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fightforjoy
Below the Mason Dixon
I have a blog, there are no One-Line Bios.
Interests: Locally grown produce, yoga, good beer, dusty books, brilliant paints, distant lands, fairy tales, super nintendo.
Recent Activity
I'm here now... Fight for Joie Come visit. I miss you. Continue reading
Posted Aug 19, 2010 at the paper doll
Dear Internet, This blog has become an albatross around my neck. It weighs me down, is heavy, and awkward. It's like that pair of jeans you've gotten too fat for but don't want to admit they no longer fit because once upon a time they were the pair that made your ass look hot. So, you keep putting them on and you keep hating yourself hours later when you peel them off. You ask yourself why you wore them, they cut into your waist, and gave you a cameltoe, and weren't at all comfortable. What I'm saying is-this girl. The... Continue reading
Posted Aug 10, 2010 at the paper doll
Ok Internet, Fair enough. I've been gone for what let's be honest here-a year? I guess you do deserve some stories. So without further ado here are some things that happened to me...that I should tell you about in more detail when I get the chance. I joined match.com I got hit on by several weirdos-a guy with a shoe fetish, a man who hate bombed me, another who wanted me to do very naughty things to him. I also met an amazing man. I quit match.com I have a very embarrassing story that involves The Musician (who we now... Continue reading
Posted Jul 9, 2010 at the paper doll
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So while I'm technically not out of my twenties yet I AM on the down hill side. And my late twenties feel vastly different than my early twenties so I'm stealing this and writing my own letter. Dear Twenty-Something Sara, Oh sweetie your world is about to be rocked. But nothing I could say or do can change that. It's one of those things that will blindside you on a random Tuesday. You could never be prepared for it even if I told you it was comming. So just be patient. You’ll get through it. It will be so awful... Continue reading
Posted Jul 7, 2010 at the paper doll
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God Disguised As a myriad things and Playing a game Of tag Has kissed you and said, "You're it- I mean, you're Really IT!" Now It does not matter What you believe or feel For something wonderful, Major-league Wonderful Is someday going To Happen. -Hafiz Continue reading
Posted Jul 6, 2010 at the paper doll
Dear Internet, Ever since I was fifteen I've been with a boy. Some boy. The Southern Gentleman, The Writer, The Jerk, The Musician. I've jumped from one sinking ship to another. After this latest one went up in flames, I swore I'd be single for a year. Take some time to get to know myself as an adult. Throw myself into my studies. Make really good girl friends. Be celibate. My very own Eat, Pray, Love without ever having to leave town. Then I got lonely. Six months came and went and I was itching for attention, affection, a fuck.... Continue reading
Posted Jul 5, 2010 at the paper doll
The beginning must have been that night last September when I rolled over and told the Musician to get out, that I couldn't do this anymore. At least I think that's the beginning. Or perhaps it was when I got my acceptance letter? Or when I started my classes? Or maybe way back when my mom got sick? It doesn't much matter that I trace the beginning back to patient zero. Just that it happened. That things unfolded and aligned and that the universe pulled me along on a course long ago plotted for me. I didn't really have much... Continue reading
Posted Jul 5, 2010 at the paper doll
So, here I am reappearing. Gah, it's been a wild few months. Full of sadness, hurt, silliness, joy. Life. Full of what happens when you live. Really live. Where to start Internet? With an apology and a thank you. Sorry I haven't written. It was me not you. And thank you for always being there. For having my back even when I turn mine on you. I feel so different. So grown. And there's so much to share with you. So how about I start at the beginning... Continue reading
Posted Jul 2, 2010 at the paper doll
Wow. Err. It's been awhile Internet. So, I've managed to partially crawl out of self loathing and pity. There's still a trace I'm shaking out of my hair but such is life, non? I got a wonderful comment on that last post from Volk-noir. Something about the wording-the use of the word raw made me pause. Because it's exactly right. This is the place I come to be raw and me and exposed. And man has graduate school stripped me naked. Talk about being raw, being open, being exposed. Internet, a graduate school counseling program fillets you. Rips your guts... Continue reading
Posted Mar 22, 2010 at the paper doll
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Mar 15, 2010
It is Valentine's Day and I am listening to Kat Edmonson, drinking wine, and trying to crawl out of self loathing. Has something ever happened to you Internet, and you stop and look around and say to yourself, how did I get here? How did this happen? That's where I am right now. Wondering how I let myself get to this place. This place where I no longer see myself. Instead I see broken out skin and pudgy thighs. A fat girl. An insecure fat girl. I use to play this game with my girlfriends when I was in college.... Continue reading
Posted Feb 14, 2010 at the paper doll
Hello-lo-lo-lo, Yes it's me Internet. Are you still there? Is anyone out there? Testing. One. Two. One. Two. Graduate school is a complete mind fuck. Did you know that Internet? And if you did why didn't you tell me? I've been working full time and taking a full course load. To say my brain looks similar to those don't do drugs PSAs that aired in the early 90's, the ones with the eggs, is an understatement. Here's one. Enjoy. In fact, now that I watch this video they could change the words heroin to grad school and it would pretty... Continue reading
Posted Nov 18, 2009 at the paper doll
Oh Internet, You never cease to amaze me. A couple of years ago I was watching CBS Sunday Morning (I think) and a story about a boy named Darius came on. It moved me at the time but I've thought little of it since. Until today. As part of an assignment for my Multiculturalism class I just watched Darius Goes West. And I sobbed and smiled and over flowed with joy. A friend from class posted the following quote on his facebook page a couple of days ago, "All this I understood, no one needed to tell me. The only... Continue reading
Posted Oct 15, 2009 at the paper doll
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Dear Internet, I had a wildly magnificent day yesterday. The kind of day where everything just clicked. Like the universe was writing in big bold underlined letters. And I got it, all for it, and it was good. This morning as I was drying my hair and putting on my face. I thought of this poem. This wonderful poem that says all the things yesterday said to me. Wild Geese by Mary Oliver You do not have to be good. You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert repenting. You only have... Continue reading
Posted Oct 7, 2009 at the paper doll
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I want this color on my bedroom walls NOW! Continue reading
Posted Oct 6, 2009 at the paper doll
So Internet, Now that I'm single I'm at liberty to discuss maleness (or the lack thereof). God bless the feminist movement. Those women did some wonderful work and I'm grateful for the boundaries they broke. However, I feel like one of the side effects was the erosion of maleness. In my younger years I believed all that hoopla about men and women being equal. There was no job I couldn't do. No task too big. I was just as good as a man, damn it! And while parts of that are true the older I get the more I long... Continue reading
Posted Oct 2, 2009 at the paper doll
So Internet, I need a do over. For various reasons I haven't really committed to this plan. BUT I have learned some stuff as I half-assed eked through this month. First, I am so an emotional eater. The Musician and I had a very difficult conversation in the car and as soon as I let myself in the house I made a mad dash for the kitchen. I proceeded to cram a muffin in my mouth. I wasn't hungry. I didn't really want it. But I just stood there stuffing this lemon poppy seed muffin in my mouth. The good... Continue reading
Posted Sep 29, 2009 at Writing Myself Thin
And she was right Internet. I AM cleaning out my life. The Musician and I had "the talk." It's not you it's me. I still love you. Let's be friends. And Antiplath was right, it wasn't fatal. It was perhaps the most awkward breakup ever but it's done. Kind of. There's still the exchange of stuff and we do have mutual friends so it will never really be over over. Plus he's a great guy, and I hope eventually we CAN be friends. Regardless, finally just saying all those things I had been holding back made me feel immensely better.... Continue reading
Posted Sep 25, 2009 at the paper doll
God Internet I need some goodness. Some simple, life affirming, joy bringing, goodness. I love that the weather is starting to fall. I was driving home the other day and just got this overwhelming sense of the change. The light was softer, the trees swaying, it was just this tiny perfect moment. Everything was still. I adore fall. The colors, the food, the intimateness of it all. I love Pandora. The music ebbs and flows from my consciousness all day as I work. I love when a song jolts me into awareness. Or when the song just happens to perfectly... Continue reading
Posted Sep 10, 2009 at the paper doll
Dear Internet, We need to talk. I haven't been honest with you. Yeah I said I've been busy. I started grad school. I'm working. I am busy. But that's not the reason I've been mum here. Things aren't right Internet. They haven't been for a long time. And now that I am busy. Now that I'm starting a career that makes you take a long hard look at your own shit I can't turn my head in the other direction. I can try. That's why I haven't written. Really written. Because with you I can't lie. And boy have I... Continue reading
Posted Sep 8, 2009 at the paper doll
So, epic fail this past week. Seriously. I managed to eek out morning pages only twice. I went to yoga once. I never got to the gym and my eating was totally out of control. Problem number one was my schedule got messed up and it totally threw me off. Not a good idea to start a diet when you're going to be on vacation. And I learned that when I have healthy food I eat healthy food. If I don't have the fridge stocked or don't pack my lunch my eating is less than stellar. Lessons from this week:... Continue reading
Posted Sep 8, 2009 at Writing Myself Thin
Well Internet, Today is the day. Let's git'er done! So far, I didn't do my morning pages because I woke up late. I'm already stalling about going to workout and I haven't even told you all the basic tools yet. It's a real bang I've started with Internet. BUT I did write in my journal at lunchtime though. AND I thought about what I wanted to eat. So take that back fat. OH OH OH I went to yoga for the first time in months Sunday and I still can't sit properly. It might not be a perfect start but... Continue reading
Posted Sep 1, 2009 at Writing Myself Thin
So this one is pretty cut and dried Internet. All I gotta do is ask myself these four questions: Am I hungry? Is this what I feel like eating? Is this what I feel like eating right now? Is there something else that I can eat instead? Simple, right? I'm having them tattooed to the inside of my forearm because Jesus do I have the hardest time remembering these four tiny little questions. Continue reading
Posted Aug 27, 2009 at Writing Myself Thin
Oh Internet, The world is a mighty funny place. I love it. So yesterday in class, my professor taps me on the shoulder and asks me if I would like to co-present with her at a conference this winter. Did you hear that? CO-PRESENT with her at A CONFERENCE. I of course swallowed my tongue, bugged my eyes out, and could only nod un-huh. This is funny because the 3 hour lecture she's we're giving is all about yoga and counseling. YOGA, Internet! Wellness. Body care. Don't you think that's funny? Just as I begin this quest to get my... Continue reading
Posted Aug 27, 2009 at Writing Myself Thin
Uggh. I don't care how Julia Cameron says this, walking is exercising. It's not some metaphysical transcendental experience. Call it whatever you want but it's exercise. Period the end. She wants me to exercise. EXERCISE. EVERYDAY. EVERYDAY INTERNET! Do you know what that means? I have to put on stretchy pants, a sports bra, and move my body for twenty minutes. Yuck. I hate exercise I do. I know the benefits. The endorphins. The self-confidence. The exhilaration of setting and meeting a goal. I know it's one of the first things you assign a client who's depressed. But I don't... Continue reading
Posted Aug 26, 2009 at Writing Myself Thin