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Suburban Kamikaze
Suburbia, USA
Her address says suburbs, but her shoes scream "get me out of here...".
Interests: The Suburban Kamikaze has a lot of shoes. What of it? We shop at Target, plot world domination. We read a lot of books. We drink a lot of wine. We are not appreciated by our children. We reject suburban culture. We embody suburban culture. We laugh bitterly when we hear the words "suburban culture." Maybe you are one of us...
Recent Activity
It was an unexpected tribute, but what can I say? I have good taste in teen semi-formal wear. Possibly. Please do not hold those yearbook photos against me. It was the 80s. SK
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Yeah, you should really let your mom pick out your homecoming dress, your homecoming dress You look good in everything, but I'm leaning toward the one your mother likes, your mother likes Yeah, I'm leaning toward the one your mother... Continue reading
Posted Sep 11, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
I do remember Elizabitch: One part non-artisanal whisky from my dad's non-artisanal liquor cabinet, one part not-even-remotely-artisanal whisky sour mix from a pouch, shaken inside a lunchbox Thermos. No garnish that I recall. SK
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The cinnamon whisky, I have to admit, is kind of nice. It's possible that one of our children - probably one of yours, MKS - may actually have some taste. On the other hand, nothing good can come of watermelon vodka. I am going to encourage them all to drink Cointreau next summer. SK
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There is something about back to school that makes even the looming prospect of death by refrigeration seem a small price to pay for the end of summer. As much as we miss the small nation of teenagers who overran... Continue reading
Posted Sep 8, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
No way I am going to sit through that movie more than two more times. Three tops. SK
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Nothing brings a teenage girl so much happiness, as far as I can tell, as the opportunity to weep over tragedy in the lives of attractive fictional teenagers. Cupcakes, maybe. But it's a close call. When the opening of the... Continue reading
Posted Aug 27, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
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In hindsight, it is easy to see how we were led down the bunny trail. At 16, the girl is an impeccable strategist, capable of exploiting every shift of mood and circumstance. She has a long history of successful campaigns,... Continue reading
Posted Aug 8, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
On the bright side, they are always up for a french fry run. SK
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Surrender, I believe, is the essence of chill. SK
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That is so much better than my plan. I was just on my way out for milk. SK
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Should you? Should you just chill-ax? How can you be sure? Chill-ax. The teenagers are here to help with this simple guide to stress management: Out of gas at 7 a.m. and you need to get to work. Chill-ax. There's... Continue reading
Posted Jul 28, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
Poor Ken. Just a little short of the total package. SK
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With the release of the 2014 Career of the Year doll, Mattel has added a new entry to Barbie's resume (which has been reconfigured in a slightly smaller font and runs just under 4o pages.) Entrepreneur Barbie will be courting... Continue reading
Posted Jul 14, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
I assume by "follow up" that you are speaking of the welfare of the birds and not the location of the ladder, which is still leaning up against the neighbor's house, but on the ground. I do not know what became of the birds, although I do know that they are NO LONGER TRAPPED INSIDE THE STORM WINDOW, which has to count for something. SK
Toggle Commented Jul 6, 2014 on Bird story at suburban kamikaze
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There is more to the story, of course. There is a very tall ladder involved, a climb to the second floor of the vacant house next door, some damage to a window, and possibly, an opening into the house through... Continue reading
Posted Jul 6, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
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from the archives: Mermaid in America, We the Family Continue reading
Posted Jul 4, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
I don't think it literally means no food. Which is weird, because in my house the expression is literally "There is literally no food in this house." SK
Toggle Commented Jun 30, 2014 on Chipotle Summer at suburban kamikaze
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Well sure, Audubon, we should have raised them all as Buddhists, but it's a little late now. Unless there is an Xbox version? SK
Toggle Commented Jun 30, 2014 on Chipotle Summer at suburban kamikaze
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Someday, possibly, I will look back at the summer of 2014 as the Summer of Tranquility. I know this because the teenagers are constantly telling me to "relax." Also, The Summer I Worked 5 Jobs While the Teenagers Fought Over... Continue reading
Posted Jun 29, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
Those gas lamps give off almost no light whatsoever. And as for heat: HAH! Very funny. SK
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Who is in the mood for some sweet and frothy summer reading, full of hope and inspirational characters? Me neither. But I don't see myself picking up any Dickens either. Let's start our poolside, back deck or beachfront reading with... Continue reading
Posted Jun 12, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
It's a little Banksy, yes? I am taking it as an encouraging sign. I mean, sure, it's essentially a version of those things people's grandmas used to put over toilet paper rolls. But in this case, it seems completely random and maybe even a little subversive. It's a step in the right direction, is all I'm saying.
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Summer has come at last to the Greater Chicago area. The last of the snow has melted, the river is covered in tourists, and the suburbs are full of people doing yardwork and knitting lamppost covers. Photos: Boatloads of tourists... Continue reading
Posted Jun 11, 2014 at suburban kamikaze
I fall for it so often I am thinking of laminating the instructions for boiling water. SK
1 reply