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Procrastination. The first time I heard the word procrastination I was about 21 and I was reading cosmo or something like it and I thought, holy crap, that's me. My boyfriend at the time came home and I showed it to him and he looked at me and said, hi Podge. He had known me for about 3 months at the time. Since that first introduction I have battled with the word and its hold on me. I used to think I was lazy, mostly cause that's what my mum said to me but I came to learn that it's sort of the opposite; I'm actually a perfectionist. If I can't do it perfectly, better than its ever been done before then why bother? And if I'm not any good at it then I'll never be able to do it perfectly so why even try? This second question is really the route of the problem: I want the ablility to do something I don't currently know how to do so if I practice then I'll get better. This is a concept I have never been comfortable with, chiefly because not succeeding (notice I don't say failing) is synonymous with death for me. My mind is a stage upon which dramas are acted out by a mediocre director at best so in order to do something, something particularly challenging for me, I must ask the director to step aside and fire the cast. So I have some insight into why, ok, but I'm still procrastinating. To quote Leo Babauta of , "we overestimate the ability of our later selves to beat procrastination. If our current self can’t beat procrastination, why will our future self do it?" Good point, Leo, I'll put off dealing with putting off. This reminds me of the family motto of another old boyfriend, "why do today what you can put off until tomorrow". I used to think this was cute. It's not cute anymore. My practice is one of consciousness, that is to be aware, without judgement, my actions in as many moments as I can muster. Without doing this, I literally can't remember things later and when I can't remember things I don't know what to repeat and what to avoid. This results in making many of the same mistakes and struggling to recreate a positive outcome because I can't recall what my process was. Fast forward to today. I have some work to do, work that I willingly signed up for, even paid for and now I don't want to to it and my inner child, yes, inner child, is throwing a tantrum. My theory is, I will let her throw her tantrum, do the work and all the while be totally conscious and aware, of her and how I'm reacting to her, without judgement and when I'm done, I can try to think objectively about what happened. I'm collecting evidence you see, evidence that I am capable of doing things I thought I couldn't do and that practice gets me a bit closer to perfection. Continue reading
Posted Dec 5, 2010 at angel of the north
misspodge is now following Jacqueline
Oct 6, 2010
So, you have a marketing plan or at least a marketing idea. Well, are you sticking to it? Most small businesses don't. They have the best of intentions, but they are just too busy doing other things. Real things that matter - not just running around. The thing is though... Continue reading
Reblogged Oct 6, 2010 at angel of the north
Until today, I had constantly worried that I was behind in life. We were all 4 when we started junior school but now we're turning 34 and you own your interior design company and you're an airline pilot and you're a doctor and you're a fabulous florist and I, well,... Continue reading
Posted Oct 6, 2010 at angel of the north
misspodge is now following The Typepad Team
Oct 6, 2010