You don't know how much I can identify with your situation. I am an emotional eater, but also find myself noshing on crackers or whatnot and almost wondering, after a few bites, "Why am I eating? I'm not hungry." And then guilt floods me. My therapist also told me to get a hobby. I have schoolwork and I'm active online, but she said there needs to be more. So, I'm going to try more reading (for pleasure), more writing, knitting, and playing with the dog. I haven't had time to watch/listen to television much in the last few years, so I just subscribed to streaming Netflix and am discovering some new shows. I also have paper and water colors and oils that my husband bought for me last year. Even though I have limited vision, I'm still trying to do everything I can for as long as I can. And; when I'm out of other options, I call family.

I really love this entry. Simply because, I am a fat girl and because I know that eating for MY optimal health is important. Like you, I've done the diets and the food and spent hundreds of dollars. And food is my addiction. I'll admit it. It tempts me like nothing else. It calls out to me when I'm bored, when I'm a tad depressed, or when I am full of energy. And when I get my hands on certain food, there is no self control. None. My husband is the opposite. He knows what to eat and enjoys his food, but keeps the watchful eye on portions and natural foods versus packaged. He's not a food addict. And, in this way, I envy him. He does not struggle with weight (well, actually he loses it faster than he gains it) and does not turn to food for comfort. I wish I could pick up a cucumber insted of a cupcake and be satisfied. I applaud your self-education about food and your reflection of your inner feelings. It's hard to find "one's self" in the midst of a society that thinks thin = health and fat = unhealthy. 70 percent of Americans are over their "ideal weight" whateever that is, but the thin obsession still persists. I will likely always battle a disordered relationship with food. It comforted me when I was young, it took the place of tears and hugs when I was older, and now, it's harder than ever to just educate myself. Internally, I know how to "get thin"--but it's hard. So hard. Harder than getting on the treadmill and eating vegetables. I admire your willingness to share a story that many others can relate to. I especially liked: "The thing is, you have to be brave to be unapologetically fat. Either you live your life like it's no big deal, or you let a thinness obsessed society keep you locked up out of sight." Indeed.

Fournineteen has a really nice ring to it. You may want to play the lotto with those numbers. Also, FYI, I also like how you've kept an identity outside of motherhood and wifehood. You are one of the few people who keeps things in balance.

Should probably do this meme. ALSO: pretty lady.

So much WIN.