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Nimawais
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You won't recognize this nick but you have met me a couple times. I'm hiding because I don't share this with anyone. It's just too personal and still hurts too much. I know what you went through & exactly how it makes you feel. It's the #1 reason I won't fly until things change. The first time I was molested I was 3. My father found my cousins doing this & instead of taking me in his arms & taking me out of the situtation he yelled at me. He called me a slut and a whore. He then paraded me in front of all of our family completely naked. Everyone burst out into hysterical laughter. Even my mother. They all thought it was so cute. This set me up for 18 years of being abused by several other people. The last time I was raped I cut myself off from everything. I figured I needed to build a safe world inside my head. Make myself look and feel as ugly as possible so no one would ever touch me again. It's made it so I don't trust anyone. I used to put on a facade all the time. The real me was always hidden because I was tired of being used, abused, and terrified. As they say fake it til you make it. I'm now 37 and just starting to live life. It's taken me all these years to even peek out from all the walls I've build up inside me. The thought of either being exposed by a machine or so invasively touched scares the fuck out of me. I've come a long way in the past 16 years. I don't ever want to go back to that dark place again. So what is a person like me supposed to do? My choice is to go back to nightmares, random severe panic attacks, hiding inside myself again, or not fly at all. What kind of a choice is that? Thank you for speaking out. I'm a nobody. These people would brush me aside and not give a crap about what I've been through and how what they are subjecting us to could potentially ruin years of hard work. Someone like you has a voice. It takes people like to say enough is enough. Things need to change. Please for people like me keep fighting. Keep using your voice. For those of us who don't have one.
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Nimawais is now following The Typepad Team
Apr 8, 2011