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PhD_B
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I would be fascinated to examine how actors' normal-range personalities differ from ordinary peoples' personalities. I would hypothesize that actors would be higher in the dimension of absorption, which indexes a person's ability to lose one's self in sensory and imaginal experiences. It's also about equally related to positive and negative emotionality, which would give an actor the ability to be more emotive during performances than those low in this dimension. I'd think that they'd also be higher ins social potency on account of their enjoyment of being in the spotlight. Actors like James Dean might be higher in alienation, the propensity to feel suspicious of others and mistreated. Oh, how I'd love to be able to administer anonymized personality inventories to some well-known actors to understand some of what would make you all tick, especially as compared to other creative professionals.
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Now that I've finished the story, I also want to comment on the content before enumerating the remaining nits I found to pick so as not to be a dick. DAMN. A nice job of getting inside the character's head and giving the reader a visceral sense of what's going on. You, sir, have nothing to fear about your fiction writing. At least, not in my estimation. And because I was reading too slowly, I need to post the rest as a separate comment :) A small formatting issue: p. 5, col. 1, para. 2: "::What?::" seems like it should be in italics to be consistent with the previous formatting. Possible minor stylistic points: p. 5, col. 1, para. "::Pentat:: Nina ’cast, ::It’s done. I’m coming in.::" - I think that the "Nina 'cast" might need to be in standard type if it's meant as a "dialog" tag. However, I may be misreading the intent of that passage.
Toggle Commented Feb 10, 2011 on HUNTER is here. at WWdN: In Exile
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Sweet! I'll update this as I read along. p. 2, col. 2, para. 2: "But if she just stared at him," seems like it should be "But she just stared at him," p. 3, col. 1, para. : "A small burst of crackling blue energy leapt from her body to his, as quick and bright as a spark of static electricity" should have a period at the end. Possible minor stylistic points: p. 3, col. 1, para. 6: "Hell, he was more than afraid: he was terrified. He couldn’t believe it, but there it was: he was more terrified of this small teenage girl with the strange black eyes than terrified of this small teenage girl with the strange black eyes than he was of the towering alien Gan." My 6th edition APA style manual says to capitalize the first word after a colon if the thought after the colon is a complete sentence. In both cases, this is true here. However, you may be playing with case in a way that makes him Pyke seem small with the lowercase here where it isn't expected - in which case, good job, as that's the feeling I got in reading that paragraph.
Toggle Commented Feb 10, 2011 on HUNTER is here. at WWdN: In Exile
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A quick question - would feedback on minor typos, word flow, and the like be appreciated? Oh, and based on the PayPal site, it looks like they charge 2.9% + $0.30 for anything that isn't sent via a PayPal balance if it's considered a personal transfer. For a Free "Purchase" account, it looks to be the same if you do less than $3000/month in fees, but for a Paid "Purchase" account, you just get paid. Pay before making a sale or afterward, it looks like.
Toggle Commented Feb 10, 2011 on HUNTER is here. at WWdN: In Exile
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Feb 10, 2011