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Susan Allen
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I like this poem a lot too Franz! The only place I wonder about is "thick and greasy" - I like thick but just can't see snow as greasy. I can see how it would look that way. Maybe I'm missing something ...I like how you are drinking tea by the window and I like how "the house has been empty now for a long while." Beautiful voice.
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Such a chilling and beautiful poem - I love the first stanza - the opening line/image is great - and the ending the best and especially "the way you call your children" - love that image and I love "the lost worlds of your sleep" - so nice. The only question I have, would a reader know this is cancer? or maybe the reader doesn't need to know - just know that something evil has come into her life that she must stop. I'm not sure and I'm out of practice I guess, but glad Bittersweet is still here for sure. Maybe there could be *more* in the middle stanza - need to read it more, and I will. Also love the contrast of health and stealth - not sure of "roving" thief - think that could be a little stronger. Ending with "the dreams of your children" - perfect.
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This poem still gives me shivers, so powerful and beautiful and the terror is so perfectly captured - I love the tendril of her hair, the same as when she was born.
Toggle Commented Mar 20, 2013 on All I can do for her, write a poem. at Bittersweet
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Wow. This is awesome - I love "green as echoes our grandsons /yodel over the mountain" brought back in the end, "make the echoes glow" - and I love the intensity and the aliveness of this poem. The innocent, "ask me out, again" - just perfect. I wonder if the "love" in the first line of the last stanza interrupts the rhythm a bit - the word is perfect, but I am not sure it's necessary - I think it might be stronger without it - it's understood, anyway. But that's just a minor comment. Beautiful poem. I love it.
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This is beautiful Heather - I just love it.
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This is beautiful. My mother always made that cake and the 7 minute frosting so fluffy "sweet as the love of God." Lovely.
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I feel like stealing this form and writing 12 more lines to make a sonnet out of these last two comments.
Toggle Commented Nov 19, 2011 on Ponder, I'm saying, the lowly apple. at Bittersweet
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Oh this is so beautiful I just broke into tears reading it. Maybe I can comment more intelligently later. I'm captivated and so moved now I can't say a thing.
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Wow. This poem is wonderful. I love the simple beginnning - the innocent splitting of the apple which is so subtly powerful, and then the babies, the way the core looks like babies in utero (I've seen that too) - but then the way you leap - good Lord, that last stanza kills me, the way they open their mouths, and you bend over to catch their cries, then that finger held out so they can crawl over your hand -wow - and the rest just takes us home in such a surreal and love of life way - I love it. I mean it could be taken as worms/caterpillars, some may see it that way, but I don't see it that way - I see it as pure imagination, pure music - wow.
Toggle Commented Nov 12, 2011 on Ponder, I'm saying, the lowly apple. at Bittersweet
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Thanks, Heather. It's taking a long time to get back into poetry for me. I already have a revision and may post it later - I want the idea of the magic, wood-elves, and all that I believe in that conflicts with the world I live in (as an Admin, ugh) is clear. But thank you for your comments, for this blog and all your (and everyone else's!) inspiration.
Toggle Commented Nov 8, 2011 on A new draft - maybe too new at Bittersweet
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Just one more note, to me this could be a poem about losing someone (losing someone, their blood, and so their life) - and how the metaphor is the clear refined anger/color of alcohol. Brilliant. Such anger on the page. This is what I need to write and can't seem to capture. Well, it's how i read it anyway.
Toggle Commented Nov 7, 2011 on Killed a few germs lately? at Bittersweet
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I like "sharp bitter" myself, but don't know what Franz's specific idea was. I don't exactly think "shocking bite" is original enough for this poem. To me, alcohol in a wound is sharp, bitter, and in fact, that first stanza to me is so perfect, so REAL, so human, exactly how one reacts to the treatment of a wound - "dangling/ in open air, it hurts." Such a simple and true picture of pain, human suffering. I remember the eye dropper of red mercuruchome, and the purple iodine, etc., which also was "sharp, and bitter," but I like it that the color of your blood is enough. It's like you've evolved. For me, it's just a metaphor of all human suffering and how one person has come closer to her own truth of suffering which there certainly is enough of in this old world. But it's these little truths that are so big and important to me, and so hard to capture but make such good poems.
Toggle Commented Nov 6, 2011 on Killed a few germs lately? at Bittersweet
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On the Path Susan M. Allen Soon the men with electric saws will come To grind this fallen tree into mulch, firewood to stack, burn But don’t tell me this is just dead wood, its branches segmented, on the earth Now, like an insect crawling to water blue as the sky On the other side. I get off my bike, listening. A time like this Deserves more than a sigh, a pass under and through. I know what others say, those arguments I’ve left Behind, and pick back up everyday, like all the strangers I know But there are wood-elves here in this passage And we are blessed. I hear the sound of the tree As it waits before me, as it fell the night before Beneath a cold moon, in darkness, privately as a girl Undressing. The tree moves towards a stillness I won’t disturb As I move under and through with my bike, my happiness Like one hand clapping, like the long path ahead. I look behind only once, as you might wave goodbye a friend, Your mother, so there is no goodbye, and you remember the color, The music of everything you have ever known And leave the tree leaning across the dirt path, its roots Breathing air for the first time in a thousand years. I shudder As a great blue heron explodes behind me, from the bank, Bursting away, over the water, on heavy wings. Continue reading
Posted Nov 6, 2011 at Bittersweet
I miss Arkansas. I want to come back.
Toggle Commented Nov 6, 2011 on Happy Halloween! at Bittersweet
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I've seen this on your page and wanted to read it for a while, but work is insane and I haven't had the time or heart for poetry, so I'm just now getting to this. I love it - all my childhood photos with my family are taken from Devil's Den (hmmm) - but I didn't think of that right away, I just thought of the wildness of Arkansas and now that I read it, I still think of that - this is beautiful. I love every word. I even love the last two lines though at first I didn't, thought it should end with "their faces fallen" - but now I love love love every single syllable. "Eating the air and drinking its water" - wow, you're magnificent Heather. So simple but who else would write that line. I'm a gonna steal it.
Toggle Commented Nov 6, 2011 on Happy Halloween! at Bittersweet
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My favorite line is: "I have packed my lunch to the sound of / a shotgun blast." Wow.
Toggle Commented Oct 29, 2011 on Not Any More at Bittersweet
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I agree. Simply beautiful.
Toggle Commented Oct 29, 2011 on Not Any More at Bittersweet
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I like how you say that, Chris, "it feels sounds." I love this poem - I love the velvet curtains gathering around as if to soothe her. Very beautiful poem, I love these auditoriums, opera houses - they do have a life, a soul. "These little humiliations kept her alive," is perfect - just perfect.
Toggle Commented Oct 14, 2011 on Ever tried writing about a building? at Bittersweet
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I like taking out these too, but I like utterly, a lot. I love everything about the poem except the butterfly - I want your own image there, but I love it too. I would also begin the poem with the second line..."I was floating in water or air" Very beautiful poem Chris.
Toggle Commented Sep 18, 2011 on Something silly and a real dream too at Bittersweet
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This is lovely.
Toggle Commented Sep 18, 2011 on for them all at Bittersweet
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Beautiful.
Toggle Commented Sep 18, 2011 on careful, careful, as the season turns at Bittersweet
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This poem is very beautiful, it brings back memories I can't really say and strikes a chord I don't think I understand but I know it's beautiful. Maybe it's just the deep sense of loss and loneliness, I'm not sure, but I love it.
Toggle Commented Aug 19, 2011 on calm, calm, many storms will follow at Bittersweet
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I've read this many times Heather - and it just blows me away. The last stanza is just beautiful. In the first stanza I want him to REALLY smile, not "almost" smiling - and I think the last four lines might be more powerful if the sentences don't flow so smoothly. Instead "He licked my hand. He had healing in him." And then I think the "Still. Nothing he nor I could do, but be a dog, an old woman." especially since he came to "us" not just an old woman - I don't know, I want to see you put signs up about a found dog or something, maybe, I could be all wrong about that. IN the poem it seems the speaker gives up too quickly but maybe I'm being a lazy reader - the poem is perfect as it is, I just was troubled by those last 4 lines in the first stanza. "Sinless and necessary" - beautiful.
Toggle Commented Aug 19, 2011 on Big guilt trip here. at Bittersweet
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In fact, that's what I felt your poem was about anyway, - that sharp memory of your grandmother, like the whoosh of a good seal opening.
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Wow, that's an amazing comment, Heather. I think they can, actually, right? I hope so anyway. Though they need time sometimes to heal and renew. I have a a lot of friends here who still can, and one of my most beautiful memories is with my grandmother and canning peaches, only once, when I was very very small. I love this poem. And I love the metaphor of the seal. I think in some way that "seal" is always protected. I have faith that it is, anyway.
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