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Mr Jam
Nury Vittachi is an author and journalist based in Hong Kong, and has written many books and articles, under his own name and as "Mr Jam", "Lai See", "The Spice Trader" and so on.
Recent Activity
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Hmm. A sparrow just flew into my window. Clearly the security guards are playing Angry Birds with me. But I refuse to let anything distract me from delivering this crucial warning. Mankind is sleepwalking towards a global catastrophe. I am... Continue reading
Posted 4 days ago at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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MY KIDS WERE shocked when I told them that if they had been born in the Olden Days, they would have to hunt for their food. "But we don't even know where burgers live," said one. "They live in caves,"... Continue reading
Posted Feb 8, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I've always hated bugs. When I was a kid I heard a radio news report about "the 100-metre butterfly" and spent YEARS avoiding parks. Only when I reached my teens did I learn it was the name of a swimming... Continue reading
Posted Feb 5, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I love weddings. This writer was asked to give inspirational words of wisdom to a newly married bride. I said: "Now you can eat ANYTHING you like. Go get them donuts, girl." *** Doing some Deep Thinking about marriage reminded... Continue reading
Posted Jan 25, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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My psychotherapist says I have “revenge addiction”. I am SO going to get the @$%@*& for that. *** I just noticed that pretty much all office cubicles IN THE WORLD have padded cell walls EXACTLY like lunatic asylums. Mine are... Continue reading
Posted Jan 22, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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If you play the film A Hard Day's Night backwards, it's about four lads who wander through London making unearthly noises that cause huge crowds of girls to back away, screaming. *** The truth is, women SHOULD back away screaming... Continue reading
Posted Jan 11, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Oh, I just LOVE the new automatic doors and sensor-controlled lights in one of the offices I use. The whole building seems utterly terrified of me. I could spend a whole day going in and out just to watch the... Continue reading
Posted Jan 7, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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How To Upset Your Children: Wait for their next check-up at the doctor’s, and then hand them their x-rays saying: “Bad news. The doctors found a weird skeleton thing spreading through your body, look.” *** And just to be fair,... Continue reading
Posted Dec 28, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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THESE DAYS I spend so much time on the internet that Amazon.com has replaced its "You May Also Like" recommendations list with a pop-up note saying: "Turn this off and go for a walk, you fat lazy slob." *** It's... Continue reading
Posted Dec 21, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A friend named Pat once decided to be gender-free, refusing to let us use "sexist" terms such as "he" or "she." As a result, referring to Pat always sounded like one was talking about an intelligent dog: "This is my... Continue reading
Posted Dec 14, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Hot Tip: If I ever need to cheer yourself up, I just go to Google and type: "Nury Vittachi is the koolist guy on urth." Google will instantly tell you that it reckons that what was obviously meant was that... Continue reading
Posted Dec 7, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A friend taught me this trick. You get a barcode for, say, Apple Inc from the Internet and glue it on a can of beans at your supermarket. Then wait to see the cashier's face when she scans the can... Continue reading
Posted Nov 30, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A woman is committing robberies by confronting cashiers and squirting breast milk at them from what we might prudishly call her “upper chestal region”. She twice approached shop counters in Darmstadt, Germany, lifted her upper garment and started shooting. While... Continue reading
Posted Nov 23, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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My teachers always told my parents: “Er, he’s probably a late developer.” Years later, I’m beginning to ask how late is late, exactly? Could it kindly be THIS side of the after-life, please? *** Don’t you just hate people who... Continue reading
Posted Nov 16, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I HAD A teacher who used to wake us up by shouting: “The early bird gets the worm.” Let him have the worm. I hate food that doesn’t stay still on your plate. Besides, I stopped eating worms at the... Continue reading
Posted Nov 9, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Myth 1: Business has ground to a halt. “I don't think organizing something that shuts down business is positive for Hong Kong,” lamented John Slosar, multi-millionaire chairman of Swire. Not true. More than 1,255,896 registered companies operate in Hong Kong.... Continue reading
Posted Nov 2, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Your narrator met an old friend while practicing for a triathlon the other day. That is, he was practicing for a triathlon. I'd just taken a taxi to the shop for a second box of doughnuts. Now that doesn't mean... Continue reading
Posted Oct 26, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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MY MOST HATED computer error message is: “Warning: Keyboard not found. Press enter to continue.” Seeing this causes me to give a visual lesson to my workmates on the true definition of the word “Hardware”: “The parts of a computer... Continue reading
Posted Oct 19, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A TINY lizard has been clinging to the wall behind me for TWO HOURS. I want to change the TV channel, but I feel I ought to at least ask him, right? Yeah, I know it’s irrational, but I'm human.... Continue reading
Posted Oct 12, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I’m starting a group called The Anti-Social Society, with meetings at a restaurant every Friday. If anyone turns up, they’re drummed out of the group. *** These days it’s too much trouble to go out anyway. Case in point: A... Continue reading
Posted Oct 2, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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It is morally wrong to describe a whole group of people as "incarnations of evil". Unless we’re talking about property landlords, since that's a scientifically proven fact. I've had landlords SO SCARY that the supreme rulers of Hades, Beelzebub and... Continue reading
Posted Sep 21, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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If they invited me on one of those radio shows where you choose your top 10 music tracks, I would choose the national anthem 10 times, so that everyone in the country would have to stand up for an hour.... Continue reading
Posted Sep 14, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Last week, my wife told me I “still had a lot of growing up to do”. I was so angry I refused to let her share this really neat giant cardboard box I’d found. It had once contained some sort... Continue reading
Posted Sep 7, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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At one time, I changed my Facebook name to NO ONE ON EARTH, so that every time I pressed the “Like” button, my friends got a notification saying “NO ONE ON EARTH likes your post”. Mwah ha ha ha. Yes,... Continue reading
Posted Aug 31, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam