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Suburban Kamikaze
Suburbia, USA
Her address says suburbs, but her shoes scream "get me out of here...".
Interests: The Suburban Kamikaze has a lot of shoes. What of it? We shop at Target, plot world domination. We read a lot of books. We drink a lot of wine. We are not appreciated by our children. We reject suburban culture. We embody suburban culture. We laugh bitterly when we hear the words "suburban culture." Maybe you are one of us...
Recent Activity
What would have been the point? Teenage girls were still well out of his reach.
SK
Commented 2 days ago on University of All Our Money, Class of 2017 at suburban kamikaze
University of All Our Money, Class of 2017
Yes, but your boys are easy to live with, whereas mine needs help making toast. Oh god. Who is going to make his toast at the University of All Our Money?
SK
Commented 2 days ago on Driveway Theater: a Commute in Three Acts at suburban kamikaze
Driveway Theater: a Commute in Three Acts
Driveway Theater had its world premiere in the Midwestern suburbs on May 21, 2013 under the direction of absolutely no one. Soundtrack by Sheryl Crow, for no particular reason except that no one bothered to change the music and it happened to be playing. ACT I Morning. A driveway somewhere in t...
Here's a clue: As soon as they switched to solid food, both of them preferred eating at your house.
SK
Commented 2 days ago on University of All Our Money, Class of 2017 at suburban kamikaze
University of All Our Money, Class of 2017
University of All Our Money, Class of 2017
Posted 3 days ago at suburban kamikaze
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4
It comes and goes. Right now = gone. He left me with an empty gas tank and a car full of crumbs last night. So that helps.
SK
Commented 3 days ago on Driveway Theater: a Commute in Three Acts at suburban kamikaze
Driveway Theater: a Commute in Three Acts
Driveway Theater had its world premiere in the Midwestern suburbs on May 21, 2013 under the direction of absolutely no one. Soundtrack by Sheryl Crow, for no particular reason except that no one bothered to change the music and it happened to be playing. ACT I Morning. A driveway somewhere in t...
Driveway Theater: a Commute in Three Acts
Driveway Theater had its world premiere in the Midwestern suburbs on May 21, 2013 under the direction of absolutely no one. Soundtrack by Sheryl Crow, for no particular reason except that no one bothered to change the music and it... Continue reading
Posted 4 days ago at suburban kamikaze
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5
How to get a man to have sex with you during mulching season
Posted 5 days ago at suburban kamikaze
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0
Your ideas are terrible. But they make mine seem even better.
SK
Commented 5 days ago on Little Boy Blue, Esq. and the man on the moon at suburban kamikaze
Little Boy Blue, Esq. and the man on the moon
Call me a crank, but I'm skeptical when people tell me I'm going to miss stuff like this when the boy goes off to college in the fall. It would be like getting sentimental about diaper changes or melted crayons in the back seat of the car or that time when he bit you because you wouldn't let go...
Oh god. They really are leaving us aren't they? Please say yes. Just kidding. Sort of. Is there a drug for this stage of ambivalence? A vintage?
SK
Commented 6 days ago on Little Boy Blue, Esq. and the man on the moon at suburban kamikaze
Little Boy Blue, Esq. and the man on the moon
Call me a crank, but I'm skeptical when people tell me I'm going to miss stuff like this when the boy goes off to college in the fall. It would be like getting sentimental about diaper changes or melted crayons in the back seat of the car or that time when he bit you because you wouldn't let go...
The day he forgets to take the trash out every week is going to seem very quiet.
SK
Commented May 17, 2013 on Little Boy Blue, Esq. and the man on the moon at suburban kamikaze
Little Boy Blue, Esq. and the man on the moon
Call me a crank, but I'm skeptical when people tell me I'm going to miss stuff like this when the boy goes off to college in the fall. It would be like getting sentimental about diaper changes or melted crayons in the back seat of the car or that time when he bit you because you wouldn't let go...
Remember the middle school years when you could find their shoes with your eyes closed? I will never forget that smell.
SK
Commented May 17, 2013 on Little Boy Blue, Esq. and the man on the moon at suburban kamikaze
Little Boy Blue, Esq. and the man on the moon
Call me a crank, but I'm skeptical when people tell me I'm going to miss stuff like this when the boy goes off to college in the fall. It would be like getting sentimental about diaper changes or melted crayons in the back seat of the car or that time when he bit you because you wouldn't let go...
Little Boy Blue, Esq. and the man on the moon
Posted May 17, 2013 at suburban kamikaze
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8
Between that and the imaginary passenger-side braking system, I don't see how you could go wrong. Field tested, mother approved.
SK
Commented May 15, 2013 on Veruca Salt, road warrior at suburban kamikaze
Veruca Salt, road warrior
A week ago, she had never even been behind the wheel. Now she is hurtling across the state at upwards of 65 mph, oversize sunglasses propped on her head, long blonde hair framing her face, intent on the road. Also, the scenery, the passing cars, the experience. She looks like Malibu Barbie. Exc...
Oh sure, it seems funny now that the car is in the driveway.
SK
Commented May 14, 2013 on Veruca Salt, road warrior at suburban kamikaze
Veruca Salt, road warrior
A week ago, she had never even been behind the wheel. Now she is hurtling across the state at upwards of 65 mph, oversize sunglasses propped on her head, long blonde hair framing her face, intent on the road. Also, the scenery, the passing cars, the experience. She looks like Malibu Barbie. Exc...
Veruca Salt, road warrior
Posted May 13, 2013 at suburban kamikaze
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5
This week in lost causes:
Posted May 9, 2013 at suburban kamikaze
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0
Seriously, you shouldn't have...
SK
Commented May 9, 2013 on No, seriously. It's beautiful. at suburban kamikaze
No, seriously. It's beautiful.
Another Mother's Day is almost here. Go ahead, pretend to care. We see right through your shabby little arts and crafts efforts. Who do you think is going to have to vacuum all that glitter spilling out from your sticky tribute? Who is in charge at that preschool anyway? Just kidding. You're ad...
No, seriously. It's beautiful.
Posted May 8, 2013 at suburban kamikaze
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2
Seriously. People are in trouble. Because I am only going to keep putting up with this behavior for so much longer.
SK
Commented May 4, 2013 on Suburban mom really means it this time at suburban kamikaze
Suburban mom really means it this time
SUBURBIA - In an escalating series of threats and passive aggressive gestures her family members believed they could safely ignore, a Chicago-area suburban mom vowed today that this time would be different. More on this story as it develops.
Suburban mom really means it this time
Posted May 3, 2013 at suburban kamikaze
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3
You know what they say: If you can't stand the heat... something about the kitchen.
SK
Commented Apr 30, 2013 on You will read it just for the dirty parts at suburban kamikaze
You will read it just for the dirty parts
Is it hot in here or what?
SK
Commented Apr 29, 2013 on You will read it just for the dirty parts at suburban kamikaze
You will read it just for the dirty parts
You will read it just for the dirty parts
Posted Apr 29, 2013 at suburban kamikaze
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4
Ten Reasons to Skip Spring Cleaning
Posted Apr 26, 2013 at suburban kamikaze
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1
It makes the most sense of all the options that have been described to us so far.
SK
Commented Apr 26, 2013 on How to pay for college with witchcraft at suburban kamikaze
How to pay for college with witchcraft
The boy and I are in New Orleans to visit a local university where everything is covered in Mardi Gras beads and smells like crawfish. It's awesome, frankly, and I briefly consider enrolling myself instead. But, as the result of a bad decision many years ago by Richard Nixon, the boy's father ...
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