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Mr Jam
Nury Vittachi is an author and journalist based in Hong Kong, and has written many books and articles, under his own name and as "Mr Jam", "Lai See", "The Spice Trader" and so on.
Recent Activity
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ME: You slept 14 hours! TEENAGE DAUGHTER: I’m up, I’m up, see? * Moves from bedroom doorway to sofa and lies down* *** I’m telling you, this kid has life SORTED. Conscious awareness is over-rated. No, really. It’s science. Scientists... Continue reading
Posted Jul 3, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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SUDDENLY REALIZED THAT when I wash food by holding it under the horrible yellow water that comes out of my tap I am really just adding an extra dose of carcinogens. Funny how we do things without thinking these days.... Continue reading
Posted Jun 12, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Asia contains literally four billion people. So it’s kind of weird that every time I visit the West, people say: “You’re from Asia? I met a guy from there once; I wonder if you know him?” What’s even more weird... Continue reading
Posted Jun 6, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I NEVER USED TO be a risk-taker but then I had children who would play in the dirt and say things like: “Daddy, close your eyes and open your mouth.” Parents soon learn what true courage is. I’ve been thinking... Continue reading
Posted May 23, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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INTERVIEWER: “And exactly how much leadership experience do you have?” ME: “Does being admin of a Whatsapp list count? Because I had 20 names on one before I accidentally deleted it.” He wasn’t impressed by that or anything else I... Continue reading
Posted May 15, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A WOMAN WAS SACKED for having short hair and wearing trousers to work recently. “They said I was gay,” she complained to an unsympathetic Labor Tribunal in the city of Guiyang, southwest China. How could her employers get it so... Continue reading
Posted May 2, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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It’s 2055. Phones are painted onto our palms. Being transgender is compulsory, except for Popes, who have to be female. All countries have combined into one big nation, North Zuckerberg. No, wait. Maybe life won’t be that weird in 2055.... Continue reading
Posted Apr 25, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I TOLD MY CHILDREN THE HORRIFIC TRUTH about life in the old days: “And at about 11.30 every night, they would play the national anthem and we would pretend to stand up and every screen went blank. And all screens... Continue reading
Posted Apr 10, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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WIFE: “The house is on fire! Get the kids out first!” ME (Stuffing Star Wars figurines collection into pockets): “I’m on it! Really soon! Almost immediately!” *** Fortunately, it turned out to be a dream—or rather a nightmare. No husband/... Continue reading
Posted Mar 13, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A DOG HAS LEARNED TO READ. Fernie, a two-year-old Labrador from the UK, can read four words and is working on another 20, says his owner, a teacher. *** The growing intelligence of animals worries me, as I well remember... Continue reading
Posted Feb 21, 2016 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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While shaking hands the other day, I felt thankful that we evolved from apes. Had we evolved from dogs, we’d greet each other by circling around with our heads down saying: “Wow, your nether regions smell great.” Reply: “Thanks! Yours,... Continue reading
Posted Dec 27, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Now that my children are all on Facebook I don’t punish them for misdeeds any more. I just tag them on old family pictures of them pooping at the poolside etc. Mwa ha ha. *** But I was scolded by... Continue reading
Posted Nov 29, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Kids ask tough questions. Like: “Do fish get thirsty?” I replied that they do, and the most common cause of preventable fish death are the greedy ones drinking up all the water in their tanks. *** “And why isn’t there... Continue reading
Posted Nov 10, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I just overheard a guy telling his wife to calm down, look at the facts and think rationally. Can you believe THERE ARE STILL MEN who don’t understand how women work?!?! *** Guys, guys! Women are complex creatures with intuitive... Continue reading
Posted Oct 11, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A group of people who ATE HUMAN BRAINS became immune to several deadly diseases, proving that evolution is continuing at high speed, scientists said. The astonishing report was shown to me by a gourmet who took offense to an article... Continue reading
Posted Oct 6, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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SO A READER named Melissa writes to say her friend was at a talk about global resources and someone put up a Powerpoint slide which said: “The average North American consumes more than 400 Africans.” She asked: “Is it a... Continue reading
Posted Sep 28, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Have you noticed that a significant percentage of parenting time is spent screaming at your children to stop screaming? *** Ironic, that. Researchers say that even very young children are now learning curse words, because parents break their own anti-cursing... Continue reading
Posted Sep 21, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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IMPORTANT: If you are on a skiing holiday and you see angels, do NOT fall backwards and wave your arms to make an angel shape in the snow. They may find it offensive. Always be politically correct. Especially to angels.... Continue reading
Posted Sep 13, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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WHEN A VISITING Westerner airily dismissed Asia as “a region of natural disasters and incredibly nasty leaders,” I was really upset. The truth hurts. *** A similar point was made in the shape of a request I received from a... Continue reading
Posted Sep 7, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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ME: “This is not a gun. It’s a child’s drawing of Team Rocket’s bazooka from the Pokemon cartoon.” AIRPORT OFFICIAL: “You do understand that we have to take all threats seriously, sir?” ME: “Do I get a final phone call?”... Continue reading
Posted Aug 30, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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When I was a student I had the idea of organizing a party with Breathalyzer tests at the door so no girls could get in unless they were drunk enough. Had to cancel when my tutor threatened to report me.... Continue reading
Posted Aug 16, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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How much are you worth in onions? You don’t know, right? The exciting news is that supermarkets IN YOUR TOWN are getting self-service counters where you can scan an item’s bar code and then jump up and sit on the... Continue reading
Posted Jul 26, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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THE FACT THAT judges always have tiny hammers made me realize that in the old days they must have just gone round attacking people, right? BOP! “Take that! Now go away and stop murdering everyone.” “Oww! Yes, my lord.” ***... Continue reading
Posted Jul 19, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I once told people my name was Wazzupp Nindood. The default greeting of that era was “What’s happenin’ dude?” so my name was on everyone’s lips and I was famous at my new school for a while. *** People who... Continue reading
Posted Jul 12, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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This is “The Guy Way” to prepare a healthy, raw vegetable dinner. 1) Throw raw vegetables in the bin. 2) Go eat steak. *** But be warned: some of the most crucial guy foods are in danger. Excessive hormone use... Continue reading
Posted Jul 5, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam