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Patrick Erwin
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As some of you may have heard, another daytime soap opera, As The World Turns, is ending on September 17th. Mallory and Becca asked me to share a few thoughts with you on the end of the show. Because they're awesome. And also, because ATWT is one of the Shows They Don't Watch Because There Are Not Enough Hours in the Day. (Though, seriously? There are only six left now and with commercials and Tivo to FF through the mortifying parts, that's like an hour and a half, tops.) So if you're unfamiliar with ATWT, I'll clue you in here. Serial Drama-style: a little mocking and a lot of love. So who can I mock first? Well, if One Life to Live had their Dukes of Darkness - Todd Manning and John McBain - ATWT had their own dour, depressing duo. In one mopey corner, you had Paul Ryan, played by the original (or is that "real?") Todd from OLTL, Roger Howarth. Paul Ryan was supposed to be moody and dark, the son of James Stenbeck (think: Stefano DiMera with better suits and less facial hair). You could usually tell how depressed or angry Paul was by (a) how horribly he treated the woman in his life and (b) the shade of highlights in his hair. The lighter the hair, the higher the doze of Prozac. The other half of this utterly captivating duo was Dusty Donovan. 80s soap fans may remember this role being played by Brian Bloom, a Tiger Beat pinup with unnaturally blue eyes. Dusty 2.0 was played by Grayson McCouch, a capable actor who was nevertheless saddled with a character who should have just been subtitled "Sonny Corinthos East." If Dusty had a social networking profile, it might look like this. LIKES: Raising children I didn't sire, significantly younger women, squinting angrily at people. DISLIKES: Direct sunlight, haircuts. What about the women, you say? Well, let's start with Carly. Carly Tenney has a lot in common with Carly.....well, whatever the hell her name is from General Hospital. They've both been involved in almost every story in the last 15 years. And like her West Coast counterpart, East Coast Carly is the town bicycle - and a number of men in Oakdale have taken her for a spin. Carly's main man is Jack Snyder, a soulful cop with dark hair and a square jaw who has a whole Mark Ruffalo thing going on. They've tormented the hell out of each other for the last 15 years. The two actors who play them - Maura West and Michael Park - are, in fact, amazing. They both won Emmys this year (his first, her second). They have made some of the worst story lines EVER fly. If you're curious about Maura, you can see her as nuDiane next month on The Young and the Restless. Carly's sister, Rosanna, was played by Cady McClain, who many folks remember as All My Children's Dixie. McClain's gone back and forth between those shows a few times, returning to ATWT after that whole AMC poisoned pancakes debacle. (I guess that despite all of Dixie's prayers to Lavery, even He turned a deaf ear.) Rosanna was dating Craig, played by Port Charles alumni Jon Lindstrom. Who wasl also interested in Carly. (As I said: Bicycle.) Before that, she had some wild personality swings from (a) steel-cold business woman to (b) a character with one of the worst cases of baby rabies ever seen on daytime. And of course, there's Juicy Janet. Another Port Charles alumni, Julie Pinson, played Janet. Janet was a fun character at first, but we got on Janet overload this spring when she couldn't decide between Jack and Dusty. (And it's a daytime soap, so you know she couldn't have both - which might have been possible if this was a cable show. Or a late night Cinemax movie.) This summer, she was adding bachelor #3 to the mix - Blackie (played by her real life husband no less) - and all of this while she was approximately 14 months pregnant. What can I say? The girl knows how to multitask. Back in the 80s, the smoking hot couple was lost little rich girl Lily Walsh and hunky stableboy Holden Synder. They had a ton of chemistry, and Holden wore his jeans so tightly you could almost tell he was Presbyterian. In the last few years, it's been Lily and Holden's son Luke and his love life that's been front-burner. Luke came out a few years back and had two romances - one with film student Noah Mayer, who was tall, dark and grumpy. Then he had a hot rebound thing with Reid Oliver, a ginger-haired doctor with a whole Gregory House-vibe going on (without the cane). Reid and Luke were bringing the hotness until Reid was killed by a speeding train this week. On the one hand, it's completely lame that these two handsome guys didn't sleep together and barely kissed, and it's still kinda laughable that the gay characters are "taking it slow" when the other ones are getting pregnant before they learn their partner's last name. But I also give some props to ATWT and their stories for Luke. Luke has been pretty front and center. He's consistently had a boyfriend. Those boyfriends weren't (a) secretly straight, or (b) women. Because LGBT people are, like, actually attracted to people of the same sex. (Yes, I am looking at you, All My Children.) And neither of Luke's boyfriends were living a continent away, either. I can't end my Cliff Notes for ATWT without mentioning Katie. All roads lead to Katie! Katie is sort of the Sami Brady of Oakdale. More perky and less bitchy, but in every story. Katie has been married so often that the registrars at the courthouse have given her a punch card. One more and she gets a free divorce! Speaking of Sami, Katie was most recently married to Brad Synder - who was played by Austin Peck, who played Sami's victim Austin Reed on DAYS. Katie is like Waldo, except you never actually have to worry where Katie is - she'll show up before you can miss her! That's your primer on the current movers and shakers in Oakdale. Lots of marriages, misogyny, and former ABC soap stars. A recipe for success, no? Continue reading
Posted Sep 9, 2010 at Serial Drama
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Sep 5, 2010