This is Mr Jam's Typepad Profile.
Join Typepad and start following Mr Jam's activity
Join Now!
Already a member? Sign In
Mr Jam
Nury Vittachi is an author and journalist based in Hong Kong, and has written many books and articles, under his own name and as "Mr Jam", "Lai See", "The Spice Trader" and so on.
Recent Activity
Image
My dog spends hours visualising her dinner, licking her lips in anticipation of it, and walking in and out of the kitchen to catch the precise moment when it is served. And when it appears, she inhales it in one... Continue reading
Posted yesterday at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
A nosy co-worker reading my screen over my shoulder was shocked that I had 12,457 unread emails. I told him: “The intelligence agencies read our emails these days. Why duplicate the work?” He warned me that if I let other... Continue reading
Posted Apr 19, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
THIS FATHER-OF-THREE was inspired to create a piece of Zen wisdom the other day. A journey of a thousand miles begins with: "Where's the @#$%ing remote?” Nine hundred and ninety nine miles later, the answer to this question for people... Continue reading
Posted Apr 12, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
I HATE that Eminem song that uses a police siren as an instrument. Every time it's on the car radio I have a heart attack. Why are the police following me and WHY CAN'T I SEE THEM? Hot Tip: Make... Continue reading
Posted Mar 30, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
A ROGUE ESCALATOR grabbed a man’s track suit bottom and stripped it off him. He had to wait at the bottom in his underpants while engineers tried to make the naughty moving staircase return his trousers. “This happened a few... Continue reading
Posted Mar 22, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
A COLLEAGUE ACCUSED ME of having a tendency to over-react, so I have no choice but to burn down his house and curse his family for seven generations. Fair’s fair, right? I learned to respond strongly to things from a... Continue reading
Posted Mar 16, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
SOME TIME AGO, I realized with horror that the storybooks at my children’s school had all been written by Adolf Hitler using a range of pen names! This had to be so, because their main theme was The Triumph of... Continue reading
Posted Mar 8, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
WHEN MY DAUGHTER was smaller, she wanted to buy Disney princess shoes with built-in lights that shone at every step. “Are you CRAZY?” I said. “What about when the bogey man or Jimmy Savile is chasing you through a dark... Continue reading
Posted Mar 1, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
Hmm. A sparrow just flew into my window. Clearly the security guards are playing Angry Birds with me. But I refuse to let anything distract me from delivering this crucial warning. Mankind is sleepwalking towards a global catastrophe. I am... Continue reading
Posted Feb 22, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
MY KIDS WERE shocked when I told them that if they had been born in the Olden Days, they would have to hunt for their food. "But we don't even know where burgers live," said one. "They live in caves,"... Continue reading
Posted Feb 8, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
I've always hated bugs. When I was a kid I heard a radio news report about "the 100-metre butterfly" and spent YEARS avoiding parks. Only when I reached my teens did I learn it was the name of a swimming... Continue reading
Posted Feb 5, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
I love weddings. This writer was asked to give inspirational words of wisdom to a newly married bride. I said: "Now you can eat ANYTHING you like. Go get them donuts, girl." *** Doing some Deep Thinking about marriage reminded... Continue reading
Posted Jan 25, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
My psychotherapist says I have “revenge addiction”. I am SO going to get the @$%@*& for that. *** I just noticed that pretty much all office cubicles IN THE WORLD have padded cell walls EXACTLY like lunatic asylums. Mine are... Continue reading
Posted Jan 22, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
If you play the film A Hard Day's Night backwards, it's about four lads who wander through London making unearthly noises that cause huge crowds of girls to back away, screaming. *** The truth is, women SHOULD back away screaming... Continue reading
Posted Jan 11, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
Oh, I just LOVE the new automatic doors and sensor-controlled lights in one of the offices I use. The whole building seems utterly terrified of me. I could spend a whole day going in and out just to watch the... Continue reading
Posted Jan 7, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
How To Upset Your Children: Wait for their next check-up at the doctor’s, and then hand them their x-rays saying: “Bad news. The doctors found a weird skeleton thing spreading through your body, look.” *** And just to be fair,... Continue reading
Posted Dec 28, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
THESE DAYS I spend so much time on the internet that Amazon.com has replaced its "You May Also Like" recommendations list with a pop-up note saying: "Turn this off and go for a walk, you fat lazy slob." *** It's... Continue reading
Posted Dec 21, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
A friend named Pat once decided to be gender-free, refusing to let us use "sexist" terms such as "he" or "she." As a result, referring to Pat always sounded like one was talking about an intelligent dog: "This is my... Continue reading
Posted Dec 14, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
Hot Tip: If I ever need to cheer yourself up, I just go to Google and type: "Nury Vittachi is the koolist guy on urth." Google will instantly tell you that it reckons that what was obviously meant was that... Continue reading
Posted Dec 7, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
A friend taught me this trick. You get a barcode for, say, Apple Inc from the Internet and glue it on a can of beans at your supermarket. Then wait to see the cashier's face when she scans the can... Continue reading
Posted Nov 30, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
A woman is committing robberies by confronting cashiers and squirting breast milk at them from what we might prudishly call her “upper chestal region”. She twice approached shop counters in Darmstadt, Germany, lifted her upper garment and started shooting. While... Continue reading
Posted Nov 23, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
My teachers always told my parents: “Er, he’s probably a late developer.” Years later, I’m beginning to ask how late is late, exactly? Could it kindly be THIS side of the after-life, please? *** Don’t you just hate people who... Continue reading
Posted Nov 16, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
I HAD A teacher who used to wake us up by shouting: “The early bird gets the worm.” Let him have the worm. I hate food that doesn’t stay still on your plate. Besides, I stopped eating worms at the... Continue reading
Posted Nov 9, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
Image
Myth 1: Business has ground to a halt. “I don't think organizing something that shuts down business is positive for Hong Kong,” lamented John Slosar, multi-millionaire chairman of Swire. Not true. More than 1,255,896 registered companies operate in Hong Kong.... Continue reading
Posted Nov 2, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam