -- even if I would have loved to see one. It might have made sitting through that 2 hour commercial for Las Vegas hosted by Regis Philbin actually worth it.
Toggle Commented Jun 28, 2010 on The Morning After at Port Charles Chuckles
First, Mallory, you are not the only one to have cried over a haircut (and thought seriously about how you could make a hat work in the corporate environment for, say, the next three months), so I feel your pain. There was an episode a year plus back, when Maxie and Johnny were on their "PR dates" (the time they went by Sonny's to pick up Ric after Claudia tried to kill him - LOVED Maxie's line that day, "Finally, there's someone more screwed up than me." LOL)where Maxie had some gorgeous extensions in her hair and I thought to myself, I DO hope she lets her hair grow long seeing how great that length hair looks on her. Alas, it was not to be. Referencing a late post on the Emmy discusssion, I do hope that Sarah Joy Brown and Drew Garrett win Emmy's, just to spite the "geniuses" at GH that let that talent get away. You can see the post for the rest of what I wrote, but it would serve GH right if the ONLY two Emmy's they won (with all those nominations - but notably, they did not get one for best writing - I know, we're all shocked), were for talented actors they dismissed (or gave totally crappy material to).
Toggle Commented Jun 22, 2010 on Do's and Don'ts in Port Charles at Serial Drama
The only awards I truly, truly, truly hope that "GH gets" are for Sarah Joy Brown as Claudia and Drew Garrett as Michael. It would serve the geniuses at GH right for letting such talent go. I really love SJB and thought that the potential of Claudia was totally wasted by Guza and his merry band of hacks. IF they had managed to make her so much better of a mob boss than Sonny (which, by the way is not hard to do - having her lock her damn doors so not just anyone can walk in whenever they want to would be a good start), it "might" have made the violence and constant mobness on GH tolerable to watch. To see the great Sonny Corinthos (and by great I mean chauvanistic, pigheaded, narcissistic, paranoid, infantile and sexist [and yes, I know that's almost the same as chauvanistic, but with Sonny, it's worth repeating]) out-mobbed by A GIRL would have at least given me a small amount of pleasure from watching GH. Alas, such was too much to hope for from such a misogynistic show. And I was never particularly a fan of Drew Garrett, but I REALLY didn't like the way they let him go for no apparent reason (can you say Greg Vaughn? - and don't get me wrong, I love Jonathan Jackson being back and for me he really is the only Lucky Spencer, but it's the WAY they ousted these actors that bugs me). Then again, I was never a fan of the character of Michael (even when adorable and talented Dylan Cash was portraying him). But I did think Drew was doing a good job with the character (given the schlock that was written for him - and everyone else, but that's another matter) and I don't see anything in the current storyline that Chad Duell is doing that Drew couldn't have done. So I'd like to see those two win, just so show how dumb GH is with their casting decisions. Otherwise, I hope for a complete shutout!
Gio - Sonny had his goons kidnap AJ and held him in a meat locker until AJ agreed to sign away his parental rights to Michael. Come to think of it, that really was one of the first bits of sloppy writing on GH - which Guza has now turned into a sickening art form (I use that term loosely). Seriously, AJ was a QUARTERMAINE, it's not like he couldn't afford lawyers to go to court and get that document nullified. Even just changing his mind might have been enough. Mothers who give their babies up for adoption usually have about 6 months to change their mind, so why AJ couldn't get that document, which was signed under extreme duress, thrown out is beyond me.
Toggle Commented Jun 16, 2010 on What I Saw And How I Cried at Serial Drama
I know I'm a bit late to comment on this, but THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU for the part on Toad Manning (and no, that's not a typo). I agree that I don't think Toad did push Marty down the stairs but only because I'm not that lucky and the writers rarely give me the stories that I actually want to see. However, I ABSOLUTELY think Toad is capable of pushing Marty down the stairs. I mean, really, it's not like the guy doesn't have serious anger management issues (among many, many, many other issues). And speaking of Hannah, Toad had his goons kidnap her, so he's shown himself to be guilty of kidnapping, assault (the way he grabbed Hannah's face), false imprisonment, and conspiracy to commit all of the above crimes, so why would it be such a stretch to believe he'd be capable of committing other crimes? Some of the more rabid Todd fans on other sites sound like Ron C. is writing their posts for them -- they sound just like Starr's ranting to Marty. It would be really, really fun (for me) if they really DID make Todd be the one who pushed Marty. Again, I'm not holding my breath, but until the story is wrapped up, I AM holding on to the possibility that Todd did it. That thought is one of the few things about this show that actually makes me smile... Oh and on Rex's Native American name, perhaps "Rocks for Brains" would work -- and it's close enough to his current name so that the idiot might be able to remember it. Just a thought.
Toggle Commented Jun 3, 2010 on At Least It's Not Time Travel? at Serial Drama
Well, at least we know Carly's an equal opportunity pimp -- first Brook Lynn and now Sonny. It's amusing to me that Carly thinks every woman lets their vagina do their thinking for them like she does (and with Carly I use the word "thinking" VERY loosely). Claire didn't want Michael to go to prison in the first place, so why would Sonny sleeping with her do anything to help Michael? Also, Claire's a prosecutor, not, oh, say, an appellate judge - who might actually have some say over getting Michael out of prison, so again, WHY? I should have long ago abandoned any hope of even the slightest reality or even general common sense in GH's "legal" or "criminal justice" storylines (using both those terms loosely as well, since there is no real criminal justice on GH as the criminals are the heroes who ALWAYS go free and are so unfairly targeted by those incompetent and corrupt cops, D.A.'s and judges...), but COME ON! IF Sonny did sleep with Claire, WHAT does Carly think will happen? Is it supposed to be like when the Princess kissed the frog and he magically turned into a prince? But in this case, the gates of Pentonville will magically swing open and Michael can come skipping home to his "wonderful" parents? Why do all the women on GH have to succumb to Guza-itis? For those who are unfamiliar with this particular disease, it’s a chronic condition where every female character, including those that start out smart, independent, capable and (dare I say) normal, suddenly and inexplicably turns into a neurotic, co-dependent, incompetent, emotionally unstable, whiny, desperate, dimwitted, crazy shrew. It usually occurs whenever women come in contact with any post-pubescent penis in Port Charles (usually Sonny's, but as Liz's recent complete breakdown and Sam's return to "Jason’s rah-rah girl" status demonstrates, it happens in other cases too). The "getting Michael a hooker" discussion was just too bizarre for words. Although, given her recent behavior, maybe it's just setting up for Max to have more scenes with Carly in the future.
Beth R. - PLEASE don't get me started on how idiotic and demeaning it was to hear Claire rambling on and on to Lucky about her "biological clock" like an absolute lunatic. I'm a single, 37 year old woman (and also a lawyer) and I've CERTAINLY had thoughts about my time to have kids starting to run short. But I WOULD NEVER use the words "biological clock" in talking about it and I WOULD NEVER have that kind of discussion with a male colleague - which Lucky and Claire are in the law enforcement arena - especially one that I barely know. I really should just give up on this show, but it's been a part of my life since the heyday of Luke & Laura. I keep hoping it will return to the show I used to know (and loved), but it seems to keep up that hope is bordering on (if not fully crossed over into) delusional at this point.
Toggle Commented Jun 1, 2010 on Why Does This Show Confuse Me So? at Serial Drama
The reason that this show confuses you (and me and many others) is because you are making the same mistake I have made for too long while watching - you are attempting to apply LOGIC where no logic exists! And seriously, all this leading into a Claire and Sonny pairing - haven't we seen that enough already? Forget just the law enforcement women of Hannah, Reese and Alexis, what about all the other women who get involved with Sonny and then want him out of the mob? There's Brenda (who wore a wire), Olivia (who kept Sonny's first born son a secret from him because of his mob-ness), Kate (who actually believed that Sonny could "make it" as a legitimate business man), Emily (who Sonny watched GROW UP - total ick factor there) and even Carly on occasion (who freaks out and swears Sonny off whenever something bad happens - only to end up on his bed, couch or lap two months later - give or take a week). If we've got to watch the Sonny Corinthos show, can they at least do something new every now and then? Like pair Sonny with a Lily, Claudia or Faith Roscoe type (an in the mob /mob princess type woman) and give that relationship an actual chance instead of killing said woman off in short order (just to put Sonny with yet another woman who wants to save/change him)? I'm most certainly no Sonny fan, but at least that story would be something different to watch - that is, assuming I still actually "watched" the show, which I don't, for all the reasons stated so brilliantly and eloquently on this site. Another good question (I think) is why so many women watch this show when it's clear that the writers and TPTB hold women in such low esteem? Case in point, Claire. Really? A Federal Prosecutor is going to "seduce" a conviction out of Sonny, as if she couldn't (forgive the pun) nail him using, oh, maybe, HER BRAIN? I don’t know about anyone else, but I just “LOVE” the implication that a strong, intelligent, independent, assertive woman like Claire is so easily willing to whore herself out (by seducing Sonny) to advance her career (by convicting Sonny). It’s nice to know that Guza, et. al., think all women are perfectly willing to abandon their core values and fundamental beliefs at the drop of a hat, just for a nice set of dimples.
Toggle Commented May 28, 2010 on Why Does This Show Confuse Me So? at Serial Drama
I am so, so, so glad that I found this site. On some other sites I've visited, fans actually defend Sonny SHOOTING DANTE IN THE CHEST (sorry, couldn't resist) by saying something to the effect of, 'those are the mob rules,' as if that somehow trumps the actual LAW. Sadly, I have had to stop watching GH (after having watched for the better part of my 30-something life) and even stop reading recaps about it in order to save my own sanity -- lest I run into traffic.
Toggle Commented May 21, 2010 on This Show Is So Broken at Serial Drama
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May 21, 2010