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John McCausland
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It’s a personal theory of mine that one of the reasons people cling so fervently to gods, religion, spirits, occultism, and the belief in alien life* is the uncomfortable feeling that if we’re alone in this epically vast, unimaginable wonderful universe, then we’re not, as a species, doing an awful lot that can justify it’s existence. *not the acceptance of the statistical or scientific possibility (or likelihood, depending on how you do so sums) of extra terrestrial life, but the absolute unquestioning faith that alien life ‘has to’ exist.
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I'm a gay male, so right now my interest in m/m porn (visual or written) should be somewhat obvious, but go back four years, and I was a proud upstanding member of the fag-hag-yaoi-slash-fan-girl crew, and one of the go-to woman in my school to find the really hardcore Stargate and Fruits Basket slash (and find out what archives you could past the school internet filter, and which wouldn’t make the librarians suspicious). Which I think used to slightly surprise people, giving that I was, to all other apparent standards, a lesbian. One theory often sighted by a good friend of mine was that I was just SO gay that I liked any gay erotica, regardless of the gender. Her other favourite was that I was really a gay man with girl bits that just disliked hetro-sex more than I disliked sex with women… remarkably accurate assessment, now I think about it. (It’s true that whilst I wasn’t really all that attracted to women, the idea of being the female participant whilst sexing a man freaked me out immensely. Add to that the gender inferences connected to lesbianism, and my history of being letter of the LGBT at some point in my life is explained). And whilst I certainly did (and still do) find m/m porn arousing, I think my primary attraction to soft-core yaoi and slash fiction was satisfying the subconscious need for the emotional involvement with gay men (who I subconsciously identified with even then) without raising difficult but apt questions like ‘is there a reason a lesbian who spent their entire childhood wanting to be a boy now fancies gay men?’, as a good number of other queer women where my fellow fag-hag-yaoi-slash-fan-girls. As it is, whenever I’m asked, as a transman, whether I still feel links to the women’s community, I always have to answer that I was a crap woman, and an even crapper lesbian, but I still bare a great affinity with my sister fag-hag-yaoi-slash-fan-girls, even if I’m now a brother. After all, they’re the ones that first introduced me to gay men. There’s a point somewhere up there, but I’ve not got enough caffeine to work out what it is.
Toggle Commented Apr 7, 2010 on All Boy-Boy Action at Greta Christina's Blog
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Apr 7, 2010