Southern Beale's Profile

Blind Fox News Squirrel Finds Nut

God, can we please stop treating Fox News’ Megyn Kelly like she’s some kind of goddamned hero or something? So this is where we are? A female Fox News anchor calls her misogynist colleagues’ views about gender roles a bunch... Continue reading

Posted Jun 4, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

2

There Are No Do-Overs In Supreme Court Decisions

Jayzus effin’ whatever, lady. I guess we should be glad she at least sees the error of her ways but for crying out loud, this makes me want to fucking throw something: Now she tells us. More than 12 years... Continue reading

Posted Apr 30, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

4

North Dakota’s Anti-Woman Dystopian Horror Show

Yo, North Dakota. You’ve got a problem. A big one. You’re a state full of bohunk, testosterone-fueled oil workers desperate for some female companionship. And your state legislature is treating women like slaves. Like objects. So, how's that working for... Continue reading

Posted Mar 26, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

18

The Way We Were

I never watch “Morning Joe” but Mr. Beale does and I happened to be in the bedroom long enough this morning to catch a truly horrible “both sides did it,” context-free, Iraq War dodge. It featured clips of prominent Democrats... Continue reading

Posted Mar 19, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

12

The Ryan Plan, Now With Electrolytes

Paul Ryan released his new budget which, from all I’ve read thus far, is remarkably similar to the one Americans resoundly rejected last year as being mathematically impossible and morally depraved. The “new” plan includes VoucherCare, screws people under age... Continue reading

Posted Mar 12, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

7

Hippie Punching

I know this is childish of me, and probably beneath the standards of this estimable establishment, but in case you haven't heard, Venezuela's Hugo Chavez has died. And while unlike my fellow liberals I was never one to fawn over... Continue reading

Posted Mar 5, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

10

Dirty Deeds

Tucker Carlson's Internet Kavalcade of Krayzeee seems poised to take over Breitbart’s Propaganda & Donut Den for this year’s Crimes Against Journalism Award. But really, there are so many nominees this year, how can one choose? The conservative media’s latest... Continue reading

Posted Mar 5, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

12

Reality Calling

Yesterday I went to my Wingnut Dentist to get a crown. I don’t know why I haven’t switched dentists; this guy is so conservative, he actually has dead-tree editions of Newsmax in his waiting room. (Did you even know there... Continue reading

Posted Feb 19, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

12

Same Stuff, Different Package

Everything I need to know about Marco Rubio’s rebuttal to tonight’s State of the Union address was broadcast this afternoon when he voted "No" on the Violence Against Women Act. As Steve Benen pointed out: As for the final vote... Continue reading

Posted Feb 12, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

4

Capitalism Has Failed

Here’s how you know capitalism has failed: when they start creating products for which there is no demand, then spend tons of money on advertising and marketing campaigns in the hopes of creating a demand. I call it the New... Continue reading

Posted Feb 12, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

24

CNN: End Of An Error

Hey gang, CNN might be getting palatable again! I say “might” because you never know what fuckery the bean counters have in mind, but it’s hard not to see the exit of Erick Erickson, Mary Matalin, and James Carville as... Continue reading

Posted Jan 29, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

7

Happy Blue Year

It’s mourning in America, peeps! Last night we went over the so-called “fiscal cliff,” actually more like a bungee jump because apparently the House is going to vote on the Senate’s bill this morning and (hopefully) pull us back. Oh,... Continue reading

Posted Jan 1, 2013 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

10

Fuck The NRA

Okay, I spent an hour composing a nice thoughtful post with a much more polite title and fucking TypePad ate it and it’s nowhere to be found, so that’s an hour of my day gone and I’m now inclined to... Continue reading

Posted Dec 18, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

9

Arthur Laffer Must Be Crying

Seems like just last spring faux economist Arthur Laffer was telling Tennessee's House-Senate Fiscal Review Committee that Fred Smith was going to pack up his Memphis-based Federal Express in a gigantic purple and white box and head for someplace without... Continue reading

Posted Dec 11, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

6

A Peek Inside The Smoke-Filled Room

If you haven't heard Kathleen McFarland's conversation last year with Gen. Petraeus, you simply must. I'm serious, stop what you're doing and give it a listen. Here's the Clif's Notes edition: a recording of a conversation last year between Fox... Continue reading

Posted Dec 4, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

11

It's Always Good News For Republicans

Pardon my kvetch but Jesus, the media's hand-wringing over the demise of the Republican Party is starting to annoy the shit out of me. Yes, it was amusing the first four days, but enough already. I'm really tired of every... Continue reading

Posted Nov 13, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

6

A Debate For Idiots

Okay kids are we ready for the second debate tonight? I know we're all supposed to be super-excited about it because of the town hall format and the fact that the questions will be asked entirely by that chupacabra of... Continue reading

Posted Oct 16, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

23

Please Just Go Galt & Leave Us The Fuck Alone

I know it's been said before like a thousand times but the overwhelming butthurt coming from our multimillionaire class has gotten way old. I'm tired of it, I really am. I would like you people to take a steaming cup... Continue reading

Posted Oct 9, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

14

Your Hermetically Sealed Republican Party

Have you heard the latest? Republicans have decided that the LAMEstream LIEberal media is in the tank for NObama because there's no way those polls showing the Kenyan usurper in the lead could possibly be right, so they've developed their... Continue reading

Posted Sep 25, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

11

It's Never Time For The Blame Game

My Twitter feed is all over this New York Times op-ed, in which journalist Kurt Eichenwald reveals the numerous warnings of an Al Qaeda attack in the months leading up to 9/11. Not just the infamous Aug. 6 PDB, "Bin... Continue reading

Posted Sep 11, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

14

Angry White Men

Sen. Lindsey Graham told us everything we need to know about the Republican Party when he made this statement during the RNC: “We’re not generating enough angry white guys to stay in business for the long term.” Indeed, that is... Continue reading

Posted Sep 4, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

6

Gently Weeping Guitars (And Republicans)

Nashville's Gibson Guitars finally admitted it violated the Lacey Act when it imported endangered wood. They will pay $350,000 in fines and penalties, forfeit their claim to endangered wood seized by the Feds, and hopefully go and sin no more.... Continue reading

Posted Aug 7, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

12

Pay Attention, Please

Okay, Newsweek? Y'all are doing it wrong. Michael Tomasky, you are doing it wrong. This, right here, is doing it wrong: Okay, look, I get the whole "we're trying to create a buzz" thing. I get that when you put... Continue reading

Posted Jul 31, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

5

Voter Fraud Nonsense

This item about the complete lack of in-person voter fraud in Pennsylvania reminded me of a conversation I had recently. I'm taking a beginning Spanish class offered by the wonderful Tennessee Foreign Languages Institute. I should clarify: it's a very... Continue reading

Posted Jul 24, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

9

Conservative Blogger FAIL

Connie Schultz is a Pulitzer Prize-winning syndicated columnist at the Cleveland Plain Dealer. On her Facebook page she posted the following: Email from conservative blogger, dated July 9, 2012: Dear Ms. Shultz, We are doing an expose on journalists in... Continue reading

Posted Jul 17, 2012 at FIRST DRAFT

Comment

9