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Mr Jam
Nury Vittachi is an author and journalist based in Hong Kong, and has written many books and articles, under his own name and as "Mr Jam", "Lai See", "The Spice Trader" and so on.
Recent Activity
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ME: “This is not a gun. It’s a child’s drawing of Team Rocket’s bazooka from the Pokemon cartoon.” AIRPORT OFFICIAL: “You do understand that we have to take all threats seriously, sir?” ME: “Do I get a final phone call?”... Continue reading
Posted 3 days ago at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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When I was a student I had the idea of organizing a party with Breathalyzer tests at the door so no girls could get in unless they were drunk enough. Had to cancel when my tutor threatened to report me.... Continue reading
Posted Aug 16, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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How much are you worth in onions? You don’t know, right? The exciting news is that supermarkets IN YOUR TOWN are getting self-service counters where you can scan an item’s bar code and then jump up and sit on the... Continue reading
Posted Jul 26, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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THE FACT THAT judges always have tiny hammers made me realize that in the old days they must have just gone round attacking people, right? BOP! “Take that! Now go away and stop murdering everyone.” “Oww! Yes, my lord.” ***... Continue reading
Posted Jul 19, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I once told people my name was Wazzupp Nindood. The default greeting of that era was “What’s happenin’ dude?” so my name was on everyone’s lips and I was famous at my new school for a while. *** People who... Continue reading
Posted Jul 12, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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This is “The Guy Way” to prepare a healthy, raw vegetable dinner. 1) Throw raw vegetables in the bin. 2) Go eat steak. *** But be warned: some of the most crucial guy foods are in danger. Excessive hormone use... Continue reading
Posted Jul 5, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I’M ALWAYS DISAPPOINTED when I see a moving train approaching a tunnel and there aren’t two men fighting on top. I think I’m starting to lose my faith in the movie industry. *** But talking of fighting, this writer has... Continue reading
Posted Jun 29, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Made an important discovery. There is no masculine way to carry a giant teddy bear and a Disney Princess helium balloon back from a funfair. Never mind. My ego should recover in three to four months with sufficient stroking. ***... Continue reading
Posted Jun 21, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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ALL adults have a vital duty to tell young people about The Olden Days (a phrase which covers the period from the early Triassic era to about 2008). “In the past, people would go A WHOLE DAY WITHOUT TAKING A... Continue reading
Posted Jun 14, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Disaster! I’ve been doing my new calorie-counting app wrong. I got a new high score every day. Then the wife tells me that the whole point is to get low scores. “So how do you win?” I asked. She said:... Continue reading
Posted Jun 7, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A NEW ISLAND appeared off the coast of Japan and scientists are watching it to see evolution at work. So I was told. I was a bit dubious. Doesn't evolution take a while? The reader who sent me the report,... Continue reading
Posted May 31, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A RURAL FRIEND WAS worried that his hens might come down with bird flu in this rainy, humid weather.I was about to say: “Give them chicken soup,” but then I thought, maybe not. Insensitive? *** Everyone’s health-aware these days. Last... Continue reading
Posted May 17, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I ONCE SAT IN a seminar where the motivational speaker kept saying: “Accept yourself as you really are.” Fine with me, but the colleagues who were at my side all had serial killer personalities. I tried to warn the speaker... Continue reading
Posted May 10, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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MY WIFE BOUGHT a product called “Extra Sensitive Baby Wipes”. If you use them to clean your shoes, they get really upset. Okay, that’s a joke, but I have URGENT NEWS on sanitation. Ladies should enjoy the women’s room while... Continue reading
Posted May 3, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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My dog spends hours visualising her dinner, licking her lips in anticipation of it, and walking in and out of the kitchen to catch the precise moment when it is served. And when it appears, she inhales it in one... Continue reading
Posted Apr 26, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A nosy co-worker reading my screen over my shoulder was shocked that I had 12,457 unread emails. I told him: “The intelligence agencies read our emails these days. Why duplicate the work?” He warned me that if I let other... Continue reading
Posted Apr 19, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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THIS FATHER-OF-THREE was inspired to create a piece of Zen wisdom the other day. A journey of a thousand miles begins with: "Where's the @#$%ing remote?” Nine hundred and ninety nine miles later, the answer to this question for people... Continue reading
Posted Apr 12, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I HATE that Eminem song that uses a police siren as an instrument. Every time it's on the car radio I have a heart attack. Why are the police following me and WHY CAN'T I SEE THEM? Hot Tip: Make... Continue reading
Posted Mar 30, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A ROGUE ESCALATOR grabbed a man’s track suit bottom and stripped it off him. He had to wait at the bottom in his underpants while engineers tried to make the naughty moving staircase return his trousers. “This happened a few... Continue reading
Posted Mar 22, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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A COLLEAGUE ACCUSED ME of having a tendency to over-react, so I have no choice but to burn down his house and curse his family for seven generations. Fair’s fair, right? I learned to respond strongly to things from a... Continue reading
Posted Mar 16, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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SOME TIME AGO, I realized with horror that the storybooks at my children’s school had all been written by Adolf Hitler using a range of pen names! This had to be so, because their main theme was The Triumph of... Continue reading
Posted Mar 8, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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WHEN MY DAUGHTER was smaller, she wanted to buy Disney princess shoes with built-in lights that shone at every step. “Are you CRAZY?” I said. “What about when the bogey man or Jimmy Savile is chasing you through a dark... Continue reading
Posted Mar 1, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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Hmm. A sparrow just flew into my window. Clearly the security guards are playing Angry Birds with me. But I refuse to let anything distract me from delivering this crucial warning. Mankind is sleepwalking towards a global catastrophe. I am... Continue reading
Posted Feb 22, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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MY KIDS WERE shocked when I told them that if they had been born in the Olden Days, they would have to hunt for their food. "But we don't even know where burgers live," said one. "They live in caves,"... Continue reading
Posted Feb 8, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam
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I've always hated bugs. When I was a kid I heard a radio news report about "the 100-metre butterfly" and spent YEARS avoiding parks. Only when I reached my teens did I learn it was the name of a swimming... Continue reading
Posted Feb 5, 2015 at The Curious Diary of Mr Jam