This is Sean Hunt's Typepad Profile.
Join Typepad and start following Sean Hunt's activity
Join Now!
Already a member? Sign In
Sean Hunt
Recent Activity
[Apologies for the long post; you're free to move it elsewhere and link it so it doesn't disrupt the page as much] Well, this isn't really a single story, but a saga, complete with heartbreak, betrayal, backstabbing, and enough paper with rules on to crush that fat roleplayer from the game store; you know the one I'm talking about. For you see, my friends, I am a rules lawyer. I passed the bar many years ago, when I saw Magic: the Gathering played on a school bus in elementary school. It looked intriguing, so I read the comprehensive rulebook, a detailed, nitpicking document that is presently 181 pages long. Like all good graduates of law school, I had friends. My best friend was right beside me at the top of the class. We became friends almost instantly after we met, and we quickly discovered a mutual love of gaming, geekery, and most of all, rules. Ah, I could wax about the rules of the world, from courtroom procedures to social contracts. But that's not the story I'm here to tell you today. For I, together with my closest chum, have a dark secret. We play Star Fleet Battles. We don't play it often, but play it we do, and it's quite the sight to see. A rulebook two inches think, torn mercilessly from its binders as if by vultures, all in the name of gaming. We sit across the table, staring each other down, d6s primed, locked, and loaded. We decide on a scenario, pick our sides, and sift through countless bags of counters. We argue over whether his featureless blue map or my starry black map is better, and invariably the visitor relents when he realizes he forgot his at home. We set the chips down, read the terms of battle twice over, and finally we are ready to fight. We each fill out our forms, plotting the demise of the other as we work out our strategies. We look out at the stars (sometimes, anyways) and plan our attacks, our defenses, our every maneuver. When finally we start, to the laptop we go, for Perl's quite useful in space. Impulse after impulse, we maneuver our ships, and once in a while we shoot. The dice, poised, and ready, join in the fight, tens at a time, and one of the sides always loses. Usually both. At the end of the turn, we look back on the hours, the performance never quite what we wanted. The war looks lost, the prospects are bleak, unless something new comes along. But wait, we both think, that just might work. "Pass me C7!" "I need rule D4!" the cries ring out from the silence. The papers change hands, as we search for the answer, all the while trying to outsmart our opponents. This ritual we know well, for it happens each time, and we look at each other and ask, "Why could you "Possibly want to know "the energy consumption "of a tractor beam "from half a million kilometers away "at light speed "when there's an asteroid in the way "and our shields are both up "and you're in an ion storm?" "Oh, nothing" comes the reply. After much deliberation, the game moves on, slowly, until the cry breaks out: "WAIT! You can do that?!" "It says right here!" "But that makes no sense! "It was clearly designed "for ships moving forward! "We must invert it for "ships moving backward!" "Find me the rule!" and once again, we scramble to the binders. A winner always rises from this bitter duel but not for his skill nor for his planning. For each game bows to one master!, one god! The victor, of course is always the one who can best use one rule that the failure knew not. Now you see, o dear reader, the truest pursuit, in our hallowed and true sport of gaming. Everything has rules, and every rule has a lawyer, and that is the man who will win. Unless, of course, someone brought cash.
1 reply
Sean Hunt is now following The Typepad Team
Jun 22, 2010