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Mr Jam
Nury Vittachi is an author and journalist based in Hong Kong, and has written many books and articles, under his own name and as "Mr Jam", "Lai See", "The Spice Trader" and so on.
Recent Activity
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THESE DAYS I spend so much time on the internet that Amazon.com has replaced its "You May Also Like" recommendations list with a pop-up note saying: "Turn this off and go for a walk, you fat lazy slob." *** It's... Continue reading
Posted yesterday at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A friend named Pat once decided to be gender-free, refusing to let us use "sexist" terms such as "he" or "she." As a result, referring to Pat always sounded like one was talking about an intelligent dog: "This is my... Continue reading
Posted Dec 14, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Hot Tip: If I ever need to cheer yourself up, I just go to Google and type: "Nury Vittachi is the koolist guy on urth." Google will instantly tell you that it reckons that what was obviously meant was that... Continue reading
Posted Dec 7, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A friend taught me this trick. You get a barcode for, say, Apple Inc from the Internet and glue it on a can of beans at your supermarket. Then wait to see the cashier's face when she scans the can... Continue reading
Posted Nov 30, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A woman is committing robberies by confronting cashiers and squirting breast milk at them from what we might prudishly call her “upper chestal region”. She twice approached shop counters in Darmstadt, Germany, lifted her upper garment and started shooting. While... Continue reading
Posted Nov 23, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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My teachers always told my parents: “Er, he’s probably a late developer.” Years later, I’m beginning to ask how late is late, exactly? Could it kindly be THIS side of the after-life, please? *** Don’t you just hate people who... Continue reading
Posted Nov 16, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I HAD A teacher who used to wake us up by shouting: “The early bird gets the worm.” Let him have the worm. I hate food that doesn’t stay still on your plate. Besides, I stopped eating worms at the... Continue reading
Posted Nov 9, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Myth 1: Business has ground to a halt. “I don't think organizing something that shuts down business is positive for Hong Kong,” lamented John Slosar, multi-millionaire chairman of Swire. Not true. More than 1,255,896 registered companies operate in Hong Kong.... Continue reading
Posted Nov 2, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Your narrator met an old friend while practicing for a triathlon the other day. That is, he was practicing for a triathlon. I'd just taken a taxi to the shop for a second box of doughnuts. Now that doesn't mean... Continue reading
Posted Oct 26, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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MY MOST HATED computer error message is: “Warning: Keyboard not found. Press enter to continue.” Seeing this causes me to give a visual lesson to my workmates on the true definition of the word “Hardware”: “The parts of a computer... Continue reading
Posted Oct 19, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A TINY lizard has been clinging to the wall behind me for TWO HOURS. I want to change the TV channel, but I feel I ought to at least ask him, right? Yeah, I know it’s irrational, but I'm human.... Continue reading
Posted Oct 12, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I’m starting a group called The Anti-Social Society, with meetings at a restaurant every Friday. If anyone turns up, they’re drummed out of the group. *** These days it’s too much trouble to go out anyway. Case in point: A... Continue reading
Posted Oct 2, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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It is morally wrong to describe a whole group of people as "incarnations of evil". Unless we’re talking about property landlords, since that's a scientifically proven fact. I've had landlords SO SCARY that the supreme rulers of Hades, Beelzebub and... Continue reading
Posted Sep 21, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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If they invited me on one of those radio shows where you choose your top 10 music tracks, I would choose the national anthem 10 times, so that everyone in the country would have to stand up for an hour.... Continue reading
Posted Sep 14, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Last week, my wife told me I “still had a lot of growing up to do”. I was so angry I refused to let her share this really neat giant cardboard box I’d found. It had once contained some sort... Continue reading
Posted Sep 7, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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At one time, I changed my Facebook name to NO ONE ON EARTH, so that every time I pressed the “Like” button, my friends got a notification saying “NO ONE ON EARTH likes your post”. Mwah ha ha ha. Yes,... Continue reading
Posted Aug 31, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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The whole e-commerce thing is a brilliant development for guys like my son and myself, who HATE shopping with a passion. When we absolutely HAVE to make a physical journey to a store, we create a “search and rescue” plan... Continue reading
Posted Aug 19, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I WAS SO OUTRAGED when an American friend said that Asian males were kind of “girly” that I almost hit him with my shoulder bag. But instead I just gave him a cold stare and turned back to browsing Hello... Continue reading
Posted Jul 28, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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So I get a news report from a young reporter. “A car was in collision with a bath,”, it tells me. Huh? So…. someone was driving a bath down a road? No. She explains that the guy in the bath... Continue reading
Posted Jul 22, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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What would you do if a man threatened to put your children on the roof of jeep and then perform dangerous vehicular acrobatics, trying to flip the car over? I’ll tell you what I did. I said YES PLEASE, paid... Continue reading
Posted Jul 14, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I wrote an article on a science website and it went viral -- 100,000 people read it or shared it in a week--and numbers are still zooming upwards. Read it here Metaphysical thought processes are more deeply wired than hitherto... Continue reading
Posted Jul 14, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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BIG APOLOGIES for the silence on this page for a while. My mother passed away a few days ago. She was an amazing woman. She was one of four sisters who had marriages arranged for them. Instead, she climbed out... Continue reading
Posted Jul 13, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Every day I spring out of bed at six in the morning intending to spread sweetness and light all day. And then idiots happen. You know the feeling. One moment you’re Mother Teresa and then you’re Shiva, Destroyer of Worlds.... Continue reading
Posted Jun 29, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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My dazzling career as a professional counterfeiter started one Friday when I used a tiny image of a banknote to complete a piece of advertising artwork for a friend. A couple of weeks later, the lawyers from HSBC complained that... Continue reading
Posted Jun 22, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I’ve always told my children that they can turn traffic lights green using only their minds. My wife scolds me, but it totally works. You just have to choose the moment you start thinking really carefully. “Ready? Concentrate. Three… two…... Continue reading
Posted Jun 15, 2014 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam