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I know exactly what this feels like. I LOVE CBT and my ex could make me squirm like crazy. There were two levels: the endorphin-y and the if-you-don't-stop-i'm-going-to-have-to-safeword. I loved taking it. I'd have to continue to pleasure her while she made me feel agony. It got to the point where we trusted each other enough that I couldn't safeword. (I am always reticent to admit that, cos it's so taboo to some people, but we never did anything outside of SSC) I loved saying "red! red! RED REDREDREDREDRED!" and she wouldn't stop. But your paradox was there. I loved it, I was her toy, at her whim, but I enjoyed it so conversely it wasn't enough. I don't think it's never enough. Like you mentioned, the in-your-head fantasies are what we strive to feel in the real world and we never get close. But we never stop trying!
Commented Sep 1, 2010 on
Greta Christina's Blog
Important note: This post discusses my personal sexuality, in a great deal of detail. Family members and others who don't want to read about that stuff, you absolutely, positively, 100% do not want to read this piece. This piece was originally published on the Blowfish Blog. Do other masochists...
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